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UNITED STATES OF MRICA.^|^| 



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.^'m^'.TUM 



THE 



New Gospel of Peaci 



ACCORDING TO 



ST. BENJAMIN 



Ignotus omnibus, cog?iitus egomet mihi^ 



NEW YORK: 
THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, 

119 & 121 Nassau Street. 
1866. 



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Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1866, by 

THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, 

in the office of the Clerk of the Southern District of New York. 



CrambriOge ^re«». 
Dakin and Mktcalf. 






THIS PAGE 

COULD NOT BE BETTER GRACED THAN WITH 
THE NAME OF 

ALFRED PELL 

A LOYAL GENTLEMAN, A FAITHFUL FRIEND, AND AN 

ENLIGHTENED AND UNFLINCHING 

ADVOCATE OF 

Free Soil and Free Trade. 



(3) 



PUBLISHER'S ADVERTISEMENT. 



T T T^HOEVER may be the author of ''The 
^ ' New Gospel of Peace," he has never 
owned his work to his pubHshers. Whatever 
opinions they may hold upon the subject of its 
authorship are only inferential — mere deduc- 
tions from circumstantial evidence. Upon their 
application to him, through their usual channel 
of communication, for notes and a preface to 
this edition, they were informed that he would 
add a few notes, *'by way of exegesis, im- 
provement, and edification," but that, in his 
opinion, a preface to this book would be out 
of place ; and that in any case he had nothing 
to add to the information given in a letter 
which he had addressed to the editors of the 
" Evening Post," and which was published in 
that paper. This letter is therefore reprinted 
here, by way of introduction. 

A* (V) 



VI publisher's advertisement. 

Albany, November 22d, 1863. 
To the Editors of the Evening Post : 

When I brought before the world, '' The New 
Gospel of Peace," I thought that every intelli- 
gent reader would see, without being told, that 
it was a fragment of an old chronicle, referring 
to a people and to events of very great anti- 
quity. This is plain upon the face of it ; and 
so I said nothing about the origin of the book. 
But I have been surprised and pained at ob- 
serving that this ancient record is spoken of by 
many persons, and even in the columns of a 
well-informed journal like the ' ' Evening Post," 
as a political satire, aimed at persons and par- 
ties of our own day. It is true that no one has 
been bold enough to point out a counterpart to 
the principal personage in the narrative, Pher- 
nandiwud ; and indeed I cannot conceive how 
his name or his character could be supposed to 
refer to any man at all known to the public of 
this country. But I have heard that ''Jeph, 
surnamed the Repudiator," is supposed to mean 
the Honorable J-if-rs-n D-v-s, late United States 
Senator from Mississippi ; that ' ' James the 
scribe, which knew nothing, and Erastus his 
brother," are taken for Messrs. J-m-s and Er-s- 
t-s Br-ks of the -xfr-ss; that by " Samuel, who 
was rich in butter," Mr. S-m-1 B-tt-rw-rth is 
meant; that ''Hiram, the publican," means 



publisher's advertisement. VII 

H-r-m Cr-nst-n, Esq., proprietor of the N-w 
Y-rk H-t-1; ''Elijah, who smelled the battle 
afar off," Mr. El-j-h P-rdy, called the war-horse 
of T-mm-ny; ''Cyrus," the Reverend C-yr-s 
M-s-n; "Primus, the scribe," Mr. W-ll-m C. 
Pr-m, of the J-r-n-l of C-mm-rce; " Samuel, 
who made the lightnings of heaven his messen- 
gers," Mr. S-ml B. F. M-rs ; "Ker Tiss, who 
wrote concerning the Great Covenant," Mr. 
G-rg T-ckn-r C-rt-is, the author of a history 
of the Constitution of the United States ; " Isai- 
ah, who was a captain of the Hammerites," 
Mr. Is-h R-nd-rs, late United States Marshal 
for the Southern District of New York; 
"Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmayd." 
Mr. S. L. M. B-rl-w; and "Augustus, the 
money-changer," Mr. A-g-st B-lm-nt, an emi- 
nent Hebrew banker, who once bought the 
honor of representing this republic abroad, and 
who is understood to be ready to pay a large 
price for a financial place in a cabinet con- 
structed upon the principles of the Ostend cir- 
cular. I have even heard it surmised that 
"Peter the Barrel-maker" means Mr. P-t-r 
C-p-r; and, to speak of minor matters, that 
" Assohkald Edditah, the scribe, who, to gain 
the world had lost his own soul," represents the 
so-called editor (name unknown and hitherto 
undiscoverable) of the World newspaper of 
your city. 



VIII publisher's advertisement. 

It is with very deep concern that I notice this 
extraordinary perversion of the meaning of ' ' The 
New Gospel of Peace." Concern, not only for 
the gentlemen who are thus placed by the pub- 
lic in so very false a position, but for the com- 
munity in which a state of things exists which 
can be in any way likened to that which is por- 
trayed in that most ancient, but I am per- 
suaded, most truthful record. Is it possible 
that there is such a man as Phernandiwud 
among us? I cannot believe it. I know of 
no such man. Do Pahdees, and Hittites, and 
Hammerites, and the sect of Smalphri among 
the Dimmichrats, rule any city in our land? 
Far be it from us to confess it. Can there be 
men among us, like those in the remote and 
long-forgotten land of Unculpsalm, who would 
sacrifice their country to the everlasting Nig- 
gah? Pray devote a little of your valuable 
time and space to disabusing the public mind 
of such an absurd notion. 

It would be quite superfluous and uninterest- 
ing for me to inform the public how I became 
possessed of the ancient, faded, torn, and much- 
defaced manuscript, which, by painfully deci- 
phering it and supplying conjecturally many 
breaks in the continuity of the narrative, I at 
last brought into a connected form and printed 
under the title of its subject, " The New Gos- 
pel of Peace." But that it is no modern politi- 



IX 



cal satire will be plain to all intelligent people 
from this fact. Its declared author, Benjamin 
the Scribe, I find by a passage which I am un- 
able entirely to restore, and therefore have not 
heretofore printed, wrote, or, it would seem from 
the marginal annotation of an ancient and inim- 
ical commentator, procured to be written, '* a 
book called Deighlinuze^ a part of which was 
made public every morning. Another muti- 
lated passage shows that this Benjamin '' lived 
nigh unto a place called Pughtummug, where 
the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats 
poured out drink-offerings unto Tahmunee." 
You will see at once that no such publication 
or locality is known in this country. 

The language in which this manuscript is 
written is the langkie, a tongue of which lit- 
tle is known, but which I suppose to be a more 
ancient and pure form of the language of Jon- 
bool. Where this land is I cannot conjecture, 
but as the langkies appear to have dwelt 
in a country very far East, I am inclined to 
think that their language is the long-sought 
original language spoken in Paradise. Your 
readers cannot but have observed the strong 
oriental character of the whole narrative. And 
indeed I have sometimes thought that the 
Abraham of the New Gospel was the veritable 
Father of the Faithful himself. But opposed 
to this conjecture are the manifest hostility be- 



X PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. 

tween him and Augustus the money-changer, 
and the fact that Esther and Ahasuerus and 
other persons who Hved after the first and 
even second captivity, are mentioned. Perhaps 
some of the " Christian young men" of Balti- 
more or of New York can ehicidate this point. 
And, judging by the past, "a paper" on the 
subject might very appropriately be read be- 
fore your Historical Society ; or questions 
might be addressed to the head of Herodotus, 
which stands over its door, and which contains 
so much of the wisdom of that association that 
it can hardly be less vocal or sententious than 
Friar Bacon's. Or the matter could be very 
fitly brought before a body which I have heard 
of as the Geographical and Egotistical Society, 
from some member of which, no doubt, there 
would proceed a paper so luminous, as well 
as so geographical and egotistical, as to elicit 
the unanimous thanks of all who remained 
awake when it w^as ended. And might not 
Mr. Verplanck or Mr. Grant White, or the 
Rev. Mr. Hudson devote to this doubtful 
and interesting point some of that rare criti- 
cal ability with which they have elucidated 
the clear passages in Shakespeare ? The 
notion which seems to have taken possession 
of the public mind, that " The New Gospel of 
Peace " is a narrative of recent events in this 
country, can only have arisen from some 



publisher's advertisement. XI 

chance similarity of sound between some an- 
cient and eastern and some modern and west- 
ern names ; and, chiefly, from the tendency of 
historical events to repeat themselves, owing to 
the excess of original human nature which still 
remains in man. 

Yours very respectfully, 

U. DONOUGH OuTis. 

P. S. — The very great favor with which this 
book has been received, and which I attribute 
solely to the solemn truth and sober wisdom of 
the ancient and unknown sage who wrote it, 
has produced imitations of it, of which I have 
seen two. Vain and childish attempts to imi- 
tate the inimitable style of the old chronicler ! 
Let no man hope to succeed in such an under- 
taking, unless he can perform the impossible 
task of transporting himself back for indefinite 
cycles of time, and live an oriental life upon 
the dim verge of the historic period. Some 
more of the ancient manuscript still remains in 
my hands, yet undeciphered and covered with 
the dust of ages. I hope to be able to rescue 
enough from destruction to make one, and 
perhaps two, books more. 

The letter to '*The Evening Post" appeared 
soon after the publication of Book Second of 



XII publisher's advertisement. 

this volume, the Third and Fourth Books of 
which are doubtless those referred to in the 
letter as likely to be printed in the future. 
Nearly three years, however, elapsed between 
the publication of the First Book and the com- 
pletion of the work. 

The curious reader can find a further dis- 
cussion of the authorship and purpose of the 
work in '' The Nation," of May, July, and 
August, 1866. In one communication, under 
the signature of the above letter, the following 
passages occur, in reference to the comments 
of that paper upon Book Fourth : 

*' You more than intimate that two Irish gen- 
tlemen named Roberts and O'Mahony are 
treated with unseemly levity in the last book. 
Where is this to end ? We shall next have 

C— rn— 1— s V— nd— rb— It and D n R— 

chm — nd declaring that they are spoken of 
disrespectfully as being of the Durrektahs. 

'* Apropos of the book in question, you men- 
tion a Chaldee manuscript by a writer named 
Hogg. Now here is something truly interest- 
ing. I have never seen this MS. But I do 
not hesitate to say that I very much doubt the 
genuineness of a MS. professing to be Chaldee 
which yet was written by a person whose name 



PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. XIII 

was that of the unclean beast. For that beast 
was an abomination to the Chaldees as well 
as to the Hebrews, who in fact were but an 
offshoot from the Chaldee stock. I shall be 
much pleased if you will inform me where I 
can get a sight of this manuscript. 

'' You seem to have drawn conclusions differ- 
ent from mine as to the opinions of the un- 
known author of this book The 

point to which I particularly refer is your con- 
clusion that my author was at some time in his 
life ill-used by women, and treats them harshly 
in revenge. I, on the contrary, have found in 
him as gallant and devoted an admiration of 
the sex as could be looked for in an oriental 
writer, and one who lived at such a remote 
period. Indeed, your aspersion of my author 
forces me to say that I have omitted certain 
passages of his manuscript revealing the ten- 
derness of many women for him, and his grate- 
ful devotion in return, because, beautiful and 
touching as they are, I should blush to trans- 
late, much more to print them. There is 
hardly anything more trying in this respect in 
the ' Song of Solomon ' itself." 

One of the remarkable circumstances con- 
nected with the first publication of this book is 
the attention that it at once commanded, and 
the hold which it took upon men in all condi- 



XIV publisher's advertisement. 

tions of life without any aid whatever from the 
press. Its appearance was announced in an 
advertisement of only a line or two, and of the 
copies of the First Book sent to the public 
journals it is believed that not one received 
any attention. Almost alone of the multitudi- 
nous pamphlets pubHshed, from 1863 to 1865, 
it had the benefit neither of praise, nor abuse, 
nor of any of the arts by which publishers 
bring their merchandise into notice. And yet 
the first edition of one thousand copies was 
gradually and not very slowly exhausted. 
One of three thousand followed much more 
rapidly ; a third of ten thousand was taken up 
as soon as it could be printed ; and thencefor- 
ward a similar demand for it went on steadily 
for many months. The following paragraph, 
from *' The Round Table" of May 12th, 1866, 
tells with sufficient accuracy the story of its 
production and publication, as far as they are 
known to the present writer : 

" Probably the greatest literary success of its kind ever 
achieved was that of 'The New Gospel of Peace,' the 
fourth and concluding part of which is announced. On 
an average, within a fraction of forty-five thousand copies 
of each book have been sold, making the sale of the three 
books nearly one hundred and thirty-five thousand copies ! 



publisher's advertisement. XV 

and the publishers continue to receive orders for it. We 
are informed that this strange political satire, which made 
such an impression on the public mind during the rebel- 
lion, and which, in spite of its local character, was reprinted 
in England, was begun as a mere squib to be sent to some 
newspaper; that the author found it expand under his 
hand, and, on the completion of the First Book, sought, 
through a friend, a publisher for his bantling, but in vain. 
He then published it himself, and placed it in the 
hands of Mr. Sinclair Tousey, now of the American News 
Company, as agent. Hence it is that this gentleman has 
the credit of being its publisher, and that the friend in 
question is one of those who have that of being its au- 
thor." 

After the First Book had become thoroughly 
estabhshed in popular favor, and was recog- 
nized as a power in the land, it did receive 
notice from three or four journals. The first 
of them was the following paragraph, which 
appeared in *' Harper's Weekly," of Septem- 
ber 5 th, 1863, three months after the First Book 
was published : 

" The authorship of the ' New Gospel of Peace,' one of 
the cleverest political squibs of the war, is a well-kept 
secret. It is a broad, popular, humorous burlesque upon 
the Copperhead faith and practice, as exemplified in the 
career of Phernandiwud and the followers of that Brum- 
magem Prince of Peace. It is done so well that nobody 
can escape the point; and is one of the very few satires 
which address themselves to the universal public. A Pah- 
dee can enjoy it as fully as a cultivated scholar, and it is 
consequently of the greatest service to the good cause. 
The authorship is attributed to many well-known literary 



XVI PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. 

gentlemen, as ' The Lorgnette ' was at the time of its ap- 
pearance ; and the writer must take care that his laurels 
are not disputed to the end. The amusing controversy as 
to the authorship of ' Nothing to Wear ' is yet freshly re- 
membered, and long after Mr. Putnam, the publisher, had 
negotiated with the gentleman whom he supposed to have 
written ' The Potiphar Papers,' he received a very urgent 
and persistent claim from the literary executor of a gen- 
tleman in Buffalo, who declared that he had found the 
manuscript among the papers of his deceased friend, and 
insisted that the reputed author must be an impostor. 
Public rumor points most persistently to a well-known and 
accomplished scholar, whose reputation has been made in 
quite other directions, as the author of ' The New Gos- 
pel of Peace.' He may be congratulated upon a signal 
success, and the public upon a capital and timely satire." 

The Second Book was received with the 
same silent indifference by the press in gen- 
eral, but was made the occasion of the following 
remarks in the same journal from which the 
above paragraph is quoted : 

"The Second Book of this most universally popular and 
effective political pamphlet of the war has just appeared. 
Like the First Book, it owes nothing to elaborate advertis- 
ing or vigorous puffing. Indeed, it is a remarkable fact in 
the history of our literature, that the first part was quietly 
issued, and apparently quietly ignored by the press, but 
gradually making itself known and felt, appeared upon 
every newspaper stand, and was intimately known to every 
circle in the country. The actual service it has wrought 
for the good cause is very great. Like the pamphlets of 
Defoe, it is not above the easy comprehension and delight 
of plainest people, while by its trenchant blows it com- 
mands the admiration of the most intelligent public. Our 



XVII 

political satires hitherto have been generally beneath con- 
tempt or above general comprehension. The true wit and 
power of some of them have commended them indeed to 
the purely literary classes, but they have not commanded 
the interest and laughing assent of the great busy crowd 
of the country. The sale of the First Book of the New 
Gospel is already prodigious, and that of the Second will 
doubtless be like unto it. It treats of events of the last 
summer. It even alludes to the practice of the doctrines 
of the New Gospel as seen in the streets of New York in 
July. The charm of novelty is naturally wanting, but it 
seems to us not less racy than the earlier part. 

"The authorship remains a secret. Claims are now 
asserted for some source beyond Albany, possibly among 
the fountains of the Hudson. The work has been attrib- 
uted to a score of literary gentlemen in the city. But the 
author and the publisher guard their secret well ; and who- 
ever he may be, the writer of the ' New Gospel of Peace ' 
has secured his place in the memorabilia of the war." 

In spite of the local character which its au- 
thor so whimsically persists in denying, the 
book was reprinted in London ; and Mr. 
George Augustus Sala, making it the subject 
of a letter in the London "Telegraph," and 
of a chapter in his book upon this country, said 
of it: 

" On almost every book-stall in the United States there 
is to be found exposed for sale a thin pamphlet in a crim- 
son cover, entitled ' The New Gospel of Peace according 
to St. Benjamin.' This pamphlet contains but forty-two 
pages, and is full of shrewd satire, not unmixed with 
hvunour. . . . Very many thousand copies of the ' New 
Gospel of Peace' have been sold. The success of the 



XVIII publisher's advertisement. 

work has raised a cloud of imitations, most of them as 
trashy as they are vile. There is a second part to the 
gospel itself. There is a ' Book of the Prophet Stephen ; ' 
there are 'Revelations' — and a most scandalous apoca- 
lypse those revelations are ; but the crimson-bound pam- 
phlet, atrocious as it is [Mr. Sala was Copperheadish even 
unto Secesh-ism], will take rank with the most salient pro- 
ductions of American humour." 

The work was in the hands of the whole 
people. The gravest and the most jovial, the 
most cultivated and those who could barely 
read, were brought together in laughter over its 
pages ; and as its various parts appeared, it was 
doing a work which long afterwards was thus 
recognized by the distinguished literary editor 
of the ' ' Boston Transcript " ; 

" 'The New Gospel of Peace ' did Copperheadism more 
harm than even its own folly and malignity could do. . 
. . Thousands of the ' President's Opposition,' unaf- 
fected by fact, argument, and appeal, were overpowered by 
this most searching and humorous of political satires." 

And yet all this while, that is, during the 
time in which the first three books appeared, 
there was no attempt at an appreciation of the 
work by any critic, no endeavor to discover 
the secret of its power, and, with the two or 
three notable exceptions above pointed out, 
journalists continued to pass it by unnoticed. 



XIX 

The attainment of so singular and so truly 
popular a success, without the aid of any news- 
paper publicity whatever, is a noteworthy fact 
in publishing annals, and one which, even if 
the author were not the cynic which he has 
been pronounced by some of those whose plans 
he interfered with, might well have been to 
him a source of secret gratification. But on 
the other hand he might also have been per- 
plexed himself at his own doing, and impressed 
with a sense of responsibility when he found 
what bow it was that he had drawn at a ven- 
ture. At the only subsequent attempt to ac- 
count for the impression which his work made 
upon the public mind, — the critic having at- 
tributed its success to its phraseology, — the 
author must have laughed in his turn, for that 
phraseology has been in use for so many years 
among lads at school and college, for burlesque 
records of public affairs, and even for their own 
adventures, as to have become in itself stale 
and tame even to the boyish appetite for the 
ludicrous. The present writer has only under- 
taken to set forth such facts as are known to 
the publishers concerning the production and 
publication of the following pages ; but if he 



XX PUBLISHER S ADVERTISEMENT. 

were to venture an opinion upon the subject 
just referred to, it would be that the secret 
of the success of this book is to be found in 
the fact that while it gives, under a thin dis- 
guise, a faithful history of our late struggle in 
all its important political phases, and in every 
marked military stage of its progress, present- 
ing it generally with grotesque humor, but 
sometimes with sobriety and even tenderness 
of feeling, as, for instance, the battle of Gettys- 
burg, it is also a general satire, and, ranging 
from the heresy of secession, the wrong of 
slavery, and the question of manhood suffrage 
and wholesale naturalization, to the impositions 
of incorporated monopolies, the pretensions and 
little arts of social cliques, and the extrava- 
gance of women's dresses, touches humorously, 
but always with serious purpose, every weak, 
sore spot, as well in our society as our poli- 
tics. Of all these subjects, even of the latter, 
it aims at the core, and pierces the outside only 
in reaching that. 

Amid all the discussion mentioned in the 
paragraphs quoted above, and resisting the 
temptation offered by a success of which they 
are the records, the author refrained from the 



PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. XXI 

public acknowledgement of his work. The 
question as to its origin was thus left open to 
conjecture ; but at last, for reasons which 
seem very vague, general opinion upon this 
subject settled so firmly upon one gentleman, 
that it is proper to give here a letter from him 
upon the subject, which appeared in " The Na- 
tion." 

"To THE Editor of The Nation: 

"In 'The Nation' of last week you published a letter 
from the author of the ' New Gospel of Peace,' containing 
a not perfectly good-natured allusion to myself; as to 
which I will only say, that, considering the service I have 
rendered to the person in question, I think it might have 
been gracefully, at least, if not generously, forborne. On 
the other hand, I was surprised .to find that Mr. Bartlett, 
in his copious and serviceable Bibliography of the War, 
attributes the ' New Gospel of Peace ' to me, without the 
least authority for so doing, while he does not mention me 
as the author of other pamphlets which I did write. Of 
course, I will not affect ignorance of the fact that I am 
among those to whom this anonymous work has been as- 
signed by rumor — I cannot conjecture why, unless it be 
because of the friendly offices in regard to business matters 
which I have performed for its author. And, indeed, it has 
not been without a peculiar interest that I have received 
the positive assurance of evidently well-informed strangers, 
whom I have accidentally met in the book-stores of other 
cities, that this yet unclaimed bantling was the offspring 
of such or such a gentleman of repute in the world of let- 
ters, and that the report that it was by Mr. Grant White 
was quite preposterous ; it was entirely out of his style. 
My vanity, which is naturally great, could not but be grati- 
fied at finding myself so well understood by persons whom 



XXII publisher's advertisement. 



I had never before had the pleasure of meeting. Perhaps I 
should also feel more flattered than I do, that others have 
given me such credit as attaches to a series of pamphlets 
the popularity of which I cannot deny ; but I may be par- 
doned if I do not find the bitter satire and broad humor of 
St. Benjamin quite so much to my taste as some persons 
seem to find it to theirs. 

"'The Nation,' in its notice of the Fourth Book, com- 
pared the series with ' The Scottish Chaldee Manuscript,' 
published in ' Blackwood's Magazine ' fifty years ago ; re- 
marking that ' it is hardly doubtful that we should not have 
had it if Hogg had not previously produced "The Chal- 
dee," ' and adding that ' that famous parody is superior to 
this in other respects than priority in time. Its biblical 
style is better preserved, fewer of its expressions being 
modern.' 

" The ' New Gospel of Peace ' having interested me some- 
what as a reproduction of what may be called the sacred 
style of Elizabethan English, this criticism of ' The Nation ' 
led me to seek for the ' Chaldee Manuscript,' which, until 
about three weeks ago, I had heard of but never seen. I 
sought it in vain for a while, but finally found it, not in 
' Blackwood ' or Hogg, but in Dr. Shelton Mackenzie's edi- 
tion of the ' Noctes Ambrosianae.' And I there found why 
I had never met with it. It was suppressed ; and to obtain 
a sight of it, even on the other side of the Atlantic, has 
been so difficult, as Dr. Mackenzie tells us, that he ' searched 
all the national and public libraries in England and Scot- 
land where sets of "Blackwood" are kept, and never suc- 
ceeded in meeting one. . . . containing the "Chaldee."' 
He finally found the only copy he ever saw at a bookseller's 
in this city. Thus, although the ' Chaldee Manuscript ' is 
half a century older than the ' New Gospel of Peace,' it is, 
I think, quite improbable that the latter should have been 
written in imitation of the former, or even because of its 
precedence. It was the successor of the ' Chaldee Manu- 
script,' but not its consequent. Nor can I agree with you 
as to the comparative faithfulness of the two in style to 
their common model. .The positive merits of either, in this 



publisher's advertisement. XXIII 

regard or in any other, I do not propose to discuss, but some 
remark upon their phraseology and cast of thought may 
not be without interest. 

"The author of the ' Chaldee Manuscript' seems not to 
have been able to think in the dialect (so to speak) in which 
he undertook to write, but to have assumed it as a person as- 
sumes a foreign language the vocabulary of which he has 
acquired but has not assimilated, thinking in his mother 
tongue, and translating the words in his mind into the lan- 
guage which he speaks. This always produces awkwardness 
of expression and strangeness of effect, even when there is not 
absolute verbal incorrectness or false construction. In the 
very first chapter of the 'Manuscript' are these phrases, 
which I do not hesitate to say are quite out of keeping : 
*Whereunto I may employ you,' ' and enrich themselves with 
the wool,' ' all things that relate to learning,' ' and they prof- 
fered unto him a book,' ' that had put such amazing words 
into the book,' ' put your trust under the shadow of my 
wings,' ' and by these means you shall wax very great,' 
'who dwelleth in the old fastness,' ' and he framed songs,' 
' and they heard a voice of one screeching at the gate.' 
Now each one of these phrases contains either a word, as 
' fastness,' ' screeching,' or a construction, as * these ' ap- 
plied to ' means,' and ' framed ' to ' songs,' which is foreign 
to the dialect in question. And this not a strangeness re- 
sulting from the novelty of the objects introduced, which 
would be permissible if it could not be avoided; it appears 
in the use of words common to our language in all styles 
and all ages. For instance, again, the Chaldee writer, 
wishing to describe taking snuff, says, ' And he took from 
under his girdle a gem of curious workmanship of silver . 
. . . and he took from thence something in color like 
unto the dust of the earth.' Here the use of 'gem,' 'from 
thence,' and 'something' is incongruous with the style. 
A translator from the Chaldee two hundred and fifty years 
ago would have been much homelier and more direct in his 
phrase. He would, I venture to say, have simply written, 
' And he took from under his girdle a box curiously made 
. . . . and he took from it dust in color like unto the 



XXIV publisher's advertisement. 

dust of the earth.' He would not have shrunk from the 
repetition of ' dust; ' and certainly would not have avoided 
it by writing ' took something,' which is very colloquial 
and modern. It may be worthy' of remark that the invita- 
tion to take something is not now-a-days supposed to indi- 
cate snuff. Errors like this are not uncommon in the 
* Chaldee Manuscript,' brief as it is ; but, although the 
' New Gospel of Peace ' is ten times as long, I have been 
able to discover in it no important defects of this kind. 
The 'Chaldee Manuscript' also commits the fault of ap- 
plying Oriental names arbitrarily to Scotch places, calling, 
for example, one river — the Tweed — 'the Jordan,' and 
another ' the brook Kedron.' This means nothing, and ef- 
fects nothing but confusion. One might as well have been 
called Abarnar and the other Parphar. The subject of the 
'Manuscript' is, besides, so obscure — the mere personal 
affairs of some men of letters and their publishers — that 
it is not only quite incomprehensible now, but must have 
been so when it was written, except within the compara- 
tively narrow circle of the friends and acquaintances of the 
personages who figure in the story. 

"Although the 'New Gospel of Peace,' whatever may 
be its peculiar faults, is, as far as I am capable of judging, 
almost entirely free from such as are above mentioned, 
upon close examination I find two or three passages ob- 
noxious to criticism in this respect. Compelled by the 
exigencies of a speech made by the individual whom he 
calls ' Phernandiwud,' the author has used the phrase ' a 
splendid despotism.' It need hardly be said that not only 
the language but the cast of thought in this phrase is pecu- 
liarly modern and quite inadmissible. He also speaks of 
the ' government' of Unculpsalm, and of 'slavery.' Now 
government, meaning the capacity of the act of governing, 
was, as an idea or a word, familiar enough to Elizabethan 
writers ; but government, as an institution, admitting the 
indefinite article, — a government, for which the idea or 
the word 'governing' cannot be substituted, — is, I think, 
a conception but little older, if at all, than the middle of 
the seventeenth century. Even in the phrase ' the govern- 



PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. XXV 

ment shall be upon his shoulder,' the word 'government' 
has quite a different sense from that which it has in ' the 
government of such or such a country.' So, although we 
read in Shakespeare and his contemporaries of slavery as a 
condition of the individual, it is not, I believe, until Mil- 
ton's time that we meet with the word representing the ab- 
stract idea — the institution of slavery. This author also 
makes ' Phernandiwud ' prophesy that, under certain con- 
ditions, ' the lion of the South and the lamb of the North 
shall lie down together.' He should have known better 
than to fall into this almost universal misrepresentation of 
a well-known passage of Isaiah's writing. The Hebrew 
prophet says nothing about lions and lambs. He knew 
the terror of the shepherd better. He wrote ' the wo//" shall 
dwell with the lamb,' ' the wolf and the lamb shall feed to- 
gether,' and I doubt much whether, if ' lion ' and ' lamb ' 
began with the same letter in Hebrew, he would have been 
tempted by alliteration into inaccuracy. 

" One fault is common to both the ' Chaldee Manuscript' 
and the ' New Gospel of Peace.' Both use the neuter pos- 
sessive pronoun z'^s ; the latter in a single passage (Book 
I., chap. IV., V. 27), the former in several. This word is 
unknown in the sacred dialect of the Elizabethan period ; 
and in the first quarter of the seventeenth century was but 
just struggling into use among secular writers. This I re- 
marked in my notes to 'The Winter's Tale,' published six 
years before, and in those to ' Hamlet and Cymbeline,' 
published the year before the first appearance of the ' New 
Gospel of Peace.' The author of that book will, I hope, 
pardon me for pointing out these defects in it, and may be 
sure that no one less than I would willingly deprive him 
of any well-earned approbation. His incognito, since he 
chooses to preserve it, I shall certainly respect, although 
at the cost of some annoyance to myself; and so, I cannot 
doubt, will the few friends who, I have reason to believe, 
have shared his confidence with me from the beginning. 
"Your obedient servant, 

"Richard Grant White. 

"July 30, 1866." 

c 



XXVI PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. 

The publishers have nothing to add to this 
preliminary matter, except to say that the gen- 
tleman who has superintended this book in its 
progress through the press, has availed him- 
self, to a certain extent, of the criticisms of 
Mr. Grant White's letter. 

119 & 121 Nassau Street, 
New York, Oct. 2, 1866. 



The New Gospel of Peace. 



BOOK FIRST. 



[Published July 27th, 1863.] 

(xxvii) 



NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, 

ACCORDING TO ST. BENJAMIN. 



BOOK I 



CHAPTER I. 

I. The Mystery. 2. War in the Land of Unculpsalm. 5. 
Phernatidiivud. 10. Seeketh a fartner. 17. Searcheth 
the Scripture. 19. Findeth something to his advantage. 
24. And -walketh slantindicularly. 25. Is brought before 
the Judge. 27. Shoiveth his Innocence. 

THE mystery of the new gospel of peace. 
2. In the days of Abraham, when there 
was war in the land of Unculpsalm, and all 

Ver. I. The author with striking brevity announces his 
great theme. This teaches us how much can be said in a 
few words. Compare the ancient writer in this respect 
with the moderns, — with Milton for instance; much to 
Milton's disadvantage. Milton's intentions were good, 
however. The author tells us that his book is a mystery; 
by which he means that it is not easy to be understood; 
perhaps that he did not understand it himself. His candor 
might well be imitated by some later writers. 

Ver. 2. Investigation and conjecture are equally baffled 
in the attempt to discover the situation of the land of 
1 



2 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the people fought with weapons of Iron, and 
with ships of iron 

3. (For there came a man out of the coun- 
try beyond the North Sea, a son of Tubal 
Cain, and joined himself unto the people of 
Unculpsalm, and made unto them ships of iron, 
with towers upon the decks thereof, and beaks 
upon the prows thereof, very mighty and mar- 
vellous) , 

4. There went out one who preached a new 
gospel of peace. And it was in this wise. 

5. It came to pass in those days that in the 
country of Mannatton, in the city which is 

Unculpsalm, in which the events related in this book took 
place. The scholiast suggests that as the langkies are 
said to have worshipped an idol called the almighty Dahl 
Lar, they probably dwelt upon the plains of Shinar. The 
conjecture is ingenious and plausible, but hardly sound. 

Ver. 3. A son of Tubal Cain. More properly a disciple 
of Tubal Cain, who, we are told, was the instructor of 
every artificer in brass and iron. But the word son used 
in this sense is one of the traits of the Eastern origin of 
this book. Thus, Tubal Cain's half-brother was Jubal, 
who, we are told, was the father of all such as handle the 
harp and organ, by which we are not to understand that 
all those whom we see daily handling the organ are the 
actual progeny of Jubal. For he lived before the flood, 
when the original race of organ-grinders seems to have 
been happily drowned. 

Ver. 5. Pher7ia7idhviid. The persistent but futile at- 
tempts of various purblind critics to show that this book 
is a political satire upon events of the present day are 
brought to naught in the case of this the most prominent 
if not the most important character in the book. No such 



I 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 3 

called Gotham, that is over against Jahrzee, as 
thou goest down by the great river, the River 
Hutzoon, to Communipah, there was a man 
whose name was Phernandiwud. 

6. And he was a just man, and a righteous ; 
and he walked uprightly before the world. 

7. But when he was not before the world his 
walk was slantindicular. 

8. And he loved the people. 

9. And Phernandiwud said within himself, 
Of a truth I love the people ; but am I not one 
of the people ; yea, verily, am I not number 
one of the people? and shall I not therefore 
firfet love myself ? 

10. So Phernandiwud first loved himself, 
and the rest of the people after himself. 

1 1 . Now in the days when Phranclinn ruled 
the land (he that was captain of a thousand in 
the armies of Unculpsalm when they went 
down to Mecsicho) , Phernandiwud sought unto 
himself a partner, even a partner with shekels ; 
and he found a man whose name was Marah- 
vine. 

person as Phernandiwud is known in this or any other 
country. The desperate shifts to which the maintainers 
of the theory in question are put, appear in their attempt 
to connect this personage with a Mayor of New York, and 
Member of Congress, who was sued for falsifying his ac- 
counts, and who escaped criminal process because it was 
commenced one day too late according to law. How flimsy 
the theory which depends upon such evidence for its support I 



4 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

12. And Phernandiwud said unto Marah- 
vine : Lo, there is gold in the land of Kala- 
phorni ; 

13. And the gold of that land is good. 

14. Now behold, thou art rich, and thy ser- 
vant is poor; but thy servant is cunning in 
merchandise, diligent and crafty in business. 
Let, therefore, my lord furnish me of his gold 
and his silver, and I will buy merchandise and 
ships, and trade with the men of Kalaphorni 
and get great gain, a hundred, yea even two 
hundred fold, and we shall divide the spoil. 

15. So they traded with the men of Kala- 
phorni, and got great gain, a hundred and two 
hundred fold. But Phernandiwud divided not 
the spoil ; for he was not before the world. 

16. So his walk was slantindicular. 

17. And he communed within himself, and 

Ver. 12. The Lmid of Kalaphorni. Where this land 
was is no less uncertain than the locality of the land of Un- 
culpsalm. It appears, however, to have had a strange in- 
fluence upon the social state of the land of Unculpsalm. For 
there are traces of an order of women in the latter known 
as Kalaphorni widows. Whether they were regarded as 
widows because their husbands had gone before them into 
the land of promise, but not of performance, is now beyond 
the reach of conjecture. 

Ver. 14. Divide the sfoil. Not a felicitous rendering; 
for spoil refers rather to warlike than to mercantile affairs. 
Yet the Hebrews, we are told in their sacred writings, 
spoiled the Egyptians by purely business transactions. In 
the langkie tongue the word means strictly plunder. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 5 

said : Is it not written in the Scripture (for he 
was a just man and a righteous, and searched 
the Scripture daily, 

18. Saying, peradventure I shall find therein 
something to my advantage), 

19. That a certain steward made unto him- 
self friends of the mammon of unrighteous- 
ness, by saying to one man, who owed his 
lord an hundred measures of oil. Take thy bill 
and sit down quickly and write fifty ; and to 
another who owed an hundred measures of 
wheat. Take thy bill and sit down quickly and 
write fourscore ? 

20. And did not the lord of that steward 
commend him because he had done wisely ; 
because the children of this world are wiser in 
their generation than the children of light? 

21. And am not I, even I, Phernandiwud, a 
child of this world, and wise in my generation? 
Yea, verily. And I will take my bill and sit 
down quickly ; and where Marahvine oweth 
me fourscore shekels, I will write an hundred ; 
and where I owe him an hundred, I will write 
fifty. 

22. And is it not written that we shall be as 
wise as serpents and as harmless as doves? 
Therefore will I be as wise as a serpent unto 
Marahvine, and as harmless as a dove unto 
myself. 



b THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

23. Then Phernandiwiid took his bill and 
sat down quickly, and where Marahvine owed 
him fourscore shekels he wrote an hundred, 
and where he owed Marahvine an hundred he 
wrote fifty. 

24. So his walk was slantindicular. 

25. But it came to pass after many days that 
Marahvine discovered how Phernandiwud had 
searched the Scripture to his advantage. And 
he brought him before the judge, and would 
have convicted him at the mouth of two wit- 
nesses ; and, moreover, the writings were 
against him. 

26. But there was a statute in Gotham that 
no man should be held guilty before the law 
save for that which he had done within six 
years, but that after six years he should go 
free. 

27. So Phernandiwud said unto the judge : 
Lo, what Marahvine saith that thy servant hath 

Ver. 23. He 'Wrote fifty. The great wisdom of Pher- 
nandiwud and his readiness to profit by scriptural example 
are strikingly manifest in this transaction. The axiom in 
morals, that there is a great deal of human nature in man, 
and that history therefore repeats itself, is illustrated by a 
comparison of these events, which occurred centuries ago, 
with those recorded in the recent well-known case of Henry 
Sheldon, George E. Byxbie, William H. Sheldon, and Levi 
Chestnutwood, assignees of Edward E. Marvine, against 
Fernando Wood, which will be found reported at some 
length and commented upon in the New York newspapers 
of November, 1854. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 7 

done was done, by his own showing, six years 
and three hours ago. Therefore thy servant is 
guiltless. I pray thee, therefore, declare thy 
servant guiltless, and let him go. 

28. And he did so. And Phernandiwud 
went out from before him justified in his wis- 
dom and his innocence. 



8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER II. 

I. The Pahdees. 2. They govern Gotham. 6. Phernandi- 
ivud maketh friends of the Pahdees. 9. Who make him 
Chief Ruler of the City. 11. And together they devour 
the substance of the Men of Gotham. 15. The Watchmen 
of Gotham removed from the rule of Phernanditvud. 
16. Who gathereth together the Hittites and the Ham- 
merites. 19. And conceiveth with the Mystery of the 
New Gospel of Peace. 

NOW, it came to pass that in the City of 
Gotham were many Pahdees, like unto 
locusts for multitude. And they were not of the 
land of Unculpsalm, but came from an island 
beyond the great sea ; a land of famine and 
oppression. And they knew nothing. They 

Ver. I. Many Pahdees. These people, in whose hands 
the Gothamites seem to have entirely placed the govern- 
ment of their city, appear to have been of an entirely differ- 
ent race from the langkies and the Phiretahs and the other 
people of Unculpsalm. There is no record of such another 
transfer of power in all history. As to the island whence 
they came, see Book IV. Chap. ix. A slight clue is given 
to the origin of this story by the name Gotham and the 
course of the people in regard to the Pahdees. This shows 
that these men of Gotham were evidently of the same race 
as the three wise men of Gotham who went to sea in a bowl. 
As that bowl must have been a punch-bowl, it plainly pre- 
figures the rule of the Pahdees in Gotham. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 9 

read not, neither did the}^ write, and like the 
multitudes of Nineveh, many of them did not 
know their right hand from their left. 

2. Therefore the men of Unculpsalm who 
dwelt in Gotham troubled themselves little to 
govern the city, and paid the Pahdees richly to 
govern it for them. 

3. For the men of Gotham were great mer- 
chants and artificers, trading to the ends of 
the earth ; diligent and cunning in their busi- 
ness, wise and orderly in their households ; 
and they got great gain, and the fame of their 
wisdom and their diligence was spread abroad. 
Wherefore they said, why shall we leave our 
crafts and our merchandise, and our ships, and 
our feasts, and the gathering together of our 
wives and our daughters, and our men-singers 
and our women-singers, to give our time to 
ruling the city ? 

4. Behold, here are the Pahdees who know 
nothing, who read not, neither do they write, 
and who know not their right hand from their 
left, and who have never governed even them- 
selves, and who will be glad to govern the city 
in our stead. 

5. Wherefore the men of Unculpsalm who 
dwelt in Gotham went, the one to his craft, the 
other to his ships, and the other to his mer- 
chandise ; and the Pahdees governed Gotham. 



lO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

6. Now Phernandiwud saw that the men 
whom the Pahdees appointed to be officers in 
Gotham fed at the pubhc crib, and waxed fat, 
and increased in substance. Moreover, so 
great and mighty was the city of Gotham that 
they who ruled it were powerful in the land of 
Unculpsalm ; stretching out their hands from 
the North even unto the South, and from the 
East even unto the West ; but most of all were 
they powerful with the men of the South. 

7. And Phernandiwud said within himself, 
Shall I not feed at the public crib, and wax fat, 
and increase in substance, and become a man 
of power in the land of Unculpsalm ? 

8. So he made friends unto himself among 
the Pahdees, and of certain men of Unculpsalm 
who had joined themselves unto the Pahdees, 
and who called themselves Dimmichrats. 

9. And he became a great man among them. 
And they made him chief ruler of the city. 
And it was of the Pahdees that he was first 
called Phernandiwud. 

10. Now, when Phernandiwud was chief 
ruler of Gotham, the Pahdees, and the men of 

Ver. 6. The officers appointed bj the Pahdees fed at the 
public crib. A striking example of the wisdom of Solo- 
mon's sajang: "The ox knoweth his owner and the ass 
his master's crib." 

Ver, 10. The Watc/nncn of the City. The tendency of 
history to repeat itself, which has been already mentioned, 
and which this book so often illustrates, is shown in the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II 

Unculpsalm which were also Dimmichrats, did 
what was right in their own eyes; and they 
worked confusion in the city, and devoured the 
substance of the men of Gotham. And the 
watchmen of the city were as clay in the hands 
of Phernandiwud. 

11. For he said, I will have a one man 
power ; and the one man shall be me, even me 
Phernandiwud; and the Pahdees, and the 
Dimmichrats, and the watchmen of Gotham, 
shall do my will ; and after they have done my 
will, they may do what is right in their own 
eyes, and work confusion, and devour the peo- 
ple's substance. 

12. And the men of Gotham were amazed 
and confounded ; and they said one to another, 

13. Behold, we are held as naught by Pher- 
nandiwud and them that are under him, and 
he will destroy us and our city. 

14. But they could not cast him out, because 
of the Pahdees, and the men of Unculpsalm 
which also were Dimmichrats. 



course of events which attended the establishment of the 
Metropolitan Police Department in New York, only a few 
years before the first publication of The New Gospel of 
Peace. The two stories are such perfect counterparts, 
although they refer to different countries and to periods so 
far separated, that it has even been supposed, by those who 
mistake the character of this book, that it was written after 
the occurrence of the events just referred to. A warning to 
all shallow critics. 



12 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

15. Wherefore they said, we will pray the 
governor and rulers of the province to take the 
watchmen of the city from under his hand, 
and put in other watchmen who shall guard 
the city, and the country round about the same ; 
and he shall no longer work confusion, and 
devour our substance, and destroy our city. 

16. Wherefore the watchmen were taken 
from under his rule, and there were appointed 
other watchmen, whose captains were not Pah- 
dees and followers of Phernandiwud. 

17. But Phernandiwud, because he loved 
the people, and himself first, as number one 
of the people, withstood the watchmen which 
the governor and the rulers of the province 
had appointed. And he gathered together his 
watchmen and much people of the Pahdees, 
and of the men of Unculpsalm which also were 
Dimmichrats, 

18. Hittites, so called, because they hit from 

Ver. 18. The scholiast would have it that this passage is 
corrupt, and that Hammerites is but another form of 
Amoj'iies, due to the fact that the ancient manuscript was 
copied bj a scribe of the men of Jonbool, who spelled 
phonographicallj. This conjecture is plausible and ingen- 
ious, but somewhat too fanciful. Its author was probably 
led bj the presence of the name of the other tribe, the Hit- 
tites, into supposing that these people were those whom the 
Jews drov^e out of Palestine. This supposition, however, 
somewhat antedates the probable period when the events 
recorded in this book took place. It is proper to record, 
however, a tradition that its author was an High Vite. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I3 

the shoulder, and Hammerites, because they 
brake the heads of all them that set themselves 
up against them. 

19. And the watchmen of Phernandiwud, 
and the Pahdees, and the Hittites and the 
Hammerites, fought with the watchmen ap- 
pointed by the governor and the chief rulers of 
the province, doing in this the will of Pher- 
nandiwud. And they fought many times, and 
they brake each the heads of the other : yet 
was neither vanquished. 

20. And when the judges of the province 
saw this, they declared unto the governor, that 
by the great law of the province, he could 
march an army upon Phernandiwud, and his 
watchmen, and his Pahdees, and his Hittites, 
and his Hammerites, and put them to the 
sword. 

21. And when Phernandiwud read this dec- 
laration of the judges, he saw that there was an 
end of his rule over the watchmen, and of his 
one man power in Gotham ; and he said unto 
the watchmen, and to the Pahdees, and the 
Hittites, and the Hammerites, Get you to your 
houses, I have nothing more to give unto you. 

22. But he charged the cost thereof unto 
the city. 

Ver. 2. Phernandiwud charged the cost thereof tmto 
the city. Here we have an example of great constancy, of 
singleness of purpose, and of faithfulness unto the end, 
2 



14 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

23. And this was the first time that Pher- 
nandiwud conceived in his mind the mystery 
of the new gospel of peace. 

which is truly edifying. But the same virtues, which were 
followed by blessings in patriarchal days, are equally sure 
of recompense of one kind or another now. Let us, there- 
fore, all emulate the righteousness of Phernandiwud, that, 
like him, we may all have our reward. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I5 



CHAPTER III. 

I. TJie War in the lajid of Uncnlpsahn, 3. The Great 
Coveyiatit. 5. The greatness of the land of Unculpsalm. 
7. Provoketh the hatred of Kt?igs and Oppressors. 8. 
The Niggahs. 11. And the Covenant concerning them. 
14. The Niggahs. 16. There arise men of Belial. 19. 
The Tshivulree. 22. Atid what the Tshivulree did to 
the men of Belial. 24. The Dimmichrats Join themselves 
unto the Tshivulree. 26- The Everlasting Niggah. 27. 
Philip of Athens, a Priest of Beelzebub. 29. Isaiah 
thriisteth hint out of the Tabernacle. 31. But the Men 
of Belial prevail. 35. And the spirit Bak Bohn pos- 
sesseth their disciples. 39. The Phiretahs and Presten- 
hruux, 

NOW the war in the land of Unculpsalm 
was in this wise. 
2. The people were of one blood, but the 
land was in many provinces. And the people 
of the provinces joined themselves together 
and cast off the yoke of a stiff-necked king 
who oppressed them beyond the great sea. 
And they said, let us have no king, but let us 
choose from ourselves a man to rule over us ; 
and let us no longer be many provinces, but 
one nation ; only in those things which concern 
not the nation let the people in each province 
do what is right in their own eyes. 



l6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

3. And let it be written upon parchment and 
be for a covenant between us and our children, 
and our children's children forever — like unto 
a law of the Medes and Persians which alter- 
eth not. 

4. And they did so. And the Great Cove- 
nant became the beginning and the end of all 
things unto the men of Unculpsalm. 

5. And the men of Unculpsalm waxed great 
and mighty and rich : and the earth was tilled 
with the fame of their power and their riches ; 
and their ships covered the sea. And all na- 
tions feared them. But they were men of 
peace, and went not to war of their own ac- 
cord; neither did they trouble or oppress the 
men of other nations ; but sought each man to 
sit under his own vine and his own fic^-tree. 
And there were no poor men and few that did 
evil born in that land : except thou go south- 
ward of the border of Masunandicsun. 

Ver. 5. There tvere ?io poor men and fe'v that did evil 
horn in that la7id. This land of Unculpsalm seems to have 
been a most singular place. Almost the whole of the poverty, 
the ignorance, and the crime to be found in it, except south 
of the border of Masunandicsun, seems to have come to it 
from other countries. This is strange enough ; but what is 
most extraordinary is that the people of that land, the vir- 
tue and the intelligence of whose fathers had made it great 
and happy and powerful, gave to this foreign element of its 
population, ignorant, criminal, and without substantial in- 
terest in the countrj', an equal share of political power, 
which these foreigners, herding together in clans or tribes, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 7 

6. And this was noised abroad ; and it came 
to pass that the poor and the down-trodden, and 
the oppressed of other lands left the lands in 
which they were born, and went and dwelt in 
the land of Unculpsalm, and prospered therein, 
and no man molested them. And they loved 
that land. 

7. Wherefore, the kings and the oppressors 
of other lands, and they that devoured the sub- 
stance of the people, hated the men of Uncul- 
psalm. Yet, although they were men of peace, 
they made not war upon them ; for they were 
many and mighty. Moreover they were rich 
and bought merchandise of other nations, and 
sent them corn and gold. 

8. Now there were in the land of Uncul- 
psalm Ethiopians, which the men of Uncul- 
psalm called Niggahs. And their skins were 
black, and for hair they had wool, and their 
shins bent out forward and their heels thrust 
out backward ; and their ill savor went up. 

9. Wherefore the forefathers of the men of 
Unculpsalm had made slaves of the Niggahs, 
and bought them and sold them like cattle. 

10. But so it was that when the people of 
the land of Unculpsalm made themselves into 
one nation, the men of the North said, We will 

used in a solid body under tlie direction of demagogues, so 
that thej held the balance of power in the land. So foolish 
a scheme of politics is not elsewhere recorded in history. 



l8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

no longer buy and sell the Niggahs, but will 
set them free ; neither shall more be brought 
from Ethiopia for slaves unto this land. 

11. And the men of the South answered and 
said, We will buy and sell our Niggahs ; and 
moreover we will beat them with stripes, and 
they shall be our hewers of wood and drawers of 
water forever ; and v\^hen our Niggahs flee into 
your provinces ye shall give them to us, every 
man his Niggah ; and after a time there shall 
no more be brought from Ethiopia, as ye say. 
And this shall be a part of the Great Covenant. 

12. And it was a covenant between the men 
of the North and the men of the South. 

13. And it came to pass that thereafter the 
men of the South and the Dimmichrats of the 
North and the Pahdees gave themselves night 
and day to the preservation of this covenant 
about the Niggahs. 

14. And the Niggahs increased and multi- 
plied till they darkened all the land of the 
South. And certain of the men of Unculpsalm 
who dwelt in the South took their women for 
concubines and went in unto them, and begat 
of them sons and daughters. And they bought 
and sold their sons and daughters, even the fruit 
of their loins ; and beat them with stripes, and 
made them hewers of wood and drawers of water. 

15. For they said. Are not these Niggahs 
our Niggahs? Yea, even more than the other 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I9 

Niggahs? For the other Niggahs we bought, 
or our fathers, with money ; but these, are 
they not flesh of our flesh, and blood of our 
blood, and bone of our bone ; and shall we not 
do what we will with our own ? 

16. But there arose men in the northern 
provinces of the land of Unculpsalm and in 
the countries beyond the great sea, iniquitous 
men, saying, Man's blood cannot be bought 
with money ; foolish men, saying. Though the 
Niggah's skin be black and his hair woolly, 
and his shins like unto cucumbers, and his 
heels thrusting out backward, and though he 
has an ill savor not to be endured by those 
who get not children of Niggah women, yet is 
he a man ; men of Belial, which said, All things 
whatsoever ye would that men should do to 
you, do ye even so to them ; for this is the law 
and the prophets. 

17. And the slaves were for a reproach 
throughout all the world unto the men of the 
South, and even unto the whole land of Uncul- 
psalm. But by reason of the Great Covenant 
and the laws of the provinces, the men of the 
North had naught to do in this matter. 

18. But the men of the South which had 
Niggahs (for there were multitudes which 
were of the tribe of Meenouites, which had no 
Niggahs, and they were poor and oppressed) 
heeded it not; for they were a stifi-necked 



20 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

generation. And they said, we will not let 
our Niggahs go free ; for they are even as our 
horses and our sheep, our swine and our oxen ; 
and we will beat them, and slay them, and sell 
them, and beget children of them, and no man 
shall gainsay us. We stand by the Great 
Covenant. 

19. Moreover we are Tshivulree. 

20. Now to be of the Tshivulree was the 
chief boast among the men of the South, be- 
cause it had been a great name upon the earth. 
For of olden time he who was of the Tshivul- 
ree was bound by an oath to defend the weak 
and succor the oppressed, yea, even though he 
gave his life for them. But among the men of 
the South he only was of the Tshivulree who ate 
his bread in the sweat of another's face, who 
robbed the laborer of his hire, who oppressed 
the weak, and set his foot upon the neck of the 
lowly, and who sold from the mother the fruit 
of her womb and the nursling of her bosom. 
Wherefore the name of Tshivulree stank in the 
nostrils of all nations. 

Ver. 20. This is another of the many passages that refute 
the notion as to the modern origin of this book. Indeed, it 
increases the obscurity that involves that subject. For 
where, even in ancient times, and among pagan people, do 
we read of such cruelty as the selling of the child away 
from the mother } As to the prevalence of such a practice 
in this Christian land and amortg this enlightened people, 
it is not to be thought of, and indeed it has always been 
denied. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 21 

21. For they were in the darkness of a false 
dispensation, and had not yet learned the mys- 
tery of the new gospel of peace. 

22. And when the Tshivulree found within 
their borders those men of the North, iniquitous 
men which said that man's blood cannot be 
bought, and men of Belial which said, Do ye 
imto all men as ye would have all men do unto 
you, they seized upon them and beat them with 
many stripes, and hanged them upon trees, and 
roasted them with fire, and poured hot pitch 
upon them, and rode them upon sharp beams, 
very grievous to bestride, and persecuted them 
even as it was fitting such pestilent fellows 
should be persecuted. 

23. And they said unto the men of the 
North, cease ye now to send among us these 
men of Belial preaching iniquity, cease also to 
listen unto them yourselves, and respect the 
Great Covenant, or we will destroy this nation. 

24. Then the men of Unculpsalm which 
called themselves Dimmichrats, and the Pah- 
dees, seeing that the Tshivulree of the South had 
only one thought, and that was for the Niggah, 
said, We will join ourselves unto the Tshivulree, 
and we will have but one thought with them, 
even the Niggah ; and we shall rule the land 
of Unculpsalm, and we shall divide the spoil. 

25. And they joined themselves unto the 
Tshivulree ; and the Tshivulree of the South, 



22 • THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and the men of the North, which called them 
selves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees ruled the 
land of Unculpsalm for many years ; and they 
divided the spoil. And they had but one 
thought, even for the Niggah. 

26. Wherefore he was called the everlasting 
Niggah. 

27. Now, about these days came Philip, 
from the New Athens, a priest of Beelzebub, 
and he taught in the Tabernacle at Gotham. 

28. And Philip had man}^ vv^ords, but only 
one thought ; and that, like the thought of the 
men of the South, was for the Niggah. But 
he respected not the Great Covenant. And he 
said unto the people, ye ought to set the Nig- 
gah free. 

29. And it came to pass that when he was 
teaching in the Tabernacle, one Isaiah entered 
(not the prophet, but he who was captain of a 
band of the Hammerites), and protested unto 

Ver. 28. Philip had majiy ivordsy but only one thoughe. 
His name is written Phillips in the original. There maj be 
a slight corruption of the text ; or possibly there were two 
of the name ; or the writer may have meant to convey the 
thought that Philip's devotion to one thought caused him 
to take sometimes one and sometimes another position 
upon all other subjects, and so to be in fact two men ; one 
or another according to circumstances. 

Ver. 29. One Isaiah. This Isaiah seems to have been 
a man of great sanctity and wisdom ; else why should St. 
Benjamin deem it necessary to explain that he was not the 
prophet.? Isaiah's probable possession of these traits of 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 23 

him that he should no more teach such pesti- 
lent doctrine. And having his band of Ham- 
merites with him, he knocked Philip down, 
and thrust him from the pulpit wherein he was 
speaking, and drave him out of the Tabernacle. 

30. Now this was the first ministration of the 
new gospel of peace. But as yet it was not 
preached ; for it had no apostle. 

31. But in process of time the ministers of 
Belial turned the hearts of many men, even of 
them which called themselves Dimmichrats, to 
iniquity ; and they all began to say that the 
strength of the great nation of Unculpsalm 
should not be used to oppress the Niggah ; de- 
claring, in the wickedness of their imaginations 
and the hardness of their hearts, that whatso- 
ever the pjeople of Unculpsalm would that 
others should do to them, even so they should 
do to others, even unto Niggahs. 

32. But they had respect unto the Great 
Covenant, and sought not to set the Niggahs 
free ; and they returned unto the men of the 
South the Niggahs that fled from their prov- 
inces, according to the Great Covenant. 

33. Moreover the men of the North made 
soft answers unto the men of the South, and 

character, joined, it is true, to identity of name, are the 
only support for the fancy that there is some likeness be- 
tween this personage and Mr. Rynders, the leader of that 
band of worthies, the Empire Club. 



24 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

strove to turn away their wrath, and to live 
with them as brethren. For though they 
feared them not, neither hated them, they did 
fear that they would destroy the nation. 

34. And the Tshivulree of the South saw 
that the men of the North feared their threats ; 
and they waxed bolder and said. We will not 
only keep our Niggahs in our own provinces, 
but we will take them into all the country of 
Unculpsalm, which is not yet divided into 
provinces. And they went roaring up and 
down the land. 

35. But in process of time it came to pass 
that the spirit of their forefathers appeared 
among the men of the North, even the great 
spirit Bak Bohn ; and he stiffened up the peo- 
ple mightily. 

36. So that they said unto the men of the 
South, Hear us, our brethren ! We would 
live with you in peace, and love you, and re- 
spect the Great Covenant. And the Niggahs 
in your provinces ye shall keep, and slay, and 
sell, they and the children which ye begat of 
them, into slavery, for bondmen and bond- 
women forever. Yours be the sin before the 
Lord, not ours ; for it is your doing, and we 
are not answerable for it. And 3'Our Niggahs 
that flee from your provinces they shall be re- 
turned unto you, according to the Great Cove- 
nant. Only take care lest peradventure ye 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 25 

make captives the Niggahs of our provinces 
which we have made free men. Ye shall in 
no wise take a Niggah of them. 

37. Thus shall it be with your Niggahs and 
in your provinces, and yours shall be the blame 
forever. But out of your provinces, into the 
common land of Unculpsalm, ye shall not 
carry your Niggahs except they be made 
thereby free. For that land is common, and 
your laws and the statutes of your provinces, 
by which alone ye make bondmen, run not in 
that land. And for all that is done in that land 
we must bear the blame with you. For that 
land is common ; and we share whatever is 
done therein ; and the power of this nation and 
the might of its banner shall no longer be used 
to oppress the lowly and to fasten the chain 
upon the captive. Keep ye then your bond- 
men within your own provinces. 

38. Then the Tshivulree of the South waxed 
wroth, and foamed in their anger, and the air 
of the land was filled with their cursings and 
their revilings. And certain of them which 
were men of blood, and which were possessed 
of devils, and had difficulties, and slew each 

Ver. 38. The word here translated difficulties had a pe- 
culiar signification among this strange people. It means a 
certain sort of human sacrifice or blood-shedding, some- 
times accompanied with death, sometimes only with maim- 
ing. There was a prelude to it, of a purely verbal nature, 
the name of which must needs be translated misunder- 
3 



26 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

other with knives and shooting irons, did noth- 
ing all their time but rave through the land 
about the Niggah. 

39. Now these men were the forerunners 
of him that preached the new gospel of peace, 
and prepared the way before him. Wherefore 
they were called Phiretahs. 

40. And it came to pass that one of the 
Phiretahs, whose name was Prestenbruux, was 
wroth with Charles, who was surnamed the 
Summoner, who was one of the chief law- 
givers of the land of Unculpsalm, and also one 
of the men of Belial, who taught iniquity, say- 
ing. Whatsoever ye would that men should do 

standing. Sometimes a misunderstanding was brought to a 
close by a libation — in the Phiretah dialect a likkeri)mup^ 
or, according to some authors, a likkerinrowyid; — the drink- 
offering being poured down the throats of the assembly with 
expressions of mutual respect in honor of the event; but if 
not, it proceeded to its second stage, which was called diffi- 
culty. In this each party to the previous misunderstanding 
sought to sacrifice the other, to appease some imaginary 
deity who was believed to delight in human sacrifices. 
The sacrifice was sometimes performed with the knife, 
sometimes with the shooting-iron. Strange to say, each 
party sought to honor this imaginary deity, to whose ser- 
vice he professed to be devoted, by being the sacrificer 
rather than the sacrificed. Unless, therefore, one party or 
the other attained this purpose by concealing his shooting- 
iron beneath his raiment, and shooting through it with en- 
tire indifference to the cost of his apparel (in the original, 
dha77ithex fentz) a struggle ensued which had not the pe- 
culiar decorum and solemnity becoming a religious cere- 
mony. It is particularly worthy of notice that the diffi- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 2*] 

to you do ye even so to them, even unto Nig- 
gahs. 

41 . For Charles the Summoner had declared 
that it was not lawful for the men of the South 
to take their Niggahs out of their own prov- 
inces. And thus it was that Prestenbruux was 
offended in him. 

42. Wherefore Prestenbruux took unto him- 
self other Phiretahs, and he sought Charles the 
Summoner, and found him alone at a table, 
writing in the great hall of Unculpsalm. And 
he came upon him unawares, and he smote 
him and beat him to the ground, so that he 
was nigh unto death. 

43. And this was the second ministration of 
the new gospel of peace. But even now it was 
not preached, for it had yet no apostle. 

44. And after these things, James, whose 
surname being interpreted meaneth Facing- 
both-ways, ruled in the land of Unculpsalm. 

cultj and the likkerinnup were peculiar to the Phiretahs, 
and were unknown to the langkies, and throughout the 
region north of the border of Masunandicsun, except 
among the Pahdees, who were strangers within the gates 
of Gotham. 



28 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER IV. 

I. The cJioice of Abraham the Honest. lO. The Phiretahs 
rebel against him. 14. Compromise. 17. The Phi- 
retahs xv ill have no more Cojnpromise. \%. Ken Edee 
and Robert of Jahrji. 23. Phertianditvtid compro- 
tnisetk unto Robert. 24. The men of the North -wax 
"wroth. 



NOW the time drew nigh when James 
should cease to rule in the land of Un- 
culpsalm. 

2. And the men of the North, save the Dim- 
michrats, among whom were the Pahdees, 
strove to have Abraham, who was surnamed 
the honest, made ruler in the place of James 
Facing-both-way s . 

3. But the Phiretahs of the South said, Let 
us choose, and let the voices be numbered, and 
if our man be chosen, it is well, but if Abra- 
ham, we will destroy the nation. 

4. But the men of the North believed them 
not, because of the Great Covenant, and be- % 
cause they trusted them to be of good faith in 
this matter. For among the men of the North, 
even those who lived by casting lots for gold 
stood by the lot when it was cast. And the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 29 

men of the North beheved not that men of 
their own blood, whose sons were married unto 
their daughters, and whose daughters unto their 
sons, would faithlessly do this thing which they 
threatened. 

5 . But the men of the North knew not how 
the Niggah had driven out all other thoughts 
from the hearts of the men of the South, even 
so that they would violate the Great Covenant, 
and set at naught the election according there- 
unto if it went against them. 

6. And there were throughout the provinces 
of the land of Unculpsalm at the North great 
multitudes, Dimmichrats, of whom were the 
Pahdees, who were friends of the Phiretahs of 
the South, and wished them well, and labored 
with them ; for they said. It is because that we 
are allied to the men of the South, and by rea- 
son of the everlasting Niggah, that we rule the 
land. 

7. But they deceived themselves ; for it was 
the Phiretahs which ruled the land, using the 

Ver. 7. The Phiretahs used the Dimmichrats and brought 
these their creatures and servants to think, as they them- 
selves did, only of the everlasting Niggah. It becomes us to 
take warning from this example. To have only one thought 
tends to edification in regard to that thought only, but to 
destruction in regard to all other interests. The Phiretahs 
were ready to sacrifice their country to one thought, and 
they went to destruction ; the Dimmichrats were ready to 
sacrifice their own self-respect and the honor of their country 
3* 



30 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Dimmichrats, and by the one thought of the 
everlasting Niggah. 

8. Yet it came to pass that when the voices 
of the people were numbered, according to the 
Great Covenant, Abraham was chosen. 

9. Then the Phiretahs of the South began 
to do as they had threatened ; and they gath- 
ered together in their provinces, and said. Our 
provinces shall no longer be a part of the land 
of Unculpsalm, for we will not have this man 
Abraham to rule over us. 

10. Yet were there men of the South, a 
great multitude, among whom was Stephen, of 
Jahrji, who said. Not so : Why will ye do this 
great wickedness and destroy the nation ? It is 
right for us to respect the Great Covenant. If 
the man who had our voices had been chosen, 
the men of the North would have received 
him, and obeyed him as the chief ruler in the 
land of Unculpsalm ; and it is meet and right 
that we should do likewise, even according to 
the Great Covenant. Moreover, we have suf- 
fered no wrong at the hands of the new rulers ; 



to one purpose, the determination to rule, and they also were 
destroyed. This history breaks off leaving the party that 
destroyed the Phiretahs and the Dimmichrats in possession 
of the government, — a great loss to posterity. It would 
have been interesting and instructive to learn whether this 
party took warning from the fate of its predecessors, or 
gave itself also up to one idea, and was destroyed in turn. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 3I 

and the old were men of our own choosing. 
Will ye make this land like unto Mecsicho? 

11. But the Phiretahs would not hearken 
unto these men, and went on their way, and 
beat some of them, and hanged others, and 
threatened noisily, and gathering unto them 
all the people of the baser sort, and inflaming 
them with hate and strong drink, they set up 
a rule of terror throughout their provinces. 
For the Phiretahs were men of blood. So the 
Phiretahs prevailed over the men who would 
have respected the Great Covenant. 

12. And the men of the North, both they 
who had given their voices for Abraham and 
they who had given their voices with the men 
of the South against him, were amazed and 
stood astounded. And they said among them- 
selves. This is vain boasting and vaunting, 
such as we have seen aforetime, done for the 
sake of more compromise. 

13. (Now in the land of Unculpsalm, when 
a man humbled himself before another which 
threatened him, he was said to compromise.) 

14. And the Dimmichrats, save those who 
had hearkened unto the ministers of Belial, 
said, Let us compromise ourselves again unto 
our Southern brethren, and it shall be well with 
us. 

15. For they said among themselves. If the 
men of the South go, they and their provinces, 



32 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

thei e will be no more everlasting Niggah ; and 
we shall cease to rule the land. And if they 
go not, behold, then they will remember that 
we have compromised unto them, and they will 
again be gracious unto their servants, and will 
admit us unto a share in the government, and 
we shall rule the land as aforetime. 

1 6. But the Phiretahs were wise in their 
generation, and they saw that the Dimmichrats 
were of no more use unto them, and that be- 
cause the men of Belial had prevailed against 
the Dimmichrats, their power was gone in their 
provinces ; and so, as they could no more use 
the Dimmichrats, they would not listen to 
them, and spurned their compromising, and 
spat upon it, and went on to destroy the nation, 
and prepared to make war against Abraham if 
he should begin to rule over them. 

17. Now in those days there was a man in 
Gotham named Ken Edee, who was chief cap- 
tain of the v/atchmen of the city and the region 
round about ; and in Jahrji was a man named 
Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, and who 
was possessed of an evil spirit whose name 
was Blustah. And Robert was a Phiretah. 

18. And Ken Edee, chief captain of the 
watch in Gotham, found arms going from 
Gotham to the Phiretahs in Jahrji, and he 
seized them. For he said, Lest they be used 
to destroy the nation, and against the Great 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 33 

Covenant, which is the supreme law in the 
land of Unculpsalm, to which first belongeth 
my obedience. 

19. Then Robert, who dwelt among the 
tombs, being seized upon by his demon Blus- 
tah, sent a threatening message unto Phernan- 
diwud. 

20. (For at this time Phernandiwud was 
chief ruler in the city of Gotham.) 

21. Saying, Wherefore keep ye the arms of 
the Phiretahs? Give them unto us that we 
may make war against you, or it shall be the 
worse for you. 

22. Then Phernandiwud, because he hated 
the chief of the watchmen of Gotham, and 
because he hoped for the good success of the 
Phiretahs, compromised himself unto Robert, 
and crawled on his belly before him in the 
dust, and said, Is thy servant a man that he 
should do this thing? Thy servant kept no 
arms, neither would he do so. Let them who 
have the evil spirit Bak Bohn do thus unto my 
lords the Phiretahs. Behold, thy servant is no 
man, but a Phlunkee. 

23. (Now the Phlunkees were men who 
had never had the spirit Bak Bohn, or who 
had had it cast out of them, because when 
they would have prostrated themselves and 
humbled themselves in the dust and compro- 
mised to their profit, the spirit rent them sore. 



34 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

So they had each of them his Bak Bohn cast 
out of him.) 

24. And the Phiretahs went on their way 
without hindrance. For James, by facing both 
ways, faced neither ; and by both the men of 
the South and the men of the North he was 
not regarded. And the nation spued him out 
of its mouth. 

25. And Abraham ruled the land. But the 
Phiretahs withstood him, and made war upon 
him, and drove his captains out of the strong- 
holds which were in their provinces, and hum- 
bled the banner of Unculpsalm. 

26. Then all the men of the North, even 
the Dimmichrats, of whom were the Pahdees, 
were exceeding wroth ; and they rose up against 
the Phiretahs of the South, and marched 
against them to drive them out of the strong 
places which they had seized, and to plant 
thereon again the banner of Unculpsalm. 

27. For they all had exceeding reverence 
for the Great Covenant, and they were filled 
with pride of their nation, and of the might, 
and the wealth, and the vastness thereof, and 
chiefly that their people were more free than 
any other people, and that the tillers of the soil 
and the wayfaring men of that land could read 
and understand, and that there each man sat 
under his own vine and under his own fig tree 
with none to molest him or make him afraid. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 35 

And they worshipped the banner of Uncul- 
psalm, and its folds were unto them as the 
wings of a ministering angel. 

28. Moreover, the Dimmichrats said, We 
have striven for our brethren of the South 
against the men of Belial, who teach that it is 
wrong to oppress the Niggah by the power of 
Unculpsalm, and now they can no longer use us 
they cast us off. Behold, we will fight against 
them, lest, also, they make good their threats, 
and sever their provinces from our provinces, 
and there be no more everlasting Niggah, and 
our occupation be departed forever. 

29. And thus it came to pass that there was 
war in the land of Unculpsalm. 



36 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER V. 

1. The Men of Gotham assemble. 2. Having each a Bak 
Bohn. 3. And Phernandiwud getteth a Bak Bolin, 
5. And sfeaketh to the People. 8. Benjamin the Scribe 
goeth not to the Assembly^ but remaineth at home, 
mourning, i'^. His policy and his prosperity. iS. The 
War continueth for two years. 19. And -why. 26. The 
Rulers of jfonbool help the Phiretahs. 



NOW, when the news came that the Phi- 
retahs of the South with five thousand 
men, even a great multitude, had driven one of 
the captains of Unculpsahn with a band of 
ninety out of his stronghold, and when a proc- 
lamation of Abraham was spread abroad, call- 
ing on the men of Unculpsalm for the defence 
of their nation, and the retaking of its strong- 
holds, and the setting up of its banner which 
had been cast down, the men of Gotham 
gathered themselves together in an open place 
before the world. And Phernandiwud came 
also among them. 

2. And each man that day out of whom had 
been cast the spirit Bak Bohn, took to himself 
another worse than the first. And it seemed 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 37 

that day that in all Gotham there was not one 
Phlunkee. 

3. And Phernandiwud saw this. So he also 
straightway took to himself a Bak Bohn. 

4. For he said, Lest they also declare that I 
shall no longer be chief ruler of the city. 

5. And many men of Gotham spake unto 
the people. Phernandiwud also lifted up his 
voice and said, Hear, O men of Unculpsalm ! 
give ear, O men of Gotham ! The rulers of 
this land of Unculpsalm chosen according to 
the Great Covenant have been defied. The 
Great Covenant itself hath been set at naught. 
The banner of Unculpsalm hath been cast 
down. The men of the South begin to make 
good their threatening that they would destroy 
this nation. 

6. But I say unto you, in the words of the 
great ruler Jah Xunn, This nation must and shall 
be preserved, peaceably if we can, forcibly if 
we must. And let us have a strong rule and a 
government before which all men shall bow, 
that we may do this thing as becometh a great 

Ver. 3. Tool' to himself a Bak BoJm. The scholiast sug- 
gests that this passage is corrupt, and that we should read 
fshanibak bohn. Who this scholiast is I do not know, al- 
though like other commentators I designate him bj the 
definite article. From the number of manuscripts of dif- 
ferent ages upon which his annotations are said to exist he 
must have been a very industrious and a very long-lived 
person. See note A at the end of this book. 
4 



38 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

nation. For I have said always aforetime, as 
ye can bear me witness, Let us strengthen the 
hands of the chief rulers, being myself chief 
ruler of this city. Hear therefore my pledge 
unto you this day: I throw myself wholly into 
this strife, with all my power and with all my 
might. 

7. Now there were men who noted that 
Phernandiwud pledged himself with all his 
power and with all his might, but not with all 
his sovil. And they said, It is because he hath 
sold his soul unto the mighty spirit Sathanas, 
that he should help him. And others said. 
Not so ; for he had no soul to sell. But these 
were scoffers and men of Belial. 

8. But Benjamin, the brother of Phernandi- 
wud, even Benjamin the scribe, came not into 

Ver. 8. Benjamin, the brother of Phernandiwud, emulat- 
ing the meekness of Moses, the modesty of Xenophon, and 
the simple directness of Caesar, keeps himself in the back- 
ground of his narrative, although it is plain that he took 
an active interest in the events which he describes. But 
when it is necessary for him to speak of himself he does it 
without hesitation or reserve. He probably remembered 
the " 'Hv (5e rig h rrj oTpaTid '^evo^uv 'A07]valog," of the Ana- 
basis and the lofty superiority to fame with which Cresar 
is spoken of in the commentaries. (For St. Benjamin pro- 
bably did not live more than eighteen centuries ago). In 
the above passage he shows clearly to which faction he be- 
longed : it was to the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmi- 
chrats — the men who lived in constant dread lest the 
everlasting Niggah should cease to exist in the land of 
Unculpsalm. He seems to have been sullen and obstinate j 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 39 

the congregation of the people, but remained 
at home in his house, exceeding wroth and very 
sorrowful. For he said. Behold this people is 
given over to the spirit Bak Bohn, and into the 
hands of the men of Belial, who teach that the 
power of Unculpsalm, and the might of the 
banner of Unculpsalm, may not be used to 
oppress the Niggah. And this people will no 
more compromise itself before the men of the 
South ; and there will be no more Phlunkees, 
and the everlasting Niggah shall cease from 
off the land. And he wept him sore ; and 
cried out aloud. The sceptre hath departed from 
the Dimmichrats, and the glory from the tents 
of Tahmunee ! 

9. And he wrote against the people of the 
North ; and sought to exorcise the might}^ spirit 
Bak Bohn, and to cast it out of them. But he 
could not. 

10. Now Benjamin the scribe was also a just 
man, and a righteous, and walked uprightly 
before the law. 

11. For the law said. Thou shalt not live by 
casting lots for gold. For he who liveth by 
casting lots for gold deceiveth the foolish man 

but his high respect for law and his rigid abstinence from 
any act which would send him to prison must command 
our admiration ; and it was probably on account of this 
fine trait of character that by the voice of the Pahdecs he 
was made a lawgiver in the land of Unculpsalm. 



40 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

to his hurt, and defraudeth the widow and the 
fatherless. It is an abomination. And he 
that Hveth by casting lots for gold shall be 
guilty and shall be cast into prison. 

12. Wherefore Benjamin, being a just man 
and a righteous, said, I will not live by casting 
lots for gold. Far be it from me to do this 
thing which is unlawful, and which will get me 
into prison. But I will sell policies ; and this 
shall be the craft by which I will live. 

13. For what saith the prophet Daniel (not 
Sickles)? " And through his policy also shall 
he cause craft to prosper in his hand ; and he 
shall magnify himself in his heart." 

14. For Benjamin also searched the Scrip- 
ture, saying : Peradventure I may find therein 
something to my advantage. 

15. Wherefore Benjamin the scribe, through 
his policies, caused craft to prosper in his hand, 
and magnified himself in his heart. 

16. And he said within himself, I will be a 
lawgiver in the land of Unculpsalm, even for 
the men of Gotham. Wherefore, he also made 
unto himself friends among the Pahdees ; and 
he became a lawgiver in the land. 

17. But the men of Gotham cast out Pher- 
nandiwud from his office of chief ruler of the 
city; because they remembered that he had 
compromised upon his belly to Robert who 
dwelt among the tombs, and had eaten dirt 



I 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 4I 

before him. Also that he had said, let us take 
our city out of the nation. So they put no trust 
in him. 

18. Now so it was that after the space of 
nearly two years the war which was in the 
land of Unculpsalm came not to an end. 

19. For the men of the North and the men 
of the South were of one blood ; and both were 
valiant. And the men of the North were more 
in number than the men of the South. But the 
men of the South multiplied themselves because 
of their Niggahs. For their Niggahs went not 
to war, but stayed at home to till the soil. 
Moreover they were fighting upon their own 
ground ; and much of their land was mire and 
marshes, desert land and wilderness, through 
which the armies of Unculpsalm wandered 
vainly, and where they stuck fast. And the 
men of the South cast up mounds upon their 
roads, and before their cities, and made strong 
their high places with towers. And their land 
was filled with strong places, and with men of 
war and engines of war, such as the men of 
the North looked not to see in that land. 

20. For the men of the South were astonished 
when the men of the North marched against 
them ; because the men of the North had so 
often compromised themselves unto them, that 
they thought they were all Phlunkees, and that 
the spirit Bak Bohn had been utterly cast out 



42 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

of them. And without that spirit men cannot 
fight. 

21. Wherefore, the men of the South which 
had Niggahs, even the Tshivulree and the 
Phiretahs, seeing that their case was desperate, 
forced all the men of their country into their 
armies, and took the men which had respect 
unto the government of Unculpsalm, according 
to the Great Covenant, and loved the banner 
of Unculpsalm and would not fight against it, 
and they cast them into pits and into dungeons, 
and scourged them, and hanged them upon 
trees, after their manner. And being men of 
blood, and seeing that their case was desper- 
ate, they made it a terror to live in their coun- 
try except unto them that professed to desire 
that the nation might be destroyed. So 
all men either professed to desire it, or held 
their peace. 

22. But in the land of the men of the North 
no man was molested. And men of the South 
dwelt there, and were spies and helpers unto 
their brethren. And men of the North, men 
of peace, which also were Phlunkees, helped 
their masters the Tshivulree and the Phi- 
retahs. 

23. And the men of the South had among 
them great captains ; men of might and wis- 
dom in battle. And they chose to be ruler 
over them Jeph, surnamed the Repudiator. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 43 

24. (Now among the men of Unculpsalm, 
when a man would neither pay the debt that 
he owed, nor acknowledge it and ask it to be 
forgiven him, he was called a repudiator.) 

25. And Jeph had been captain over a thou- 
sand in the armies of Unculpsalm when they 
went into Mecsicho, and had also been one of 
the great Council : and he was a bold" man, 
and a crafty, one who knew neither fear nor 
scruple. 

26. Moreover, the men of the South were 
helped mightily from beyond the sea, even by 
the men of the kingdom of Jonbool, from which 
their land was wrested by the forefathers of the 
men of Unculpsalm. 

27. Yet the men of Unculpsalm would have 
loved the men of that nation, even as a son lov- 
eth his mother which bore him. But the no- 
bles and the rich men of Jonbool scorned the 
men of Unculpsalm, and would none of their 
affection, and made light of their honor. 

28. For the men of Unculpsalm had forgiven 
the men of Jonbool their oppression and their 

Ver. 28. And got thereby gold and honor in the land of 
Jo7ibool. The reader need hardly be informed that there 
is no such country now known as the land of Jonbool. Its 
very name is lost in oblivion. But some persons have 
strangely supposed that Great Britain was prefigured in 
this land of Jonbool. How vain this supposition is, the 
passage now before us shows. For what candor and what 
courtesy have not distinguished the comments of British 



44 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

scorn, and had shown then* Prince great honor ; 
but the men who governed that nation had not 
forgiven the men of Unculpsalm their victory 
when they wrested that land from the kingdom 
of Jonbool. And the prosperity and the glory 
of that land was an offence unto them. And 
certain of their scribes, which also were Phlun- 
kees, wrote scornfully against the land of Un- 
culpsalm, and bore false witness against it from 
generation to generation, and got thereby gold 
and honor in the land of Jonbool. 

29. Wherefore, when the Tshivulree and the 
Phiretahs lifted up the standard of revolt, the 
rulers of the land of Jonbool said one to 
another, 

30. Lo, the time for which we have waited 
without hope draweth nigh ; and the land of 
Unculpsalm may be divided, and the nation 
destroyed, and the pride of the people cast 

travellers upon other nations ! The accusation that abuse 
of another and a kindred people brought gain to the writer 
in the land of Jonbool, shows clearly that Great Britain 
could not have been foreshadowed. It is true that Mr. 
Dickens, when he had no thought of coming to this coun- 
try, made old Mr. Weller counsel his son to send Mr. Pick- 
wick to America, and then " let him come back and write 
a book about the 'Merrikins, as 'ill pay all his expenses, 
and more, if he bloivs 'ejn up enough : " and that he him- 
self some years after followed this advice, and found it 
good. But this, we all know, was a mere freak of fortune, 
— a striking exception to the common rule with British 
travellers and the British public. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 45 

down. And the might of their power shall be 
broken, and the glory of that land shall no 
longer be an offence unto us ; and we shall be 
avenged without peril and without cost. 

31. Likewise, also, said the nobles and the 
great men of other lands, where the few de- 
voured the substance of the many. 

32. So the rulers of the land of Jonbool 
made proclamation to all the earth, that in that 
war they would regard the men of the South 
which had revolted even as they regarded the 
rulers of the land chosen according to the Great 
Covenant. For they said. Thus shall we en- 
courage them, and give aid to them ; and it 
shall cost us nothing : and after this they will 
be more ashamed to submit themselves unto 
the law which they have broken, and to the 
rulers which they have defied. 

33. And the nobles and the merchants of 
that land, which aforetime had cursed and re- 
viled the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, and 
had imputed the deeds which were theirs only 
unto all the men of Unculpsalm, said Amen. 

34. And the merchants of Jonbool sent the 
Phiretahs merchandise, and the armorers made 
them arms, and the ship-men builded them 

Ver. 32. Note here the subtlety, the craftiness, and the 
self-seeking of the ruling men in Jonbool. Observe, too, 
their end, as it hereafter appears in this truthful and in- 
structive history. 



46 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

ships, swifl and mighty, wherewith to destroy 
the ships of the men of the North. For they 
said, thus shall we be avenged, and turn, also, 
every man, an honest penny. State-craft and 
business shall prosper together, and profit shall 
go hand in hand with pleasure. 

35. And thus was the rebellion strengthened 
in the land of Unculpsalm ; so that although 
the armies of Unculpsalm drove the men of the 
South out of much country where they had set 
up their banners, and captured many of their 
chief cities, and held all that they had taken, 
yet after two years were not their armies scat- 
tered or destroyed, or their ships which the 
men of Jonbool had builded for them, driven 
from the sea. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 47 



CHAPTER VI. 

I. Abraham a7id his Coufisellors not wise in their ge7iera- 
tion. 6. Which is well pleasing to certain Dimmichrats. 
10. Who seek to work confusion. 12. And to compro- 
mise themselves unto the Phiretahs. 13. And do com- 
promise themselves unto the Ambassador of Jojibool. 
16. Who is crafty and turneth neither to the right nor 
to the wrong. 17. The wrath of the men of the North. 
21. The sect of Peace Men. 25. The House of Hi- 
ram the Publican. 27. A Woman of the Phiretahs. 
29. Samuel seeketh her and mi?iistereth unto her. 
31. Abraham ministereth occasion utito the Peace Men. 
35. They have a martyr. 

NOW Abraham was honest; but he was 
not wise in his generation. 
2. Likewise also of the chief counsellors that 
he appointed that one that was counsellor for 
the war wrought only mischief and confusion ; 
even so that Abraham, who was long-suffering 

Ver. I. This Abraham seems to have been one of those 
men who without great capacity, or even the ability to 
make a great effort, yet by simplicity of character, honesty, 
singleness of purpose, sagacity, and ready sympathy, ob- 
tain a moral power which many men more highly gifted 
find out of their reach. The langkies seem to have un- 
derrated him as much in the early part of this great war as 
they seem to have overrated him at the time of its trium- 
phant close. 



48 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and slow to anger, would sometimes put down 
his foot in wrath. 

3. Now Abraham's foot was heavy, but his 
head was light, and his knees were feeble. So 
his foot came down in the wrong place, or at 
the wrong time, or else it continued not down 
until the end was accomplished. 

4. Wherefore he prevailed not. And he 
was called Abraham the well-meaning. And 
men pitied him. 

5. And Abraham and his counsellors should 
have ruled with a firm hand and a mighty arm, 
and have bound the land together with bands 
of steel, and have smitten down the strong and 
set at naught the proud, and been gracious unto 
the feeble. But they wavered, and shrank from 
the voice of threatening, both in their own land 
and in the land of Jonbool. 

6., And this was well pleasing imto certain 
men of the Dimmichrats. For they said in 
their hearts. If this nation can be saved by the 
rule of the Dimmichrats of our faction, let it 
be saved ; but if not, let it perish, and let us 
rule in our own provinces. 

7. But they said not this openly; for they 
feared the people. 

8. For in all this time the hearts of the men 
of the North failed them not in their wickedness, 
neither did they alter in their purpose to save 
their nation from destruction. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 49 

9. And of the Dimmichrats it was only they 
who were faithful to their masters the Tshiv- 
ulree and the Phiretahs, and who were meek 
and lowly, and who sought to compromise unto 
them, and crawl on their beUies before them, 
which was well fitting for them to do, and to 
say unto them. What would our masters have? 
and what shall their servants do that they may 
be gracious unto their servants, and allow them 
a little share in the ruling of this land ? — it 
was these only among the Dimmichrats who 
were well pleased because Abraham and his 
counsellors prevailed not. 

10. And these men held not up the hands of 
Abraham their ruler, but sought occasion to 
prevent his purposes and to bring his counsels 
to confusion, and his doings to naught. 

11. And when Abraham's foot came down 
in the wrong place, or continued not down 
until the end was accomplished, and men's 
hearts were sick with disappointment, they 
sought to turn them in favor of Jeph the Re- 
pudiator and his counsellors. 

12. And they said, Let us not have war with 
our masters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs ; 
but let us compromise unto them, and crawl on 
our bellies before them, even as we did afore- 
time ; for it is meet and right and a pleasant 
thing to be humble. 



50 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

13. And they sent messengers unto the 
Tshivuh-ee and the Phh-etahs, saying these 
things ; and their scribes wrote them in books 
by night and sent them out unto the people by 
day. But the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs 
spurned them ; for now that they could no more 
use them, they looked at them with loathing. 

14. Likewise also some of them went privily 
to the ambassador of the land of Jonbool, even 
that land which sought the destruction of the 
nation of Unculpsalm. 

15. And they said unto him, Let us take 
counsel together that we may bring about this 
great end, the ceasing of the war without the 
putting down of the rebellion. 

16. But he was crafty and answered them 
nothing. And he wrote letters unto the rulers 
of his land, saying, I will watch faithfully, and 

Ver. 13. Their scribes xvrote them in boohs. What these 
books were seems to be beyond the reach of conjecture. 
There is no other mention of anything of the kind in an- 
cient oriental literature ; neither can any trace of such 
writings be found in the East of the present day. That 
frivolous critic, Robinson, whose weak surmises are almost 
unworthy of notice, says that obviously these books were 
the writings called Gnuzepaypahs. Granted ; but the ques- 
tion still remains : What were the Gnuzepaypahs ? Here 
even the ingenuity of that learned critic, Dr. Hobvius Trite, 
is at fault. But as these books treated of the gravest polit- 
ical and moral questions, and yet were written at night and 
spread abroad in the morning, they must have been very 
weak and ill-considered works. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 5 1 

I will turn aside neither to the right nor to the 
wrong, going which way it may be needful, if 
it leadeth to our profit. So shall I show my- 
self worthy to be a ruler and a noble in the 
land of Jonbool. 

17. Now when this letter was noised abroad 
in the land of Unculpsalm, the men of the 
North were incensed, and the fire of their an- 
ger was hot against the Dimmichrats that called 
themselves Peace men. For upon this matter 
the men of Belial, and the Dimmichrats which 
were not Peace men, and the Pahdees, were of 
one mind. 

18. And they said. Who is it that hath dared 
thus to humble this nation ? Let him come out 
before us. And no man answered. 

19. For they which had done it saw that 
they could not stand before the people and live. 
Yet still they said in their hearts, If this nation 
can be saved by the rule of the Dimmichrats 
of our faction, let it be saved ; but if not, let 
it perish, and let us rule in our own provinces. 
For now they had but one thought ; not how 
the rebelhous Tshivulree and Phiretahs might 
be subdued and compelled again to their obe- 
dience, but how they might again rule the 
land and divide the spoil, and have again their 
everlasting Niggah. 

20. Wherefore they cried aloud for war, but 
labored in secret to bring the war to naught, 



52 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and to tiirn the minds of the people to peace, 
that they might compromise unto the Phiretahs 
as they did aforetime. And they watched for 
their occasion. 

21. Now the chiefs of this sect in Gotham 
were these : 

■ 22. Phernandiwud, who had been chief ruler 
of the city, and Benjamin his brother ; James 
the scribe, which knew nothing, and Erastus 
his brother; Samuel, who was rich in butter; 
Hiram the publican, who was also a sinner, 
and Elijah, who smelled the battle afar in the 
tents of Tahmunee ; Cyrus (not he that was 
taught to ride, to shoot the bow, and to speak 
the truth, yet did this Cyrus shoot with a longer 
bow than the other) ; Primus the scribe, whose 
beard was like Aaron's, and who dwelt among 
the merchants ; Samuel, who made the light- 
nings of heaven his messengers ; Ker Tiss, 
who wrote concerning the Great Covenant; 
Isaiah, who was a captain of the Hammerites ; 
Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmayd, and 
whose fathers ate hasty-pudding ; and Augustus 

Ver. 22. Excepting Phernandiwud and one or two others 
whose names occur hereafter in this immortal work, the 
persons mentioned in this passage as chiefs of the sect of 
the Peace men among the Dimmichrats, although they 
may have been of some consequence at that day and in 
that party, appear to have been of so little importance that 
they soon faded from the memory of the people of Gotham. 
As to this passage, see p. of the Preface. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 53 

the money-changer, who aforetime was called 
Schomberg. 

23. Now the others were Gentiles, but Au- 
gustus was of the circumcision. 

24. And all these men served diligently their 
master, who was Jeph the Repudiator. And 
many of them were Scribes, but all of them 
were Pharisees ; for they held to the letter of 
the law, but knew not its spirit. And they 
taught, like them of old, concerning the Sab- 
bath, that the nation was made for the Great 
Covenant, and not the Great Covenant for the 
nation. 

25. And the inn of Hiram, which before the 
war began in the land of Unculpsalm had been 
filled with Tshivulree and Phiretahs, and with 
Phlunkees compromising themselves unto their 
masters the Phiretahs, and crawling upon their 
bellies before them, became now the chief place 
of resort for them that still served the Tshiv- 
ulree and labored to prosper the rebellion. 
There they gathered themselves together and 
craftily imagined in secret how they might en- 
snare the rulers of Unculpsalm, and rejoiced 
openly when the banner of the Phiretahs pre- 
vailed against the banner of Unculpsalm. So 
did the inn of Hiram become the synagogue 
of rebellion. 

26. Now this inn was one of the great inns 
of Gotham, and was called by the name of 



54 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the city; and it stood upon the street which 
was called Broad, nigh unto the place which is 
called the place of the rent foundation. 

27. And there came a woman of the Phi- 
retahs into Gotham. And she was married ; 
yet was her husband not with her. And she 
was comely and fair to look upon. 

28. And it was told unto the rulers of Uncul- 
psalm, Behold, this woman of the Phiretahs 
Cometh to spy out the nakedness of the land. 
Wherefore the rulers sent a message unto Ken 
Edee, chief of the watchmen of Gotham, that 
he should take her and put her in ward. And 
he did so. 

29. Now when Samuel, whose surname was 
Brinnzmayd, heard that Ken Edee had taken 
a woman of the Phiretahs and put her in ward, 
he went to her ; and when he saw that her hus- 
band was not with her, and that she was comely 
and fair to look upon, and that she had come 
to spy out the nakedness of the land, he suc- 
cored her and ministered unto her. And he 
caused Ken Edee to take her out of ward ; and 
when he had kept her in Gotham for awhile, 
that she might be comforted and see the naked- 

Ver. 28. This Samuel, like Scipio Africanus, Manlius 
Torquatus, and Coriolanus, seems to have derived his sur- 
name from his exploits ; and Brinnzmayd seems to have 
been the name of the Phiretah-woman whose champion he 
made himself. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 55 

ness of the land, he sent her back into the land 
of Tshivulree. 

30. So all these men, and many others which 
followed them, did nothing else night and day 
but strive to get the land again into the hands 
of their faction that they might serve their mas- 
ter Jeph the Repudiator, and compromise unto 
him, and preserve their everlasting Niggah. 

31. Now while they were waiting their oc- 
casion, Abraham himself ministered it unto 
them. For one of the captains in the army 
of Unculpsalm took Clement, a lawgiver, be- 
cause he had said that Abraham was a usurper 
and a tyrant, in that he resisted Jeph the Re- 
pudiator, and had sought to diminish the armies 
of Unculpsalm, and cast him into prison ; and 
to a scribe which did likewise, the captain sent 
armed men that stood over him with drawn 
swords, saying. Ye shall no longer thus stir up 
the people to sedition. 

32. And immediately the chief men of the 
Dimmichrats throughout the land raised a great 
uproar, for they said, Now cometh our oppor- 
tunity. 

33. For there was a law in the land of Un- 
culpsalm that every man might speak and write 
freely all the promptings of his heart, so that 
he slandered not his neighbor, and that no man 
should be cast into prison save by a judge, 
when he had been condemned by twelve good 



56 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

men of his province. And the people of the 
land of Unculpsalm regarded this law above all 
their other laws ; and it was a part of the Great 
Covenant and of the Great Charter of the lib- 
erties of that people. 

34. But it was written in the Great Covenant 
that in times of sedition, privy conspiracy, and 
rebellion, this law should cease and be of no 
effect, for the safety of the nation. 

35. Now the leaders of the Dimmichrats, 
who were wise in their generation, and who 
sought first to get power into their own hands, 
and afterwards the salvation of the nation, said 
among themselves, Lo, Abraham has given us 
a martyr ; and it is better than if he had given 
the armies of Unculpsalm a victory. Now, 
therefore, let us bewail the wrongs of Clement 
and the violence to the Great Covenant and 
the ancient Charter ; and we will declare that 
it is to preserve this nation from destruction, 
and we shall regain the hearts of this peo- 
ple. 

36. And they did so. And the people for- 
gat the peril of the land, and how it was in 
more danger from traitors that were within 
than from foes that were without; and they 
forgat also the provision of the Great Covenant 
against such perils ; and there was a great 
commotion. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 57 

37. And Abraham said, Let not Clement be 
kept in prison ; but let him be sent among the 
Phiretahs ; for they are his friends, and he is 
our enemy ; and let the scribe continue his 
writing. And it was done. So Clement be- 
came a martyr; and the scribe hardened his 
heart and was tenfold more the servant of the 
Phiretahs than before. For he said, Abraham 
feareth the Dimmichrats, and even the men of 
Belial fear them also, and the spirit Bak Bohn 
is again cast out of them. 

Ver. 37. See here the folly of temporizing with evil. 
Abraham and his counsellors, and, indeed, most of the 
langkies, seem to have been throughout this period afraid 
to say. Get thee behind me, Satan. See verse i of this 
chapter. 



58 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER VII. 

I. Phernandiwud smmnonetJi his disciples to hear the New 
Gospel of Peace at the Hall of Peter the Barrelmaker. 
lo. Who ca?ne not to the Assembly, ii. And tvhy. 15. 
Who came. 17. Phernanditvud proclaimeth the Neiv 
Gospel of Peace. 23. The Hittites and Hammerites are 
well pleased. 25. But have groanings about the freedom 
of the Niggah. 28. Phernanditvud shoiveth that there 
is 710 right but Peace and the Everlasti?tg Niggah. 
30. And Free Speech. 35. Meehness of Phernanditvud. 
36. And of the Hittites and the Hammerites. 42. IsaiaJi 
telleth of a ministration of Peace. 49. The Netv Gospel 
of Peace spreadeth beyond the border of Masunandicsun, 

NOW Phernandiwud saw that his time was 
come. 

2. And he said unto his famihars and to them 
which did his bidding (for he had a great fol- 
lowing in Gotham), Behold, the spirit of peace 
hath descended upon me ; and I go forth to de- 
clare the mystery of a new gospel of peace, a 
gospel of great gain, unto me first, and after- 
ward unto the Dimmichrats. And I shall re- 
ward them that are faithful unto me. 

3. Go now therefore and summon the Dim- 
michrats who serve Jeph the Repudiator and 
the Phiretahs in Gotham : 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 59 

4. James the scribe and Erastus his brother, 
who know nothing, and my brother Benjamin, 
who knoweth some things ; Samuel, who is 
rich in butter, Hiram, the pubhcan ; Ehjah, 
who smelleth the battle afar off; Cyrus, who 
shooteth with a longer bow than the first Cyrus ; 
Primus, who dwelleth among the merchants ; 
Ker Tiss, of the Great Covenant; Isaiah, cap- 
tain of the Hammerites ; Samuel, who sendeth 
the lightning on his errand, and the other Sam- 
uel, whose surname is Brinnzmayd; and Au- 
gustus, the money-changer. 

5. And say unto them. Gather yourselves 
together, ye and your following, every man of 
you at the hall of Peter who is called the Bar- 
rel-maker, and in the open space round about, 
that ye may hear from my lips the new gospel 
of peace. 

6. Now this Peter made the substance where- 
by one thing sticketh unto another thing. 
Wherefore he was for union ; and he called 
the hall which he had builded, the Union (for 
he said, Thus shall I stick this nation together) ; 
but the people called it after his own name. 
And he was rich, and he offended no man. 

7. Now in the land of Unculpsalm, whoso- 
ever was rich and offended no man, became 
one of the chief men of his city, and of his 
country. 

8. Moreover, Peter gave of his substance 



6o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

unto the people. And this was he who, at a 
feast given unto the Prince of the land of Jon- 
bool, clapped the Prince upon the shoulder and 
said unto him, My lord the Prince shall dance 
next with my daughter. For he was a gracious 
man and a courteous, and he knew that his 
daughter was comely. 

9. And Phernandiwud looked for the assem- 
bling of the men which he had summoned, 
they and their following, at the hall of Peter 
the Barrelmaker, and the space round about. 

10. But these men came not : James the 
scribe, and Erastus his brother ; Samuel, whose 
surname is Brinnzmayd, and the other Samuel ; 
Benjamin the brother of Phernandiwud, and 
Elijah of Tahmunee ; Hiram the publican, and 
Cyrus, Primus, and Augustus the money-chang- 
er, and their following. 

11. For they said within themselves. This 
gospel of peace will be an offence unto the 
people, who are perverse in their hearts, and 
who love the banner of Unculpsalm, and have 
respect unto the rulers chosen according to the 
Great Covenant, even although the men be not 
to their liking, and who are foolishly bent on 
overthrowing the armies and the power of them 
who would destroy the nation. 

12. Wherefore we will not be seen listenincr 
to the gospel of peace. For it shall be better 
for us to cry out for war, and meanwhile to hin- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 6l 

der the war in secret, and to seek every occa- 
sion to bring the rulers of our country to scorn 
and derision in the time of her trial, and to 
aid Jeph the Repudiator, and his spies, and 
his emissaries, and to work confusion in the 
land. 

13. For so shall the people be weary of their 
rulers, and bewildered with our confusion ; and 
they shall trust us, and turn unto us in their 
desolation, and say. Verily, these are the men, 
and they shall make us rulers of the land. 

14. Then shall we compromise ourselves 
again unto our masters the Tshivulree and the 
Phiretahs, as it is meet and right and pleas- 
ant for us to do ; and we shall find yet deeper 
dust wherein to crawl before them ; and we 
shall loosen the bonds of these provinces, and 
make each governor of a province thereof a lit- 
tle satrap, but great in his own eyes and in the 
eyes of the Phlunkees, which will surround 
him, that he may defy the chief ruler of the 
land; and we shall divide the spoil. 

15. But these men came to the hall of Peter 
the Barrel-maker to hear Phernandiwud de- 
clare the new gospel of peace : 

16. Din Ninny, who was chief ruler of the 
assembly, and who directed all the doings 
thereof; Isaiah, who was captain of the Ham- 
merites ; and many others of the sect of Smal- 
phri among the Dimmichrats. 



62 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

17. And with them there came a great mul- 
titude of the Hittites and the Hammerites, and 
of the Dedrabitz from Koubae beyond Bough- 
eree, and the dwellers in Phyvpintz, which is 
nigh unto the Tombs where they buried Juz 
Tiss (now Juz Tiss was not of kin unto that 
Ker Tiss who wrote of the Great Covenant) , 
and in Makkurilvil, and in the country as thou 
goest by the shore of the river on the East, 
unto Shyppyardz. 

18. And all these men gathered themselves 
together, fiercely bent upon peace. And they 
filled the hall of Peter the Barrel-maker, and 
the open space round about. 

19. And when Phernandiwud stood up and 
beckoned unto them they shouted for about 

Ver. 17. At this remote period, all traces of the minor 
localities mentioned in this passage have vanished, even if 
we were able to conjecture where was the city of Gotham 
or the land of Unculpsalm in which it occupied so impor- 
tant a position. But it is plain that the Dedrabitz, the 
dwellers in Koubae beyond Bougheree, in Phyvpintz and 
in Makkurilvil, no less than the Hittites and the Hammer- 
ites and the Pahdees, were the chief supporters of Pher- 
nandiwud, who had made him ruler of the city and a 
lawgiver in the land, and that these were also the friends 
of the Phiretahs. Dr. Hobvious Trite begs me to say that 
he suspects some satirical allusion in the designation of 
the Tombs as the place where Juz Tiss was buried, and in 
the remark that Juz Tiss was not of kin to Ker Tiss. But 
who Juz Tiss was Dr. Trite cannot conjecture. He, how- 
ever, says that he is sure that there are traces of satire in 
other passages of this work, — a supposition which is ingen- 
ious, but oversubtle. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 63 

the space of half an hour. For they remem- 
bered what he had done for them aforetime ; 
and they looked for a ministration of the gos- 
pel of peace, such as there had been between 
the watchmen of Phernandiwud and those 
which had been appointed by the governor 
and rulers of the province. 

20. And they said within themselves, Now 
shall we once more break the heads of the 
watchmen of Ken Edee ; and there shall be 
peace again in the land. 

21. And Phernandiwud said unto them, 
Hearken, O men of Gotham ! I come before 
you this day preaching a new gospel of peace. 
Peace on earth and good-will to men. Peace 
on earth, that I and my faithful followers may 
get what is due unto us, and good-will unto 
men who are of our persuasion among the 
Dimmichrats. 

22. For there be Dimmichrats, yea, verily, 
even Pahdees, who are not of our persuasion, 
and who enter not into our congregation. Let 
them be accursed. 

23. And all the people said. Hi ! hi ! For 
such is the manner of the Hittites and the 
Hammerites of Gotham when they are well 
pleased. 

24. And again Phernandiwud opened his 
mouth and said, O my brethren, the day of 
calamity cometh upon the land of Unculpsalm, 



64 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and there is no man able to help. Therefore 
have I come hither that I may save this nation. 
No man raiseth the banner of peace. There- 
fore will I raise it, that war and hate, which 
are the children of Satan, may be at an end, 
except for the Dimmichrats which are not of 
our persuasion, and the men of Belial which 
preach freedom unto the Niggah. Them let 
us hate with a perfect hatred, and upon them 
let us make war without ceasing. 

25. And when the Hittites and Hammerites 
heard of liberty to the Niggah, they all groaned 
with an exceeding loud groan, as it were if 
each man had been seized with pangs of grip- 
ing in his bowels. For to hear of freedom to 
the Niggah is gall and wormwood to the Hit- 
tites and the Hammerites. 

26. Then said Phernandiwud, Through the 
pride of their hearts, and the vanity and wick- 
edness of their imaginations, the rulers of this 
land have sinned and done wickedly in that 
they have not allowed the Tshivulree and the 
Phiretahs to destroy this nation without making 
war upon it. 

27. For the land of Unculpsalm hath no 
right to a government, neither hath the people 
of Unculpsalm any right to be a nation. Nei- 
ther is the Great Covenant a covenant to be 
kept, except by the men of each province, so 
long as it is pleasing in their eyes. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 65 

28. But these only are right, Peace and 
the everlasting Niggah. Such peace as we 
had aforetime, ere the accursed spirit Bak 
Bohn took possession of this people ; 

29. Such peace as will enable our brethren 
of the South to eat their bread in the sweat of 
another's face ; to rob the laborer of his hire ; 
to oppress the weak, and set their foot upon 
the neck of the lowly ; to beat their Niggahs 
with many stripes, to hunt them with dogs, and 
to slay them ; to take their women for concu- 
bines, and to beget of them sons and daugh- 
ters ; and to sell from the mother the fruit of 
her womb and the nursling of her bosom ; to 
make merchandise of the fruit of their own 
loins, and to sell their own flesh and blood into 
bondage forever. 

30. Peace, my brethren, which will also re- 
store our right of free speech according to the 
Great Covenant ; of which we have been 
robbed by the rulers of this land, that they 
may wage their wicked war upon the Phi- 
retahs. 

31. For, O men of Gotham, ye see this day 
how your rulers oppress you, and will allow 
no man to speak evil of them, that they may 
wage this war without let or hindrance ; and 
that all men's mouths are shut by fear of the 
gallows or the dungeon, who will not prophesy 
smooth things of their damnable doings, and 



66 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

cover up their wickedness and glorify their 
abominations. 

32. Therefore I declare unto you that we must 
have the peace, the peace which ensueth from 
free speech. So that when men of Belial seek 
to turn the hearts of the men of the South to set- 
ting their bondsmen free, and taking away from 
us our everlasting Niggah, the Phiretahs may 
seize upon them, and beat them with many 
stripes, and hang them upon trees, and roast 
them with fire, and pour hot pitch upon them, 
and ride them upon sharp beams, very grievous 
to bestride. Peace and free speech, such as 
there was on the day when Prestenbruux smote 
down Charles the Summoner, and beat him 
until he was nigh unto death. 

33. Let this Peace hover over the land, scat- 
tering balm from her outstretching wings : balm 
for the wounded souls of the Tshivulree and the 
Phiretahs ; balm for the wounds which Dimmi- 
chratic brethren have inflicted on each other ; 
balm for my bruised spirit and defrauded ex- 
pectations. 

34. Let this peace come to us, my brethren, 
and the wolf of the South and the lamb of the 
North shall lie down together, and there shall 
no more be contention between them ; for the 
lamb shall be inside of the wolf. 

35. Let us then be lambs, O men of Gotham ! 
Yea, let us be meek as lambs. For it is writ- 
ten that the meek shall inherit the earth. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 6*] 

36. Then the Hittites and the Hammerites 
again cried out Hi ! hi ! after their fashion ; 
and in a twinkling many of them took an oath 
that they were the meek, and that they should 
inherit the earth. 

37. Then Phernandiwud said, All now is 
well with us, my brethren, and with the land 
of Unculpsalm. Peace and free speech shall 
prevail among us now and forever. 

38. Then the Hittites and the Hammerites 
shouted with a great shout, and they clenched 
their fists and said, God do so to us and more 
also, if we break not every man his head which 
saith there shall not henceforth be peace and 
free speech throughout the land. 

39. And no man answered. So they said, 
Lo, there is peace. 

40. And Phernandiwud said these things 
many times. 

41. Now when Phernandiwud had made an 
end of speaking unto the people, there arose 
Isaiah, he who was captain of a band of the 
Hammerites, and which was one of the chief 
disciples of Phernandiwud. And he said, 

42. Shall there not be peace, my brethren? 
Remember ye not the time when Philip, the 

Ver. 40. Attd Phernaiiditvtid said these things many 
times. As to this gathering together of the people of 
Gotham to hear Phernandiwud, see note A at the end of 
this book. 



68 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

priest of Beelzebub, came here preaching de- 
liverance to the captive and the setting at lib- 
erty even of the Niggah ? and how he entered 
into the Tabernacle and gathered unto him 
iniquitous men, men of Belial, who hearkened 
unto him, and believed in him? 

43. And remember ye not how I, with you, 

Hammerites, who break the heads of all them 
who set themselves against you, and you, O 
Hittites, who hit from the shoulder, went into 
the Tabernacle and broke up their congrega- 
tion and scattered their assembly ? 

44. And I knocked down Philip, and drag- 
ged him out of the pulpit wherein he was 
speaking, and drave him out of the Taber- 
nacle ? 

45. Yea, verily, I knocked him down; for 

1 am a man of Peace ; and dragged him out 
of his pulpit and drave him forth of the Taber- 
nacle ; for I love free speech. 

Ver. 44, 45. It is a striking illustration of the manners 
and customs of the strange people which inhabited the land 
of Unculpsalm, and of their devotion to truth and justice, 
that a passage of the manuscript too mutilated to be given 
in the translation here, reveals that on account of these 
and other like services in the cause of peace and free 
speech, Isaiah was made one of the chief officers of Un- 
culpsalm in the city of Gotham, and most appropriately an 
officer of justice. The loss of this office, in consequence of 
an agitation which brought on a bloody war, naturally led 
a man of his peaceful habits and love of justice to become 
one of the believers in the new gospel preached by Pher- 
nandiwud. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 69 

46. Then the Hittltes and the Hammerites 
and the Dimmichrats, which had joined them- 
selves unto the faction of Jeph the Repudiator, 
burst out into a great shouting ; and for the 
space of about an hour they did nothing but 
cry Peace and Free Speech, and death unto 
him that sayeth to the contrary. 

47. And when they were weary of shouting, 
they went each man unto his own home. 

48. And the new gospel of peace spread 
abroad, and prevailed mightily. 

49. And it went throughout all the land of 
Unculpsalm even beyond the border of Masun- 
andicsun. 

50. So that in about ten days the chief 
captain of the Tshivulree, whose name was 
Robbutleeh, took an army of the Phiretahs 
and marched into two of the provinces of the 
land of Unculpsalm, proclaiming the new gos- 
pel of peace. 

5 1 . And he laid parts of those provinces waste 
with fire, and he destroyed the bridges that 
were over their rivers, and carried off their 
horses, and their corn, and their cattle; and 
put all them that resisted the new gospel of 
peace to the sword. 

52. So the people began to understand the 
mystery of the new gospel ; and they glorified 
it ; and they said, yet a little while and the 
Niggah shall be restored to his bondage, and 



70 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs shall be our 
masters, and peace shall rule the land with a 
rod of iron, and we shall compromise ourselves 
forever. And there was great rejoicing. 

53. Now I, even I, Benjamin the scribe, the 
brother of Phernandiwud, have written these 
things, not of my own will, or of the prompt- 
ings of my own heart, for the truth is not in 
me. But forasmuch as the spirit of prophecy 
hath descended upon me, like Balaam, the 
son of Beor, I have uttered in mine own 
despite what hath been revealed to me, and 
I have written the mystery of the new gospel 
of peace. 

54. And to few shall it be given to compre- 
hend this mystery. 

55. And the acts of Phernandiwud, whose 
walk was slantindicular, and of his disciples, 
after the proclamation of the new gospel of 
peace, and of Hiram the publican, and of 
Elijah, who smelleth the battle afar off in 
the tents of Tahmunee ; and of Augustus, the 
money-changer, which was of the circumcision, 

Ver. 55. Observe the writer's modest consciousness of 
the importance of the task which was laid upon him, and 
of the interest which the world would take in his labors. 
Not content with having written this book, he declares that 
he will write another, and that it shall be for the enlighten- 
ment of all nations. And it was so. Rarely has the spirit 
of prophecy been more strikingly manifested than in this 
declaration. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 7 1 

and of the other Pharisees and Phlunkees, shall 
not I, Benjamin the scribe, write them in a 
book? and they shall be spread abroad in all 
lands for the enlightening of all nations. 



END OF THE FIRST BOOK. 



72 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



Note A. 

Ver. i8. The gathering together of the people at the 
summons of Phernandiwud and the leaders of his faction is 
not without some resemblance to our political meetings in 
modern days, — due allowance being made for the differ- 
ence of manners and tone of thought produced bj difference 
of race and remoteness in time. Compare with the account 
given in the text the following extracts from the report of a 
Democratic mass meeting held at the Cooper Institute, New 
York, on the 3d of June, 1863, of which the Hon. F. C. 
Dinninny, of Steuben County, N. Y., was chairman, and, in 
spite of the inevitable variations just mentioned, there will 
be found certain striking points of resemblance quite unac- 
countable except by the unchangeableness of human na- 
ture. 

[From the New York Times of June ^th, 1863.] 

" In pursuance of a call issued some weeks since, a Mass 
Convention of citizens in favor of peace was held last even- 
ing in and about the Cooper Institute. There were five 
organized gatherings, the principal one being held in the 
Hall of the Union, and the others in front of stands erected 
about the adjacent square. At half-past five p. m. the 
hall was densely crowded, but as the proceedings, as set 
down in the programme, were not commenced until some 
time afterward, the audience amused itself by cheering for 
McClellan, Vallandigham, Wood, Brooks, etc., and by 
groans for Burnside, Lincoln, and others." 

ADDRESS OF THE CONVENTION — EXTRACTS. 

*'In 1861 the Democratic party, under the impulse of the 
enthusiasm which prevailed, yielded to the insanity of the 
moment and its leaders, and, though the forms of the or- 
ganization were preserved, repudiated the fundamental 
principl-es of the party. " 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 73 

"The professeti Democrat, who is for the war, is not a 

Democrat in fact, but an Abolitionist of the most radical, 

violent, and destructive kind/' 

" This war is the curse of the age in which we live." 

" The only road to Democratic victories is through 

peace." 

" We have been beaten ; we cannot conquer the South." 
"The war being unconstitutional, cannot be prosecuted 

constitutionallj." 

SPEECH OF FERNANDO WOOD. — EXTRACTS. 

"Disguise it as we may, candor compels the admission 
that our once proud Republic has fallen from its exalted 
height. It is now prostrate. Decried, insulted, and with- 
out a second-rate position abroad ; rent asunder by fearful 
civil war at home ; ruled by despotic power on principles 
of partisan hate, and upon theories of government utterly 
antagonistic to those upon which our institutions were 
founded, we stand before the world, an object of wonder, 
contempt, and ridicule. These facts are not referred to in 
a spirit of reproach. I but anticipate the record of history, 
and shall leave to others to fix the responsibility." 

"No man equal to this crisis has appeared, neither in 
the field nor in the cabinet; nor in the many elevated 
spheres of private life has the man presented himself with 
the brain, the heart, and the courage to seize and work out 
the great political problem now to be solved in our case, 
and to utter effectually the truths of reason with the force 
and power equal to the pending crisis. Those who have 
the intellectual ability have lacked the nerve, and those 
with the nerve have lacked the ability. But there is 
another wonder : that in this civilized population of over 
thirty millions, North and South, abounding with benevo- 
lence, purity, cultivation, and enlightened Christianity, 
none are found to raise the Banner of Peace. Among the 
thousand spires which rear their lofty turrets to a benig- 
nant God, not one covers a pulpit devoted to the true prin- 
ciples of Christ, and proclaims, ' On earth peace and good 
7 



74 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

will toward men.' . . . With this spirit and this deter- 
mination I throw myself into this cause, and in the lan- 
guage of Senator Benton, when he presented a proposition 
to the United States Senate with little hope of immediate 
success, and the general indignation of his compeers, ' Soli- 
tary and alone I set this ball in motion.'* 

" I declare for peace, and as preparatory for peace am in 
favor of a cessation of hostilities." 

"The war should cease, because it never should have 
been commenced, inasmuch as there is no coercive mili- 
tary power in the Federal Government, as against the 
States which are sovereign, and in possession of all power 
not delegated ; because, however legal and just at the com- 
mencement, it has been diverted from its ostensible origi- 
nal purpose and made a war for the abolition of slavery; 
because it is made a pretext for the most outrageous and 
damnable crimes against the liberty of the citizen, and the 
rights of property, and even against the form of govern- 
ment under which we live." 

\_From the Speech of Judge McCunn.'} 

*' I trust this demonstration to-night is the beginning of 
a great campaign that will hurl back far beyond the Merri- 
mack the mad, seething tide of fanaticism which has been 
surging far over our fair land, and which will settle forever 
this question. We will have to do battle, it is true, against 
the purse and the sword, the millions of office-holders, 
contractors, and satellites of the administration. But let 
us gird up our loins, and be prepared to do this battle 
peacefully. Let us organize in every hamlet and town 
through the land. We have the Jehovah of Peace on our 
side." 

AT OUTSIDE STAND, NUMBER ONE. 

• • • " The chairman had announced during the first 
part of the meeting that Fernando Wood would address 
the crowd, and most of the foregoing speakers had evi- 
dently been brought fdrward to keep the audience together 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 75 

until the great man of the evening should make his appear- 
ance. But it was now getting late and the ' boys ' were 
getting impatient ; so the chairman — after bringing up, 
as a last resort, Edmon Blankman, and a man named An- 
drews, from Virginia, who declared himself an out-and-out 
rebel, and justified secession, on principle* — called on the 
audience to give three cheers for Governor Seymour, three 
more for George B. McClellan, and three for the Union ; 
all of which being heartily responded to, he declared the 
meeting adjourned." 

AT THE OUTSIDE GERMAN STAND. 

. . . " Fernando Wood . . . who was preceded by 
a shouting multitude, and received with every species of 
noise the human voice, feet, and hands can make. Mr. 
Wood's chief remark was an invitation to the government 
to send General Burnside to this Department [Cries, 
' We'll settle him ! ' ' They dare not ! ' ' Hang Burnside ! ' 
'Hang him!'] The remainder of Mr. Wood's remarks 
were almost identical with those elsewhere reported, with 
a little pleasant talk to the Germans. He went as he came 
amid great glory." 



It is interesting to read in connection with the above 
passages the following from Fernando Wood's speech at 
the Union War Meeting held at Union Square, New York, 
April 20th, 1861 : 

MAYOR WOOD'S SPEECH. 

•« Fellow-Citizens,— The President has announced that 
Colonel Baker, the gentleman who has so eloquently ad- 
dressed you to-day, proposes to raise a New York brigade, 
if the State will bear the expense of outfit; and here, as 

*This man, Andrews, afterward led the rioters in July, 1863, and is now 
imprisoned upon conviction of that crime ; Judge Nelson, of the Supreme 
Court, haying made his term of uuprisonmcut as long as the law would 
allow. 



*j6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

mayor of this city, so far as I have the power to speak, I 
pledge for the corporation that sum. When I assumed the 
duties of the office I have now the honor to hold, my official 
oath was that I would support the Constitution of the United 
States and the Constitution of the State of New York; and 
I imply from that that it is not only my duty, as it is con- 
sistent with my principles and sense of right, to support 
the Constitution, but the Union, the government, the laws, 
and the flag. And, in the discharge of that duty, I care 
not what past political associations may be severed. I am 
willing to give up all past prejudices and sympathies if in 
conflict with the honor and interest of my country in this 
great crisis. I am willing to say here that I throw myself 
entirely into this contest with all my power and with all 
my might. My friends, the greatest man next to Washing- 
ton that this country has ever produced — Andrew Jackson 
— has said that ' the Union must and shall be preserved,' 
and in that connection he has said, and it is directly perti- 
nent to the present contest, ' the Union must and shall be 
preserved — peaceably if we can, but forcibly if we must.* 
In accordance, then, with these views, I have no hesitation 
in throwing whatever power I may possess in behalf of the 
pending struggle. If a military conflict is necessary, and 
that military authority can be exercised under the Consti- 
tution and consistently with the laws, dreadful as the alter- 
native may be, we have no recourse except to take up arms. 
In times of great peril great sacrifices are required. My 
friends, it has been said here to-day that your flag has been 
insulted. Ay! not only has your flag been insulted, but 
the late Secretary of War, assuming to represent the Con- 
federate States, has said that the Confederate flag shall 
wave over your Capitol before the first of May ; and, more 
than that, that the Confederate flag shall wave over Faneuil 
Hall, in Boston. My friends, before that banner can fly 
over Faneuil Hall, in Boston, it must be carried over the 
dead body of every citizen of New York. In behalf of you 
I am prepared to say here, and, through the press, to our 
friends of the South, that before that flag shall float over 
the national Capitol, every man, woman, and child would 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 77 

enlist for the war. Gentlemen, I have no voice, although 
the heart, to address you longer. Abler and more eloquent 
men than myself are here. I can only say, therefore, that 
I am with you in this contest. We know no party now. 
We are for maintaining the integrity of the national Union 
intact. We are for exhausting every power at our com- 
mand in this great, high, and patriotic struggle ; and I call 
upon every man, whatever may have been his position 
heretofore, whatever may be his individual sympathy now, 
to make one great phalanx in this struggle, that we may, 
in the language of the eloquent senator who preceded me, 
proceed to 'conquer peace.' My friends, it has been al- 
ready announced by the chairman that the Baltic and other 
vessels at the foot of Canal street are ready to take five 
thousand men to-morrow to the capital of Washington. I 
urge a hearty response to that call, that New York may 
speak trumpet-tongued to the people of the South." 

7* 



The New Gospel of Peace. 



BOOK SECOND. 



[Published October 24th, 1863.] 

(79) 



BOOK SECOND 



CHAPTER I. 

I. Benjamin the Scribe hegiiutetJi the Second Book of the 
Neiv Gospel of Peace. 3. The E^hephvees. 4. They 
buy their wives. 5. Afid their concubines. 6. Tarry not 
for their purificatio7i with sxveet odors. 8. The Kopur- 
hedds. 10. Robbutleeh marcheth northward. 13. En- 
tereth the Province of Tschaddbelhee. 17. The Tytchmen. 
24. They compromise unto Robbutleeh. 25. The Chief 
Ruler of lawrc. 28. A Captain of the Tshivulree 
maketh proclamation. 30. That he respecteth private 
property, ^t^. Commotion among the Kopur-hedds. 

HERE beginneth the second book of the 
mystery of the new gospel of peace, 
whereof I, Benjamin the Scribe, the brother 
of Phernandiwud, wrote in the former book 
which was pubHshed unto the people of Gotham 
and unto the people of all nations. 

2. In the day when Phernandiwud declared 
the new gospel of peace in the hall of Peter 

Ver. 2. This land of Diksee seems not to have been 
separated from the rest of the land of Unculpsalm by any 
natural boundary; for the border of Masunandicsun is ad- 
mitted on all sides to have been a purely imaginary line. 
And yet bitter animosities were divided by this invisible 

(81) 



82 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the Barrelmaker, Robbutleeh, the chief cap- 
tain of the Tshivuh-ee, was in the land of Diksee 
(for so men call the land of Unculpsalm when 
thou goest south of the border of Masunan- 
dicsun), even in the province of Pharjinnee, 
which is the country of the Ephephvees. 

3. Now the Ephephvees had been patriarchs 
from the beginning, and like them of old had 
bought their wives for a price. 

4. For aforetime men of the land of jonbool, 
merchants who bought slaves in Ethiopia and 
carried them across the great sea and sold those 
of them that were left alive, had taken of their 
own women them which stole, and them which 
railed in the streets and upon the housetops, 
and, instead of putting them to death or into 
prison, they had sent them by ship-loads unto 
Pharjinnee, and sold them for wives unto the 
men of that land. And thus did the men of 
Jonbool rid their land of pestilent women and 
turn an honest penny, after their manner. 

5 . So these women became wives and mothers 
unto many of the Ephephvees that they might 
live after the manner of the patriarchs. But 

boundary. Another proof that that which is imaginary is 
often more potent than that which is real. The Epheph- 
vees. — Tlie desperate straits of those who would maintain 
the modern and political origin of this book is apparent 
from the fact that they are driven to the supposition that 
there is some connection between this powerful tribe and 
the First Families of Virginia. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 83 

there were some which bought not their wives ; 
but they bought their concubines. So they still 
lived after the manner of the patriarchs. 

6. And because these concubines were Ethi- 
opian women, even Niggahs, and their ill-savor 
went up, it behoved the Ephephvees that the 
days of their purification should be accom- 
plished, to wit : six months with oil of myrrh 
and six months with sweet odors and other 
things for the purifying of women, even as it 
was unto Esther before she went in unto Ahas- 
uerus. But the Ephephvees tarried not for 
these things. 

7. And when Phernandiwud declared the 
new gospel of peace, Robbutleeh marched 
northward with all his host into the land of the 
langkies ; and, as he marched, the new gospel 
prevailed more and more. 

8. And there was great joy among the fol- 
lowers of Phernandiwud, and among all the 
faction of the Phlunkees, among the Dimmi- 
chrats, which were called Kopur-hedds." 

Ver. 6. The reason of the indifference of the Epheph- 
vees to this point of ritual observance, may, perhaps, be 
found in an opinion upon the subject which is very decid- 
edly expressed in a passage from a poet nearly contempo- 
rary with the author of this book, which has been thus 
versified, apparently by a sable Sternhold or Hopkins : — 

" Ye whyte gals buy dere scente, 
But ye bergamotte I skorne ; 
For ye niggahs hab ye swete smelle 
As soone as dey are borne." 



84 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

9. For in the land of Unculpsalm there is 
an evil beast and a venomous, which crawleth 
upon his belly in the dust, and compromiseth 
himself humbly until there is good occasion, 
and then he stingeth unto death without warn- 
inof and in silence. And the name thereof is 
Kopur-hedd. 

10. And Robbutleeh marched northward 
with a mighty army, even an army of an hun- 
dred thousand chosen men. And the Tshiv- 
ulree and the Phiretahs of the South boasted 
after their manner that the armies of Uncul- 
psalm could not withstand or hinder him, and 
that he would lay waste the country of the 
langkies, and minister the gospel of peace 
unto them in such manner as would delight 
the heart of Phernandiwud and of the Kopur- 
hedds, his followers. 

1 1 . Moreover, they prophesied that he would 
break up their government and dissolve the 
bonds of their union, so that they would be no 
more a nation, but a gathering together of 
provinces at variance among themselves, each 
one doubting, fearing, and hating the other, 
and so the war would come to an end, and the 
gospel of peace prevail forever. 

12. And the captains which were under 
Robbutleeh boasted mightily ; for they had 

Ver. 12. A city called after Hagar^ etc. Here we have 
another proof of the alicient and Eastern origin of this book. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 85 

overcome one of the captains of Unculpsalm, 
and driven him out of the province of Phar- 
jinnee. So they were mightily puffed up. 
And when they entered the province which is 
called the land of Mary, and had taken a city 
called after Hagar, because she was the con- 
cubine of Abraham, and handmaid unto Sarah, 
his wife (for the land of Mary is a patriarchal 
land) , and the people of the city would have 
fled away, the captain of the Tshivulree said 
unto them, Flee not away in hope to return 
again when we are departed; for we have 
taken this city to dwell in it. So the people 
remained. 

13. But Robbutleeh still marched northward 
with his host, leaving garrisons behind him in 
the cities which he took, until he entered the 
province of Tschaddbelhee, which, being in- 
terpreted, is the country of the Cooacres. 

14. And he sent the chief captains which 

The people of the land of Marj would hardly have sought 
to defend their system by rendering this honor to Abra- 
ham's concubine, were it not that he and they were of 
kindred peoples, and living under the same forms of so- 
ciety. 

Ver. 13. Tschaddbelhee. This is another of the names 
in this book, the origin and meaning of which defy 
research. Those entirely untrustworthy commentators, 
Brown, Jones, and Robinson, would derive it from Tschadd, 
a kind of fish, and belhee, meaning the abdominal regions. 
But the well-grounded scholar will see that this is a puerile 
fancy. 

8 



86 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

were under him, each captain with his com- 
pany, northward toward the city in which 
dwelt the governor of the province of Tschadd- 
belhee, and eastward toward the chief city of 
the province, which is called Cooacre city. 
And the great merchants of the province of 
Tschaddbelhee dwelt in that city. 

15. And Robbutleeh took the little cities upon 
the southern border of the province of Tschadd- 
belhee, and put a captain with his company in 
each of them ; and he threatened to take the 
city of the governor of the province of Tschadd- 
belhee and also the chief city of the merchants, 
even Cooacre city ; and his soldiers scoured the 
country and carried off corn and cattle and rai- 
ment, even much spoil. And great fear fell 
upon the men of Cooacre city and of Gotham, 
and upon all the people throughout the land of 
Unculpsalm, which is beyond Masunandicsun, 
because of Robbutleeh and his Tshivulree and 
his Phiretahs. 

16. But the Kopur-hedds and the Dimmi- 
chrats of their faction feared not, but rejoiced 
in their hearts. For they said within them- 
selves. Now shall the armies of Abraham be 
scattered and his government be destroyed ; 
and we shall have a new government ; and the 
corner-stone thereof shall be the everlasting 
Niggah. And they gave Robbutleeh to know 
secretly that they rejoiced. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 87 

17. Now in the province of Tshaddbelhee, in 
the middle country thereof, were many Tytch- 
men, even a great multitude. 

18. For when the king of the land of Jon- 
bool, who himself was a Tytchman, and the 
son of a Tytchman, made war upon the men 
of Unculpsalm, he bought Tytchmen of their 
king, and sent them under his captains and 
under his officers to fight with the men of Un- 
culpsalm, even the langkies. 

19. And when these had been well beaten 
by the langkies, of them that were left alive 
many remained in the land of Unculpsalm, in 
the province of Tschaddbelhee. For they saw 
that it was a rich land and a goodly, even a 
land in which they might get gelt, which, be- 
ing interpreted, is lucre. 

20. And they sent letters to their friends and 
their kinsmen, saying to them. Come unto this 
land and live, for there is gelt here. And they 
came. 

21. And these Tytchmen learned not for a 
long time the language of the langkies, nor 

Ver. 19. Many remained. The entire passage comprised 
in this and the two previous verses is very corrupt, and is 
probably an interpolation bj some later writer, who em- 
bodied in it a belief that prevailed in the land of Uncul- 
psalm many years after the occurrence of the events to which 
it refers. But no evidence has been discovered in support 
of this belief. 

Ver. 21. Jah Xiinn. Of this great ruler we know only 
his name, and a tradition that he was given to a profuse 



88 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

followed they their customs, even for two gen- 
erations, but they spake their own language, 
and their scribes wrote in it, and they followed 
their own customs. And they lived slowly, so 
that whereas the langkies lived ten days in one 
r day, the Tytchmen did not live ten days in one 
year: And they learned only one thing of the 
langkies, to worship the great ruler Jah Xunn, 
and to beheve in him. And they delieved in 
him, and obeyed him, and gave their voices 
that he should be chief ruler of the land of 
Unculpsalm many years after he was gathered 
to his fathers ; and they do so even unto this day. 

22. And hke Jeph, the chief ruler of the 
Tshivulree, they were repudiators ; and it was 
by their voice that the province of Tschaddbel- 
hee was numbered for a little time with the 
repudiators. For the Cooacres, though they 
do look after lucre, yet do they not repudiate. 

23. And the Tytchmen did nothing and 
thought of nothing, night and day, but to get 
gelt ; and when they got it they put it into pots 
and into stockings and hid it away. And their 
cattle were better lodged than they. 

24. And when Robbutleeh marched into the 
province of Tschaddbelhee, into their country, 

taking of oaths and generally swore " by the Eternal." 
Hence, probably, considering the signification of ^ah in 
languages of Chaldee origin, he received the first part of 
his name. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 89 

the Tytchmen bowed themselves down before 
him, and compromised themselves unto him, 
and said, What will my lord that his servants 
shall do that he maybe gracious unto them? 
For they hoped to save their goods and their 
cattle, and to put more gelt into their pots and 
into their stockings ; but for the nation, and its 
honor, and its power, and the freedom of its 
people, and the justice of its counsels, cared 
they nothing. 

25. And there was a certain man of lawrc, 
a little city, which was chief ruler thereof; and 
when he heard that one of the captains of the 
Tshivulree was drawing nigh unto his city, he 
mounted his horse and rode forth to find the 
captain, that he might be in haste to compro- 
mise unto him and to render him up the city. 
And he was of the sect of Smalphri among the 
Dimmichrats. 

26. And he rode many miles and wandered 
far into the open country, until the night was 
passed and the dawn appeared, but he found 
not the Phiretah captain. And he returned 
home sad and very sorrowful because he had 
not been able to compromise unto the Tshivul- 
ree, and give up his city. And when he came 
thither he found that the Phiretah captain had 
taken the city while he was away. 

27. But Robbutleeh and his captains, though 
they were Tshivulree, thought scorn of the 



90 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

chief man of lawrc and of the Tytchmen, and 
spat upon their compromising, and took their 
cities like conquerors. 

28. And the captain which took the city of 
lawrc made a proclamation to the inhabitants, 
saying, 

29. Men of lawrc, ye deserve that I should 
burn your city and cast you out, even ye and your 
wives and your little ones into the wilderness : 
because ye are of the accursed race of langkies, 
which, when the people of our cities have made 
war upon them and killed them, have destroyed 
the cities and driven out the people, even the 
Tshivulree, which is an abomination. 

30. Behold, now, also how we of the Tshivul- 
ree are not like the langkies, in that we respect 
private property. I shall not take from you 
your property, I, nor my officers, nor my sol- 
diers. But ye shall bring unto me speedily one 
hundred thousand pieces of silver, and six hun- 
dred measures of fine flour, and thirty thousand 
measures of corn, and forty thousand pounds 
of the flesh of fat beeves, and one thousand 
changes of raiment, even of shoes and coats, 
and of nether garments which are unmention- 
able, and ye shall deliver the full tale thereof 
unto officers that I shall appoint, or I will lay 
waste your city and destroy it with lire. 

31. And when the chief men of lawrc and 
the Tytchmen had read the proclamation their 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 9I 

hearts sank within them. But they confessed 
it not even among themselves, but said one to 
another, Behold, how pleasant and good and 
profitable a thing it is to compromise unto the 
Tshivulree. For if we had not compromised 
unto them they might not have respected our 
private property. But now we have only to 
bring unto them, speedily, silver, and fine 
flour, and corn, and flesh of beeves, and 
changes of raiment, with the nether garments 
which are unmentionable, or to have our city 
laid waste and burned over our heads. Let 
us, therefore, bring up the gelt, and the corn, 
and the cattle, and the unmentionable raiment, 
speedily. 

32. And they did so. And in three days 
they brought money and meat and raiment, 
even to the sum of thirty thousand pieces of 
silver. And they could bring no more. So 
they compromised themselves yet more unto 
the Phiretah captain, and said unto him, For- 
give thy servants the residue. But he answered 
them, I will not forgive you the residue : see 
that ye pay the full tale thereof in twenty days, 
or I will destroy your city, which I have not 
yet done because we do respect private prop- 
erty. 

33. And when these doings were noised 
abroad in Cooacre city and in Gotham, there 
was amazement and consternation, and chiefly 



92 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



among the Kopur-hedds, many of which were 
rich and had great possessions. 

34. For they said, Lo, the people of lawrc 
and the Tychtmen round about have compro- 
mised unto the Tshivulree, and the chief ruler 
of lawrc sought out the captain of the Phi- 
retahs diligently, that he might render him up 
the city; and yet they, who respect private 
property, have levied upon the people of lawrc 
a contribution which valueth three hundred 
thousand pieces of silver. 

35. Behold, now, lawrc is a little city, and 
the people thereof are of small wealth and few 
possessions. What, therefore, must we give, 
even we who compromise ourselves, when 
Robbutleeh corneth unto our cities. In Cooa- 
cre city it will be twenty millions of pieces of sil- 
ver, and in Gotham it will be fifty millions, and 
peradventure, one hundred millions. We like 
not this manner of compromising ; for now we 
begin to see that it is all upon one side. (For 
this sort of men have their understandings in 
their pockets.) And there was great commo- 
tion. 

Ver. 35. The word here translated pocket means more 
properly purse. The Oriental people did not wear either 
breeches or pockets. But I preferred the rendering pockets 
because it conveys to modern and Western minds more 
forcibly the spirit of the passage. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 93 



CHAPTER II. 

I. The Governor of the Province of Gotham seeketh to be 
Chief Ruler in the land of Uncul;psalm. 2. He is 
called Say-More and See-More. 9. The Cooacres. 12. 
The Tytchmeti avenge their fathers of the langkies. 18. 
Theytv ill get gelt and have Jah Xtmti for Chief Ruler. 

21. The City of the Furnaces^ attd of Sivine-sin-naughty. 

22. Which sinneth with the unclean beast. 

NOW, the governor of the province of Go- 
tham sought to be Chief Ruler of the 
land of Unculpsalm. 

2. And of the Pahdees he was called Say- 
More, because he could say more and mean 
less than any other man in that country. But 
of the Kopur-hedds, which were not Pahdees, 
he was called See-More, because that there 
was no man who could see more ways of mak- 
ing trouble for other folk and getting out of it 
himself. 

3. Wherefore, both among the Pahdees and 
the Kopur-hedds he was thought to be the fit- 
test man to rule the land of Unculpsalm in the 
place of Abraham the Honest. 

Ver. 3. Observe in the reason given for the choice of the 
Pahdees and the Kopur-hedds their singular obstinacy and 



94 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

4. And when Robbutleeh marched into the 
province of Tschaddbelhee, Abraham sent mes- 
sages unto the governor of Gotham and unto 
the governor of Jahrzee, saying, The Phiretahs 
be upon you ! Arouse, and send men south- 
ward to meet them, ere they march upon your 
cities. 

5. And the governor of Gotham then showed 
that he should be named See-More. For he 
said within himself, behold, if that cometh to 
pass for which I am looking, will it not be bet- 
ter that the soldiers of Gotham be southward in 
the province of Tschaddbelhee, and in the prov- 
ince which is called the land of Mary. 

6. For Robbutleeh will surely be victorious, 
and then shall the city of Gotham and the prov- 
ince of Gotham be without defence against him, 
and the end shall come the more quickly, and 
the gospel of peace shall prevail, and the bonds 
of this nation shall be dissolved, and I shall be a 
satrap in my province ; and so likewise shall 
the other governors be in their provinces, and 
we shall make a league together not like unto 
the Great Covenant, but like unto the league 
which was before the Great Covenant, and the 
corner-stone thereof shall be the everlastincr 
Niggah. For it is better that this nation should 

perversity. Another proof that this book can have no 
reference to any people living in this country and in this 
age of enlightenment. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 95 

be destroyed than that the slaves should go 
free, and the everlasting Niggah cease from 
off the land. 

7. Wherefore he sent southward speedily all 
the soldiers of Gotham and the country round 
about, even twenty thousand men. And they 
marched into the province of Tschaddbelhee, 
into the southern and middle parts thereof. 

8. And the men of this country, even the 
Tytchmen, had fled, some of them from before 
the Tshivulree, and others had remained and 
compromised unto them ; but there were none 
which remained and defied them and took up 
arms against them. 

9. But such were not all the men of the land 
of the Cooacres. For they had sent forth many 
mighty men to the war, footmen and horsemen, 
which had fought valiantly for Unculpsalm ; 
and a part of the army of Unculpsalm which 
had gotten great renown had come out of the 
province of Tschaddbelhee, and was called af- 
ter the name of that province. 

10. Likewise also did the Cooacres furnish 
many men, even a great multitude, unto an- 



Ver. 9. As the Puritans were in the habit of applying 
passages in the Hebrew scriptures to themselves, so certain 
persons of the present day apply this passage to the troops 
called the Pennsylvania Reserves. And it must be con- 
fessed that the likeness in the latter case is quite as great as 
in the former. 



96 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

other army in the service of Unculpsalm ; even 
the noble army of Counter actors, which did 
continually praise Abraham. 

11. And when the soldiers of Gotham came 
into the province of Tschaddbelhee, nigh unto 
the places where the hosts of Robbutleeh were, 
they looked to be received with favor and with 
thankfulness by the men of that country. 

12. But the Tytchmen said, Now can we do 
like men of the land of Jonbool for whom our 
fathers came to fight. We can avenge our 
fathers of these langkies for the defeat our 
fathers suffered from their fathers ; for we can 
spoil them and get gelt. And so shall we do 
like unto the men of Jonbool, when they avenge 
themselves against the langkies, and turn also 
every man an honest penny. 

13. For these langkies come hither from 
Gotham in great multitudes, and they will need 
food and lodging. Wherefore they are at our 
mercy, and we will make them pay fourfold 
for all that they require of us. And they did 
so. 

14. And the men of Gotham were aston- 
ished, and said. Is it thus that ye do unto them 

Ver. io- What was this noble army of Counteractors ? We 
have heard of the noble army of martyrs ; but to that these 
Counteractors did not belong. For although by their own 
account many of them were compelled to make sacrifices, 
there is no instance on record of one of them offering to 
sacrifice himself fdr his country or his principles. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 97 

which come to protect you against the Phi- 
retahs ? 

15 . And they answered and said, Yea, verily. 
For if ye come to protect us against the Phi- 
retahs, how shall we be protected unless we get 
from you the gelt which the Phiretahs have 
taken away from us? 

16. Go to, then : for a loaf of bread ye shall 
pay thirty pennies, and for an egg ye shall 
pay six pennies, and for a cup of water three 
pennies ; and so on in like manner for all that 
ye shall require of us. 

17. And if ye be foolish and will not com- 
promise unto the Phiretahs, and entreat them 
humbly, but will go into battle against them, 
and any of you be wounded, as ye shall de- 
serve, behold, we will bind up your wounds 
and pour in oil and wine, like unto the Samar- 
itan of old ; and for the bandage ye shall pay 
a piece of silver, and for the oil three pieces 
of silver, and for the wine five pieces of 
silver, even of the pieces which are almighty 
and which we worship. And for your lodging 
while ye are sick, ye shall pay in like manner. 

18. And for the Tshivulree and the Phi- 
retahs against whom ye come, ye are no more 
welcome than they. We care nothing for your 
quarrel. Get you gone, both of you, and leave 
us to our farms and our merchandise, that we 
get gelt and put it into pots and into stockings. 



gS THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Let US alone, and give us Jah Xunn for chief 
ruler. 

19. Thus did the Tytchmen of the province 
of Tschaddbelhee. But in the land of Uncul- 
psalm were other Tytchmen which did not so, 
but fought valiantly against the Phiretahs. 
Likewise also came Tytchmen among the 
soldiers of Gotham ; and their cheeks burned 
with shame and with anger because of the 
doings of their brethren in the land of the 
Cooacres ; and they reviled them in their own 
tongue. 

20. And the men of the provmce of Tschadd- 
belhee, which were Cooacres, and which were 
of the blood of the langkies, did not thus, but 
made ready to do battle with the Phiretahs, 
and cast up mounds around their cities, and set 
thereon engines of war, which sent forth fire 
and smoke and iron. 

21. Thus did the men of the city of the fur- 
naces, which, lieth on the north side of the 
river of Strong Waters, which is at the begin- 
ning of the great river of the debtors, even the 
Oh-I-owe, which is the way to the country of 
the Repu lators, by which thou descendest 
unto the city of Swine-sin-naughty. 

Ver. 21. T/ie city of the Furnaces. This is merely a trans- 
lation of the name in the original. The town seems to 
have been a place somewhat like Sheffield, in England, or 
like our own Pittsburg, on the Monongahela. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 99 

22. For that city was entirely given up to 
sinning with the unclean beast. So that the 
people did nothing else, night and day, but 
slay and eat the abominable creature, and make 
ready for others to eat thereof. Wherefore 
when they of the circumcision, like unto Au- 
gustus the money-changer, passed through that 
city, the}^ washed themselves, and were unclean 
until the evening. And it is called the city of 
Swine-sin-naughty unto this day. 

23. And the chief ruler of lawrc and the 
Tytchmen of Tschaddbelhee, were held in 
scorn, and the men of the city of the furnaces, 
and they which did like unto them were held 
in honor throughout the land of Unculpsalm. 

Ver. 22. The city of S-ivine-sin-naughty. This name, 
like that of Phernandiwud, is an impassable stumbling- 
block in the way of those who deny the authenticitj^ and 
the antiquity of this book, and attribute it to one or more 
writers of this day and country. For what city is there in 
America which deserves the reproach cast upon it in this 
name ; or what river that may be justly slurred by the name 
given to that upon which the city in question stood? 



100 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, 



CHAPTER III. 

I. Rohbuileeh still marchetJi northivard. 5. George the 
Mede. 7. The land trembleth. 8. But the Kopur-hedds 
rejoice. 16. George the Mede maketh a Proclamation. 
20. A battle begi7ineth at Gettiugsburg. 23. The battle 
continueth o?i the second day. 25. The Phirctahs are 
astonished. 26. The battle bcgiimeth on the third day. 
27. Hew-hell, a PhiretahCa^tain, blasfhemeth. 31. Rob- 
butleeh rcnexveth the battle. 33. But the Army of Un- 
culpsalm is victorioics. 38. And Robbutleeh Jleeth back 
into Pharjinnee. 

NOW, when Robbutleeh marched north- 
ward into the province which is called 
the land of Mary, Joseph of Kalaphorni, whom 
Robbutleeh had driven out of the Wilderness 
of Pharjinnee, was yet chief captain of the 
army of Unculpsalm, which aforetime had 
been led by Litulmak the unready, and by 
John the boaster, and by Ambrose the faith- 
ful. 

2. And this army was an army of chosen 
men, and valiant, which had borne the heat 
and burden of the war, and which had been 
thrice turned back with great slaughter, but 
could not be conquered, no, not even by ca- 
lamity. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. lOI 

3. And Joseph of Kalaphorni was a valiant 
man, and a trusty. And when Robbutleeh 
marched northward, Joseph marched after him 
to give him battle. 

4. But, so it was that Joseph saw that Abra- 
ham's counsellors of war distrusted him, because 
that he had been driven out of the Wilderness 
of Pharjinnee, and that they worked not with 
him to obtain the victory. And he said, What 
am I, that my honor and my glory should peril 
the land of Unculpsalm? Let another be made 
chief captain in my place ; and let me be a sol- 
dier in the armies of my country. 

5. And Abraham and his counsellors made 
George the Mede chief captain in the place of 
Joseph. 

6. Now George the Mede was of the city 
of the Cooacres. And he was a meek man, 
and had been for a long time a captain in the 
armies of Unculpsalm, serving faithfully and 
eschewing flatterers. And the people of Un- 
culpsalm, save his own soldiers, the Cooacres 
of the province of Tschaddbelhee, knew not his 
name. 

7. Wherefore the land was astonished, and 
trembled when it saw that he was set up 
against Robbutleeh, who had discomfited Lit- 
ulmak, and John the boaster, and Ambrose 
the faithful, and Joseph of Kalaphorni. 

8. But the Kopur-hedds rejoiced in their 



I02 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

hearts, and said within themseh^es, Now shall 
the armies of Abraham be utterly put to rout 
by Robbutleeh, and the people will say, Abra- 
ham is unfit to rule over us. 

9. And the scribes of the Kopur-hedds wrote 
in the books which they sent out da}^ by day, 
such things as would prepare the people for the 
defeat of George the Mede, and the destruction 
of the government of Unculpsalm. 

10. And George the Mede said. Who am I, 
that this great office should be laid upon me ? 
But he halted not, neither doubted, but marched 
straight forward by swift marches upon Rob- 
butleeh. 

11. And when Robbutleeh heard that the 
army of the langkies was marching against 
him (for so the Tshivulree called all the men 
of Unculpsalm who did not buy and sell the 
Niggah, and get their bread by the sweat of 
his face), and that George the Mede was its 
chief captain, 

12. He said. What be these langkies, that 
they dare to withstand their masters? and who 
is this Mede, that he cometh with a thrice de- 
feated army between me and my great purpose ? 
Behold, I will scatter him and his host to the 
four winds of heaven, and give their flesh to 
the fowls of the air and the beasts of the field, 
and they shall perish from off the earth, and 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I03 

the land of Unculpsalm shall be purged of the 
langkies and their rule forever. 

13. Likewise also said the other captains of 
his host ; for such had been the manner of the 
Tshivulree from the beginning. 

14. And Robbutleeh called his army together 
from the cities of Tshaddbelhee round about, a 
mighty host, to fall upon George the Mede 
suddenly, and destroy him. For the host of 
Unculpsalm was scattered, and weary by rea- 
son of its long marching ; and Robbutleeh said, 
I shall fall upon it piecemeal, and grind it to 
powder. 

15. And George the Mede saw that the bat- 
tle drew nigh, and that the host of the Phiretahs 
was greater than the army of Unculpsalm, and 
that those were rested, and well fed and high- 
hearted, because they had come together by 
short marches, and that they were puffed up 
with conceit of the might of their valor ; and 
that these were weary and worn with the length 
of the way and with watching, and that they 
remembered how they had three times turned 
back before the sword of Robbutleeh. 

16. So he made a proclamation to all the 
captains of his host, even the captains of hun- 
dreds and the captains of fifties, saying, 

17. Speak unto the men, and say unto them, 
The hour of deliverance or captivity is at hand. 
Choose ye, therefore, whether this nation shall 



I04 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

be destroyed, or whether it shall be saved by 
the might of your arms and the stoutness of your 
courage. Choose ye, whether ye will live or 
die for this land in honor, or die before your 
people in dishonor. For as I live, he that turn- 
eth his back this day, shall be slain by them of 
his own company. Behold, the hearts of all 
this people are stayed upon you, and ye fight 
each one of you for a thousand, for your fath- 
ers, and your brethren, and your wives, and 
your little ones. Be valiant, therefore, as ye 
have before been valiant, and ye shall be wor- 
thy of the victory. 

1 8. But George the Mede promised them not 
the victory, neither boasted he of what he would 
accomplish. 

19. And so it was, that as the men marched 
swiftly through the darkness before the dawn, 
they communed together with low voices in 
their ranks, and said one to another. Let us die 
together this day, my brother, but let us not 
turn back. And afterward they were silent, 
and their hearts went homeward, and they 
said within themselves, God help us, and this 
people. 

20. And it came to pass, that as the van- 
guard of the army of George the Mede pressed 
forward, and got far before the main body, the 
host of the Phiretahs fell upon it in great num- 
bers, and drove it back, and its captain was 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. IO5 

slain. But it fled not, but went backward 
fighting, so that the Phiretahs left pursuing. 
And they pitched a camp, and fortified it 
in the burial-ground of a city called Gettings- 
burg. 

21. For in the language of that land burg 
meaneth a city ; and the men of this city were 
altogether occupied in getting, even in getting 
gelt, so that for the honor and the glory and 
the freedom of the land of Unculpsalm cared 
they nothing. Wherefore their city was called 
Gettingsburg. 

22. Yet was there one man of Gettingsburg, 
a poor man, who took his weapons and went 
out to fight the Phiretahs. 

23. And on the morrow, Robbutleeh set his 
army in battle array to attack the army of 
George the Mede before it was well brought 
together. And about the fourth hour of the 
evening he came down upon the men of Uncul- 
psalm with all his host, and fell furiously upon 
them, and there was great slaughter. And the 
men of Unculpsalm were outnumbered ; yet 

Ver. 22. As there was one just man in Sodom, so there 
appears to have been one brave and faithful in Gettings- 
burg. And so in our ow^n daj, when General Lee suffered 
his defeat in Pennsylvania, there was one humble man, 
who lived in the town near which the battle took place, 
who fought for his country and his flag. His name was 
John Burns. But our author has not given the name of 
him who fought at the battle which he describes. 



I06 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

fought they valiantly, and slew of their enemies 
more than there fell of themselves. And they 
went a little backward fighting, and the Phi- 
retahs followed hard after. 

24. Then came up succor, even a great 
company of the army of George the Mede, 
which had been marching all the night, and 
which now moved swiftly toward the noise of 
the battle. And they came up running, and 
went into the fight without halting. Then the 
men of Unculpsalm stood fast again, and drove 
the Phiretahs backward. And this was about 
the going down of the sun. 

25. And the Phiretahs and the captains of 
the Tshivulree wondered, and said among 
themselves. Who is this George the Mede, that 
he thus withstandeth the great Robbutleeh? 
and what men be these that do battle under 
him? Is this the host that was to flee like 
sheep before us ? Yet they were not dismayed ; 
for although they were boasters, yet were they 
valiant. And they looked anxiously for the 
morrow. 

26. And early in the morning, while it was 
yet dawning, the host of the Phiretahs was set 
in battle array and marched quickly upon the 
host of Unculpsalm, even upon one wing 
thereof. For they said. So shall we crush 
them unawares. But the men of Unculpsalm 
fell back a little, fighting, and George the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. lO'J 

Mede sent them succor, and again they stood 
fast, and drove the Phiretahs before them with 
great slaughter. 

27. Then were the captains of the Phiretahs 
perplexed in their souls, and waxed very 
wroth. And one of them, a man of blood who 
was possessed of the evil spirit Blustah, and 
which was called of the men of Jonbool Hew- 
hell, took an oath in the name of his god, and 
blasphemed after the manner of the Phiretahs, 
and swore that he would break through the 
ranks of the men of Unculpsalm that day. 

28. And Robbutleeh sent unto George the 
Mede, saying. Let there be peace between us 
for a time, that I may bury my dead and that 
we may restore to each other our prison- 
ers. 

29. And George the Mede sent back the 
messenger, saying. There cannot be peace be- 
tween thee and me. For thy dead, I will bury 
them even as my own, and my men whom thou 
hast taken I mean to take from thee again. 
For he saw the craft of Robbutleeh, that he 
would have given up the battle and escaped, 
even as he had done aforetime with Litul- 
mak. 

30. Then was Robbutleeh astonished at the 
subtlety and at the boldness of George the 
Mede, and he addressed his army again to 
battle, for he saw that his case was desperate. 



I08 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

And he set all his men in array with their ban- 
ners, and marched them forward with pomp 
and great majesty, even as on a feast-day. In 
two ranks they marched, so that the second 
might finish the work which the first begun. 
For still they were confident and high-hearted. 

31. And they went forward in order, terrible 
and beautiful, shouting as they went. But the 
men of Unculpsalm answered them not ; for 
the footmen all lay flat upon the ground, and 
the horsemen and they that worked the great 
engines of fire held their peace craftily. 

32. And when the first ranks of the Phi- 
retahs came near, the men of Unculpsalm rose 
and fell upon them ; and the two fought to- 
gether, but neither prevailed. Yet fell there 
more of the men of Unculpsalm, for they were 
outnumbered, and the Phiretahs were valiant 
and had waxed desperate. 

33. Then came on the second ranks of the 
Phiretahs, running fiercely upon the remnant 
of the men of Unculpsalm, who fell where they 
stood in their ranks or went backward fighting. 
But so it was that when the Phiretahs looked 
to fall upon the men of Unculpsalm and put 
them all to the sword, the engines of George 
the Mede poured out fire upon them, and out of 
the fire came thunderings and bolts of iron that 
swept away the foremost of their second array, 
and of the residue some fled backward, and 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. IO9 

some threw themselves down upon the ground 
and gave themselves prisoners. For they saw 
that they could not pass into that fire and live. 
And they said one to another, Behold, we be 
all dead men. And again this was about the 
going down of the sun. 

34. And all the night George the Mede made 
ready to pursue the Phiretahs in the morning. 

35. But when Robbutleeh looked upon the 
field he saw that the day was lost, and that if 
he tarried until the morning he would be de- 
stroyed and cut off. So he gathered his army 
together and fled in the night (for he was a 
wary man and a prudent) ; and in the morning 
the men of Unculpsalm found that their enemies 
had vanished away from before them. 

36. Then they pursued the host of the Phi- 
retahs, but they could not come up with them ; 
for those had the start of these, and both alike 
were weary and suflfering from the battle. 

37. So the Phiretah captain who was called 
of the men of Jonbool Hew-hell, brake not 
through the ranks of the men of Unculpsalm, 
in spite of his oaths and his blasphemies, nor 
did he wait to receive from the men of lawrc 
the rest of the money and the corn and the 
unmentionable raiment, neither did he sojourn 
in the city which is called after the name of 
Hagar, the concubine of Abraham, but gat 
him out of it speedily. And George the Mede 

10 



no THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and the men of Unculpsalm pursued after him. 
And this was the end of his oaths and of his 
boasting and of his respecting of private prop- 
erty. 

38. So Robbutleeh fled back again into the 
land of Pharjinnee. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Ill 



CHAPTER IV. 

I. The victory is noised abroad. 2. The Kopur-hedds are 
dismayed. 7. See - More becometh Seemer. 9. The 
Koj)ur-hedds take coujisel in their extremity. 10. 
Assohkald Eddittah. 11. Phernandixvud cofueth not to 
the Assembly. 27. A day of fasting and grayer. 28. 
Which pleaseth 7iot Hiram the publican. 29. The king" 
of the Pahlivoos. 36. The Knsuvviitivs. 40. Knsuvvu- 
tiv rezzleooshns. 46. Benjamiji froposeth to sell Assoh- 
kald Eddittah. 52. The assembly cometh to naught. 
54. Ulysses taketh Wickcdsburg. Nathaniel taketh an- 
other city. 71. Wherefore Phernandiiviid profoseth a 
new ministratioti of the Gospel of Peace. 

AND on the next day, which was the fourth 
day of the seventh month, which was 
held as a solemn festival in memory of the de- 
liverance of the land of Unculpsalm from the 
king of the land of Jonbool, this was noised 
throughout all the land of Unculpsalm. 

Ver. I. That great scholar and statist. Dr. Hobvius Trite, 
at the close of a note of remarkable profundity and length, 
which he kindly addressed to me, remarks that " from the 
reasons thus briefly indicated it may safely be surmised 
that the festival here mentioned fell upon the fourth day of 
July ; " but whether the old style or the new my learned cor- 
respondent does not say. To dispute with Dr. Trite is 
dangerous ; and I shall not question the correctness of his 
ingenious conjecture. 



112 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

2. And the Kopur-hedds were astonished 
and dismayed ; but all the rest of the men of 
Unculpsalm, even of the Dimmichrats, rejoiced 
greatly. For they said, Behold the end of this 
war beginneth to appear ; and now we see hope 
that this nation shall not be destroyed and 
brought to naught. 

3. Likewise were all they of the merchants 
of Gotham and of Coo acre city, and of the 
new Athens, which cared not more for their 
gain than for the freedom and honor of their 
nation, exceeding glad, and the noble army of 
Counteractors in the province of Tschaddbel- 
hee, which did continually praise Abraham, 
were triumphant, and the people of the city of 
Swine-sin-naughty gave themselves yet more 
unto the slaying and eating of the unclean 
beast, and making ready for the armies of Un- 
culpsalm to eat, until their faces shone and 
their eyes stood out with fatness. 

4. And Augustus the mone3^-changer and all 
they of the circumcision v/hich were of his fac- 
tion were wroth and said. Behold the abomina- 
tion which follbweth the victories of the armies 
of Unculpsalm. 

5. And likewise on that day the Kopur-hedds 
and certain other of the Dimmichrats were 
gathered together in the great hall of the men- 
singers and women-singers of Gotham, which 
sang unto the Gothamites music that they com- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II3 

prehended not, in a language that they under- 
stood not, that the governor of the province 
might make a speech unto them. 

6. And he spake unto them, and said many 
things, which indeed were one thing in many 
shapes, to wit, that Abraham and his counsel- 
lors were tyrants, that Clement and the others 
of his sort whom the officers of Abraham had 
taken in custody were martyrs, that the Phi- 
retahs should be compromised unto, and that the 
land was the inheritance of the Dimmichrats. 
But he condemned not them who set at naught 
the Great Covenant by making war upon the 
rulers of the land, neither stirred he up any 
man to strive for the honor and the glory and 
the freedom of the land, nor spake he one word 
of cheer or of thankfulness for the victory of 
George the Mede which filled the land with joy 
on that great day of the nation. 

7. And from that day, because of his speech, 
and because he yet made great pretence of love 
unto the land of Unculpsalm, they that were 
not Kopur-hedds or Pahdees called him not 
See-More or Say-More, but Seemer. For 
they said, He would seem to be that which he 
is not. 

8. Likewise also did Phernandiwud, and 

Benjamin the Scribe, and all the straitest of 

the sect of the new gospel of peace. For they 

said, He speaketh with us, yet he striveth also 
10* 



114 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



for the friendship of them who prefer war and 
the nation to peace and the everlasting Niggah. 
Behold, he is a seemer and not a doer. Where- 
fore his name thereafter became Seemer. 

9. And soon after the chief men of the 
Kopur-hedds met together in Gotham to see 
what they should do ; for they were in great 
extremity. And they came sorrowfully and 
with their countenances cast down, a.11 of them. 
And they that were of this assembly were only 
they that had embraced the new gospel of 
peace. 

10. And they suffered among them Assohkald 
Eddittah the scribe, who, to gain the World, 
had lost his own soul. 

11. Now they suffered him to come among 
them because they had bought him to use him 
as they would, to publish their doctrine to the 
people of Gotham. For aforetime he had 
sought to make himself serviceable unto Abra- 
ham and his counsellors, but they regarded him 
not. 

1 2 . Wherefore he said unto the Kopur-hedds, 
Buy me, and I will serve you. And they bought 
him. 

13. And Augustus the money-changer lent 
the money wherewithal to buy him. For he 
said. Mayhap the gospel of peace shall prevail 

Ver. 10. Assohkald Eddittah. See note B at the end of 
this book. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II5 

throughout the land ; and then may Assohkald 
Eddittah change his name, even as I have done, 
Hke unto my forefathers, and become Areel 
Eddittah. Then shall I own Areel Eddittah ; 
and he shall write that which shall make a 
market for my moneys, and I shall receive 
mine own with usury. Thus was it that the 
chief men of the Kopur-hedds suffered Assoh- 
kald Eddittah among them. 

14. But Phernandiwud came not into this 
assembly. 

15. For there was variance between Pher- 
nandiwud and the men of Tahmunee, and be- 
tween Phernandiwud and some of the chief 
men of the Kopur-hedds. Because Phernan- 
diwud had claimed for the men of his following 
the chief offices in the city of Gotham and in 
the province of Gotham. 

16. And many had been given unto them, 
but he claimed yet the more. And of them 
that received the places many got only a part 
of the wages thereof. And when it was brought 
before the judges no man could tell what was 
become of the residue. 

17. But the men of Tahmunee said, Perad- 
venture Phernandiwud, he knoweth ; for his 
walk is slantindicular. And when they said 
peradventure, they thrust the tongue into the 
cheek and pointed with the thumb over the left 
shoulder. For such is the manner of the men 
of Tahmunee. 



Il6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

i8. Wherefore Phernandiwud came not into 
this assembly. Yet he was not cast down but 
rejoiced in secret ; for he said, Behold, there are 
but two ways in this matter ; and the way of 
Abraham is one way, and my way is another. 
For he was a crafty man, and wise in his gen- 
eration. 

19. And when the chief men of the Kopur- 
hedds saw that they were all assembled, they 
shut to the door and sat down to take counsel 
together. 

20. And each man tin-ned to his neighbor 
and looked that he should have spoken. But 
no man spake ; for their hearts were troubled 
and they were sorely perplexed. And silence 
fell upon them. 

2 1 . But after a long time the chief man among 
them arose and said. My brethren, our case is 
very desperate. Had the Lord pleased to de- 
feat the army of George the Mede, we were 
prepared therefor, and could have meekly 
borne that dispensation. 

22. In defeat we could have found some com- 
fort; but what can we do with victory? And 
he sat down. 

23. Then each man turned to his neighbor 
and said. What can we do with victory? But 
no man answered. And again great silence 
fell upon them ; and they looked vainly each 
in the face of the other. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II7 

24. Then arose a scribe whose surname was 
Primus (not he whose beard was Hke Aaron's, 
and who dwelt among the merchants), and he 
opened his mouth and said, 

25. For the wickedness and the iniquity of 
this people we do suffer victory this day, in that 
they have listened unto the ministers of Beelze- 
bub, who preached deliverance to the captive, 
and have declared that no more of the land of 
Unculpsalm shall be blessed with slaves, and 
in the perversity of their hearts and the wicked- 
ness of their imaginations have sought to take 
away the everlasting Niggah. 

26. Yea, verily, and have gone after strange 
gods, honoring Charles the Summoner rather 
than Prestenbruux, and Philip of Athens rather 
than Isaiah the Hittite, who is a man of peace 
and who loveth free speech ; and moreover 
have fought foolishly that their nation might 
not be destroyed, as it deserved to be for all 
their transgressions. 

27. Wherefore let there be a day appointed 
of fasting, of humiliation, and of prayer, to 
make atonement for the sins of this people, and 
peradventure it shall be that their iniquity shall 
be forgiven, and that there shall no more griev- 
ous victories afflict the land. 

28. And again there was silence for a little 
while, and then there was heard a voice (and 
it was the voice of Hiram the publican) , saying, 



Il8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Let not the people fast, for it is unprofitable. 
Let there be humiliation and prayer ; for after 
humiliation men need wine to make their hearts 
glad again ; and he that prayeth thirsteth. But 
fasting is an oppression unto me, and moreover 
we shall offend them that sell meat in Gotham, 
and the people of Swine-sin-naughty, so that 
they shall turn away from Jeph and serve Abra- 
ham. So they consented not to this counsel. 

29. Then arose another, who said. Can we 
not entreat the king of the Pahlivoos, Nah 
Pohlion, whom all the world feareth, to help 
us, even as he hath helped the people of Mec- 
sichoh ? For he hath sent an army into Mecsi- 
choh, and he hath overcome the people of 
Mecsichoh, and hath driven out the rulers 
whom they had chosen, and put to the sword 
all them that resisted him, and unto them that 
submitted to him and compromised themselves 
unto him he hath been gracious and hath given 
them offices. 

30. Might we not then compromise ourselves 
unto him, and win him to enter our land with 
an army ? and then might he join himself unto 
our friends the Phiretahs, and be victorious over 
the armies of Unculpsalm, and drive out the 
rulers which the men of Unculpsalm have 
chosen, even Abraham and his counsellors, and 
be gracious unto us, and give offices unto us, 
as it hath been in Mecsichoh, and so should 
we attain unto our hearts' desire. 



I 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II9 

31. But Elijah, who smelleth the battle afar 
off in the tents of Tahmunee, answered and 
said, Thou speakest even as a fool speaketh. 
This people feareth not the king of the Pahli- 
voos ; for the men of the land of Unculpsalm 
are not as the men of Mecsichoh. 

32. Moreover, they know that he is the 
nephew of his uncle, and that he hath sworn 
to do in all things even as his uncle. And did 
not his uncle bone a part of every land wherein 
he entered? Think ye that this people will 
suffer the king of the Pahlivoos to do this 
thing? 

33. (Now to bone, being interpreted, is to 
rob, and to rob land is the speech of the men 
of Jonbool, to colonize, and in the speech of 
the men of Unculpsalm, though they be the 
same tongue, to annex.) 

34. And Elijah spake thus ; for because that 
he was not a Kopur-hedd. Yet they admitted 
him to their council ; for he was a great man 
among the Dimmichrats, and they feared him. 

35. Moreover they remembered the wrath 
of the people against them when they went 
privily unto the ambassador of the land of Jon- 
bool that he might help them to bring about 
the ceasing of the war without the putting down 
of the rebellion. And they said, Alas ! this 
may not be, and we cannot ask the kin^- of the 
Pahlivoos to help our friends the Phiretahs with 



I20 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

an army. For this people is a stiff-necked 
people, and daily more and more it is given 
over unto the accursed spirit Bak Bohn, so that 
it will not suffer the kings of other nations to 
help us. And our scribes must no more praise 
the doings of the king of the Pahlivoos in 
Mecsichoh, as they have done thus far, or wc 
shall destroy our faction. 

36. Then arose another which was a chief 
man among the sect which called themselves 
Knsuvvutivs. 

37. Now the Knsuvvutivs were they, which, 
when they had got into hot water, stayed there 
that they might not be scalded. 

38. And there have been Knsuvvutivs from 
the beginning of the world, yea, though they 
have all been scalded ; and there shall be for- 
ever ; and they will remain in hot water and 
suffer no man to pluck them out thereof. 

39. And this Knsuvvutiv opened his mouth 
and said, It is because this war is not waged 
according to the doctrine of the Knsuvvutivs 
that we are afflicted with this grievous victory 
this day, and because Abraham and his counsel- 
lors and the men of their inclining do contin- 
ually struggle and strive to get out of hot water 
when they ought to remain quietly therein. 

40. Now, therefore, let there be rezzleooshns 
issued accordino- unto the doctrine of the 
Knsuvvutivs, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 121 

41. (For it was the custom of the men of 
Unculpsalm, when they were not sure that that 
which they desired was so, to declare solemnly 
that it was so ; and this they called a rezzleoo- 
shn.) 

42. And let the rezzleooshns be two. And 
let the first rezzleooshn be, That this people is 
a Knsuvvutiv people, and that the Knsuvvutivs 
are in favor of the war. 

43. And let the second rezzleooshn be, That 
the Knsuvvutivs are opposed to all means of 
carrying on the war. 

44. So shall the doctrine of the Knsuvvutivs 
prevail ; and the war shall be conducted ac- 
cording to the doctrine of the Knsuvvutivs, and 
we shall remain in our hot water, and no more 
grievous victories shall afflict the land. 

45 . And this counsel was well pleasing unto 
the assembly ; which, being immediately filled 
with the spirit of Knsuvvutism, sat still and did 
nothing. 

46. But Benjamin the scribe, the brother of 
Phernandiwud, felt that he was in hot water, 
he and his faction ; and he was not yet suffi- 
ciently a Knsuvvutiv to remain therein. So he 
opened his mouth and said, 

47. Behold, this nation is in great peril of 
salvation, and the case is desperate, and some- 
thing must be done. Let us therefore sell 

Assohkald Eddittah unto Abraham the honest 
11 



122 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and to his counsellors, and let him serve them 
and George the Mede, even as he hath served 
Jeph the Repudiator and Robbutleeh, and may- 
hap this sore calamity may be averted. 

48. And when Assohkald Eddittah heard 
that there was question of somebody buying 
him, he arose quickly and said, Yea, verily, 
let Abraham and his counsellors buy thy ser- 
vant; for the case of this nation and of thy 
servant is desperate. Yet Augustus the money- 
changer, and Hiram the publican, and Samuel, 
whose surname is Brinnzmayd, must be content 
to lose thereby. For because that his case is 
desperate thy servant will sell himself cheap, 
yea, even cheaper than he did aforetime. 

49. Then Benjamin the scribe was wroth, 
and arose and said. How is this that thou wilt 
sell thyself cheaper? Didst thou not sell thy 
soul for promise of the World? Could less 
have been given or less have been received? 
(For he was a just man and a holy, and es- 
chewed the World, the Flesh, and the Devil.) 

Ver. 49. The World, the Flesh, and the Devil. This lan- 
guage is plainly figurative, and was applied by the people 
of Gotham to three eminent scribes of that city, or to their 
works. As to the application of the first and the last, there 
appears to be no ground of dispute. The first was Asso- 
kald Edditah, the last Ben Hit who is afterward mentioned. 
But there appears to have been some doubt whether the 
second meant Horatius or Ennerhee whose surname was 
Ramchund, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 23 

Go to, now ; have I not bought thee and sold 
thee, and do I not know thy value and thy 
price ? 

50. Then was Assohkald Eddittah cast down, 
and shrank within himself. But Samuel, whose 
surname was Brinnzmayd (it was he who min- 
istered unto the Phiretah woman and showed 
her the nakedness of the land), took com- 
passion on him, and went to him, and said 
unto him : Be comforted : Thou canst not be 
sold again, for Abraham will not buy thee, 
neither will his counsellors, nor George the 
Mede. But thou shalt still be Assohkald Eddit- 
tah, and mayhap thou mayest become Areel 
Eddittah ; and thou shalt have thy wages. 

51. And when he heard that he should have 
his wages he was comforted, and he thought 
that the calamity had passed away from the 
nation. But after that no man regarded him. 

52. And it came to pass that after this 
assembly had continued a long while, and the 
Kopur-hedds had taken much counsel together, 
they came to no conclusion ; for their devices 
slipped from them even as water slippeth 

psalm. At this distant period of time it is impossible, and 
perhaps not important, to decide this question. Brown 
and Jones, however, incline to the latter supposition, Rob- 
inson to the former. The learned Dr. Trite, at the end of 
a long note, reaches the conclusion that if it was not one 
or the other it could not have been either. 



124 '^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

through the fingers of him that dippeth it with 
his hand ; and they were in sore perplexity. 
And they dissolved the assembly until another 
day, when they hoped that wisdom might show 
herself among them. 

53. And when Phernandiwud heard thereof 
he rejoiced secretly ; for he said, Behold, there 
are but two ways in this matter ; and the way 
of Abraham the honest is one way, and the 
way of Phernandiwud, who walketh slantindic- 
ularly, is the other way. And he knew that in 
the end they must admit him to their councils. 

54. Now, at the time when Phernandiwud 
declared the new gospel of peace unto the men 
of Gotham, one of Abraham's chief captains, 
whose name was Ulysses, but whom his soldiers 
had called Unculpsalm, because of the great 
service he had done unto that land, had sat 
down before a city in the south, and was laying 
siege to it. 

Ver. 54. 0)ie of Abraham^ s chief captains, tvhose name 
was Ulysses. Thus modestly is introduced the great soldier 
who, as the narrative pursues its course, rises into the fi*-st 
importance and becomes the man who brings to an end the 
great war in the land of Unculpsalm. It must be confessed 
that at the first blush the occurrence of this name seems to 
give some support to the theory before mentioned, that this 
book is a modern fabrication, having reference to the events 
of the late civil war in the United States, the most distin- 
guished General in which was Ulysses Grant. But the 
support topples at the first touch of criticism. Those who 
rest much upon it have plainly forgotten that one of the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 25 

55. And the name of the city was Wickeds- 
burg ; for the people thereof were men of blood, 
and they passed their time in casting lots with 
dice for gold, and in boasting for gold on pieces 
of paper spotted with many colors, and in dis- 
embowelling each other with knives, and in 
slaying each other with shooting-irons. 

56. And this city stood upon the great river 
of the land of Unculpsalm, which is called the 
Father of the Waters, so that ships could not 
go up or down that river unless they that dwelt 
in Wickedsburg suffered them. 

57. And Ulysses, which was called Uncul- 
psalm, had defeated the armies of the Phiretahs 
which withstood his march to Wickedsburg, 
and had scattered them abroad, so that he 
marched up against the town, and he laid great 
siege thereto. 

58. And the Phiretahs boasted that the city 
could not be taken, after their manner; and 
Ulysses took it, without boasting, after his 
manner. And this was also upon the fourth 
day of the seventh month, which was the 
solemn festival of the land of Unculpsalm. 

most distinguished leaders of the Greeks, in the Trojan 
war, was named Ulysses. And will it be argued that there- 
fore this book has for its theme the same story as that of 
the Iliad? — a much inferior composition, although it has 
attained some reputation. Here is an argument that can- 
not be controverted. The efforts of the various critics are 
very feeble upon this point. 
11* 



126 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

59. And it came to pass, that on the day be- 
fore that on which the Kopur-hedds had 
appointed for the assembhng of themselves 
together again, news was brought to Gotham 
that Ulysses, who was surnamed Unculpsalm, 
had taken the city of Wickedsburg, and that 
the host of the Phiretahs therein, with their 
arms, and their engines of war, and all their 
spoil, had fallen into his hands. 

60. And again there was great rejoicing 
throughout all the land of Unculpsalm, save in 
the land of the Phiretahs, so that even the 
Kopur-hedds rejoiced with their lips, because 
they feaired the people ; but in their hearts they 
were cast down and exceeding sorrowful. 

61. And when the chief men of the Kopur- 
hedds assembled themselves together to take 
counsel as they had appointed, so it was that 
their lips were sealed again, and they sat si- 
lently looking upon each other ; for they were in 
great extremity, and were at their wits' end. 
And after a time they arose and went out one 
after another, saying nothing. 

62. And they appointed yet another day for 
their assembling. For they said, Peradventure 
some disaster may yet be vouchsafed unto us. 

62 . But it came to pass that before the day 
of this third assembling was come, another of 
the chief captains of Abraham, whose name 
was Nathaniel, had taken another city, which 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 27 

was upon the Father of the Waters, even the 
city which is called after the great river Hut- 
zoon. And this was the last city which was 
held by the Phiretahs on the banks of the 
Father of the Waters ; so that after they were 
driven out therefrom the ships of the men of 
Unculpsalm, even their ships of merchandise, 
and their ships of war, could go up and down 
that river through the whole length of the land 
of Unculpsalm. 

64. And the news thereof came quickly unto 
the city of Gotham ; and when the chief men 
of the Kopur-hedds assembled themselves to- 
gether for the third time, they came as men 
having no hope. 

65. And again they sat each man looking 
in the face of his neighbor, and they said noth- 
ing. 

66. Then after they had sat a long while, 
suddenly there appeared among them Pher- 
nandiwud, who was not bidden unto their as- 
sembly. And they were astonished. 

67. And Phernandiwud said unto them. Why 
sit ye here silent, doing nothing ? 

68. And looking up they could answer him 
but one word, 

69. Knsuvvutiv. 

70. Then said Phernandiwud, Give Knsuv- 
vutism unto Beelzebub. Ye cannot serve two 
masters (for he had searched the Scriptures 



128 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and found therein something more to his ad- 
vantage) ; ye cannot be for the war and against 
the means of carrying on the war. Ye cannot 
serve Jeph and Abraham. 

71. Go to, then: there needeth now a new 
ministration of the gospel of peace, and it shall 
not be wanting ; even such a ministration as 
there hath not been before this day ; a minis- 
tration unto which the ministrations of Presten- 
bruux unto Charles the Summoner, and of 
Isaiah the Hittite unto Philip of Athens, and 
my ministration unto the watchmen which be 
now the watchmen of Ken Edee, were as 
nothing ; even as Knsuvvutism. Go to. Do 
not the Pahdees govern Gotham ? 

72. And he turned and left the assembly. 
And they wist well what he meant, and they 
rejoiced in their hearts ; but they said, We 
wash our hands of this matter. 

73. Now even so did Pilate likewise wash 
his hands of that other matter. 

74. For he also was a Knsuvvutiv. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 29 



CHAPTER V. 

1. How Seemeywas made governor. 2. TJie Oueecneas. 8. 
Abraham 7iearke?ieth unto Seemer. 11. And decreetk 
the lot. 15. The Kopur-hedd scribes stir up the people. 
22. The Pahdees ajid the schyndee. 29. They hoxvl about 
givi7ig ivages tmto the Niggah. 30. Ouaics. 

NOW it came to pass that for a time before 
the Kopur-hedds set up Seemer for gov- 
ernor of the province of Gotham, the war in 
the land of Unculpsalm had languished ; and 
it seemed as if the Tshivulree might prevail 
against the langkies, and the land of Uncul- 
psalm might be divided, and its government 
brought to naught. 

2. So that many which were not Kopur- 
hedds, but which wavered in their purpose, 
joined themselves unto the sect of Oueecneas ; 
for so were they called which could not stand 
up like men to the work which was before 
them. 

3. And Seemer saw this. Wherefore he 
said, Behold, Abraham and his counsellors are 
slothful, and the land will be ruined because 

Ver. 3. Here Seemer digged a pit for his adversaries. 
We shall see afterward how he fell into it himself. 



130 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

of their slothfulness. Why do they not send 
officers throughout the land, and let lots be 
cast for men to fill up the armies of Uncul- 
psalm, that it may be done speedily, and that 
with a high hand and a mighty arm. 

4. And the Kopur-hedds said, Yea, verily, 
Let the lot be cast, and let the men be taken. 
Behold, Abraham and his counsellors are 
feeble. Let the war be waged with a high 
hand and a mighty arm. 

5 . But in all this they were crafty (for they 
were wise in their generation), and sought 
only to get the government into the hands of 
their faction. And they prospered for the time. 
For all of their own faction, and all of the sect 
of Oueecneas gave their voices for Seemer, so 
that he was made governor. 

6. Now the Knsuvvutivs forgat nothing, 
neither learned they anything ; wherefore it 
was that they remained in hot water lest they 
might be scalded. 

7. And Abraham remembered how it had 
been with rulers which were Knsuvvutivs in 
the olden time ; how they had either brought 
their nation to ruin or themselves ; and how 
two rulers, kings, even the king of the land of 
Jonbool, before it became the land of Jonbool, 
and while the men of Unculpsalm, even the 
langkies, dwelt therein, and the king of the 
land of the Pahlivoos, which were good men, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I3I 

but Knsuvvuttivs, and forgot nothing, neither 
learned anything, but got themselves into hot 
water and remained therein lest they should 
be scalded, were solemnly beheaded for their 
Knsuvvuttism. 

8. And Abraham considered the matter in 
his heart, and he said within himself. The wise 
man remembereth the teachings of the past, 
but he turneth not away from the cry of the 
present ; neither stoppeth he his ears against 
the chiding of his adversary, for it may profit 
him. So, although Abraham was not num- 
bered among the Knsuvvuttivs, he hearkened 
unto their counsels. 

9. Now there were others, chief men of the 
Dimmichrats, which did likewise. And these 
were Benbuttlah, who first discovered that the 
everlasting Niggah was khontrab-hand ; (Now, 
khontrab-hand, in the language of all the gen- 
tiles, is everything which doeth harm unto him 
that maketh war, and helpeth his enemy to 
war upon him;) and Daniel, surnam.ed Scrip- 
turdic, because he searched the Scriptures, not 
to find something to his advantage, but that 
he might expound them unto the people ; and 
Jembray Dee, a great lawyer of Gotham, who 
would take no office, and who was the son of 
a Pahdee. Likewise were there many others 
of this sort among the Dimmichrats. 

10. And Abraham said, Let the lot be cast 



132 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

who shall serve in the armies of Unculpsalm. 
And, whereas, by them of olden time, even by 
Moses, it was said that only he who had taken 
a wife should not go to war, let now every 
man who is the only son of a widow, and who 
is the only support of his wife and his little 
ones, and every man whose going shall be a 
hardship and a calamity, save that which men 
ought to bear, not be taken. 

11. And if any man's heart fail him, or if 
his business require him, let him pay another 
that he may go in his place ; let it be declared 
that whosoever upon whom the lot falleth, and 
who will pay into the treasury three hundred 
pieces of silver, shall have another provided 
for him to go to the war in his place ; for so 
shall the extortioners not grind the faces of 
them that be both poor and faint-hearted. 

12. Now when Phernandiwud heard that 
this was done, he rejoiced greatly. For he 
said, Abraham hath again ministered occasion 
unto us ; and this occasion is even better than 
that when he gave us Clement for a martyr. 

13. For Clement hath made little for us by 
his martyrdom. 

14. And immediately Phernandiwud, and 
Benjamin his brother, and James the Scribe, 
and Erastus his brother, and Primus the Scribe, 
and Assohkald Eddittah, being bidden there- 
unto by his owners, and all the Scribes and the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 133 

orators of the Kopur-hedds throughout the land 
of Unculpsahu, forgetting the former counsel 
of Seemer, and that they did declare the same, 
did set themselves to stir up the people against 
the lot. 

15. For they said, Thus shall we hinder 
Abraham and his counsellors in their govern- 
ment, and thus shall we stop the war, so that 
no more grievous victories shall afflict the land, 
and the armies of Unculpsalm shall be driven 
from the field, and the gospel of peace shall 
prevail, and the land shall be divided, and the 
nation destroyed, so that we can build it up 
again, and its foundation shall be the everlast- 
ing Niggah, who endureth from generation to 
generation. 

16. And openly they declared against the 
lot, because, as they said, it was contrary to 
the Great Covenant. 

17. For, in the land of Unculpsalm, what- 
ever a man was loth to do he would say was 
not according to the Great Covenant ; so that 
men began to hope that it might be found con- 
trary to the Great Covenant for the husband to 
walk up and down with a child that crieth in 
the night. (For such was the custom in that 
land). Wherefore the children would have 
been suffered to cry until the judges had deliv- 
ered judgment, but that the women had whereof 

to say about that matter. 
12 



134 ^^^ ^^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

i8. But in secret the Kopur-hedds said unto 
the poor men, Behold, Abraham heth in wait 
for the blood of the poor. For the rich man 
who can pay three hundred pieces of silver 
need not go to the war ; but the poor man, who 
cannot pay, must go if the lot fall upon him. 
Saying not that every man must serve God and 
his country according to his ability. 

19. And to the rich they said, The three hun- 
dred pieces of silver will not be paid to the men 
who go into the army in your places, but even 
unto that other army, the noble army of Coun- 
teractors which do continually praise Abraham. 

20. Thus the Kopur-hedds made confusion, 
and stirred up the people to murmur through- 
out the land ; but chiefly in the city of Gotham, 
which was governed by the Pahdees, the fol- 
lowers of Phernandiwud. 

21. Now the Pahdees are ready to fight, and 
they love fighting for the fighting's sake ; and 
so do not the langkies, which do never fight, 
save against oppression and for righteousness' 
sake. 

22. And the Pahdees do like best that fight 
which is called schyndee. (Now a schyndee 
is when each man breaketh the head of his 
neighbor and asketh no questions. ) And with- 
out schyndees the Pahdee pineth away, and life 
is a burden unto him. 

23. But before the beginning of the war the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 135 

Pahdees of Gotham had been almost altogether 
deprived of schyndees by reason of the strait- 
ness of Ken Edee and his watchmen. 

24. And when the war began, besides that 
many of them stood idle and had neither work 
nor wages, they all thought that the war would 
be like unto a great schyndee, even great enough 
to make up unto them the loss of all the schyn- 
dees whereof they had been deprived by the 
watchmen of Gotham. So they went many of 
them to the war ; but after a season they came 
home, and having been filled with fighting for 
a time, and finding both work and wages, they 
returned not again, but gave themselves to gov- 
erning Gotham. 

25. Now when the decree went forth that 
the lot should be cast, Phernandiwud and the 
chief of his disciples who were apostles of the 
new gospel of peace went among the Pahdees 
and said unto them, 

26. What is this that Abraham and his coun- 
sellors would do unto you? They are tyrants 
and would take away your rights and your 
privileges. For is it not the right and the privi- 
lege of the Pahdees to come from a land of fam- 
ine and oppression unto the land of Unculpsalm, 
which is a land of plenty and of freedom, and 
to be paid for their labor four fold what they 
received aforetime, and while the smell of the 
bog of that land is yet upon their feet to be- 



136 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

come rulers in that land, and to take unto them- 
selves all the benefits for which the langkies 
have done battle and sat in council, and toiled 
generation after generation, and to have fat of- 
fices, and above all, to rule in Gotham? 

27. Wherefore, then, goeth forth this decree 
from Abraham and his counsellors, that the lot 
shall be cast in Gotham, w^here be many Pah- 
dees, even a great number like unto the locusts 
for multitude, save that Abraham thirsteth for 
the blood of the Pahdees, and would take them 
away from ruling Gotham, and deliver the city 
into the hands of the langkies, which have no 
right therein, and unto men who would take 
away the everlasting Niggah and let him go a 
free man over the land, and get both work and 
wages? 

28. And when the Pahdees heard of giving 
wages unto the Niggah they all howled with an 
exceeding long and grievous howl. For the 
Pahdees do hate the Niggahs ; and for them to 
hear that the Niggah is to have wages like unto 
them is an exceeding sore aflfliction. So they 
howled with an howling like unto that of a 
ouaic. 

29. Now in the tongue of the Pahdees a 
ouaic is a gathering together by night over the 
body of a dead Pahdee. And forasmuch as it 
is one of their solemn ceremonies, they do pour 
out drink offerings, and also make sacrifices. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 37 

For after they have well poured out drink offer- 
ings they do have a schyndee and slay one of 
their number as a sacrifice for him that is dead. 
And then straightway there is another ouaic 
over him that is slain ; and so on forever, so 
that each ouaic produceth another; and thus 
the howling of the ouaic and the pouring out 
of drink offerings and the schyndee never cease 
throughout the country of the Pahdees. 

30. And Phernandiwud and the scribes and 
orators of the Kopur-hedds did continually day 
by day thus stir up the Pahdees and all them 

of the baser sort among the men of Gotham. 

12* 



138 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, 



CHAPTER VI. 

I. The Pahdees and the Bihdees declare against the lot. 
3. Seemer seeketh to stay the lot, 5. But Abraham re- 
fiiseth. 8. The Pahdees begin the ministration of the 
Gospel of Peace, and make schyndees. 12. And sta7id by 
the Great Covenant. 21. One of the Tshiviilree smelleth 
the smell of burnt Niggah. 23. And becometh gracious. 
57. Seemer cometh. 60. The Pahdees set him at naught. 
61. The Pleece. 6-^. The reasons of the ministration. 

NOW when the day of the casting of the 
lot drew nigh, the Pahdees and the Bih- 
dees (for so were called the women of the 
Pahdees which were maid servants unto the 
langkies) declared that they would not suffer 
the lot to be cast, but would make a great 
schyndee, and that in this they would do the 
will of Seemer, whom they called Say More, 
and of Phernandiwud. 

2. But the langkies heeded them not, say- 
ing, This is all blahknee, which being inter- 
preted is bung-come. For the blahknee of the 
Pahdees is the bung-come of the langkies. 

Ver. 2. Brown, Jones, and Robinson, after much discus- 
sion, unite in the opinion that if we only know what was 
the bung-come of the langkies, we might safely conjecture 
what was the blahknSe of the Pahdees. Without commit- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I39 

3. But Seemer was told of this thing in such 
manner that he knew it to be true. And he 
took no means to prevent the Pahdees, neither 
did he summon any of the soldiers of the prov- 
ince back to Gotham. But he sent one of his 
officers unto Abraham and unto his counsellors, 
saying, 

4. Behold now the Pahdees will resist the 
lot. Let it therefore be stopped until the judges 
can say whether it is according to the Great 
Covenant. 

5. But Abraham answered him and said, 
Hear me, Seemer. This nation standeth up to 
the lips in hot water, and the pot hath been 
heating now these thirty years ; and, as I live, 
this nation shall no longer remain in hot water 
without striving to get out thereof, because it is 
not according to Knsuvvuttism. Let the judges 
deem ; but let the lot go forward. 

6. So the lot went forward. And Seemer 
washed his hands ; for, like Pilate, he also was 
a Knsuvvuttiv. 

7. Now the first day of the casting of the lot 
was the seventh day of the week : wherefore the 
Pahdees refrained themselves, lest Augustus 



ting ourselves to so sweeping a conclusion, it is safe to saj 
that blahknee appears to have been a kind of private bung- 
come : and consequently Dr. Hobvius Trite conjectures 
bung-come was a kind of public blahknee. Dr. Trite will 
be recognized as the eminent Shakespearian commentator. 



lAO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and they of the circumcision should be offended. 
And the day after was the Sabbath of the Gen- 
tiles. 

8. But on the next day, even on the second 
day of the week, certain of the Pahdees gath- 
ered themselves together about the eleventh 
hour, and fell upon the officers which cast the 
lots, and drove them out of the house wherein 
they were, and destroyed their writings, and 
set the house on fire. And they beat the 
watchmen of Ken Edee which were sent against 
them (for the watchmen were but an handful) , 
and went about the streets armed with clubs 
and staves, shouting and making schyndees. 

9. And straightway the whole city near the 
quarters where the Pahdees dwelt, which was 
called Ashantee, was in an uproar. 

10. And the tumult grew and spread through- 
out Gotham among the Pahdees. But of the 
langkies only a few of the baser sort of the 
Hittites and the Hammerites joined therein. 
Yet did certain of the orators and scribes of the 
Kopur-hedds inflame the Pahdees with their 
words ; and chiefly Assohkald Edditah, who to 
gain the World had lost his own soul. 

1 1 . And Ken Edee went to see what the tu- 
mult was. And the Pahdees said, Lo, this 
enemy of Phernandiwud cometh, and he that 
stoppeth schyndees is delivered into our hands. 
Let us slay him, therefore ; for we stand by the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I4I 

Great Covenant. And they beat him nigh unto 
death. 

12. And they were more and more inflamed 
by their own doings, and by the orations of the 
Kopur-hedds. And they began to shout for 
Jeph the Repudiator, and to spoil and to burn 
the city. For they stood by the Great Cov- 
enant. 

13. And they entered into the houses of the 
officers of Abraham and the houses of the rich 
men, men of Behal, which strove to set the 
Niggah free and to pay him wages for his labor, 
even as the Pahdees were paid ; and they took 
the household stuff and furniture, and cast it 
into the street, and some they carried off, and 
they burned the houses. For they stood by the 
Great Covenant. 

14. And, foaming in anger against the Nig- 
gahs, lest they should be set free and get 
wages, they fell upon them which were already 
free in Gotham, and some they beat, and some 
they hanged, and some they slew, and some of 
the bodies of them that they slew they burned 
while the breath was yet in them. For they 
stood by the Great Covenant. 

15. And they drave the Niggahs out of their 
houses and set them on fire. For they stood 
by the Great Covenant. 

16. And they went in the night and set on 
fire an alms house for little Niggahs which 



142 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

were orphans, and turned them, half naked, out 
into the darkness : for they said. Lest they be- 
come men and receive wages for their labor. 
For they stood by the Great Covenant. 

17. And some Niggahs they cast into the 
water, and some into the fire ; and they slew 
the child in the arms of his mother. For they 
stood by the Great Covenant. 

18. And they robbed in the highways of 
Gotham, even in every part thereof; and they 
cast stones into the houses of the scribes that 
taught not the gospel of peace and the ever- 
lasting Niggah. For they stood by the Great 
Covenant. 

19. And they fought against the officers of 
Unculpsalm, and slew some of them ; and the 
Pahdee women, even the Bihdees, did cut them 
that were slain with knives, even as they did 
the Niggah men, and one of the officers of the 
armies of Unculpsalm, in that wise that had 
they been living men they could not have 
come into the congregation. For they stood 
by the Great Covenant. 

20. And it come to pass that a man of the 
Tshivulree sat in the house of Hiram the pub- 
lican ; and certain Phlunkees were there also, 
compromising themselves unto him. 

Ver. 19. See Deuteronon\y xxiii. i. This passage, how- 
ever, does not support the conjecture that the author was a 
Hebrew; for upon the ceremonial point in question the 
Hebrews were not peculiar among oriental people. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I43 

21. And the man said, Behold, I do smell a 
smell as of wool burning, a smell as of the 
land of the Ephephvees, and the land of Dik- 
see, which is the home of Tshivulree, and it is 
sweet unto my nostrils. 

22. And the Phlunkees, which were Kopur- 
hedds, bowed themselves down before him, 
and compromised unto him, and said. Yea, 
verily, thy servants are burning Niggahs that 
it may be pleasant unto my lord, to show their 
good will unto my lord, and that my lord may 
see that the home of Tshivulree is coming 
northward. 

23. And he said, Is it even so? It is well. 
And if ye will indeed offer up the Free Nig- 
gah unto us as a burnt offering, an offering of 
a sweet savor, behold, we may accept you and 
be gracious unto you ; and, when we do smell the 
smell of the burnt Niggah, we may no longer 
hold our noses when ye do bow yourselves down 
unto us, and speak unto us, and sell us your 
merchandise. If ye continue in well-doing, 
and will buy and sell the Niggahs, and make 
them your hewers of wood and drawers of 
water forever, and beat them with stripes, and 
roast them with fire, and get sons and daughters 
of their women and sell them for bondsmen 
and bondswomen, and if ye will persecute the 
men of Belial who say, Do ye unto all men as 
ye would have all men do unto you, and will 



144 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

beat them, and hang them, and roast them with 
fire, and pour hot pitch upon them, and ride 
them upon sharp beams very grievous to be- 
stride, and make this country Hke unto the land 
of Diksee, the home of Tshivulree, 

24. Behold then we may be yet more gra- 
cious unto you, and come into your provinces 
and take them and rule them and you. 

25. And the Phlunkees, which were Kopur- 
hedds, bowed themselves down again, and com- 
promised themselves yet the more, and said, 
Be it unto thy servants even as thou wilt. 

26. Now when Seemer had sent his officer 
to Abraham because he knew that there would 
be a tumult, he remained not in Gotham, but 
went down to the seaside. 

27. And when the tumult broke out, they sent 
for him ; but he came not. But on the second 
day even the Kopur-hedds sent unto him, say- 
ing. Come over and help us ere we be de- 
stroyed. And he came. 

28. But the Pahdees, although they were 
slaying and burning and destroying, fled not 
from before his face although he was governor 
of the province, whose office it was to execute 
judgment upon transgressors. But when they 
saw him, they thronged upon him, and shouted 
welcome unto him. And he spake unto them 
and compromised himself unto them, and said 
unto them, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I45 

29. Hear me, O my friends. I mean that 
the wrongs which ye do suffer in being made 
to bear your part of the burdens of the land of 
Unculpsalm, and to obey the laws thereof, 
shall be abated. And I have sent an officer 
unto Abraham to demand that the law against 
which you have made this tumult shall not be 
enforced. But, my friends, I pray you, O my 
noble friends, I do entreat you, that ye will re- 
spect private property (for do not our noble 
friends the Tshivulree, whom we all serve this 
day, respect private property?) else I cannot 
deliver you from your oppression. 

30. Yet on the morrow he issued a procla- 
mation to the people that they should obey the 
laws of the province. But he said nothing 
about the laws of Unculpsalm. But the Pah- 
dees regarded not his proclamation, and went 
on with their schyndee. 

31. Now the watchmen of Ken Edee, which 
were called Pleece, which were valiant men 
and goodly to look upon, and which found 
favor in the eyes of the women of Gotham, 
fought stoutly under the lieutenant of Ken 
Edee whose name was Kahpen Turr. Like- 
wise also did a handful of the soldiers of Un- 
culpsalm, which were nigh unto Gotham when 
the tumult began. So that in three days the 
tumult began to abate. 

32. And it came to pass that a man in Go- 

13 



146 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

tham met some of the Pahdees, and they suf- 
fered him to talk to them. 

33. And he asked them, Why do ye fight 
the Pleece ? And they answered and said, 
Because the Pleece began the tumult by with- 
standing us when we would have driven out 
the officers who cast the lots against us. For 
if we may but do our own will, we indeed 
would trouble no man. 

34. And he asked them. Why do ye slay the 
officers of Unculpsalm? And they answered 
and said. Because they turn their swords upon 
the people. For have not the scribes of the 
Kopur-hedds and the Phlunkees and the Oueec- 
neas told you that we are the people? 

35. And again he asked them. But why 
do ye slay the Niggahs, which are meek and 
lowly, and withstand no man, but flee before 
you? And they said unto him, 

26. Confess now, is not the Niggah the 
cause of the war? And he said. Yea, verily. 
And they answered him, Behold thou hast said 
it. We slay the Niggah because he is the 
cause of the war, and we are apostles of the 

Ver. 33. Observe the meekness and submissiveness of the 
Pahdees. If they might only come into the land of Uncul- 
psalm after the langkies had made it rich, and strong, and 
a land in which no man could make another afraid, and 
might govern the chief cities of that land, and do their own 
will in other matters, they would do neither mischief nor 
violence. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I47 

new gospel of peace, which we do minister 
unto you with lire and sword this day. 

37. And if tlie Niggah choosetli to submit, 
he hath the right to submit. For we have 
vowed a vow that no man shall fight against 
his will ; and this is the right of the Niggah 
under the Great Covenant. And if he resist- 
eth, then all the more will we put him to death. 
For we stand by the Great Covenant. 

28, And after five days the tumult was ended, 
But for five days there were murderings and 
burnings and destruction. And the smoke 
of that city went up day and night like the 
smoke of a furnace ; and the air was filled 
with groanings, and with the cry of women 
and of children to whom was ministered the 
new gospel of peace. 

39. And it was a great ministration ; and 
the like had not been in that land, neither shall 
be. For if men see not their wickedness and 
turn not from the error of their ways through 
such ministration, how shall they be converted? 

Ver. 39. The striking traits of this book are its wisdom, 
and the grave and serious style of its author. But here, 
writing manifestly soon after the event which he describes, 
he ventures upon an unsafe prediction. He evidently was 
not enabled to foresee the ministration of the new gospel of 
peace which is recorded in Book IV., Chapter VI. 



148 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



.CHAPTER VII. 

I. Craftiness of Pkernandhvtcd. 4. He e^tdeavoreth to stay 
the zeal of tJie Pahdees. 9. But cajinot. 11. Seenier is 
discomfited. 14. Tshaivlstn. 18. Gil MoaJi. 20. De- 
stroyeth the great fort of Tshaivlstn. 23. The spirit of 
the Great Father of the latid filleth the hearts of the 
tnen of Unculpsalm. 

NOW in all this the Pahdees did the will 
of their master, Phernandiwud, the chief 
apostle of the new gospel of peace. 

2. But he appeared not in the matter, nor 
was he heard of in Gotham durinor the minis- 
tration ; for he was a subtle man and a crafty, 
and his walk was slantindicular. 

3. So that Elijah, who smelleth the battle 
afar off in the tents of Tahmunee, and whose 
walk was straight forward, said, What man- 
ner of man is this Phernandiwud, that he rais- 
eth such a tumult among the people, and then 
straightway taketh himself into the wilderness, 
where no man can find him? 

4. And Phernandiwud was not well pleased 
with his followers, the Pahdees, and he said unto 
their ringleaders (for, although he appeared 
not, he held communion with them) , What mean 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I49 

ye that ye act thus without discretion? What 
ye do is well ; but ye do too much thereof; and 
by your over-much zeal ye bring reproach upon 
the gospel of peace among a people which is 
yet in the darkness of a false dispensation. 

5. It is meet and right that the officers of 
Abraham should be slain, and that the Niggahs 
should be hanged and burned, and they de- 
spoiled who would set them free and pay them 
wages, and that men should be put in terror of 
the mystery of the new gospel, which yet they 
comprehend not. For we stand by the Great 
Covenant. But the time is not yet come. 

6. Cease, therefore, to slay the officers of 
Abraham, and to hang and burn the Niggahs, 
and to lay waste the city. But continue to 
withstand the lot, which only I meant that ye 
should do ; that from the province of Gotham, 
and from all the other provinces, there should 
go no more men into the armies of Unculpsalm, 
and so the war might cease without the putting 
down of the rebellion. 

7. For in this Seemer would have helped us. 
But now by your over-much zeal ye have com- 
pelled him to declare himself against us, though 
in heart he is with us. Cease, now, therefore, 
to slay, to hang, and to burn any more than is 
prudent, or ye will hinder the new gospel of 
peace. Have ye not read how it is written, 
The zeal of thy house hath eaten me up ? 

13* 



150 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

8. (For again, as in his business with Marah- 
vine, he had searched the Scriptures that he 
might find something to his advantage). 

9. Now this was on the second day of the 
ministration. But the Pahdees then would not 
heed the words of Phernandiwud, and went on 
with their slaying and their hanging and their 
burning. 

10. Then did Phernandiwud and the Kopur- 
hedds, see that again their case was desperate, 
and that, seeking to let out a little water, they 
had opened the floodgates, and could not close 
them again. Wherefore they gave up this 
matter ; and the watchmen of Ken Edee, even 
the Pleece, and the soldiers of Unculpsalm took 
possession of the city of Gotham, and then all 
men, even the Niggahs, slept in peace, and ate 
their bread in quietness. 

11. Nevertheless, Seemer and all them that 
were disciples of the new gospel of peace, and 
which said that no man, not even the Niggah, 
should be made to fight, declared that they 
would resist the lot by the law, and that they 
would do by the judges that which the}^ had 
failed to accomplish through the over-much zeal 
of the Pahdees. 

12. But they could not; for they found that 
their own judges whom they glorified, and who 
expounded the Great Covenant only as a great 
compromising, which should endure forever, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 151 

had declared against them, and that the law of 
Unculpsalm was supreme in the land. 

13. So the lot was cast, and the men taken, 
and the war was not hindered. And the armies 
of Unculpsalm moved forward. And in the 
west they marched into the heart of the land of 
Diksee, and the army of the Phiretah captain 
in that country, who was surname d the Brag- 
gart, fell back before them. 

14. Now upon the south-eastern coast of the 
land of Diksee, on the shore of the great sea, 
as thou goest down unto Jahrji, where Robert 
dwelt among the tombs, was a little city, which 
they who dwelt therein called Tshawlstn, which 
was full of Phiretahs. And the people thereof 
did nothing and thought of nothing but to be 
Tshivulree. And being mere cumberers of the 
ground, and doing nothing but be Tshivulree, 
they yet were eaten up with conceit of them- 
selves and their glory ; and they boasted more 
than any other of the boasters south of the bor- 
der of Masunandicsun ; and their only boast 
was that they were the real Tshivulree. Where- 
fore even in the land of Diksee men laughed 
them to scorn. 

15. And as the people thereof did nothing 
but boast and be Tshivulree, Tshawlstn fell into 
decay, and year by year as it decayed it be- 
came more and more stiff-necked and rebel- 
lious. And it was in Tshawlstn that the men 



152 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

of the South first rose up against the govern- 
ment of Unculpsahn ; and it was from the fort 
before the city, which guarded the passage to 
the sea, that the Phiretahs, with an army of 
five thousand men, drove out one of the cap- 
tains of Unculpsalm, with a band of ninety at 
the beginning of this war. 

16. Wherefore, although the men of the 
North hated not the men of the South as the 
men of the South hated them, yet their anger 
was hot against Tshawlstn, and they sought to 
crush it as men crush the cockatrice's den. 
For they said. It is the nest of the rebelhon. 
And thus did all them throughout the land of 
Diksee which had respect unto the government 
of Unculpsalm, according to the Great Cove- 
nant, and longed to see the banner of Uncul- 
psalm, under which their fathers had fought, 
again in triumph in their land. 

17. And the armies of Unculpsalm laid siege 
to Tshawlstn, and to the great fort which stood 
before it guarding the passage to the sea. But 
the Phiretahs had made the place strong by 
casting up mounds and building other forts, so 
that it resisted long and stoutly. And three 
captains had sat down before it in vain. 

18. Then Abraham sent against it a captain 
whose name was Gil Moah. And he was a 
young man, but he was cunning to fight with 
great engines of war ; and he had taken and 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 153 

destroyed another strong fort which the Phire- 
tahs had wrested from the government of Un- 
culpsalm. 

19. And Gil Moah sat down before Tshawl- 
stn, and cast up banks against the forts around 
it, and took some of them, and set up great 
engines of war, very mighty and very marvel- 
lous, the like of which had not been seen be- 
fore in any land. 

20. And he drave the Tshivulree out of the 
strong places which were before the great fort ; 
and he set up his engines against that fort, and 
he battered it to ruins. Moreover he turned 
his engines against Tshawlstn, and threw iron 
balls into the city, and fire that ran along the 
ground and could not be extinguished. 

21. Whereat the Phiretahs were in great in- 
dignation ; for they said, that according to the 
laws of Tshivulree, even their laws, Gil Moah 
should throw fire which could be extinguished. 
But he answered them that he came not to 
obey their laws, but to compel them to obey 
the laws of Unculpsalm, and that he did not 
throw the fire only that it might be put out. 

22. And when the news went about that Gil 
Moah had destroyed the great fort of Tshawlstn, 
the men of Unculpsalm heard thereof with 
solemn joy. 

23. And it come to pass that immediately the 
spirit of the Great Father of that nation, even 



154 "^^^ ^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

he who was first in peace and first in war 
among that people, descended and filled the 
hearts of all of them, saying unto them, 

24. Hear me, my children, and give ear unto 
me, ye who are the only fruit of my being. 
The first triumph of treason is brought low by 
the power which I nourished ; and before the 
banner which ye first uplifted by my hands the 
stronghold of iniquity is fallen. 

25. Now, when ye do receive the same, and 
it is delivered into your hands, ye shall in no 
wise rebuild it. Ye shall not suffer one stone 
to be laid again upon another. 

26. But it shall remain before your eyes a 
heap and a desolation from generation to gen- 
eration, to be a sign and a memorial unto you, 
and unto your children, and your children's 
children forever. 

27. And it shall come to pass, that when 
your sons and your daughters say unto you, 
What are these stones, and wherefore are these 
ruins? that ye shall answer unto them, 

28. Thus shall it be unto all them which 
seek the destruction of the land that doeth 
justice and loveth mercy, and that dealeth 
righteously without respect of persons, and 
giveth freedom unto all them that dwell therein. 

END OF THE SECOND BOOK. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 155 



Note B. 

Ver. 10, II, 12. Assohhald EdditaJi. This singular name 
seems not to have been the patronymic of the person who 
bore it, but to have been given to him, after the manner of 
primitive times, from his occupation and his character. But 
although his name is strange to us, it would not be well for 
us to be complacent in the thought that his readiness to 
sell himself for lucre is foreign to our country. That it is 
not unknown among our people is made very clear by the 
following affidavits which appear among the evidence in 
the case of George Opdyke against Manton Marble, Elon 
Comstock, John Doe, Richard Roe, and John Styles : — 



[affidavit I.] 

SUPREME COURT. 



George Opdyke, 

against 

Manton Marble, and others. 



City and County of New York, ss : 

David Hoadley, being required by an order of this Court 
to attend before a referee and make an affidavit in this 
matter, and being duly sworn, says that he resides in the 
City of New York. 

Q^ Do you know the defendant, Manton Marble .? 

A. He called upon me with a letter of introduction from 
a personal friend, about two years ago [fall of 1862] ; I 
cannot state the date accurately. 

Q^ What passed at that interview.'' 

A. He stated that the object of his call was connected 
with the pecuniary embarrassments of the newspaper called 
"The World." That unless aid was obtained at an early 
day the paper must go down. That while he very much 
preferred that it should be kept in the hands of parties who 



156 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

were in sympathy with the general principles of the paper 
as then conducted, he was apprehensive that unless aid was 
extended by such parties, the paper would pass into the 
hands of persons holding different views, and his impres- 
sion was that it would come under the control of Fernando 
Wood. 

Q^ Did you render him any assistance, or was any ren- 
dered to your knowledge ? 

A. I rendered no aid directly, but gave him a note of 
introduction to a gentleman of large wealth, who, as I 
thought, might feel sufficiently interested in preserving the 
paper in its then existing status to extend what aid was 
necessary. I am not aware whether the gentlemen referred 
to entertained the subject of extending the required aid or 
not ; but I presume not, from the fact that the character of 
the paper was soon afterwards changed. 

Q^ From what passed at your interview with Mr, Mar- 
ble, did you receive the impression that he possessed 
sufficient pecuniary resources to carry on the paper him- 
self ? 

A. My impression was that he was unable to sustain the 
paper without the aid of other parties, which he was then 

seeking. 

David Hoadley. 
Sworn to before me, this 29th > 
day of September, 1864. 5 

Daniel P. Ingraham, Jr., Referee. 

[AFFIDA\r[T 2.] 

SUPREME COURT. 



George Opdyke, 

against 

Manton Marble, and others. 



City and County of New York, ss : 

Alexander Wilder, being duly required to make an affida- 
vit in this action, and being duly affirmed, deposes and 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 157 

sajs, that he resides in the city of New York. That he 
knows the defendant Manton Marble, and has known him 
since the year 1858. That in 1858 the deponent became 
connected with " The New York Evening Post," and that at 
that time the said Marble occupied the position of one of 
the assistant editors on that newspaper, &c. . . . 

Q^ Do you know what were the politics of " The World " 
when he was first connected with it? 

A. They were known as republican, with a decidedly 
conservative tendency. 

Q^ Did the politics of " The World " afterwards change, 
Marble continviing all the while to be an editor.'' -* 

A. In the fall of 1862, the politics of that paper changed. 
I know the time from the fact that in September of that 
year Governor Seymour made a speech in Albany, in which 
he spoke of "The World" as a Republican newspaper, and 
of Marble as its editor, and immediately afterwards "The 
World " supported Governor Seymour for the Governor- 
ship, under the nomination of the opposite party. 

Q^ What capital is necessary to run a daily morning pa- 
per in the city of New York ? 

A. At least a hundred thousand dollars ; my impression 
is that it would take two hundred and fifty thousand dol- 
lars. 

Alexander Wilder. 
Affirmed before me, this 

27th September, 1864. 

Geo. p. Nelson, Commr. of Deeds. 

What " the general principles of the paper" were at the 
time when the subject of these affidavits told the gentleman 
upon whom he had called in regard to its "pecuniary em- 
barrassments " that he apprehended that " unless aid was 
extended" to it, " it would come under the control of Fer- 
nando Wood," may be gathered from the following extract 
from its prospectus, published a short time before the call 
in question : — 

" The World has now been in existence for a little more 
than a year. It has attained, in that short period, to the 
14 



158 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

highest rank in American journalism, — to a perfectly 
secure financial basis, and to a circulation, patronage, and 
influence, which has only been equalled bj other journals 

after the labors of many years 

In the future, as it has in the past, it will give to the Ad- 
ministration a hearty and vigorous support, because, in the 
war for the Union, twenty millions of people have confided 
to its hands their battles for Liberal Institutions, Good 
Government, Nationality, and Freedom. The World will 
oppose all compromises which would barter away the prin- 
ciples for which this war is waged ; it will oppose peace 
itself till the success of the war assures the perma7ience of 
peace, and will urge the prosecution of the war, ivifk econ- 
omy, but -with relentless vigor, till the federal property is 
recovered, and federal authority is re-established, from the 
Chesapeake to the Rio Grande." 



The New Gospel of Peace. 



BOOK THIRD. 



[Published July 22d, 1864.] 

(159) 



BOOK THIRD. 



CHAPTER I. 

1. Pshaw dee. 6. The generations of Pshaw dee. *j.Psnawb. 
lo. Peddulah. 12. Rheet Aylah. \(i. Johbah. \<^. Holz 
Ayl. 20. Kaudphyssh. 22. The greatness of Kaud- 
j)hyssh. 35. His riches vafiish away. 

IN the days when Abraham ruled the land 
of Unculpsalm, there was a man in the city 
of Gotham whose name was Pshawdee. 

2. And Pshawdee was of the noble army of 
the Counter actors, which did continually praise 
Abraham. 

3. But in the days of Phranklinn and of 
James whose surname was Facing-both-ways, 
he was of the sect of Smalphri among the 
Dimmichrats. 

4. And it came to pass that in the third year 
of the war in the land of Unculpsalm, Pshaw- 
dee was a rich man like unto Dives for richness ; 
because that in the days of James who faced 
both ways, he had joined himself unto the 
Schynnurs who go to and fro in Ouahlztrete, 
and afterwards he had gone down the river of 

14* (161) 



l62 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the debtors, even the Oh-I-owe, which leadeth 
unto the country of the Repudiators. 

5. For he would neither pay the debts that 
he owed nor acknowledge them, and ask them 
to be forgiven him. Wherefore it was that he 
went unto the country of the Repudiators, and 
afterward became a rich man like unto Dives 
in the city of Gotham. 

6. Now these are the generations of Pshaw- 
dee. 

7. There came a man from the land of Jon- 
bool into the land of Unculpsalm whose name 
was Psnawb. And he was a Phlunkee. 

8. And he dwelt in the northern part of the 
land, and sojourned in a town which was 
by the sea-side, and which the people thereof 
thought was the centre of the earth, and the 
chief city in the land of Unculpsalm. Where- 
fore they called it Boss-town ; for bos», being 
interpreted, is master. The same is that which 
by the scribes among them was called the new 
Athens. 

9. And Psnawb took to wife a woman of the 
Pahdees (for there were Pahdees in Boss-town) , 
even a Bihdee. And she was fruitful, after the 
manner of the Bihdees, and bore him sons and 
daughters. 

10. But the names of none of them are writ- 
ten, except the name of his first-born, Ped- 

Ver. 10. It would seem as if the Phiretahs had derived 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 63 

dullah. And Peddullah was the father of all 
them that went to and fro in the land of Uncul- 
psalm, from the country of the langkies even 
unto the country of the Tshivulree, carrying 
merchandise and getting gain. 

11. And Peddullah took unto himself a wife 
of the Meenouites which dwelt in the country 
of the Tshivulree, but which were poor, and 
had no Niggahs, and were scorned of the 
Tshivulree. And when he had brought her 
northward into the land of the langkies, she 
conceived and bare him a son, and she called 
his name Rheet Aylah ; for, she said, he shall 
not go to and fro like his father, but shall dwell 
in one place, and he shall increase in sub- 
stance. 

12. And Rheet Aylah went and dwelt in 
Gotham. But in the beginning he did not 
prosper ; and he looked and said, Behold, it is 
because I am a stranger, and without friends 
and acquaintance. 

13. So he went unto one of the wise men of 

their notions of the langkies chiefly from their acquaint- 
ance with Peddullah and the sons of Peddullah. Hence 
their contempt for the langkies for which thej paid so 
dearly. Dr. Trite remarks that the names throughout this 
genealogy are, in his judgment, rather the names of tribes 
than those of individuals. But how does this agree with 
the oriental custom of giving the names of individuals to 
tribes } Here is a question that may well tax all the powers 
of the ingenious and learned commentator. 



164 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Gotham, and asked him, saying. How shall I 
make unto myself friends and acquaintances 
among the Gothamites ? And the wise man 
answered him and said, Join thyself either 
unto the Pharisees or unto the Phyarmen. 

14. And Rheet Aylah considered the matter, 
and when he saw that the Phyarmen were bold, 
and that they toiled and slept not, and were 
familiar with danger, he joined himself unto 
the Pharisees. 

15. And he took unto himself a wife of the 
women of Gotham, whose father was a Phari- 
see. And straightway he began to prosper 
and increase in substance. And Rheet Aylah's 
wife conceived and bare a son, and called his 
name Jobbah. 

16. And Jobbah sold rnerchandise unto the 
sons of Peddullah, his grandfather. But he 
despised them, although they were his near 
kinsmen. And he despised his father also. 
For he said within himself. They are Peddul- 
lahs and the sons of Peddullahs, and am I not 
Jobbah? 

17. And Jobbah also sold merchandise unT:o 
merchants in the land of Tshivulree, and some 
of them often paid him not for a long season. 
And he went southward into their country, 
even the country which lieth southward of the 
border of Masunandicsun, to ask of them the 
money which they owed him. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 165 

18. And while he was in the country of the 
Tshivuh-ee he took to wife a daughter of one 
of the Meenouites who had gathered a httle 
substance, and had bought unto himself some 
Niggahs. For in the land of Tshivulree when 
a Meenouite became rich, he went straightway 
and bought a Niggah, saying, Thus shall I no 
longer be a Meenouite, but Tshivulree. And 
it was so that when a Meenouite had bought 
many Niggahs, he was Tshivulree. 

19. And Jobbah's wife conceived and bare a 
son, and she called his name Holz Ayl. For 
she said, he shall be greater than his father. 

20. And Holz Ayl dwelt in Gotham and 
waxed rich year by year. And he took to 
wife a Gothamite woman ; and she bore him a 
son, and called his name Kaudphyssh. And 
Kaudphyssh dwelt in Gotham, and did mer- 
chandise there, and became exceeding rich ; 
but after a little while he ceased making mer- 
chandise, and became a money-changer. 

21. And Kaudphyssh went southward, and 
took to wife a daughter of one of the Tshivul- 
ree, and her brother took to wife Kaudphyssh's 
sister. Then Kaudphyssh said within himself, 

Ver. 18. The change of name with the change of con- 
dition, and the resting of the latter change upon the 
possession of a large household of bondservants is confirm- 
atory proof, if any were needed, of the Eastern origin of 
this book, if not of its antiquity. 



l66 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Lo, I am Tshivulree ; and he worshipped the 
Great Covenant, and watched day and night 
over the everlasting Niggah. 

22. And Kaudphyssh said, Behold I am as 
a prince in this country ; for could not I buy a 
house full of princes such as there be among 
the Tytchmen ? Therefore will I live like unto 
a prince. Then Kaudphyssh builded him a 
house like unto a palace, and the ceilings 
thereof were covered with gold and with many 
colors, and it was adorned with curious wood 
within and without ; and he fared sumptuously 
every day ; and had men-servants and women- 
servants, and horses and chariots ; and his 
wives and his daughters were clothed in silken 
raiment of many colors, and in fine-twined 
linen, like unto the spider's web, and in jewels 
and precious stones. And they went often- 
times and sat in a pulpit in the great hall of the 
men-singers and women-singers of Gotham ; 
and when these sang the music that they com- 
prehended not in a language that they under- 
stood not, they clapped their hands and shouted 
with exceeding joy. 

23. And Kaudph3^ssh made great feasts and 
suppers, with music and dancing, and when he 
made the feasts, he bade not only his friends 
and acquaintance, but strangers, that his house 
might be full ; so that it seemed as if he had 
sent out into the streets and the lanes and had 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 167 

called in all except them that were hungry, and 
the halt, and the blind. 

24. (For in Gotham no rich man gave a 
feast with music and dancing, unless he bade 
so many guests that they could neither talk, nor 
eat, nor hear music, nor dance in a manner 
convenient for them. And because every man, 
if he was not rich, would be thought rich, this 
was always the manner of feasting in Gotham) . 

25. And Kaudphyssh went, he and his sons 
and his daughters, beyond the sea, to the land 
of Jonbool, and the land of the Pahlivoos ; and 
they lived in the chief city of the Pahlivoos two 
years, and gave feasts unto the princes and the 
nobles of the Pahlivoos, who ate their feasts, 
and laughed within themselves. And they 
went to the court of the king of the Pahlivoos, 
and were so filled with the glory of that land 
when they returned to their own land, even to 
the land of Unculpsalm, there was not an end 
of their Pahlivooing. 

26. Now, the wife of Kaudphyssh had a 
hand-maiden which was a Bihdee, yet was she 
fair to look upon. And Kaudphyssh saw that 
she was comely ; and he said within himself. 



Ver. 24. Is it possible that after reading this verse atten- 
tively any man can entertain the supposition for a moment 
that the customs of the city of Gotham therein recorded 
have any likeness to those which obtain among so intelli- 
gent and notoriously practical a people as the Americans ? 



l68 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

O that this land were a patriarchal land, even 
like unto the land of the Ephephvees, and the 
country round about Tshawlstn ! for then would 
my wife own this hand-maiden, and she would 
give her unto me to be my concubine, even as 
Rachel and Leah gave their hand-maidens unto 
Jacob. But this land is fallen away from the 
faith of the patriarchs in that we own not our 
servants, and our wives give us not their hand- 
maidens to be our concubines. 

27. But as to this woman, mayhap I can per- 
suade her. And he persuaded her. And she 
bore him a son ; and she called his name 
Pshawdee ; for she said, He is not the true 
thing, yet he is like unto it. 

28. These, therefore, are the generations of 
Pshawdee. 

29. Psnawb, who came from the land of 
Jonbool, begat Peddullah ; 

30. And Peddullah begat Rheet Aylah ; 

31. And Rheet Aylah begat Jobbah ; 

32. And Jobbah begat Holz Ayl ; 

33. And Holz Ayl begat Kaudphyssh ; 

34. And Kaudph3^ssh begat Pshawdee of the 
Pahdee woman, which was his concubine. 

35. And after these things the riches of 
Kaudphyssh vanished away, and he became 
poor, and was no more counted among the great 
men of Gotham. But he hid some money from 
his creditors, and went down the river of the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 169 

debtors, the Oh-I-owe, unto the country of the 
Repudiators ; and they welcomed him. 

36. And there he bought some Niggahs with 
the money that he had hidden, and he Hved 
upon the wages that were paid to him for their 
labor ; and so at the last he was Tshivulree. 

15 



170 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER II. 

I. Pughtammug. 3. Pshaxvdee serveth in PugJitaimnug. 
8. He setteth up a potir-the-rows. 15. Maketh a Cove- 
nant ivith Phernandi-wud. 16. Becometh a Councillor 
of Gotham. 20. OuaJdztrete. 22. Pskawdee j)repareth 
akkaiv?iak. 29. Becometh a Counteractor. 31. Atid is 
exceeding rich. 33. TiJ)hj)hunnee. 

NOW Pshawdee was twelve years old when 
his father went down the river Oh-I-owe. 
And he saw him no more. 

2. And Pshawdee's mother's brother was a 
servant in the house called Pughtammug, that 
was in manner of a temple wherein the men of 
the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats 
poured out drink-offerings unto Tahmunee. 

3. And she said unto her brother, Cause, 
now, my son Pshawdee to be taken with thee 
into the house called Pughtammug, that he 
may serve there. And he did so. And Pshaw- 
dee served there day and night for eight years. 

4. And there came there daily Pahdees which 
were rulers in the city of Gotham. And Pshaw- 
dee served them as they poured out their drink- 
offerings ; and he hearkened unto them as they 
talked one with another. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I7I 

5. And as he hearkened, he considered what 
they said, and he saw that the way to become 
a ruler in Gotham was to be a Pahdee, and to 
set up a house wherein men might pour out 
drink-offerings unto Tahmunee. And these 
houses were the synagogues of the sect of 
Smalphri among the Dimmichrats, and they 
were called of the Pahdees pour-the-rowses. 

6. But they called the drink-offering which 
was chiefly poured out in them, jinnanshugger. 

7. And Pshawdee said within himself. Be- 
hold, now may I not be a ruler in Gotham. 
For am not I almost as good as a Pahdee? 
For my mother was of the Pahdees, and I 
should have been not almost, but altogether a 
Pahdee if she had not come into this country. 
Is it my fault that I was born in the land of 
Unculpsalm, and in the city of Gotham? 

8. So Pshawdee saved the greater part of 
his wages, and set himself dihgently to learn 
the art and mystery of making and pouring out 
drink-offerings ; and when he was twent3^-one 
years old, he took the money that he had saved, 
and other money that he borrowed, and he set 
up a pour-the-rows, and himself he set up to 
be a teacher of the doctrines of the Dimmi- 
chrats. 

9. And the Pahdees frequented the pour-the- 
rows of Pshawdee. And Pshawdee sold unto 
them drink offerings, and preached unto them 



172 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the doctrines of the Dimmichrats according to 
the sect of Smalphri in Gotham ; and he taught 
them day and night, mingling his ministrations 
of doctrine and jinnanshugger, so that in the end 
they to whom he ministered could not tell the 
one from the other. 

10. So Pshawdee began to increase in sub- 
stance and to have disciples among the Pah- 
dees ; and he himself was one of the followers 
of Phernandiwud. 

11. And it came to pass that a little time be- 
fore Phernandiwud was made chief ruler of 
Gotham, even before the voices of the people 
were numbered, that Phernandiwud said unto 
Pshawdee, how many men follow thee and will 
give their voices as thou biddest? And Pshaw- 
dee said, Five hundred. And Phernandiwud 
said, What shall I promise thee that they may 
give their voices for me to be chief ruler of the 
city? 

12. And Pshawdee said, Thou shalt write 
my name upon the roll of them that are to be 
chosen with thee, that I may be made one of 
the councillors of Gotham. 

13. And Phernandiwud answered and said, 
What are five hundred men, that I should do 
this great thing for thee? But Pshawdee said, 
Behold, now these men be fighting men. Pah- 
dees, which love schyndees, and if thou wilt put 
thy servant's name upon thy roll, thy servant 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 73 

will give unto these five hundred men fifty 
pieces of silverworth of the drink-offering, 
called jinnanshugger, and also a convenient 
portion of doctrine so mingled that they shall 
not only give thee their own voices, but shall 
break the heads of any who give not their 
voices for thee and for me; and, moreover, if 
thy servant is chosen with thee, he will pay 
unto thee tithes of the offerings, even the lob- 
beepheze, and the pursentojobbz that he re- 
ceives. 

14. For so it was, when the councillors of 
Gotham doubted whether it was right that they 
should spend the money of the people, that 
they who were to receive the money placed 
offerings, called lobbeepheze, before the eyes 
of the councillors, and touched their hands 
with other offerings called pursentojobbz ; and 
straightway the eyes of the councillors were 
opened and their hands likewise, and they saw 
that for the good of the people it was needful 
that the money should be spent ; and they did 
righteously, and spent it. 

Ver. 14. In this passage the translator has been obliged 
to retain the original words pursentojobbz and lobbeepheze 
because there are no equivalents to them in English, the 
things themselves being unknov^^n in this country or in 
England. The same is true as to that peculiar drink-offer- 
ing, jinnanshugger, and that striking form of benevolence 
called making akkawnah w^hich is mentioned in this chap- 
ter. 15 * 



174 ^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

15. And the matter pleased Phernandiwud ; 
and he said unto Pshawdee, Let it be a cove- 
nant between us. 

16. So when Phernandiwud was made chief 
ruler of Gotham Pshawdee was made council- 
lor; and he fed at the public crib, and waxed 
fat, and increased in substance. And he was 
a just councillor, and an upright; for never 
would he give his voice for spending the peo- 
ple's money, unless lobbeepheze were placed 
before his eyes and his hand was touched with 
pursentojobbz. And he kept his covenant with 
Phernandiwud, and gave unto him tithes four 
times a year. 

17. And he was wise in his generation, and 
joined himself unto the Phlunkees, compro- 
mising unto the Tshivulree, and giving himself 
night and day to watching over the Great Cov- 
enant. And in the eyes of Pshawdee the ever- 
lasting Niggah was of all things most sacred, 
excepting only lobbeepheze and pursentojobbz. 

18. But Pshawdee was not content, and in 
an evil day he said within himself, Verily I am 
one of the councillors ot this great city, and I 
increase in substance day by day. But to be a 
councillor of Gotham is a thing of small esteem, 
save only among the Pahdees and the sect of 
Smalphri among the Dimmichrats. Behold 
now, therefore, I will no longer be a councillor 
of Gotham, but I will take my gold and my 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I75 

silver, and I will go into Ouahlztrete, and I will 
make akkawnah there for some of my friends, 
and I shall suddenly become very rich thereby, 
and be held in honor throughout the city of 
Gotham, and I shall enter into the Fifth heave- 
nue. 

19. Now the paradise of the people of 
Gotham was in the Fifth heavenue, where were 
the mansions of the blest. And the men of 
Gotham toiled and travailed, rising early and 
denying themselves, and sacrificing others, that 
they might ascend into the Fifth heavenue. 

20. And Ouahlztrete was the place in Gotham 
where the money-changers were. And the 
money-changers of Gotham differed from the 
money-changers of Jerusalem and of Tyre and 
Sidon in that they sold not only gold and silver, 
but promises, and dreams, and wishes. And 
chiefly they busied themselves in buying and 
selling dreams and wishes, and in paying for 
them in promises. And when the dreams van- 
ished and the wishes came to naught, he whose 
promises were greatest paid the overplus of his 
promises in money. 

21. And in the tongue of the men of Ouahl- 
ztrete to make akkawnah, was for a man to sell 
unto his friends and acquaintance dreams and 
wishes, and to take their promises therefor, and 
then to cause the dreams to vanish and the 
wishes to come to naught, and to receive from 



176 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

them the overplus in gold and silver, to their 
ruin. 

22. So Pshawdee went into Ouahlztrete and 
craftily prepared akkawnah ; but it came to 
pass that on the morning when he looked to 
find his friends therein, he lifted up his eyes, 
and behold he was in akkawnah himself. 

23. So his dreams vanished, and moreover 
his money vanished with them ; yet not alto- 
gether, for like his father Kaudphyssh, he hid 
some and went down the river Oh-I-owe. Yet 
he went not into the country of the Repudia- 
tors, but tarried at the city of Swine-sin- 
naughty. 

24. And he changed his name and called 
himself Pshalmur, and he dyed his beard and 
altered the fashion of his garments, so that his 
former acquaintance in Gotham would not 
know him. Yet no man sought him out, for 
he was an obscure man, and it is not the man- 
ner of the men of Ouahlztrete to sue each 
other at the law. 

25. And when Pshawdee saw that the peo- 
ple of Swine-sin-naughty did nothing night 

Ver. 24. In the new name assumed by Pshawdee the / 
appears to have been silent as well as the /, as in Psalm ; 
so that the name was pronounced as if written sha7nmer. 
Observe the charity and truly pious benevolence of the men 
of Ouahlztrete. They did not sue each other at the law, 
and they diligently prepared akkawnah for each other which 
they abstained fronrand denied themselves. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 77 

and day but slay the unclean beast and make 
him ready to be eaten, and that they waxed 
exceeding rich thereby, he took of his money 
that he had hidden, and bought and sold the 
abominable creature. And this was about the 
last days when James, who was called Facing- 
both-ways, ruled the land of Unculpsalm. 

26. Now when Pshawdee saw that there was 
to be war in the land, and that all the men of 
the North, even the very Dimmichrats them- 
selves, would fight against the men of the 
South, that they might not destroy the nation 
(for then there were no Kopur-hedds) , he said 
within himself, 

27. Lo, here is my opportunity ; for there 
will need to be food provided for the army, 
and raiment; and the soldiers do eat much 
flesh of the unclean beast. Then Pshawdee, 
who called himself Pshalmur, reviled the 
Tshivulree and the Phiretahs openly in the 
market places ; and he went straightway to the 
chief officers of the army of Unculpsalm which 
were in the region round about Swine-sin- 
naughty, and covenanted with them to furnish 
meat unto the armies ; and likewise he under- 
took to furnish them raiment. And afterward 
he went unto Abraham himself ; and unto his 
chief councillor for war, and covenanted in like 
manner. 



178 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

28. And the meat that he furnished the sol- 
diers stank in their nostrils so that they loathed 
it, and the raiment was rotten and easily rent 
in pieces, so that they soon had hardly where- 
withal to cover their nakedness. But for all 
this Pshawdee cared nothing, for he heaped up 
riches day by day. 

29. And he spoke daily against the Phi- 
retahs, saying that they should be put to the 
sword, and that he would gladly give up every 
one of his kinsmen and his friends and ac- 
quaintance to go into the armies of Uncul- 
psalm, even if they should be slain. 

30. But he himself went into the noble army 
of Counteractors which did continually praise 
Abraham. (Yet did Abraham know the value 
of their praises.) And his riches increased, 
so that after a year had passed, the city of 
Swine-sin-naughty became as a heap of dirt in 
his eyes. And he said, I will go to Gotham 
and become one of the great men of the city. 
And he went there. 

31. And he entered into a mansion in the 
Fifth heavenue, with rich Household stuff, and 
graven images, and candlesticks of beaten gold 
from the land of the Pahlivoos, and horses and 
chariots ; and his wife became one of the 
women which swept the streets of Gotham 
(that had no other sweeping) with sumptuous 
apparel of silk of many colors. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 79 

32. (For when Pshawdee was a servant in 
the house called Pughtammug, he had taken 
to wife a woman which lived nigh thereunto, 
and she was the daughter of a Tytchman that 
was a publican and host of a little inn, and her 
name was Balm-hade.) 

33. Now there was a man in Gotham whose 
name was Tiphphunnee, who was cunning to 
work in gold and in silver, and in precious 
stones. And he made graven images of gold 
and all manner of idols that women worship. 
And he knew the secrets of the hearts of many 
of the rich women of Gotham ; but he kept 
them within his own breast. 

34. And when Pshawdee went down the 
river Oh-I-owe he owed Tiphphunnee more 
than an hundred and fifty pieces of silver; 
and since then he had not paid them. 

35. Nevertheless, because all the great men 
of Gotham bought of Tiphphunnee, Pshawdee 
went to him to buy jewels of gold, and precious 
stones and vessels of silver for his table and 
his house. For, he said, I have altered the 
fashion of my countenance and of my gar- 
ments, and have dyed my beard, and am no 
more called Pshawdee, but Pshalmur, and 
seven years have passed and Tiphphunnee will 
not know me. Moreover, after six years I was 
guiltless in this matter ; for so teacheth Pher- 
nandiwud, my master and mine ensamplc. 



l8o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

36. But SO it was that when Tiphphunnee 
saw him he knew him. For Tiphphunnee was 
a wise man and a subtle, and his eyes saw be- 
neath the outsides of men. And Tiphphunnee 
said within himself, Behold this man is called 
Pshalmur, and he looketh and carryeth him- 
self like a stranger. But go to now, is he not 
Pshawdee who owed me an hundred and fifty 
pieces of silver when he was councillor of 
Gotham, and who went down the river Oh-I- 
owe and paid me not? And he despised him 
in his heart. 

37. Yet did Tiphphunnee not tell him that 
he knew him ; for he was crafty and said, If I 
tell him that I know that he is Pshawdee, he 
will not surety pay me the hundred and fifty 
pieces of silver, for more than six years have 
gone by, and he is a disciple of Phernandiwud ; 
but surely he will buy no more of me. But if 
I hold my peace, I can sell him his house full 
of jewels of gold, and of precious stones, and 
of vessels of silver, and receive ready pay- 
ment therefor. For he is rich like unto Dives, 
and he knoweth not how to spend his riches 
wisely. So Tiphphunnee held his peace and 
profited thereby. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. l8l 



CHAPTER III. 

I. The War in the land of Unculfsalm. 3. Abraham 
thrusteth out Pshaxvdee. 10. Ulysses made chief Cap- 
tain of the West. 13. He attacketh the Phiretahs in 
the West. 16. A^id defeateth them. 

NOW the war in the land of Unculpsahn 
had continued for three years, and came 
not to an end, and Pshawdee grew richer day 
by day. 

2. Yet was he no longer in the noble army 
of Counter actors. For with the teaching of 
the war Abraham had increased in wisdom, 
and his knees had become strong, and the 
mighty spirit Bak Bohn dwelt continually with- 
in him. 

3 . Therefore when he found that the soldiers 
of Unculpsalm were fed with meat which stank 
in their nostrils, and clothed with raiment which 
was rotten, and which covered not their naked- 
ness, he thrust Pshawdee and all like unto him 
out of the army of Counteractors : and whereas 
he had aforetime smiled at their praises, now 
he mocked at their threatenings. 

4. So the people and the soldiers of the 
armies of Unculpsalm loved Abraham, and 
trusted him. 

16 



l82 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

5. But Pshawdee, when he was thrust out 
of the army of Counter actors, ceased to praise 
Abraham, and joined himself unto the Kopur- 
hedds. And with the money which he had 
already received he went again in to Ouahl- 
ztrete, and bought and sold gold and silver. 

6. And he was of them in Ouahlztrete, who 
strove always against Abraham's chief treas- 
urer. And Pshawdee, and those of whose com- 
pany he was, sought to keep the gold and silver 
of the land in their own hands, and to get 
great gain thereby in their money changing. 
And thus Pshawdee grew richer day by day 
at the cost of the people of the land of Un- 
culpsalm. 

7. And it came to pass about these days that 
the captain of the armies of Unculpsalm, which 
were in the hill country of the West, marched 
southward to go into Jahrji. 

8. Now this captain was a valiant man, and 
in marches he had been crafty and subtle, and 
in battle a conqueror. And he feared not the 
army of the Phiretahs which was in Jahrji. 
But he knew not that Jeph the Repudiator had 
sent yet another army against him out of Phar- 
jinnee. 

9. And as he marched southward, the Phi- 
retahs fell upon him, and although he and the 
soldiers under him fought valiantly, the Phi- 
retahs drove him back with great slaughter. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 183 

Yet did they not utterly discomfit him. And he 
went back to his stronghold and stayed there. 

10. And after these things, Ulysses, whom 
the soldiers called Unculpsalm, was made chief 
captain of all the armies of Unculpsalm in the 
west country. 

11. And Jeph the Repudiator swore a great 
oath, and said that he would drive every man 
of the langkies out of that country, though he 
should send thither every Phiretah who dwelt 
south of the border of Masunandicsun. And 
he sent 3^et another army to come behind the 
army of Ulysses and cut him off from the north 
country. 

12. But the soul of Ulysses was not troubled 
either by Jeph's threats or by his armies. And 
the latter he regarded not, but waited his op- 
portunity quietly, as his manner was. 

13. Now, the army before him was encamped 
upon two mountains, and had made itself strong 
high up upon the sides thereof. And it came 
to pass that on a certain day Ulysses saw that 
his opportunity had come. And he moved out 
from his stronghold upon the Phiretahs, and 
marched up the mountains to give them battle ; 
and the tops of the mountains were above the 
clouds. 

14. And the men of the host of Unculpsalm 
climbed up the mountain where the way was 
rough, and ran where the way was smooth ; 



184 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and the Phiretahs shot at them as they climbed 
and as they ran. 

15. And that part of the host that was under 
Joseph of Kalaphorni kept on upward even 
unto the cloud, and the cloud swallowed it up. 

16. And the host went through the cloud, 
and came out fighting. And Joseph drove the 
Phiretahs from the mountain-top and down upon 
the other side. So also did the captain of the 
other host drive the Phiretahs from the other 
mountain with great slaughter. And the Phi- 
retahs fled that day from the face of Ulysses and 
from the men of Unculpsalm, which followed 
hard after. 

17. And they left their tents, and their wag- 
ons, and their great engines of war behind them, 
and they cast away their weapons as they fled. 
And the men of Unculpsalm slew them by the 
way even as thou goest down unto Jahrji. And 
there fell of the Phiretahs more than five thou- 
sand men that day, besides seven thousand that 
were taken captive. 

18. And the captain of the other army of the 
Phiretahs saw that Ulysses had been wise in 
that he had not regarded him and his host. 
And he saw that he could not stand before 
Ulysses ; and he gat himself quickly backward 
toward Pharjinnee. And thus the boasting 
and the oaths of Jeph the Repudiator were 
brought to naught. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 185 

19. And the fear of Ulysses fell upon the 
Phhxtahs and the Tshivulree ; and they said, 
Who is this langkie that marcheth in upon us 
and overcometh us upon our own ground, and 
driveth us out of our strongholds ? 

20. And they sought no more to fight with 
Ulysses until they had made greater prepara- 
tion against him. And Jeph sent out through 
all the country where his armies were, and 
gathered together all except the halt and the 
blind and them that were bed-rid or feeble 
with age, and compelled them into his armies. 
But the Niggahs he left at home to till the 
ground. 

16* 



l36 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER IV. 

I. T/iC Armies of Unculfisalm rest. 3. Ben Hit the Scribe, 
6. Ulysses made Chief Captai?i over all the Armies of 
Unculpsalm. 9. Abraham hath familiar Spirits. 15. 
Miscege Nation. 29. John See of Ala h Ripfozah. 31. 
What he did. 32. And ivhat he did fiot do. 46. The 
outlandish meti set up John See to be chosen Chief Ruler. 
54. Who they tvere that called the Assembly ta set him 
up. 58. Pshaw dee jo ineth himself U7ito them that set up 
jfoh?i See. 

AND after these things the winter came on, 
and the armies of Unculpsahn rested in 
their camps. 

2. And the time drew nigh when the people 
should choose again their chief ruler. 

3. And a certain scribe named Ben Hit, who 
was not of the men of Unculpsalm, but who 
came from the land of Psawknee, which is a 
province of the land of Jonbool, said, let us 
make Ulysses chief ruler. For Ben Hit said, 
If I name Ulysses and he is chosen, he will be 
gracious unto me. 

4. But Ulysses would not, saying. Let me 
serve in the armies of Unculpsalm until the 
government is restored throughout the land. 
Moreover, Ulysses said within himself. Let me 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 87 

not be set up by Ben Hit to be chief ruler, for 
whomsoever he setteth up the people do put 
down ; and he remembered how when the 
Phiretahs first made war upon the government 
of Unculpsalm at Tshawlstn, Ben Hit was on 
their side, but turned against them in one night 
because he feared the people. 

5. For Ben Hit sought to please the people, 
and especially the Pahdees, and to say what he 
thought they would have him to say. Where- 
fore many listened to him, but no man regarded 
him. 

6. And the people said. Let Ulysses be made 
chief captain of all the armies of Unculpsalm, 
and be lieutenant unto Abraham. And it was 
so. 

7. And the people saw that Abraham had 
become wise, and that his knees were strong, 
and that he was a just man and kept his soul 
unspotted from corruption ; and they saw that 
in the first year of his rule they had judged him 
foolishly because of their own ignorance how 
great a matter this war was, and because they 
considered not that he had been made ruler of 
a great nation, and of a land larger than the 
land of any other nation, which was divided by 
a war the like of which no man hath told or 
written of for its greatness. 

8. And they saw that Abraham, although he 
had set his face like a flint against all them that 



1 88 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

would use the Great Covenant to protect and to 
justify the Phiretahs in their rebeUion and to 
hold the Niggahs in everlasting bondage, was 
a discreet man, and walked warily ; not setting 
himself up for a prophet, or the son of a pro- 
phet, or seeking to become a preacher of new 
doctrine, which he was not chosen to be, but to 
rule the land, and to defend it, and to maintain 
the government thereof. 

9. And it began to be noised abroad that 
Abraham had two familiar spirits, even the two 
mighty ones, Eumun Aytsher and Kawmunz 
Entz, and that these and the mighty spirit Bak 
Bohn were in league with him. 

ID. And whoever taketh counsel of these 
spirits, Eumun Aytsher and Kawmunz Entz, 
if he have also the mighty spirit Bak Bohn to 
help in the doing, there is little that he may 
not accomplish. 

11. Forasmuch, therefore, as Abraham had 
these spirits and hearkened unto them, he di- 
vined the thoughts of the hearts of the people, 
and they felt that he was one like unto them- 
selves, and they had faith in him that he would 
do what was acceptable unto them. (For such 
was the law in the land of Unculpsalm.) 

12. Wherefore all they that longed chiefly 
for the preservation of the land of Unculpsalm, 
and the maintenance of the honor and the glory 
of the nation, and that men might be no more 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 89 

held in bondage within its borders, wished that 
Abraham should be again chosen chief ruler. 

13. But the Kopur-hedds, which looked for 
the triumph of the Phiretahs while they yet 
professed to be faithful to the government of 
Unculpsalm, and the Knsuvvutivs, which would 
have kept the nation in hot water lest it should 
be scalded, and all they that said in their hearts, 
If this nation cannot be saved by the rule of 
the Dimmichrats of our faction, let it perish, 
and be broken up into little provinces, wished 
that Litulmak the Unready should be chosen. 

14. And there were yet others that wished 
not that Abraham should be chosen again. 
And these were men who, like the Phiretahs, 
had no thought but for the everlasting Niggah. 

15. And they cared not for the langkie na- 
tion, neither for any nation, save one called 
miscege nation, which, being interpreted, 
meaneth no nation. 

16. Now, of these men few were langkies, 
but almost all were not of the land of Uncul- 
psalm, but men born in other lands, where they 
had lived in ignorance like unto outer darkness, 
and in want and in misery. 

17. But the langkies, whose fathers had pos- 
sessed the land, and had wrested it from the 
oppression of the king of Jonbool, and had 
framed the government thereof, doing battle 
and sitting in council from generation to gen- 



IpO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

eration, spake within themselves and with each 
other, saying : 

i8. Behold, now we have accepted this war, 
and are doing battle with the Phiretahs, for 
two causes ; and the first cause is that our 
nation shall not be destroyed ; and the second 
cause is, that the might of our nation shall no 
more be used to oppress the Niggah. Yet was 
the second cause before the first ; for if we had 
consented unto the Phiretahs that they should 
carry their Niggahs into the common land of 
Unculpsalm and keep them there in bondage, 
behold, they would not have sought to destroy 
the nation. 

19. Nevertheless, although we fight that we 
may no more oppress the Niggah, yet will we 
not destroy our nation for him, being bidden 

Ver. 17. From this passage and some others it is plain 
that the langkies were not the original inhabitants of the 
land of Unculpsalm; but that they came from afar and 
possessed it, as the Hebrews did Palestine, and as our fore- 
fathers did the countries called after them England and 
New England. The land of Unculpsalm seems to have 
been strangely without a name, although it was sometimes 
very improperly called Umherrikah. But were this other- 
wise, to call the langkies after the name of this land would 
be as if to call our forefathers in the time of Alfred Britons, 
or the Normans Frenchmen, because they dwelt for two 
centuries in France, or the people who followed Moses 
Egyptians, because they and their forefathers had been for 
more than two centuries in Egypt, or afterwards to call 
them Philistines, from the land of which they took posses- 
sion. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I9I 

thereto by them who, like the Phiretahs, have 
no thought but concerning him. 

20. We will not oppress him ; but, although 
he is among us, he is not of us, neither can 
he be. Be our blood and the blood of our 
brethren the price of his freedom. But let 
him not come into our counsels, or be of those 
which rule this land. Let him dwell apart 
from us and prosper. 

21. And as for these foreigners who would 
teach us whom we should choose for chief 
ruler, we rejoice with them that here, through 
the wisdom and the blood of our fathers, they 
know not oppression, and gain every man his 
bread, he and his wife and his little ones, with 
none to molest or to make him afraid. But it 
becometh not them to seek to lead us who are 
this nation, and who, we and our fathers, have 
been these two hundred years, and who were 

Ver. 19, 20. There is a tradition that this book having 
been written at the time of the civil war, of which it is a 
history, those among the langkies who had no thought but 
for the Niggah, and wished to make him a part of the na- 
tion, were its greatest admirers ; and that they were so 
blinded by their excitement that they did not see the strong 
line of separation which the writer draws between them and 
him in this passage; and finally, that after the war was 
over, when the last book was written, they, discovering in 
their cooler moments what had before escaped their atten- 
tion, began to deny the excellence of the work which before 
they had so much praised. Human nature was in those 
remote days much what it is now. 



192 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

taught from our youth up in the law and in the 
customs of this land, and in whom our knowl- 
edge and our love of this land and the laws 
and the customs thereof, have grown with our 
growth and strengthened with our strength. 

22. They take too much upon themselves, 
these sons of Tytchmen, and not they only, 
but certain demagogues of our own country, 
who would use them for their own advantage. 

23. Now the langkies spake thus in sadness 
and in sorrow of heart. 

24. And chief among the langkies who 
wished not that Abraham should be chosen 
again was Philip of the new Athens, which 
was called Boss-town. But he had confessed 
from the beginning that he cared nothing for 
the land of Unculpsalm, and he had spat upon 
the Great Covenant, and had reviled the ban- 
ner of the nation. 

Ver. 24. This passage reveals a singular condition of af- 
fairs, and shows that the men of Unculpsalm were a pecu- 
liar people in one respect at least. There have been factions 
in all countries, and factions always denounce each other's 
principles of administration with bitterness ; but that a man 
should be allowed openly to deride and contemn the nation 
itself, and to treat its insignia with scorn and to teach his 
followers to do the same, shows a confidence in the strength 
of the nation and a contempt of the individual in question, 
which is very remarkable, and, as the event in this case 
proved, which is not very wise. If those who find in this 
book a parallel to the history of our own country can dis- 
cover in the course of Philip of Boss-town a likeness to the 
course of any of our public men, it may well be improved 
to our edification. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 193 

25. Wherefore Philip reviled Abraham also. 

26. And of them who wished not that Abra- 
ham should be chosen again, many were men 
who had looked, when he was made chief 
ruler, that he would exalt their horn among the 
people and make them his counsellors, his offi- 
cers, and his tax-gatherers. And when he 
exalted them not, they said. Go to, he is a 
backslider, he careth more for the nation of 
Unculpsalm than he doth for the everlasting 
Niggah. 

27. And many were men which, at the out- 
breaking of the war, had gone, like Pshawdee, 
into the noble army of the Counteractors which 
did continually praise Abraham. But when 
Abraham thrust them out, or took away their 
gains because they waxed rich upon the sub- 
stance of the people and by the suifering of 
the soldiers, they turned upon him and reviled 
him. 

28. And the envious, and they which were 
disappointed and sought revenge against Abra- 
ham, and the men who cared not for the lang- 
kie nation, neither for any nation except 
miscege nation, which meaneth no nation, 
looked about to find a man whom they would 
set up to be chosen for chief ruler. 

29. And they found John See of Mah-Rip- 
pozah, which is in the province of Kaliphorni. 

17 



194 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



And this John See was of the race of the Pah- 
livoos. 

30. And he, being made one of the high cap- 
tains in the armies of Unculpsalm, and Gover- 
nor of a province beyond the Father of the 
Waters, gave the chief offices under him to 
outlandish men of all sorts which spake not the 
language of the langkies. 

31. And he took state upon him, and went 

Ver. 29. John See of Mah-Rippozah appears to have 
been set up to be chosen chief ruler at some time previous 
to the great war. I am inclined to think that the following 
account of him is strongly tinged with that uncharitable 
spirit of political partisanship which crops out even in the 
writings of some of the later Hebrew prophets. It seems to 
have been written at the very time to which it refers, and 
must be regarded almost in the light of what in our country 
and in these days we call a political campaign document. 
From the previous verse it would seem that the party which 
took up John See of Mah-Rippozah was much like that 
which joined itself to David when he fled from Saul and 
Achish of Gath to the cave of Adullam. Indeed, Adullam- 
itism appears to be a constant element in public affairs. 
We have recently seen it playing for a brief time an impor- 
tant part in British politics ; and Mr. Carpenter tells us 
that just before our last election for President, Mr. Lincoln 
asked a Member of Cong^-pss "if he remembered the text 
which his friends had rec..; dy applied to Fremont, and in- 
stantly turned to a verse in the first of Samuel, put on his 
spectacles, and read in his slow, peculiar, and waggish 
tone : ' And every one that was in distress, and every one 
that was in debt, and every one that was discontented, 
gathered themselves unto him, and he became a captain 
over them, and there were with him about four hundred 
men.' " 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I95 

in a chariot with many horses, and with men 
to go before and to come after, and with a 
guard of horsemen which were outlandish men, 
which is not the manner of the langkies. 

32. And he led his army not often to battle 
and never to victory. 

33. But he was swift to meddle with the ever- 
lasting Niggah, and he made a proclamation 
concerning him, for he thought that the people 
would say, Lo, a leader is born unto us ! 

34. Then Abraham said, I made thee not 
governor that thou mightest meddle with the 
everlasting Niggah, but deal with the enemies 
of the land of Unculpsalm. Behold, the time 
to meddle with the Niggah is not yet come, 
and it is for me to judge when it cometh. Take 
not so much upon thee and call back thy proc- 
lamation. 

35. Then was John See of Mah-Rippozah 
wroth, and from that time forth he loved not 
Abraham. 

36. And Abraham, because he found him 
not prudent in council or cunning to fight, re- 
moved John See from being governor ; but to 
please the outlandish men, which were many, 
he made him chief captain of the armies in the 
hill-country of Pharjinnee. But again he led 
not his men to victory, neither did he anything 
good or bad ; and his weak devices were brought 
to naught. 



196 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

37. And soon after these things Robbutleeh 
fell upon the army of Litulmak the Unready, 
which was in the eastern coasts of Pharjinnee, 
and drove Litulmak out of his encampment and 
fought with him for six days, and yet neither 
destroyed nor conquered him, but on the sixth 
day fled from before the face of the men of Un- 
culpsalm, so that Litulmak might have chased 
them and put them to the sword, and taken 
their chief city. Yet did he not, because he 
was unready. 

38. Wherefore Abraham took from him the 
command, and made John the Boaster chief 
captain over all the armies in Pharjinnee. 

39. And Litulmak, although he had been 
chief captain over all the armies of the land of 
Unculpsalm, and all the captains thereof, and 
the officers thereof, yet rebelled not, neither 
did he murmur, but took his place under John 
the Boaster, saying. Be it unto thy servant even 
as thou wilt, only let me serve the land of Un- 
culpsalm in the armies thereof. 

40. Wherefore the people said, Litulmak is 
indeed unready, but behold now he is not a 
self-seeker, and he loveth this land and this 
people. (And after this, Litulmak was restored 
again, and drove Robbutleeh out of the prov- 
ince which is called the land of Mary.) 

Ver. 39. See Abraham's parable concerning these events 
in this Book, Chap. VII. 55-59. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



197 



41. But John See of Mah-Rippozah said, 
Go to, now, I will not fight if John the Boaster 
be made chief captain of the armies in Phar- 
jinnee. Behold, he is as the dirt beneath my 
feet, and it becometh not me to be commanded 
by him. 

42. So likewise said all the outlandish men, 
and the men who had no thought for the nation 
of Unculpsalm, but only for the everlasting 
Niggah. 

43. And John See of Mah-Rippozah said 
unto Abraham, I pray thee, now, command thy 
servant that he may no more be captain over 
the army in the hill-country. And Abraham 
did so. 

44. And from that day John See of Mah- 
Rippozah appeared no more in the armies of 
Unculpsalm, yet did he keep his captainship ; 
for he said within himself, Abraham will not 
dare to take away my captainship for fear of 
the outlandish men, and the men who have no 
care for this nation, which are my followers. 

45. And I shall wait, and peradventure my 
time will come, even as Phernandiwud's time 
came unto him, to declare the new gospel of 
peace when Abraham sent out Clement, the 
lawgiver, among his friends the Phiretahs. 

46. So when the Tytchmen, and the Pahli- 
voos, and the outlandish men, and all they 
which had no thought except for the everlasting 

17* 



198 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Niggah, and they who had turned against 
Abraham because he had not exalted their horn 
among the people, looked for a man to set 
up to be chosen chief ruler, 

47. They said, Let us set up John See of 
Mah-Rippozah. 

48. And when men asked, Why will ye set 
up John See of Mah-Rippozah? what hath he 
done that we can say, therefore he should be 
chosen? 

49. He hath sat among our lawgivers, but 
he hath framed no law, neither hath he given 
any counsel. He hath commanded our armies, 
but he hath not led them to victory. He hath 
sought the westward path of our empire : but 
was it not found by Kit, the son of Kar? Why, 
therefore, should he be set up? 

50. And the outlandish men, and the disap- 
pointed men, and the men who had no thought 
for the nation, could only answer and say : 

51. He hath meddled with the everlasting 
Niggah before his time, not waiting to see the 
signs of the times as Abraham doth. But they 
said one to another. We will take vengeance 
upon Abraham, because he made John See of 
Mah-Rippozah take back his proclamation 
about the everlasting Niggah ; and moreover, 

Ver. 49. This Kit, the son of Kar, seems to have done 
very much for his country what Christopher Carson did for 
ours. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I99 

because he made him not captain over the 
armies of Pharjinnee instead of Lituhnak the 
Unready. And also John See saw that his 
time was come to be avenged upon Abraham. 

52. So the outlandish men, and the disap- 
pointed men, and the men who had no thought 
for the langkie nation, but only for miscege 
nation, took counsel together with John See of 
Mah-Rippozah, to set him up to be chief ruler 
of the land of Unculpsalm. 

53. And they wrote papers and signed their 
names thereunto, and sent them abroad through- 
out the land, calling upon the people to assem- 
ble themselves together and set up John See of 
Mah-Rippozah to be chosen chief ruler. 

54. And they that signed the papers were 
Knowbuddee, Zwei-lager, Gnowb Oddy , Phites- 
midseegel and Runsm^^^dimdoo his brother, 
Phreduglee (which was uxi everlasting Niggah), 
Schnappsundpretzels, Nobe Odhee, EHzabeth 
who was surnamed Cadydid-an-cadydidnt, Gno 
Buddhee, Schnupftabak, Nohb Uddy, and cer- 
tain of the tribe of Xctzschtxyzcskj. 

Ver. 54. From the names in this passage it would seem that 
John See of Mah-Rippozah's following was almost entirely 
composed of outlandish men, and as the writer was plainly 
one of the extreme langkies, or native party, they receive 
very little consideration at his hands. It is impossible for 
even the most diligent seekers after parallels to find in 
these names any hints to serve their purpose ; but they 
profess to have discovered in them prototypes of General 
Siegel, Frederic Douglas, and Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stan- 
ton. 



200 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

55. And they hired scribes to write a book 
week by week, telHng the people that they 
should choose John See of Mah-Rippozah to 
be chief ruler, but chiefly, that they should not 
choose Abraham. And they called the name 
of the book No Nation ; for thus, they said, 
shall it be if we prosper. 

56. Now when Pshawdee heard these things, 
he said within himself. Do I not desire that 
Litulmak shall be chosen that I may avenge 
myself upon Abraham, and moreover that the 
war may not be put an end to by Ulysses, but 
may continue, and I may again become one of 
the noble army of the Counteractors, and that the 
nation may be saved only by the Dimmichrats 
of my faction, and by the ministration of the 
new gospel of peace which was declared by 
Phernandiwud, my master ? 

57. And he said unto the Kopur-hedds and 
the men of the sect of Smalphri among the Dim- 
michrats, and to the Phiretahs which dwelt in 
the north country, serving their master, Jeph 
the Repudiator : 

58. Go to now, let us craftily set on these 
men to set up John See of Mah-Rippozah ; for 
so shall we divide the men who would give 
their voices against Litulmak, and who believe 

Ver. 55. No Nation. Brown, Jones, and even Robinson 
suspect corruption here, and would read New Nation ; but 
it is unsafe to disturb the original text. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 201 

not in the new gospel of peace which was de- 
clared by Phernandiwud ; and it shall be that 
in the day when the chief ruler is chosen, Lit- 
ulmak will have more voices than either Abra- 
ham or John See of Mah-Rippozah. So shall 
we make the wrath fo our enemies to serve us. 
59. And they did so. And Pshawdee and 
all they which like him were disciples of the 
new gospel of peace declared by Phernandi- 
wud, gave money unto the scribes which wrote 
the No Nation, and went about saying that the 
only man in the land of Unculpsalm who could 
save the land from being delivered over by 
Phernandiwud and his faction into the hands 
of Jeph the Repudiator was John See of Mah- 
Rippozah, and that the only nation which was 
worthy to live in that land was miscege nation. 



202 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER V. 

1. The Fairs in the land of Uncul;psahn. The great Fair 
in Gotham. lO. Jonaydics. I2. Pshaivdee seeketh to be 
one of the chief officers. 13. Sussah-ettee, Fuss-people. 
22. The Eunuch kluhbb. 30 Pshaivdee seeketh to join 
himself unto the Eunuch kluhbb. 36. Augustus the 
money-changer. 

NOW it came to pass about these days, that 
the inhabitants of the north countr}^ of 
the land of Unculpsalm set up fairs in their 
towns and in their cities, and the gains thereof 
they gave unto them who ministered unto the 
sick and wounded in the armies. 

2. For in the beginning, indeed, there were 
women who sought to sit by the bedsides of 
the sick and wounded, clad in white raiment, 
with vials of odors, and handkerchiefs of fine- 
twined linen, and fans in their hands, and to 
pour the odors upon the handkerchiefs, and 
to wash therewith the foreheads of the sick and 
wounded, and to fan them with their fans : so 
that at first to every man that was wounded 
there were many women with fans and hand- 
kerchiefs and vials of odors. 

3. And of the women many were virgins 
well stricken in years. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 2O3 

4. But SO it was that as the war went on, the 
number of the wounded soldiers increased, and 
the number of the women with vials of odors 
and with handkerchiefs and with fans in their 
hands diminished. Likewise it was found that 
men wounded in battle needed other mini jura- 
tion. 

5. Therefore certain men joined themselves 
together to minister to the wounded in the bat- 
tle where they fell, and to take them from the 
battle into houses to minister to them there. 
And it was unto the men who had thus joined 
themselves together that the gains of the fairs 
were given. 

6. And there was a great fair in Gotham. 
And of all the fairs which were given in those , 
days in the land of Unculpsalm, or which had 
been given theretofore, or which shall be given 
hereafter throughout all the world, the Great 
Fair of Gotham was the greatest fair. 

7. And all the people in Gotham and in the 
country round about, even in Jahrzee, which Heth 
on the other side of the great river, the river 
Hutzoon, and which men say is not within the 
land of Unculpsalm ; the men and the women, 
the young men and the maidens, the old men and 
the children ; the merchants and the artificers, 
and the workers in gold and in iron ; the ship- 
men, and all them which handle the oar ; the 
carpenters, and they that hewed stone, and 



204 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

they that tilled the ground; the singing-men 
and the singing-women, and all they that were 
cunning with their hands to make needle-work 
of divers colors on both sides ; and the Scribes, 
and the Pharisees, and the Phyarmen, and the 
virgins well stricken in years, joined them- 
selves together in the Great Fair of Gotham. 

8. And only they withheld themselves which 
were Kopur-hedds, and wished well unto the 
Phiretahs. 

9. And there were fourscore officers of men 
and of women in this fair, and the chief officer 
was Jonaydics, who was also high captain in 
Gotham and in all the country roundabout, and 
beyond Boss-town unto the farthest boundaries 
of the land of Unculpsalm as thou goest north- 
ward, even unto Ouaydow Neest. 

10. And Jonaydics was a learned man, and 
a man of wisdom and of courage ; and when 
the Phiretahs first lifted up the standard of re- 
volt, and while the Phlunkees were compro- 
mising themselves yet more unto them, and 
Phernandiwud crawled on his belly before 
Robert of Jahrji who dwelt among the tombs, 
Jonaydics, being then chief treasurer, had 
commanded one of his officers that if any man 
should pull down the banner of the land of 
Unculpsalm he should be put to death upon the 
spot. And Jonaydics had been a Dimmichrat, 
but not after the order of Phernandiwud. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 205 

11. Wherefore Jonaydics was held in honor 
throughout all the land of Unculpsalm which 
was not in the hands of the Phiretahs ; and 
especially was he held in honor in the city of 
Gotham. 

12. Now Pshawdee, although he cared not 
for the soldiers, except to furnish them with 
meat that stank in their nostrils and raiment 
that covered not their nakedness, sought dili- 
gently to become one of the chief officers of 
the Great Fair in Gotham. And the reason of 
his seeking was this ; 

13. In the city of Gotham there was an order 
of men and women which called themselves 
Sussah-ettee, and the people which belonged 
thereunto were called Fuss-people. 

14. And most of them were of the tribe of 
Phung Uz, and many of them were rich. And 
they set much by themselves because they were 
Sussah-ettee. 

15. And among themselves they could say 

Ver. 14. This tribe of Phung Uz, although ephemeral, 
seems to have been very ancient in its origin. Job, the 
Chaldean, dwelt in the land of Uz; but manifestly he was 
not of this tribe. Sussah-ettee was, however, doubtless es- 
tablished, even at that remote period, for one of his kins- 
men is recorded as having said to him, "We are the peo- 
ple ; " and this doctrine is the cardinal one in that orders 
His kinsmen, too, were plainly Fuss-people — at least we 
may be sure that he so regarded them. They were doubt- 
less also of the sect of Olephogees afterward mentioned. 
This sect has not yet disappeared from the earth. 
18 



206 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

nothing worse of any others than that they 
were not Sussah-ettee ; yet no man could tell 
wherein they differed which were Sussah-ettee 
from many which were not. 

1 6. For so it was that there were those (yet 
were they few) that were Sussah-ettee, and 
that were not of the tribe of Phung Uz, and 
there were many that were rich that were not 
Sussah-ettee. So that no man which was not 
himself Sussah-ettee could distinguish in the 
matter. 

17. Nevertheless, great multitudes sought 
nothing else day or night but to be Sussah- 
ettee ; and they bowed themselves down unto 
them which they thought were Sussah-ettee, 
and they looked with scorn upon those which 
they thought were not. And each of them which 
strove to be Sussah-ettee also endeavored to pre- 
vent the others from becoming Sussah-ettee ; 

18. For he said within himself, In what 
shall I be better than my neighbor, if he who 
has been my companion these many years shall 
also become Sussah-ettee? 

19. And there was Sussah-ettee in the other 
cities and towns of the land of Unculpsalm, in 
Boss-town, in Coo-acre city, and even in the 
city of Swine-sin-naughty. Nay, is it not 
written that in the villages, and in the alms- 
houses, and in the very prisons, they did set 
up the order of Sussah-ettee ? 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 207 

20. Now Pshavvdee, when he had grown rich 
and dwelt in Gotham, sought diligently to be- 
come Sussah-ettee. And he made great feasts 
in his house with music and dancing, and his 
chambers were filled with light, and with the 
noise of minstrels, and his tables were covered 
with vessels of gold and with vessels of silver, 
so that there were no feasts so sumptuous as 
the feasts of Pshawdee. 

21. And many went to these feasts; and 
some of them were of the tribe of Phung Uz, 
and some were of the noble army of Counter- 
actors. But Pshawdee thought within himself 
that they were not Sussah-ettee. 

22. Wherefore Pshawdee said, I must join 
myself unto the Eunuch-kluhbb, and then shall 
I become Sussah-ettee. 

23. For in Gotham the synagogues in which 
men gathered together to worship according to 
the order of Sussah-ettee, were called kluhbbs ; 
and the Eunuch-kluhbb was the chief of all 
these in Gotham, because in it there were gath- 
ered together more of the sect of the Olepho- 
gees. And not many of the Olephogees be of 
the tribe of Phung Uz. 

24. Now, this synagogue was not called the 
Eunuch-kluhbb because the men therein were 
eunuchs indeed. For in the beginning it was 
called the Eunyun-kluhbb ; and it did profess 



208 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

great love unto the land and the government 
of Unculpsaim. 

25. But it came to pass that there was a man 
of the circumcision, whose .name was Judah, 
who joined himself unto this synagogue ; and 
he was of the tribe of Benjamin. And he 
dwelt in the south country, in a city on the 
borders of the Father of Waters. And he was 
not Tshivulree ; for they of the circumcision 
are never Tshivulree, but he was a Phiretah. 

26. And when the standard of revolt was 
set up against the government of Unculpsaim, 
this circumcised Phiretah became one of the 
chief counsellors of Jeph the Repudiator. 

27. Wherefore certain of them which were 
of the Eunyun-kluhbb said, Let us now 
straightway put out this Judah, because he 

Ver. 25. This passage would seem to show that the au- 
thor wrote before the Babylonish captivity, after which the 
tribe of Benjamin ceased to exist. The statement that they 
of the circumcision are never Tshivulree reveals an ac- 
quaintance with the character of the Orientals of anti- 
quity, as it is revealed to us in the earliest authorities. For 
the Tshivulree seem to have been an exaggeration, a sort of 
caricature of gentlemen; and it is remarkable that in all 
the Hebrew Scriptures, intimate as are their revelations of 
character and multitudinous as are the personages with 
whom they make us acquainted, there are only three who 
can be called gentlemen,— Joseph, Esau, and Jonathan. 
Joseph in his behavior to his brothers, and in his conduct 
in Pharaoh's house, and Esau in his relations to that mean- 
est of mortals, Jacob, showed themselves eminently gentle- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 2O9 

rebelleth against the government of Uncul- 
psalm, and seeketh to destroy this nation. 

28. But the others answered and said, Not 
so. For here we do worship Sussah-ettee ; 
and what is it to Sussah-ettee whether the gov- 
ernment of Unculpsalm be cast down, and the 
nation destroyed, and the land divided, or no? 

29. And they that said thus were many, and 
the others were very few. So Judah was not 
put out. Wherefore, and because that the men 
of the Eunyun held themselves aloof from the 
Great Fair of Gotham, the people said. Let 
this kluhbb no more be called the Eunyun but 
the Eunuch ; for the love of these men for the 
land of Unculpsalm bringeth forth nothing. 

30. Then Pshawdee, who was called Pshalm- 
ur, when he returned to Gotham, sought to be 
one of the Eunuch-kluhbb. And they that 
were already of it considered the matter and 
said. Let us receive this Pshalmur among us, 
for he is rich. But some said, He is of the 
tribe of Phung Uz, and he seeketh secretly to 
destroy this government. 

31 . And when no man hearkened unto them, 
and the other were about to receive him, Tiph- 
phunnee said unto one of them, 

32. Know ye whom ye are about to choose. 
This Pshalmur is Pshawdee, who is the son of 
Kaudphyssh, which the Bidhee, his concubine, 

18* 



2IO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

bore unto him, and who was one of the coun- 
cillors of Gotham. 

23' Then, although they had cared not that 
Judah had revolted, and were about to receive 
Pshawdee although he was of the tribe of 
Phung Uz and was a Kopur-hedd, they all gave 
their voices against him, because he was the 
son of a Bihdee, which was concubine, and 
because he had been one of the councillors of 
Gotham. 

34. So Pshawdee was not received into the 
Eunuch-kluhbb. And when the Great Fair 
was set up he said. Now will I offer to give 
largely of my substance unto the fair, and then 
they will make me one of the chief officers 
thereof, and I shall be one of the Fuss-people, 
and peradventure I may even become Sussah- 
ettee. 

35. But although he promised to give largely 
of his substance, Pshawdee was not made one 
of the chief officers ; for they said. The people 
will give us money ; and it is better for us even 
that our chief officers should be without money 

Ver. 33. I would willingly believe either that this pas- 
sage has been tampered with by transcribers or that it is 
deformed by that spirit of party which sometimes appears 
in this work. Otherwise it would be impossible to believe 
that these men of the Eunuch-kluhbb were not all sons of 
Psnawb and brothers of Pshawdee; which fact is not men- 
tioned by the author. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 211 

than without honor, or that the root of this 
matter should not be found in them. 

26. And Augustus the money-changer sought 
also to be one of the chief officers of the fair. 
For he said, Behold now the Kopur-hedds stink 
in the nostrils of this people like unto the flesh 
of the unclean beast which Pshawdee giveth 
unto the soldiers ; and the men who are chief 
officers are men who from the beginning have 
not compromised themselves unto the Phiretahs ; 
wherefore, if I be received among them, the 
people will forget that I was one of them that 
took counsel together to raise up a faction in 
the city and in the province of Gotham to resist 
the government of Unculpsalm and to help the 
Phiretahs. 

37. But the men who were already chief 
officers said. We will not have this time-server 
and men-pleaser among us. Nor shall he 
make of us which are whole a cloak unto his 
leprosy. 



212 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER VI. 

I. PsJiaivdee seeketh again to become Sussah-ettee. 3. Cer- 
taiti men counsel the Fuss-women to buy no more sumpt- 
uous a;pparel. 6. A-phrite and Adhoivdee. 17. The 
ivomen assemble in the hall of Peter the Barrebnaker. 
23. There is a division a^nong them. 30. The ivife of 
Pshaivdee. 33. Nah Polion is tvise in his generation. 

AND Pshawdee sought yet again to make it 
seem that he was Sussah-ettee. For after 
the fair had come to an end (and it was a Great 
Fair, and the officers thereof paid unto the sick 
and the wounded of the host of Unculpsalm a 
milHon and two hundred thousand pieces of 
silver), the women which had been officers 
thereof said one to another, 

2. What shall we do that we may not sud- 
denly pass away from before the eyes of this 
people, and that we ourselves may not sink 
under the burden of this quiet which falleth 
upon us, now that there is no longer a fair in 
Gotham ? 

Ver. 2. The scholiast would have it that it was from the 
fact that these women were oppressed bj quiet that they 
derived their name of Fuss-women or Fuss-people? whj, 
who can discover? But modern critics suggest that Fuss 
is a corruption of First. Dr. Trite ingeniously attempts to 
reconcile both these views. The question is one that I 
shall not attempt to unravel. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 21 3 

3. And certain men said unto them, Behold, 
now the people of Unculpsalm need all their 
money for the war that is in the land ; yet do 
they pay unto the Pahlivoos and unto the men 
of Jonbool thousands of thousands of pieces 
of gold every month ; and of this ye know 
well how large a part is paid for sumptuous 
apparel ; for silk and for broidered work, and 
for fine-twined linen like unto the spider's web, 
and for jewels and precious stones, and for 
head-tires. 

4. Come now, therefore, join yourselves to- 
gether and ask all the women of Gotham and 
the country round about to join themselves 
unto you, and pledge yourselves solemnly one 
to another in the hall of Peter who is called 
the Barrelmaker, that ye will not buy any more 
silken raiment and broidered work of the Pah- 
livoos, neither fine-twined hnen like unto the 
spider's web from the men of Jonbool ; but that 
until this war is ended ye will buy only that 
raiment and stufi* which is made in this land, 
even in the land of Unculpsalm. So shall not 
your memory perish from the land, and the 
Gothamites be kept in mind that ye are Fuss- 
people. 

5. Then were the countenances of the wo- 
men cast down, and their hearts sank within 

them. 

6. And they answered and said. Truly we 



214 ^^^ ^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

will talk and busy ourselves, and write writings, 
and call together assemblies, about this matter; 
but as to the thing which ye ask us to do, shall 
we for the whole land of Unculpsalm make 
ourselves look each one like unto Aphrite and 
like unto Adhowdee ! 

7. Now Aphrite and Adhowdee were evil 
spirits, in fear of which the women of the land 
of Unculpsalm lived continually ; and they 
feared nothing so much as to look like unto the 
one or the other. 

8. Yet did no woman ever see these spirits 
save in the flesh or the apparel of some other 
woman ; and most often one of her friends and 
acquaintance. 



Ver. 7. The evil spirit Aphrite seems to have been the 
same that is mentioned in another verj w^idely known 
though much inferior work, also Oriental in its origin. 
The Thousand and One Nights, under the name Ephreet 
or Ephrite. The slight difference in spelling is of no mo- 
ment. This Ephreet or Ephrite is described as having his 
head in the clouds, his head like a dome, his hands like 
pitchforks, a mouth like a cavern, teeth like stones, nostrils 
like trumpets, ejes like lamps, and legs like masts. Surely 
a woman might well be anxious not to look like this spirit, 
and if she did, would be certain not to find favor in the 
eyes of men. But what do the female intelligences of this 
enlightened country and this advanced age, care for that? 
To the evil spirit Adhowdee, I can find no other allusion ; 
but a female critic, upon this passage, believes that this 
potent fiend was let loose upon earth immediately upon the 
Fall, and appeared to Eve as she sewed together the first 
fig-leaves. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 215 

9. And when a woman saw that her friend 
was possessed of one of these spirits, she said, 
Lo, she looketh Hke unto Aphrite or Hke unto 
Adhowdee, and she rejoiced in her heart, al- 
though she mourned outwardly ; for so it was 
that every woman could see that her neighbor 
was like unto Aphrite or Adhowdee, but could 
not see the same likeness in herself; and 
she thought within herself, Behold, she hath 
this evil spirit and therefore I have it not, and 
I am glorified in her calamity. 

10. And when a woman found not favor in 
the eyes of men they said. She is Aphrite ; 
but when her raiment provoked the scorn of 
women, they said. She is Adhowdee ; and 
they believed that there was no charm where- 
with to cast out the evil spirit Adhowdee from 
a woman, save silken raiment made after the 
manner of the Pahlivoos. 

11. And because they feared more to look 
like unto Adhowdee than like unto Aphrite (for 
they knew that a woman might not seem to a 
man like unto Aphrite, although she had on 
only one linen garment) , therefore was it that 
the countenances of the Fuss-women fell, and 
that their hearts sank within them. 

12. But the men, seeing their perplexity, said 
unto them. Why are ye cast down, and why 
do your hearts fail you? For behold, now, we 
do not ask that ye should pledge yourselves 



2l6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

one to another not to wear raiment from the 
land of the Pahhvoos, and from the land of 
Jonbool. God forbid that we should ask the 
women of our Fuss-people to do such a thing. 

13. Have ye not all of you, ye, your friends 
and acquaintances, laid up for yourselves 
treasures of silken apparel and head-tires and 
fine-twined linen, which are enough for you 
to wear throughout this war ; yea, even if it 
should continue yet five years longer ! We 
ask ye not that ye shall not go in attire from 
the land of the Pahlivoos and of Jonbool, but 
that ye shall not buy the same. 

14. And for all the women who are not Fuss- 
people, and who furnished you the substance of 
your Great Fair, but were not officers of the 
same, and who, because they are not rich, have 
not laid up for themselves treasures of silken 
raiment and fine linen and of jewels, when 
they have pledged themselves unto you not to 
buy soft clothing made in the land of the Pah- 
livoos, and when that which they have is worn 
out, let them go in common raiment made by 
the hands of langkies in the land of Uncul- 
psalm. 

15. And when the Fuss-women heard of ap- 
parel made by langkies in the land of Uncul- 
psalm they became pale, and seemed as if they 
would vanish away ; but when they considered 
the matter, and remembered each one of them 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 21 7 

that it was not she who should wear it, the 
thing pleased them, and they consented to it. 

16. And they sent out a writing ; and they 
signed the writing, saying unto the women of 
Gotham, Assemble yourselves together at the 
hall of Peter who is called the Barrel-maker, 
and let us pledge ourselves one to another that 
we will buy no more silken raiment, neither 
head-tires from the land of the Pahlivoos, nor 
fine-twined linen like unto the spider's web, 
from the land of Jonbool, nor jewels of gold 
nor precious stones from other lands, while this 
war lasteth. 

17. And the women came and filled the hall 
of Peter the Barrel-maker, so that it was full 
of the rustle of garments and the murmur of 
voices, as when a soft wind moveth the trees 
of the forest. 

18. And the women who had been chief 
officers of the fair were set upon an high place, 
and they were clad in gorgeous raiment, and 
wore marvellous head-tires upon their heads, so 
that the men looked at them in wonder and the 
women with envy ; and they said. There have 
not been such head-tires made in the land of 
Unculpsalm, neither shall be. 

19. But there were few men suffered in that 
assembly. And one of them they made presi- 
dent. And he was a goodly man and a courte- 
ous. And after Peter the Barrel-maker had 



2l8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

made an oration unto them, the president read 
the writing and declared the covenant unto the 
assembly. 

20. And he asked their voices upon it. And 
many gave their voices for it. But when he 
asked again, there were many more that gave 
their voices against it. 

21 . Whereupon the president and the women 
which had been chief officers of the fair were 
astonished, and knew not what to do. And 
the president said unto the assembly, Ye do 
not rightly in giving your voices against the 
writing. For behold, these women at whose 
call ye are assembled together, and which 
have signed the writing, are Fuss-people, and 
they looked not that any should speak against 
that which it seemed good unto them to do ; 
neither becometh it you to speak, except for it; 
and for this only were ye gathered together. 

22. Then did he ask their voices again ; and 
again there were more voices against the writ- 
ing than for it, and there was confusion and 
perplexity upon the high place. And there 
began to be an uproar in the assembly ; and 
certain women therein lifted up their voices 
against the women upon the high place, 
saying, 

23. Wherefore have ye brought us into 
this place to deceive us ? and why is it that 
ye have thus dealt with us ? Think ye to 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 219 

blind us to the pride and the naughtiness of 
your hearts ? 

24. For indeed, now, it would be a good thing 
that we should keep in this land all the gold 
and the silver which the women spend for 
sumptuous apparel ; and we would gladly sign 
a writing with you and pledge ourselves one to 
another to wear no garments made in the land 
of the Pahlivoos and in the land of Jonbool, 
from this time forth until the w'ar is ended. 

25. But think ye that we see not that ye 
promise only not to buy this raiment, or that 
we know not that ye have laid up for yourselves 
treasure of silken apparel, and collars of fine- 
twined linen, and head-tires marvellous to be- 
hold, and jewels of gold and precious stones 
enough for many years, and that ye make no 
covenant with us not to wear this raiment? 

26. Yea, verily, and we know that ye will 
wear it ; and that when we who have not laid 
up treasures must needs buy other raiment, if 
we sign this writing and make this covenant 
we must buy raiment made by langkies in the 
land of Unculpsalm ; and that while we see 
you arrayed in sumptuous apparel, we shall 
look each one of us like unto Aphrite or like 
unto Adhowdee. 

27. Think ye that we will do this because ye 
are Fuss-people? No, not for the whole land 
of Unculpsalm. Come down therefore among 
us if ye would serve this land, and keep the 



220 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

gold and silver within its borders, and do as ye 
would make us do, and become each one of 
you like unto Aphrite and Adhowdee ; else will 
we not hearken unto you. 

28. Then the women upon the high place 
were dismayed, and their knees knocked to- 
gether like Belshazzar's ; and they said one to 
another, Are we even as the simple ones that 
we should do this thing? But some of them 
waxed wroth and said. It is the men, it is 
Solomon the Chief Treasurer, and Hiram, 
whose surname is Bah Gnee, his minister, who 
sitteth at the receipt of custom, who have coun- 
selled these women, and have brought this con- 
fusion upon us. 

29. And the saying found favor in the eyes 
of the women ; and they thrust all the men out 
of the assembly. And they set the women who 
refused to sign the writing at naught, and made 
a covenant that was right in their own e3^es. 

30. Now the wife of Pshawdee had sought 
to join herself unto these women ; for she said, 
Then shall my name be written upon the writ- 

Ver. 28. Solomon the Chief Treasurer was removed from 
his treasurership by Abraham and afterward made Chief 
Judge in the land of Unculpsalm ; and Hiram no longer 
sat at the receipt of custom. His successor was Simeon, a 
goodly man, whose tongue is said to have been like oil and 
who was wise in his generation. He had also been Chief 
Almoner of the city of Gotham, in the chronicles of which 
these facts are recorded. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 221 

ings, and men will see that I too am one of the 
Fuss-people, and may become Sussah-ettee. 
And at first the women would not suffer her. 
But after these things they said one to another, 
Behold, now, we shall need some one who is 
not Sussah-ettee to appear with us in this mat- 
ter. 

31. So they suffered her. And after these 
things they fled each one of them into the far 
country, some into the mountains and others 
to the sea-side, and were no more seen in 
Gotham. 

32. And Nah Pohlion, the king of the Pah- 
livoos, was told of what these women had done. 
And he that told him said. Will not my lord 
make war upon these langkies whose women 
seek to take bread out of the mouths of the ser- 
vants of my lord, and to bring his kingdom to 
destruction ? 

33. And Nah Polion answered and said. Not 
so ; neither is my spirit troubled by these cove- 
nants. When these Fuss-women of Gotham do 
no longer wear the silk and the jewels and fine- 
twined linen, but apparel themselves in raiment 

Ver. 33. According to the scholiast, tradition says that 
Nah Pohlion was right, and that the Fuss-women of Go- 
tham neither imposed this covenant upon the other 
women, nor ceased to wear the gorgeous raiment made 
in the land of the Pahlivoos, but that on the contrary they 
made themselves more glorious therein than ever before. 
See also Book IV., Chap, xii., verses 21, 22. 
19* 



222 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

made by langkies in the land of Unculpsalm, 
then shall I consider the matter, even though 
they make no covenant. 

34. For he was wise in his generation ; and 
he had sojourned in the land of Unculpsalm. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 223 



CHAPTER VII. 

I. TJie Armies of Unculfsalm. 2. JepJi seeket/i to terrify 
them. 5. A Phiretah Captain attacketh a fort. 9. A7id 
ministereth the New Gospel of Peace to the Niggahs 
that are therein. 18. Pshawdee and certain Officers of 
Unculpsalm compromise themselves unto the Phiretaks. 
24. Ulysses and George the Med e inarch upon the chief 
city of the EpJiephvees. 28. The Battle in the Wilder- 
ness. 31. Ulysses circumventeth Robbutleeh. 34. Pri- 
mus and Assohkald Edditah publish a false proclamation. 
42. Abraham giveth his enemies another martyr. 47. 
Abraham speakcth in parables. 60. Raphael, the cap- 
tain of a Phiretah ship, blotveth his trumpet. 69. But 
he and the men of Jonbool are discomfited. 

NOW these things happened about the 
spring-time of the year. And the days 
drew nigh when the armies of Unculpsalm 
should march against the armies of Jeph the 
Repudiator-. 

2. And Jeph said, Behold, now, before they 
march upon me, I will strike terror into these 
langkies and into the Niggahs, whom they are 
fighting to set free, and whom they suffer to 
fight under their banner. I will minister the 
new gospel of peace unto them even as my 
friends the Kopur-hedds and the Pahdees min- 
istered it unto them in Gotham. 

3. And he sent one of his chief captains with 



224 ^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

an army of three thousand men against a fort 
that stood by the Father of the Waters. And 
there were only six hundred fighting men in 
that fort ; and three hundred and fifty of these 
were Ethiopians, even Niggahs, which had 
never drawn the sword. 

4. And the captain of the Phiretahs marched 
against the fort, and sent a trumpet before him, 
saying to him whom commanded the fort. Let 
there be peace between us while I shew thee 
that it will be better for thee to give thyself into 
my hands. But he would not. And while 
there was peace, the Phiretah captain marched 
his army into a better vantage. 

5. Then he fought against the men of Un- 
culpsalm ; but he prevailed not, for the fort 
was strong. And again he sent a trumpet, 
saying, Let there be peace, as aforetime. And 
while there was peace he marched his army 
again into a vantage ground, and placed it 
around the fort on all sides. 

6. And again he fought, and his men climbed 
over the wall into the fort, because there were 
not men enough within to line the wall. 

Ver. 3. In the margin of the manuscript, it is written, in a 
hand like that of the original, " and this fort was called after 
the name of a Phiretah captain, which, when he was in Mecsi- 
cho, builded a fort, dug the ditch inside the walls thereof." 
But how does this guide us who know not the name of the 
captain? Robinson, a frivolous critic, suggests that the 
whole affair was only another pillow case : trivial and 
quibbling conjecture. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



225 



7. And when the men of Unculpsahn saw 
that they were too few, they submitted and laid 
down their weapons. And then they thought 
that there was peace. 

8. But when the Phiretahs saw that these 
men had submitted and laid down their weap- 
ons, and that they themselves were many and 
strong, and that the others were few and feeble, 
they said, Now let us minister the new gospel 
of peace unto these langkies and unto the Nig- 
gahs which do fight under their banner, that 
we may show them that we are Tshivulree, and 
that we mean that peace shall spread her wings 
under our banner. 

9. Then they fell upon the Niggahs as they 
stood in their ranks without weapons, and slew 
them as they stood ; for they were Tshivulree. 

10. And they shot at them as they fled, and 
as they lay wounded upon the ground. 

11. And they put to death the langkies which 
were with them, even the soldiers and the offi- 
cers which had submitted and given up their 
weapons. 

12. And they slew the women of the Nig- 
gahs and their children. 

13. And they set on fire the house in which 
lay the sick and the wounded ; and when one 
that was wounded asked for water, they gave 
him fire. 

14. And they threw the bodies into the water 



226 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and into the fire ; and they threw into the fire 
some that were Hving, and some that were Hv- 
ing they buried ; and all this they did for be- 
cause that they were Tshivulree. 

15. And few men fell fighting on that day; 
but of the six hundred not fifty were left alive. 

16. For thus do the Tshivulree and the Pah- 
dees which serve them minister the new gospel 
of peace. 

17. And on the same day when these things 
were done, certain of the captains of the Tshiv- 
ulree went down to a boat which was by the 
shore of the river nigh unto the fort ; and there 
were certain men of Unculpsalm in the boat, 
and Pshavvdee was also among them. 

18. For Pshawdee had gone down upon the 
Father of the Waters to buy merchandise and 
get gain. 

19. And when the captains of the Tshivulree 
entered into the boat, Pshawdee and they that 
were with him bowed down themselves unto 
them, and said unto them. It is very good and 
gracious of our lords that they visit their ser- 
vants, although their servants are langkies and 
men of Unculpsalm. What are we, and what 
have we done that our lords should visit us, and 
show us the light of their countenance ? And 
they compromised themselves unto them. 

20. And they made haste, and set on bread 
before them, and poured out wine unto them, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 227 

and they ate and drank with them, while 
the blood of the Niggahs and of their own 
brethren was upon their hands. And when 
they drank, they bowed themselves down and 
compromised themselves. 

21. This did Pshawdee and they that were 
with him; for they said within themselves, 
When the war is over and there is peace again 
in the land, the Phiretahs and the Tshivulree 
may be serviceable unto us, and we shall get 
gain by them, and have places in the govern- 
ment. 

22. And Jeph the Repudiator and the Tshiv- 
ulree looked that the langkies should be struck 
with terror, and that they would cease to re- 
ceive the Niggahs into their armies. But it 
came to pass that the langkies were more than 
ever set upon subduing the Phiretahs. And 
the very Niggahs, which had been from gene- 
ration to generation under the yoke, were not 
struck with terror, but from that time looked 
for the day when they should take vengeance 
for their brethren. 

23. Now Robbutleeh had gathered together 
a mighty host in Pharjinnee, and he had filled 
that country with forts and with strong places, 
and had cast up mounds upon the roads, and 
he lay in wait for Ulysses and George the 
Mede, and for the army of Unculpsalm. 

24. And in the spring-time, even in the 



228 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

month when the men and the women of Gotham 
were used to seize their household stuff and 
flee, each one of them out of the house in 
which he was into another ; Ulysses who was 
called Unculpsalm and George the Mede 
marched southward. And they crossed the 
rapid river which is called after the name of 
Anna, the queen of the land of Jonbool. 

25. And when they reached the wilderness 
of Pharjinnee which lieth south of that river, 
Robbutleeh came out of his stronghold and 
marched to meet them. 

26. For that wilderness was a howling wil- 

Ver. 24. The singular custom recorded in this passage 
seems to have been peculiar to the people of Gotham even 
among the inhabitants of the land of Unculpsalm. No 
trace of the custom has been discovered in the history of 
any other nation, nor has any reason or even any cause for 
it been brought to light. It has been conjectured that it 
was part of the wisdom of the three wise men of Gotham 
before referred to in these comments. On the other hand 
some have supposed that it originated in the circumstance 
that the first woman of Gotham had such an aversion to 
soap, water, and brooms, that her house was never invaded 
by them, and that this continuing until the consequences 
became no longer tolerable even to her she gathered up 
her household stuff and fled to another house which she 
had built, meantime, setting her old house on fire as she 
left it, and that this happened on the ist of May, which 
was observed after that time by an initiative commemora- 
tion of her Ilegira on the part of the women of Gotham, 
and also by the burning of old beds in the street, and even 
of houses at that time of the year, and, indeed, at many 
others. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 229 

derness, and full of snares and thickets, and 
marshes and quagmires, so that horsemen 
might not fight therein, neither any engine of 
war be used therein. And there were hills 
behind which Robbutleeh could march, and 
only he and his officers knew the way through 
the snares and the thickets and the quag- 
mires. 

27. Wherefore Robbutleeh said, I shall 
drive Ulysses and George the Mede back 
straightway, even as I drove out Joseph of 
Kalaphorni, and put them to the sword; for in 
this place one man can do more to keep back 
than five to make way. 

28. And he fell upon the army of Uncul- 
psalm furiously, and the armies fought together 
all that day, and neither prevailed. And the 
next day, or ere the sun had risen, Ulysses 
and George the Mede fell upon Robbutleeh. 
And the battle lasted all the second day. 
And thrice did Robbutleeh gather his army 
together in one place to break through the 
ranks of Unculpsalm ; but he prevailed not. 
And they fought again in the evening of this 
day ; and when the battle was over, the armies 
of Unculpsalm had not gone one foot back- 
ward, but still faced the Phiretahs, and pressed 
forward against them. 

29. And the armies fought hand to hand, 
and neither the great engines of war nor the 

20 



230 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

horsemen could come into the battle. And 
there fell in those three days of the men of 
Unculpsalm, fifteen thousand, and of the Phi- 
retahs there fell twelve thousand. 

30. And when Robbutleeh saw this, and 
that the men of Unculpsalm still pressed for- 
ward, and that of his men which were fallen 
more were killed than wounded, he saw that 
he could not destroy Ulysses in the wilderness, 
but that he might be destroyed there himself; 
and he marched backward in the night time, 
and entered into one of his strong places. 
And in the morning Ulysses marched after 
him. And he attacked Robbutleeh in his strong 
place, and prevailed against him, and took 
captive two thousand soldiers, and two of his 
great officers, and many engines of war, and 
many banners. Yet was Robbutleeh not ut- 
terly discomfited ; for he was in a strong place. 
And he drew his army closer together to make 
himself stronger. 

31. Then did Ulysses feign that he would 
attack Robbutleeh in his strong place, but he 
marched past him craftily in the night, and in 
the morning when Robbutleeh looked, lo, there 
was peril that Ulysses would fall upon him 
from behind. So he made haste and marched 
backward by a shorter road. And as Ulysses 
was crossing another river called after Anna, 
Robbutleeh fought against him on the banks 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 23I 

of the river ; but Ulysses crossed the river in 
the face of Robbutleeh ; and Robbutleeh went 
backward before him, and crossed yet a third 
river called after Anna, and encamped in 
another strong place. 

32. And Ulysses, waiting craftily until he 
saw that Robbutleeh was well encamped 
in his strong place on the south side of the 
third river, marched backward in the night 
over the second river, and downward along its 
banks swiftly, until he was over against the 
chief city of the Phiretahs. 

33. And again Robbutleeh looked, and 
behold, he was in peril of Ulysses coming in 
behind him, and between him and his chief 
city, and cutting him off from food for his men 
and provender for his horses. And he 
marched backward yet a third time, and went 
into the city. And when Ulysses had shut 
him up within the city, the Phiretahs said that 
Robbutleeh had put Ulysses just where he 
wished him to be. 

34. And in these days two scribes, which 
were apostles of the new gospel of peace, 
Primus who dwelt among the merchants, and 
Assohkald Eddittah, who to gain the World 
had lost his own soul, published a procla- 
mation, signed with the name of Abraham 
and of his chief counsellor, saying, 

35. That the warfare of Ulysses had come 



232 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

to naught, and that the people should fast in 
sack-cloth and ashes, and that there was need 
for four hundred thousand more men for the 
armies of Unculpsalm. 

36. Now the proclamation was a false proc- 
lamation, and nevertheless were the people 
much cast down by it, for they knew not that 
it was false ; and the money-changers got 
great gains thereby. 

37. And Abraham saw that the matter was 
weighty ; and he said unto Jonaydics, Go now 
and seize these men and their houses, and 
their writings, that it may be known who hath 
done this wickedness. And afterwards, be- 
cause he was compassionate, and because the 
men were of small account, he said. Let the 
scribes go free, but keep their houses and 
their writings, that no evidence may be de- 
stroyed. 

38. But it was found that the proclamation 
was written by another scribe to deceive all 
the scribes in Gotham, but that all of them 
were careful not to publish it, except only 
Primus and Assohkald Eddittah. And when 
this was shown imto Abraham, he said. Ye 
are guilty in that ye were not more careful ; 
but take your houses and your books and 
your writings again. I know that hereafter as 
heretofore ye will revile me daily ; but what is 
that to me? Go in peace. But for that which 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 233 

ye have already suffered, it is no more than ye 
ought to suffer because that by your careless- 
ness ye did so mislead and afflict the people. 

39. Then the other scribes, that they might 
magnify their office, and that their craft might 
not be in danger and set at naught, wrote in 
their books against Abraham, saying that he 
ought not to have seized upon Primus and 
Assohkald Eddittah, and their houses, and 
their writings. 

40. But, except the Kopur-hedds and the 
followers of John See of Mah-Rippozah, all 
the people said. Amen. 

41. And straightway Primus and Assohkald 
Eddittah began again to revile Abraham, saying 
daily that he was a traitor and a tyrant and 
one that sought to grind the people to powder, 
and defy the Great Covenant, and destroy the 
nation ; but chiefly they did declare that he 
was an oppressor, because that he would suffer 
no man to speak or to write evil of him. 

42. And again Abraham ministered occasion 
unto his enemies. For there came a man 
from Kewbah who had sold an hundred and 
fifty Niggahs that were free into bondage, for 
his own profit, although he was an officer ap- 
pointed by the queen of that country, to pre- 
vent the bringing of Niggahs to be sold there. 
And after he had received the money, he fled 
to the land of Unculpsalm. 

20* 



234 '^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

43. And the Qiieen of Kewbah sent an 
ambassador unto Abraham, saying, Give me 
this man that he may be judged according to 
the law of his own country. And Abraham 
sent officers and took the man, and gave him 
to the queen. 

44. And thereupon the Kopur-hedds, and 
the disappointed men, and Pshawdee, and all 
of his sort, yea, verily, and even the men also 
which cared only for the everlasting Niggah, 
said, Behold, Abraham hath given us another 
martyr. Four had we before, and now a fifth 
is vouchsafed unto us. For to Clement the 
lawgiver, Abraham hath added Primus and 
Assohkald Eddittah, the scribes, John See of 
Mah-Rippozah, and this Niggah-stealer from 
Kewbah. 

45. And they sought to stir up the people, 
saying. Hath not this land hitherto been a 
refuge for the oppressed and an asylum for 
them which were persecuted by the kings of 
the earth? And now this man of Kewbah 
hath only stolen one hundred and fifty Niggahs 
and sold them into slavery, and the queen of 
that land seeketh to oppress and to persecute 
him by bringing him before judges to be tried 
by the law ; and Abraham giveth him a pris- 
oner into her hands. Alas ! who shall com- 
fort us? for now have we seen the day of our 
humiliation. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 235 

46. But the people said, How are we humil- 
iated? And as for this man, is it not rather 
he which is an oppressor? Yea, verily, and by 
the laws of all lands is he an outcast and worse 
than a murderer. And shall our banner be a 
refuge and our land an asylum for such as 
these ? 

47. And it was told unto Abraham that the 
Kopur-hedds and the outlandish men, and the 
men that thought only of the everlasting Nig- 
gah, had joined themselves together to judge 
him in this matter. And Abraham said. Be- 
hold now this remindeth me of a parable. 
(For he often spake in parables ; and the 
people said. He learneth these parables of 
Eumun Aytsher and Kawmunz Entz, his famil- 
iar spirits ;) but others called them Eumah 
and Muthah-ouit. 

48. A certain man had a large household 
which was at strife within itself. And some 
of the members said. We will no longer be of 
this household ; but we will depart, and we 
will destroy the house and the barns and the 
buildings, and will divide the household stuff 
and carry off our part thereof, so that there 
shall no longer be the same household. 

49. Now, these were all of one mind. But 
the remainder were at strife among themselves ; 
and it was chiefly about the manner of serving 
and the payment and receipt of money, and 



236 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the treatment of strangers ; and some said one 
thing and some another. 

50. Then the master of that household said, 
What shall I do? I will withstand them that 
would destroy the household, but I must also 
reconcile the remainder one with another, else 
I cannot do the former thing, and we shall all 
perish. 

5 1 . And he did so ; and he withstood the de- 
stroyers, and day by day he reconciled some of 
the remainder one with another ; and they that 
were reconciled held up his hands. But the 
others said. Not so ; for we will not have this 
household reconciled, except the serving and 
the money and the treatment of strangers be as 
it seems good unto us ; and these hated each 
other day by day more and more, and feared 
more and more that they should be reconciled. 
And they each sought to cast out the master of 
the household ; but they could not. 

52. But it came to pass that on a certain 
day they said one to another. Come, let us 
forget our enmity for a certain time that we 
may join together to cast out the master of the 
household, that when he is cast out, we may 
contend without let or hindrance, and that this 
household may be no more afflicted with recon- 
ciliation. 

53. Which now, therefore, think ye most 
loved that household, the master thereof and 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 237 

they that were reconciled, or they that would 
not be reconciled, and that sought to cast out 
him that would reconcile them ? And which 
think ye would prevail against the other, they 
that were all of one mind, or the remainder that 
were at strife among themselves? 

54. And Ulysses, after he had threatened to 
take the chief city of the Ephephvees from the 
north side thereof, marched suddenly to the 
river called Djeemz, and attacked the city 
upon the south side. 

55. Then said all the men who would have 
had Litulmak the Unready made chief ruler, 
Lo, Ulysses doeth that which Litulmak hath 
done before him. (For Litulmak had also 
marched to the Djeemz, with Robbutleeh hard 
after him.) And they glorified the wisdom of 
Litulmak. 

56. And it was told unto Abraham that the 
Knsuvvutivs and the Kopur-hedds said thus. 
And Abraham answered and said, They speak 
truly ; for both Litulmak and Ulysses did go 
from the north side of the city of the Epheph- 
vees unto the river Djeemz. And this remind- 
eth me of another little parable. 

Ver. 53. Abraham's parable is not without applicability 
to recent events in our own country. We may see among 
ourselves a certain faction which will not be reconciled with 
the others unless they may rule the household entirely ac- 
cording to their own notions. To them the questions of 
this verse may well be put. 



238 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

57. Two men entered into an house; but 
they entered it not together. And both of 
these men went out of that house ; but they 
also went not out together. 

58. And the first was thrust out by the neck 
and shoulders, and was beaten until he was 
half dead. But the last went out because he 
would go, and they that were in the house 
were not able either to stay him or to follow 
him. 

59. Judge ye now, therefore, which of these 
men was like unto Litulmak, and which was 
like unto Ulysses. 

60. Now certain of the men of Jonbool, ship- 
men, had builded great ships for Jeph the 
Repudiator, ships of war. And they had put 
on them great engines of war made in the land 
of Jonbool ; and the sailors and the fighting 
men therein were men of Jonbool. 

61. And to be captain of the chiefest of 
these ships Jeph sent one named Raphael (not 
the angel.) 

62. Yet like the angel Gabriel did he blow a 
trumpet; but it was his own trumpet. For 
after the manner of the Tshivulree and the 
Phiretahs, he was a boaster. 

63. And sailing over the seas to the four 
corners of the earth, this Raphael did nothing 
but seize and burn the ships belonging to the 
merchants of the land of Unculpsalm, and 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 239 

blow his own trumpet in the land of Jonbool 
and in the land of the Pahlivoos. 

64. But he fled from the ships which Abra- 
ham sent out over the seas to search for him ; 
and as he fled, he burned and destroyed them 
which could not fight with him, and blew his 
trumpet, and the echoes thereof were heard in 
the land of Jonbool and of the Pahlivoos. 

65. And at the last one of the ships of 
Unculpsalm which had searched for him a 
long time and found him not, overtook him in 
a haven in the land of the Pahlivoos over 
against the land of Jonbool, as thou goest 
down to the great sea. And the captain of the 
ship lay in wait for Raphael to do battle with 
him. 

66. And Raphael saw that he could no 
longer flee. Then he blew his trumpet, and 
said, Go to, I will no longer suffer this langkie 
to hang out his banner before my face and to 
defy me. And he wrote a letter to the langkie 
captain saying, 

67. Tarry but two days ; flee not away ; and 
I will come out to fight with thee, and I will 
give thy flesh to the fish of the sea. Who art 
thou that thou shouldst stand before me ? For 
such was the manner of speech among the 
Phiretahs. 

68. And the captain of the ship of Uncul- 
psalm answered him nothing ; but awaited his 



240 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

coming silently, after the manner of the 
langkies. 

69. So he went out; and the ships fought 
together. And the ship of Unculpsalm quickly 
had the mastery over the other and destroyed 
it, that it sank into the deep, and the waters 
closed over it forever. 

70. And the men of Unculpsalm, and chiefly 
the merchants and the shipmen, when they 
heard of these things, rejoiced and took cour- 
age. But when the men of Jonbool saw the 
ship which they had builded, and the engines 
of war which they had made, and the sailors 
which were of their land thus brought to 
naught, they were filled with wonder, and 
their hearts were troubled ; for the}^ thought 
that the day of reckoning drew nigh. 

71. And all of the wonderful acts that were 
done in the land of Unculpsalm after these 
things, of the battles of Ulysses, and the gov- 
ernment of Abraham, of the end of Pshawdee 
and of John See of Mah-Rippozah, until peace 
was restored unto that land, are they not writ- 
ten in the book of the vision of Benjamin, the 
brother of Phernandiwud ? 

Ver. 71. The promise or declaration made in this verse 
was not kept or else the manuscript has been mutilated. 
The former is probably the case, as Pshawdee and John 
See of Mah-Rippozah seem to have fallen into obscurity. 



The New Gospel of Peace. 



BOOK FOURTH. 



[Published May 19th, 1866.] 
16 (241) 



BOOK FOURTH. 



CHAPTER I. 

I. Choosing a Chief Ruler. 4. The Shear-man marcheth into 
Jahrji. 10. Ajid he goeth tip against Hadal-antah. 14. 
The Phiretahs in the land of the Kahnux. 15. Send 
Kullah Rado to Horatius the Scribe. 19. Who goeth 
into the lajtd of the Kahnux. 20. Abraham seeth through 
their devices. 25. And Horatius returneth home again. 

NOW after these things the time came 
when the people of the land of Unculpsalm 
should choose again a man to rule over them. 

2. For it was the chief delight of the people 
of that land to busy themselves about the choos-. 
ing of their chief ruler ; so that they occupied 
themselves with it by day, and talked one with 
another about it when they sat at meat and 
when they lay down and when they rose up, 
and gave their thoughts to it in the watches 
of the night. 

3. And when a chief ruler was chosen, so it 
was that the people began straightway to strive 
one with the other as to who should be chief 
ruler after him ; and he who had been made 

243 



244 '^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

chief ruler sought first of all things to cause 
himself to be chosen again. 

4. So that when any man came before him, 
or wrote a letter to him, asking that he would 
make him his officer, or cause justice to be 
done to him, or grant favor unto him, he said 
not. Hail ! my lord, that is chief ruler over the 
land of Unculpsalm, but, Hail! my lord chief 
ruler that is to be hereafter. 

5. And about those days the army of the 
Bhum Urs marched into the South. Now 
these were not of Ur of the Chaldees, but of 
Bhum Ur of the Raoudees. 

6. And the chief captain of the Bhum Urs 
was a mighty soldier before the Lord ; and he 
was called the Shear-Man because that he cut his 
way into the country of the Phiretahs which is 
called the land of Dicksee, and shore it in twain. 

7. This did he entering it not from the North 
over the border of Masunandicsun, but south of 
the land of Ohlcaintuk, where the people are 
mighty and fearful to behold, for their upper 
parts be like unto a horse and their lower parts 
be like unto an alligator, and the sound of 
their neighing goeth over the land. 

8. And the Bhum Urs left the land of Ohl- 
caintuk on the North, and went by the way of 
Chatter-niggah (for it is the country of the 
everlasting Niggah) even as thou goest down 
to Hadal-antah which is in the land of Jahrji. 



. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 245 

9. And it was at Chatter-niggah that Ulys- 
ses had overcome the army of the Phiretahs 
that Jeph the Repudiator had sent to drive the 
langkies beyond the borders of Ohlcaintuk, 
and that Joseph of Kalaphorni fought them 
upon the mountain top above the clouds and 
drove them out of their stronghold. 

10. And when Ulysses was made chief 
captain over all the armies of Unculpsalm, he 
sent for the Shear-Man and his Bhum Urs to 
come to Chatter-niggah. 

1 1 . And afterward in the spring time of the 
year the army of the Bhum Urs marched 
Southward into Jahrji, and went up against 
Hadal-antah to take it. 

12. But the way from Chatter-niggah to 
Hadal-antah was long, and it lay through 
mountains and narrow valleys and strong 
places, and in these the Phiretahs fortified 
themselves. But the Shear-Man cut his way 
through them, after his manner, and stood 
before Hadal-antah. 

13. Now when men saw that the way from 
Chatter-niggah was long, and that the army of 
the Bhum Urs was fain to march slowly and fight 
warily, and when they saw that Ulysses him- 
self and George the Mede still lay on the 
south of the chief city of the Phiretahs without 
taking it; 



246 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

14. The hearts of the feeble-minded began 
to fail them, and many of them joined them- 
selves unto the sect of the Oueecneas. 

15. Now there were certain Phiretahs which 
had fled into the land of the Kahnux which 
bordered the land of Unculpsalm on the north, 
and which was a province of the empire of 
Jonbool ; and they dwelt there, working mis- 
chief against the land of Unculpsalm, and in 
this they were mightily holpen and encouraged 
by the Kahnux. 

16. And these men called unto them one 
named Kullah-Rahdo, one of the simple ones, 
which did their bidding, and said unto him, 

17. Get thee unto Horatius the scribe, who 
dwelleth in Gotham, and who is the chief of 
the sect of the Oueecneas, and say unto him 
that the Phiretahs are willing now to make 
peace with the men of Unculpsalm, and that it 
pleaseth us to receive an oiler of truce from 
Abraham and his council that we may lay it at 
the feet of our master Jeph the Repudiator. 

Ver. 14. The manuscript here is much mutilated ; but 
from what remains it appears that Horatius the scribe had 
proposed that if the rebellion of the Phiretahs was not put 
down by a certain time their demands should be acceded 
to, and the land of Unculpsalm divided. But the Phiretahs 
were not put down b v that time ; and jet the people in- 
sisted that the war should go on, and they laughed Hora- 
tius to scorn, and distrusted him (whom before they had 
honored) ever after. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 247 

18. Now Kullah-Rahdo had published his 
folly to all the land of Unculpsalm, so that his 
name was a by-word for foolishness to all the 
men of that land. Likewise were the Phiretahs 
in the land of the Kahnux known to be crafty 
men and stiff-necked. Yet did Horatius the 
scribe hearken unto the message, and sent let- 
ters about it unto Abraham, saying, 

19. That now he might make peace and 
confirm it with writings, and pay the Phiretahs 
for their Niggahs, and glorify himself, and 
Horatius the scribe and Kullah-Rahdo for- 
ever. 

20. And he himself hastened to meet the 
Phiretah men at the place of the Falling 
"Waters. This did he because he was chief of 
the sect of the Oueecneas. 

21. But Abraham said within himself. Be- 
hold, now, do I not see through this matter as 
plainly as any man, vmless he be Horatius the 
scribe, or Kullah-Rahdo his yoke-fellow, may 
see through a millstone in which there hath 
been a hole made to turn it withal ? 

22. And he sent a message to Horatius, but 
it was not written to him nor to the Phiretahs, 
but unto all nations and unto all peoples, say- 
ing : 

23. If there be any man that hath power and 
authority to make a covenant, even a covenant 
that shall be kept, that the Phiretahs shall lay 



248 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

down their arms and go each man to his 
own home and obey the laws of the land of 
Unculpsalm, and that the Niggahs shall be set 
free forever; let him come unto me, and 'no 
man shall do him harm coming or going. 

24. Then did the hearts of the Phiretahs at 
the place of the Falling Waters sink within 
them. For they saw that Abraham was wiser 
than Horatius in his generation, and that their 
craft had failed them, and that Abraham and 
the men of Unculpsalm would fight the batde 
even unto the end. 

25. But they put a bold face upon the mat- 
ter, after their fashion, and they said unto Ho- 
ratius, What is this to which thou hast bidden 
us? We looked for an offer of peace, and be- 
hold thou hast brought upon us a buffet. Get 
thee gone, for we will none of thee. 

26. Then Horatius gat him home quickly. 
And the people remembered how that in the 
beginning he had said. Let the Phiretahs go, 
with their provinces, and keep their everlasting 
Niggah. And the people laid all these things 
up in their hearts. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 249 



CHAPTER II. 

Z. The PhiretaJis marcJt itito the j^rovince of TschaddbelJiee. 
2. The Kopur-hedds assemble at the city of the Zukkahs. 
5. The Shear-Man taketh Hadal-antah. 6. And the 
Ko;pur-hedds are cast dorvn. 9. Philscurrydown dis- 
cojnfiteth Jeiv Bahlurlee in the valley of the Shinning 
Door. 13. And in Keivbah. 17. Certain Phiretahs 
Join themselves together. 21. And rob a village in the 
la?td of Unciilpsalm. 26. Jonaydics ordereth them to be 
pursued into the land of the Kahnux. 

AND after these things the army of the 
Phiretahs marched again into the prov- 
ince of Tschaddbelhee, and carried off spoil, and 
burned a town therein. And when men saw 
this and saw that the Shear-man had not yet 
cut his way into Hadal-antah, and that Ulysses 
still lay with the army of George the Mede 
south of the chief city of the Phiretahs, 

2. Then the Kopur-hedds and the sect of 
Smalphri among the Dimmichrats and certain 
of the Oueecneas, gathered themselves to- 
gether at the chief city of the Zukkahs which 
was called Sheik Ahgo, to declare whom they 
would set up before tlie people to be chosen 
chief ruler. 

3. And the chief of the Kopur-hedds was 



250 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Horatio, who was surnamed the Seemer, and 
the chief of the sect of Smalphri was Augustus 
the money-changer ; and Augustus they made 
ruler of the assembly for a little while, because 
he was chief of the sect of Smalphri, and be- 
cause he was rich ; but the chief man of the 
assembly and the ruler thereof was Horatio the 
Seemer. 

4. And they declared that Litulmak was the 
man whom the Kopur-hedds delighted to honor, 
and whom the sect of Smalphri among the 
Dimmichrats would choose for chief ruler of 
the land of Unculpsalm. 

5 . Now it came to pass that while the assem- 
bly, in which Horatio the Seemer and Augustus 
the money-changer were chief men, did these 
things, that the chief captain of the Bhum Urs 
enticed the captain of the Phiretahs with his 
army out of Hadal-antah, and he fell upon him 
and cut his army in twain, and smote them hip 
and thigh, and pursued them until they were 
weary, and then marched back and took Hadal- 
antah. And this was noised abroad over the 
land as the men of that assembly departed to 
their homes. 

6. Then did the countenances of the Kopur- 
hedds fall and their countenances fail them as 
aforetime, when George the Mede obtained the 
victory over Robbutleeh, and when Ulysses 
took the city of Wickedsburg. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 25 1 

7. And they said one to another, Why hath 
this calamity fallen upon us, and what is our 
iniquity that the armies of Unculpsalm should 
be victorious? 

8. But the Dimmichrats which loved the 
land of Unculpsalm better than they loved the 
triumph of their own faction, rejoiced greatly, 
and likewise did all the other men of that land, 
save them that had joined themselves unto the 
Kopur-hedds or unto the Oueecneas. 

9. Moreover, about those days, Philscurry- 
down, a great captain in the army of Uncul- 
psalm, who was mighty in battle, riding upon a 
horse, and who was captain of horse in the 
army of George the Mede, 

10. Having been sent by Ulysses, the chief 
captain, fell upon Jew Bahlurlee in the valley 
of the Shinning Door, which is the chief en- 
trance from the land of the Phiretahs into 
the land of the langkies. And because the 
langkies and the Phiretahs had chased each 



Ver. 7. This sect of the Dimmichrats seem always to 
have recognized the chastening hand of affliction in the 
success of the armies of Unculpsalm. Their example is 
edifying, but, considering their end, it must be confessed, 
not encouraging. The candor of the author (who was 
manifestly of this sect) appears in the manner in which he 
speaks, in the next verse and elsewhere, of the other sect 
of the Dimmichrats, with which he was at variance. But 
it appears from a previous passage at the end of the first 
Book, that he was impelled to his task by an invisible and 
resistless power. 



252 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

other back and forth through this valley, and 
because in the tongue of the men of Ouahlztrete, 
men who run back and forth are said to shin, 
this valley is called the valley of the Shinning 
Door unto this da}^ 

11. And Philscurrydown fought against 
Jew Bahlurlee three times, and each time he 
smote him and had the victory over him, and 
pursued him with slaughter, and took his 
eno-ines of war, and more than half of them 
that were left alive he took captive. 

12. And no more was heard of Jew Bahlur- 
lee, until he fled and took ship and went and 
dwelt in Kewbah. And then he began railing 
and boasting after the manner of the Phiretahs, 
saying that he would have had the victory 
over Philscurrydown, save that he had only a 
few men, and that Philscurrydown had many. 

13. But when Philscurrydown heard this, he 
said, Behold this book, wherein are written the 
names of the men which I took captive from 
Jew Bahlurlee, and the numbers of his slain 
that I buried ; and the numbers of the captives 
and of the slain are more than all that Jew 
Bahlurlee saith were in his army. Moreover, 
the number of great engines of war that I took 
from him is greater than belongeth to his army, 
according to his showing, and more than could 
be carried by them, as every man who is cap- 
tain of a company well knoweth. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 253 

14. And then Jew Bahlurlee was put to 
shame before all men. For it was said a 
strong man may be discomfited, but only he 
that is mean in spirit seeketh to cover his ca- 
lamity with lies. 

15. And Philscurrydown laid that valley 
waste with fire and sword, so that no army of 
the Phiretahs might live therein ; and it is also 
called the Valley of Destruction unto this day. 

16. Now Philscurrydown was small of 
stature, and he was of the race of the Pahdees. 

17. And while he was driving Jew Bahlurlee 
and his army out of the valley of the Shinning 
Door, and laying waste that valley, certain of 
the Phiretahs who had gone into the land 
of the Kahnux, that they might work evil 
against the langkies, and who were made of 
in that land, 

18. Banded themselves together, and took 
arms in their hands, and went over into the land 
of Unculpsalm into a village of the langkies. 

19. And they hid their arms under their 
garments, and the langkies knew not that they 
were Phiretahs; for the langkies and the 
Phiretahs being of one blood and one speech, 
when the Phiretahs carried themselves peace- 
ably and went not about blaspheming and slay- 
ing, men knew not that they were Phiretahs. 

20. Now in this village there was no army, 
nor any fighting men, neither did the armies of 



254 "^^^ N^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Unculpsalm dwell in the country round about 
or pass through it, as the armies of the Phire- 
tahs did in the valley of the Shinning Door. 

21. And after they had sojourned many 
days in the village and dwelt with the inhabi- 
tants thereof so that they might spy out the 
land, they dispersed themselves through the 
village, and at a certain hour with one consent 
they entered the houses and the stables and 
the shops of the artificers, and began to lay 
hands upon the gold and the silver and the 
horses and the cattle. 

22. And because of the war there were few 
in the village save old men and women and 
children ; for most of the young men were in 
the armies of Unculpsalm. 

23. And before the few that were in the vil- 
lage could gather themselves together, the 
Phiretahs got upon the horses they had taken 
and began to ride out of the village. And 
those that attempted to hinder them they fell 
upon and wounded sorely, and went on their 
way rejoicing. 

24. But the young men that were left in the 
village assembled quickly, and got other horses 
and pursued the Phiretahs. Yet could they 
not come up with them before they had passed 
the border of the land of Unculpsalm into the 
land of the Kahnux. So they escaped. 

25. For the land of the Kahnux was part of 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 255 

the dominions of the Queen of Jonbool ; and 
an evil-doer in the one country could not be 
taken in the other save by a demand made by 
one chief ruler upon the other. 

26. But Jonaydics, who was captain in that 
region, said this is not the evil-doing of one 
man against another man ; this is the doing of 
the Phiretahs who have invaded our land from 
the land of the Kahnux, coming because they 
were our enemies, but carrying themselves not 
like soldiers but like robbers. 

27. Therefore he commanded his officers 
saying. Pursue and overtake and spare not ; 
and stay not your pursuing when ye come to 
the borders of the land of the Kahnux, but 
pass over, and if ye find the men, fall upon them 
and hew them in pieces before the Lord. And 
all the people said, Amen. 



256 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER III. 

I. Zoord. 5. Becometk chief con jisellor. 6. Is hated by the 
men of Jonbool and the Pahlivoos^ because he prophesi- 
eth agaifist them. 11. He causeth the command of 
yonaydics to be disobeyed. 15. The Kahnux let the 
Phiretahs escape. 16. Zoord's decree, 

NOW the chief of Abraham's counsellors 
was Bilhe, whose surname was Zoord. 
2. And Zoord was wise, and he had served the 
land of Unculpsalm as a lawgiver and a coun- 
sellor from the time when he was thirty years 
old until now the hair of his head was gray. 
And he was held in honor throughout the 
land of Unculpsalm, except among the Kopur- 
hedds and the Phiretahs. 

Ver. I. Bilhe. This name is noticeable from its similar- 
ity to some othei-s. We have Bilhah the concubine of 
Jacob ; and Dr. Trite points out that BiUe must be the 
masculine form of Bilhah, for he regards the h in the 
latter as superfluous. There is also Bildad the Shuite, 
one of Job's comforters, whom Dr. Trite thinks was 
probably the father of Bilhe. Some persons have been 
led so far in their search after persons of our own time 
and country to whom to apply the relations of this book, 
as to suppose that Bilhe may mean one of Mr. Lincoln's 
cabinet. But what writer would venture to take such a lib- 
erty with a cabinet minister.? 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 257 

3. And even the Phiretahs, although they 
hated his counsels, found no occasion against 
him, and had respect unto him ; for he was a 
courteous man and a subtle. 

4. And men said that he should have been 
chief ruler instead of Abraham, if it had not 
been for Horatius the scribe. And they looked 
that he should oppose himself unto Abra- 
ham ; but he was without envy, and served the 
land of Unculpsalm in pureness of heart. 

5. And when Abraham said unto him, Be- 
hold, now, thou hast wisdom to govern and art 
cunning to make laws and covenants, and art 
a man of experience among rulers, and can di- 
vine ; and I am a simple man, without experi- 
ence among rulers ; be therefore my chief 
counsellor ; then Bilhe consented and became 
the chief counsellor of Abraham. 

6. Now the rulers of the land of Jonbool, 
and the lords thereof, and the scribes and the 
pharisees, and the merchants and the shipmen 
hated Bilhe whose surname was Zoord. 

7. For when they sought the downfall of 

Ver. 4. A passage of the manuscript, too much mutilated 
to be translated in a connected form, tells us that Horatius 
was one of Bilhe's admirers and friends, and that they 
worked together, Horatius always upholding Bilhe, until 
Bilhe refused to consent that Horatius should be made one 
of the chief lawgivers of the land of Unculpsalm ; after 
which Horatius became Bilhe's enemy ; and no mean one ; 
for he had a great following. 
22* 



258 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Unculpsalm, and would have fought against 
her in the day of her calamity, he took away 
occasion from them, and he prophesied against 
them, declaring continually that the Phiretahs 
would come to naught, and that the greatness 
and the power and the glory of the land of Un- 
culpsalm should endure forever. Wherefore 
the men of Jonbool hated him with an exceed- 
ing great hatred. 

8. And the king of the Pahlivoos and his 
counsellors said one to another. What doth it 
matter what this babbler sayeth ? Let us not 
turn back therefor, but go on and get gold and 
glory in Mecsicho. But Zoord heeded neither 
the hatred of the men of Jonbool, nor the scoff- 
ing of the great ones among the Pahlivoos, and 
he said unto them, 

9. Behold now the pride and the naughtiness 
of your hearts ! I tell you that the day is com- 
ing, and will soon come, when ye shall be at 
your wits' end in this matter, and shall repent 
yourselves in dust and ashes. But they heeded 
him not, and went on their way, both them of 
Jonbool and the Pahlivoos. 

10. And now again he took away occasion 
from them ; for he went unto Abraham and he 
said unto him, 

11. Let my lord live forever, and be ruler 
of the land for a second time. Let my lord 
hearken unto his servant concerning the com- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 250 

mand of Jonaydics ; which indeed would do 
justice unto the Phiretahs, and unto the Kah- 
nux, and unto the men of Jonbool, but which 
would work confusion for us hereafter. 

12. For either this band of Phiretahs are rob- 
bers, or they are soldiers who obey the com- 
mand of Jeph and his officers. Now, if they 
be robbers, they have offended against our law, 
and must be demanded by thy servant to be 
punished ; and if soldiers, then they have of- 
fended against the laws of the land of Jonbool, 
and we can neither demand them for to be pun- 
ished nor join battle with them except within our 
own borders or within theirs, unless we do that 
which is cause of war among all nations. 

13. Let us not do thus foolishly; because 
there is an account between us and the rulers 
of the land of Jonbool because of the ships that 
the men of Jonbool have furnished to the Phi- 
retahs to our harm ; and this matter is greater 
than the other an hundred-fold. 

14. Let my lord Abraham, therefore, issue a 
proclamation that the command of Jonaydics 
be not obeyed, that we may come to our great 
accounting with clean hands. 

15. And Abraham consented, and the com- 
mand was not obeyed. And demand was 
made upon the rulers of the Kahnux for the 
Phiretahs ; but they gave them not up, but let 
them escape ; for the people desired it, and the 
judges winked at the matter. 



26o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

i6. Then Zoord issued a decree in the name 
of Abraham, — saying that no man might come 
from the land of the Kahnux into the land of 
Unculpsalm unless he had a writing sealed 
with the seal of the ambassador of Abraham in 
the land of the Kahnux, showing that he was 
neither a Phiretah nor other robber. And the 
writing cost five pieces of silver. 

17. And for because there was great traffic 
between those lands, and men went back and 
forth every day about their business, there went 
up a great cry thereat. And before many days 
the Kahnux sent messengers unto Zoord, and 
said, 

18. Let not my lord lay his hand so heavily 
upon his servants. For my lord hath touched 
his servants where they are most tender, even 
in their business and in their pockets. Take 
now away, we beseech thee, thine hand from 
oft' thy servants, and let them go back and forth 
about their business as aforetime, and thy ser- 
vants will undertake that their borders shall be 
guarded, that no Phiretahs nor no manner of 
robbers pass over them to do evil unto the land 
of Unculpsalm. 

19. And when Bilhe, whose surname was 
Zoord, saw that they were in the dust before 
him, although he wielded not the sword, he 
was gracious unto them, and he revoked the 
decree. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 261 



CHAPTER IV. 

I. The choice of AbraJiant the second time. 4. Andrew, 
'Whose surname was Jo7i-sing. 9. Is set up to be the 
second ruler of the land of Unculpsalm. 10. And is 
chosen. 11. The Phiretahs seek to btirji Gotham. 18. 
Phineas who was called Umbuggah. 20. Hiram the 
Publican. 

AND it came to pass, that after these things, 
about the time of the new moon, the peo- 
ple met together in their cities, in their towns, 
and their villages, to choose their chief ruler. 

2. And Abraham was chosen. And the 
multitude of them that gave their voices for 
Abraham was so great, that the Kopur-hedds 
and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmi- 
chrats and the Oueecneas hid their heads and 
crept away from the sight of men. And Pri- 
mus the scribe, who dwelt among the mer- 
chants, said. Behold, I will write no more to 
instruct the people of this land and the rulers 
thereof; but I will pour out the wealth of my 
wisdom before the merchants. 

3. Now there was chosen with the chief 
ruler of the land of Unculpsalm, a man to rule 
in his stead if he should die before the time for 



262 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

which he was chosen was ended, or if he 
should be smitten with grievous sickness or 
have a devil. 

4. And the men who had set up Abraham to 
be chosen a second time, looked about for a 
man to be set up with him, to rule if need be in 
his stead. And their eyes fell upon Andrew, 
whose surname was Jon-sing. 

5. Now this Andrew had aforetime made 
garments for the Phiretahs. And he was cun- 
ning to make garments of woollen ; so that they 
who before the time when Andrew came among 
them, had worn raiment made by the sons of 
Mizphit, ceased from wearing it and bought 
garments of Andrew. Wherefore Andrew was 
hated of the sons of Mizphit. 

6. And Andrew waxed rich, and came to be 
one of the lawgivers of the land of Unculpsalm, 
and sat in the great council of the nation. And 
it was of the Niggahs that he was called Jon- 
sing. Likewise there were many Niggahs 
that called themselves Jon-sing. 

7. And when the Phiretahs rebelled, they 
said unto him. Come with us, and be one of us ! 
But he spurned them, and said. Get from be- 
fore my face ; for God do so to me and more 
also, if I rest day or night until ye are hanged, 
each one of you, for this iniquity. 

8. Therefore, when the Phiretahs were sub- 
dued, and brought to naught in the province 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 263 

where Andrew dwelt, Abraham made Andrew 
governor thereof. 

9. And the men said one to another, Behold 
now this Andrew, whose surname is Jon-sing, 
and who is governor of his province, is he not 
wise, and hath he not been faithful among the 
faithless and served this nation, taking his life 
in his hand? 

10. Let us therefore set him up to be chosen 
as the second ruler in the land. And they set 
him up, and he was chosen. 

11. And about these days certain of the 
Phiretahs, which had gone to dwell in the 
land of the Kahnux, took counsel together to 
destroy the city of Gotham and all that was 
therein. 

12. And they sent not an army to march 
against it and take it ; but they took to them- 
selves certain men, and said to them, 

13. Go ye now into the city of Gotham, and go 
to the inns there, and take lodging as friends ; 
and say each of you unto his host. Give me now a 
convenient chamber that I may lodge with thee ; 
and look ye that your chambers be fitting unto 
that for which ye are sent. And some of you 
go unto the houses where men players and 
women players play before the people. 

14. Take also with you oil and brimstone. 
And it shall be that upon a day appointed ye 
shall with one consent pour the oil and the 



264 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

brimstone upon your beds, and upon the floors 
of the chambers under your beds, and in hidden 
places in the other houses ye shall pour them, 
and ye shall set fire to them, and so shall 
they be burned, and the houses round about. 

15. In the night shall ye do it, that the city 
being fired in many places when the men are 
asleep, there shall be none to extinguish the 
fires until the city be ready to be consumed 
even like unto Sodom and Gomorrah. 

16. And certain of the Phiretahs were pricked 
in their consciences and said, Is it lawful for us 
to do this thing? For do not all men who go 
to an inn trust each unto the faith of the other 
while they are in the inn together, even al- 
though they be enemies? And doth not the 
host receive them, also trusting them? And 
are there not women and children in the inns 
which shall be consumed therewith? 

17. But the others would not hearken unto 
these, and answered them, saying. We seek 
not to burn the women and children, but only 
the houses ; and if there be any women and 
children in the houses, their blood shall be upon 
their own heads. 

Ver. 17. It may be supposed that such an answer could 
be made only by a half-civilized Chaldean, at once bloody 
and subtle, like some t)f the characters with whom we are 
made acquainted in the Hebrew Scriptures. But the follow- 
ing modern instance shows that the same spirit which 
animated these Phiretahs, may be developed among patri- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 265 

18. And the men did as they had been com- 
manded, and they set fire to many inns. Like- 
wise also did they to the house of Phineas, who 
was called Umbuggah, wherein were men 
players and women players, and harlots, and 
marvellous beasts and fishes, even leviathan. 
And as it is written, He causeth the deep to 
boil like a pot, who can stir him up? so Phin- 
eas had him there in the pot, and had one to 
stir him up. Also the whale that Jonah swal- 
lowed and his gourd that withered away ; 
and Jonah was outside the whale, and sat in 
the shadow of the gourd. 

19. But Ken-Edee, chief of the watchmen, 
had heard of the device of the Phiretahs, and 
had set his watchmen to watch them. And 
they watched for the men, and took some of 

archal institutions and in our own time among our own 
people. 

Capt. Robert Cobb Kennedy, who had been educated at 
West Point, and who was a planter in Louisiana before the 
rebellion of 1861, was hanged at New York, March 25th, 
1865, upon convictions of setting fire to hotels in that city. 
Before his death he made a confession of which the follow- 
ing sentences are a part : — 

" ' I set fire to four hotels, or rather toBarnum's Museum, 
Lovejoy's Hotel, Tammany Hotel, and the New England 
House. The others only set fire to the house in which 
each was stopping, and then cut off. . . . In retaliation 
for Sheridan's atrocities in the Shenandoah Valley, we 
desired to destroy property, not the lives of women and 
children, although that of course would have followed in the 
train.' " 



266 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

them, and stopped the fires, so that the city was 
not burned. 

20. Now the Phiretahs had set fire to many 
of the great inns in Gotham, but to the house 
of Hiram the PubHcan they set not fire ; where- 
fore men said, Behold how Hiram the pubHcan 
is bound imto the Phiretahs and is one with 
them, for they set not fire to his inn, neither 
consumed they his habitation. 

21. And Hiram answered and said. Go to, 
now, needs must it be that a pubHcan set his 
inn on fire to show that he is faithful unto the 
government of Unculpsalm ? And he laughed 
them to scorn. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 267 



CHAPTER V. 

I. The Shear-man cutteth his -way to the sea. 3.' Satphtee 
discomfiteth a Phiretah Captam. 7. Ulysses maroheth 
against Robbutleeh again, and discomfiteth him. ii. 
Jeph the Repidiator fleeth. 13. The song of the Nig- 
gahs. 24. The men of Gotham are drunHen tvith wine. 
25. Ulysses again hath the victory. 30. Robbutleeh lay- 
eth down his arms. 34. And also the other captains of 
the Phiretahs. 

AND it came to pass that after these things 
the captain of the Bhum Urs marched 
westward through the breadth of the land of 
Dicksee even unto the sea-shore. And the 
Phiretahs spoke very fierce words against him, 
and prophesied evil against him, and filled the 
land with their roarings after their fashion. 

2. But the Shear-man heeded not the fierce- 
ness of their words or their prophesying or their 
roarings, and marched onward. And the Phi- 
retahs called upon Robbutleeh to send help unto 
them, but Ulysses held him fast so that he 
could not. And the Phiretahs fled from before 
the Bhum Urs, and the Shear-man cut his way 
onward through the land. 

3. Moreover, about this time, the Phiretah 



268 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

captain whom the Shear-man had driven out 
of Hadal-antah, gathered together a great army 
and marched against a mighty captain in the 
armies of Unculpsalm, who was named of his 
soldiers Saiphtee. 

4. (Now this captain came out of Pharjin- 
nee, and was one of the Ephephvees. Yet 
was he faithful to the land of Unculpsalm.) 

5. And Saiphtee marched backward, and 
drew the Phiretahs after him and away from 
the army of the Bhum Urs. And when he had 
drawn them far westward into the land, he 
went into a little city there ; and the Phiretahs 
sat down before it, and boasted that they would 
take him captive and put his army to the 
sword. 

6. Then he gathered his army together, and 
marched out of the city, and fell upon the Phi- 
retahs while their boastings and their cursings 
were in their mouths : And he discomfited them 
with great slaughter, and they fled from before 
him, and he pursued after them many days, and 
slew them as they fled ; and their boasting was 
turned into wailing and gnashing of teeth, so that 
the city where Saiphtee fell upon themiscafled 
Gnashfill unto this day. 

7. And after these things Ulysses saw that 
his time was come, and that the occasion 
wherefor he ha^ waited and watched and 
toiled for many days had been given unto him. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 269 

8. And he marched upon Robbutleeh while 
his army was yet in the forts and the strong 
places that he had made. And Ulysses had 
the victory, and drove Robbutleeh out of his 
forts and his strong places. 

9. And it was the Sabbath day. And Jeph 
the Repudiator sat in the synagogue which was 
in the chief city of the Phiretahs ; and the chief 
men of the Phiretahs, Ephephvees, were about 
him, and as he sat, there came a messenger to 
him from Robbutleeh, saying, 

10. Thy servant is discomfited, but not yet 
destroyed. Nevertheless he can no longer hold 
the city. Save thyself, thou and thy household 
and thy counsellors, and flee, for Ulysses is 
upon thee. 

11. And Jeph went straightway out of the 
synagogue to his house, and began to gather 
his gold and his silver and his stufi:\ And the 
thing was noised abroad in the city, and there 
was great commotion. And the Phiretahs fled 
from that city and from the villages round 
about, leaving only their women and children. 
And Jeph fled southward before them, uttering 
boastings, and making proclamations. 

Ver. 9. Ulj'sses had the victory, although he went into 
battle on the Sabbath day; and the armies of Jeph were 
overcome although he was in the synagogue. This is one 
of those mysterious dispensations which seem to be sent to 
baffle our understandings and to try our faith. 

Ver. II, 12. Uttering boastings and making proclatna- 
23* 



270 THE NEW GOSPEL, OF PEACE. 

12. And as Jeph was fleeing out of the city, 
a company of Niggahs, which had joined them- 
selves unto the armies of Unculpsalm entered 
it from the other side ; and as they entered they 
lifted up their voices with one accord and sang, 
saying, 

13. Tell unto me, Niggahs, and declare unto 
me, oh ye of woolly locks and dark counte- 
nance, have you seen the lord, have you seen 
the master? 

14. Whose beard is upon his face and above 
his mouth upon his face? 

15. Have you seen him pass this way since 
the dawning, looking like one who goeth hasti- 
ly into a far country ? 

16. He saw the smoke, the smoke rose up 
before him on the river, and he said, 

17. O my soul, these are the ships of Fa- 
ther Abraham. 

18. Then he covered his head ; he put on 
the covering of his head ; he covered his head 

tio7is. Upon this passage the Rev. Robert Tombs, D. d., 
of Georgia, has the following edifying remarks : " What a 
warning is here set before us ! Jeph boasted and fell, and 
boasted even as he was falling. Thus it is always with 
weak souls who are confident in their own strength. Let 
us, my Southern brethren, use this example to our own 
improvement by giving daily thanks that the weakness and 
the folly of this poor heathen have not been laid upon us ; 
but that we have the modesty as well as the valor, the 
magnanimity, and the high chivalric tone which have ever 
been the peculiar characteristics of the South." 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 27 1 

speedily ; his head-covering he put on with 
haste. He departed, he went swiftly ; he de- 
parted covering his head with haste. 

19. It seemeth unto me that he hath fled, 
and my soul saith within herself, he hath ske- 
daddled. 

20. Behold the master fleeth, the lord passeth 
away. 

21. But the servant remaineth, the Niggah 
abideth forever. 

22. For he is the everlasting Niggah. 

23. Lo, now the kingdom cometh, and the 
year of Jubilee is at hand ; and the Niggah 
shall rule in the land, and the master shall be 
cast down under his feet. 

Ver. 13-23. This passage, as all oriental scholars will 
see, is much older in style than the rest of the book, and 
has traces of the period of the most ancient Hebrew and 
Chaldee writers. Although it is a song and is rhythmical, 
a comparison will show that it belongs rather to the period 
of the author of the song of Deborah, or even of Lamech, 
than to that of the more cultivated writers of the time of 
David and Solomon. It was probably an ancient song 
preserved by tradition among that strange and recordless 
people, the Niggahs. Yet there has been discovered a 
coincidence of thought between this song and the following 
stanza : — 

" Say, darkies, have you seen de massa, 

Wid de muffstash on he face. 
Go 'long de road some time dis mornin', 

Like he gwine for leabe de place.'* 
He see de smoke way up de ribber 

Whar dc Lincum gun-bouts lay ; 



272 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

24. And the news of the fall of the city was 
spread abroad over the land upon the light- 
nings of the heavens. And there were great 
rejoicings, and feastings, so that that night all 
the city of Gotham was drunken with wine. 
Likewise was it in many other cities of the 
langkies. And the Kopur-hedds were abased, 
and the Oueecneas vanished away, so that not 
one of them was found thereafter, and the sect 
of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats was swal- 
lowed up in the victory of the Eunyunmen. 

25. And Robbutleeh essayed to flee west- 
ward with his army among the mountains. 
But Ulysses pursued after him and overtook 
him, and fell upon him with great slaughter. 

26. And his army saw that their cause was 
lost, and many of them fell behind, and 
wandered into the wilderness, or went home- 
ward, for there was no power to keep them. 
But many were faithful unto the end. 

He took he hat and leff berry sudden, 
And I 'spose he's runned away. 
De massa run, ha! ha! 

De darky stay, ho ! ho ! 
It mus' be now de kingdum comin', 
An' de yar of Jubilo." 

It cannot be denied that the coincidence noticed does 
exist to a certain degree. This can only be accounted for 
upon the plausible and ingenious hypothesis of Dr. Trite, 
that either the former was written before the latter or the 
latter before the former. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 273 

27. And it came to pass that Ulysses with 
his army got before Robbutleeh with his army, 
and cut him off and hemmed him in on every 
side. And he could have fallen upon Robbut- 
leeh and the remnant of his army and put 
every man to the sword and cut them off from 
the face of the earth. 

28. But he had compassion upon them and 
respect unto them ; for Ulysses was not a man 
of blood. And he sent a messenger unto Rob- 
butleeh, saying : 

29. Behold now the end has come, and thou 
and thine army are in the hands of thy ser- 
vant. Lay down thine arms now, and let 
there be peace between thee and me ; and 
our Father Abraham shall pardon thee, and 
receive thee again as one of the children 
of Unculpsalm, and treat thee with honor, thee 
and thine officers, and all that are with thee. 

30. But at first Robbutleeh would not ; for he 
was stout-hearted and stiff-necked. But after- 
ward he considered the matter, and for the 
sake of them that were with him he consented. 

31. And he and his captains and his officers 
and his soldiers laid down their arms, and 
gave themselves up captive. 

32. And there was an apple-tree where 
Robbutleeh gave himself up. That it might 
be fulffiled as it was written. We will hang Jeph 
the Repudiator upon a bitter apple-tree. And 



274 '^"^ ^^'^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

that tree grew and multiplied so that it tilled 
the whole land of Unculpsalm. 

33. But Ulysses sent them every man to his 
own home, saying, See only, that ye obey the 
laws of the land of Unculpsalm, and have 
respect unto the proclamations of our Father 
Abraham. And he gave them horses to ride 
upon ; for the way was long and the road that 
they had travelled was hard. And he said 
keep the horses, that ye may till your lields 
and gather in your harvests. 

34. Now, when the other Phiretah captains 
saw that Robbutleeh had laid down his arms, 
they laid down their arms, all save one upon 
the farthest border on the south-west as thou 
goest into the land of Mecsicho. 

35. And it was in the spring time, in the 
fourth month, on the ninth day of the month, 
that Robbutleeh laid down his arms ; and be- 
fore the sowing of the latter wheat was accom- 
plished the other captains had done likewise. 
And about the time of the barley harvest, there 
was peace in the land of Unculpsalm ; so that 
the men who fought gathered in the latter 
wheat harvest. For when the war was over 
each man returned unto his own home. 

Ver. 33. T/ie road that they had travelled ivas hard. 
Upon the margin of the manusci-ipt, in an ancient hand is 
written, — "As one df the poets and prophets of this peo- 
ple had before declared, 'Jordan is a hard road to travel, I 
believe,' " having manifestly reference to the undertaking of 
the Phiretahs and their discomfiture. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 275 



CHAPTER VI. 

r. The PJiiretahs are dismayed at their defeat. 5. Some 
submit themselves. 8. But others flan another minis- 
tration of the JVetv Gospel of Peace. 13. They band 
themselves together to slay Abraham and his cojinsellors, 
and Ulysses, the chief caj)tain. 18. The Durrektahs. 
2^. Abraham is slain. 32. The peoj)le mourn for Abra- 
ham. 

NOW, when the Phiretahs saw that Rob- 
butleeh was discomfited and taken cap- 
tive, and that Jeph the Repudiator was flying 
southward, giving out boastings and proclama- 
tions, 

2. (This was before the other Phiretah cap- 
tains had laid down their arms,) 

3. They were dismayed, and said one to 
another. Now shall we be put to the sword 
and carried away captive, and hanged upon 
trees, and roasted with fire, and have hot pitch 
poured upon us, and be ridden upon sharp 
beams very grievous to bestride, even as we did 
before this war unto the langkies when they 
came among us saying, Do ye unto all men 
even as ye would have all men do unto you. 

4. Behold we are subdued; and our Nig- 



276 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

gahs, to keep which we would fain have 
destroyed the government of Unculpsahn, are 
taken from us. 

5. And most of them submitted themselves 
and put their necks under the yoke. But some 
of them, as they heard that Jeph the Repudia- 
tor was flying southward, giving out boastings 
and proclamations, conceived wickedness in 
their hearts, and said. There yet remaineth 
unto us one opportunity. 

6. For although peace seemeth to be coming 
unto the land, it is not peace according to the 
new gospel. 

7. And it behovcth us that there shall be a 
new ministration of this gospel, for the minis- 
trations that have been, from the time when 
Prestenbruux ministered it unto Charles the 
Summoner unto the day when Phernandiwud 
ministered it unto the watchmen of Gotham, and 
unto the day when the Pahdees and the friends 
of Horatio the Seemer ministered it unto the 
people of Gotham, and the Niggahs that were 
therein, did not attain unto the power and the 
majesty and the might that pertaineth unto this 
gospel. 

8. Let there be therefore a new ministration 
which shall bring us peace according unto the 
new gospel, which shall cause all ministrations 
which have been heretofore to seem as nothing, 
and which shall make an end of the govern- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 277 

ment of Abraham the Honest ; for we will not 
have this man to rule over us. 

9. Then they took counsel together, and 
said one to another^ Remember now the minis- 
tration of Prestenbruux how it came to naught, 
was it not because only one man was ministered 
unto, and he, even Charles the Summoner, 
was left alive? Let us therefore do no such 
folly, but let us be thorough in this matter. 

10. And they took counsel together to slay 
Abraham and all his counsellors, and Ulysses, 
the chief captain, and Andrew, whose surname 
was Jon-sing, in one night. 

11. For they said, Thus shall the govern- 
ment of Unculpsalm come to an end, and the 
power of the langkies shall vanish away, and 
there shall be confusion among the counsellors, 
and the armies shall be without a leader, and 
weakness shall come upon the land as upon a 
man who fainteth by the wayside. 

12. And we shall seize upon the govern- 
ment, and the Kopur-hedds shall join them- 
selves unto us, and the sectof Smalphri among 
the Dimmichrats, and the friends of Horatio 
the Seemer. For did they not minister the 
new gospel unto the officers of Abraham, 
and unto the langkies and the Niggahs that 
dwelt within Gotham, and the country round 
about ? And we shall rule the land, and the 
new gospel of peace shall prevail. 

24 



278 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

13. Then a band of the Phiretahs bound 
themselves together by an oath, and they lay 
in wait to slay Abraham and his counsellors, 
and Ulysses the chief captain, and Andrew, 
whose surname was Jon-sing, on the same 
night. 

14. Now, at the time when the band of the 
Phiretahs conspired together to slay Abraham 
and his counsellors, and Ulysses, and Andrew 
whose surname was Jon-sing, Bilhe, whose sur- 
name was Zoord, lay sick in his house. 

15. And there came a day whereon Abra- 
ham had commanded the banner of Uncul- 
psalm to be raised with great rejoicings upon 
the ruins of the fort which lay before Tchawl- 
stn, and when he was to go to the hall of the 
players, that the men-players and women- 
players might play before him even as David 
played upon the harp before Saul. For his 
head was weary, and his heart was troubled, 
even in the hour of the triumph of the land of 
Unculpsalm. And Ulysses the chief captain 
was to go with him to the hall of the players. 

16. And the liers-in-wait said. Behold our 
opportunity has come ; for we can slay Abra- 
ham and the chief captain together, and one 
of us shall slay Bilhe the chief counsellor as he 
lieth sick upon his bed, and another shall slay 
Andrew, whose surname is Jon-sing, and 
others also the other counsellors. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 279 

17. And Abraham went to the hall, and sat 
in a little room in the gallery, he and his wife 
and one of his captains ; and the men-players 
and women-players played before him, and 
before the people that were in the hall round 
about. But Ulysses the chief captain went 
not to the halls with Abraham, but journeyed 
into the north country. 

18. But the liers-in-wait said, We can tarry 
no longer, let the ministration be this night, 
even although the chief captain be not with 
Abraham. Moreover, hath he not taken his 
journey upon a roadway of iron ? Mayhap 
the Lord will deliver him into our hands 
through the hands of the Durrektahs. 

19. Now the Durrektahs were robbers. 

20. And they lived upon the roadways of 
iron (for there were roadways of iron in the 
land of Unculpsalm through the country and 
even in the cities thereof) , and the Durrektahs 
enticed the people thereon, men, women, and 
children, saying unto them : 

21. Come unto us, for our ways like the 
ways of wisdom are ways of pleasantness, and 
all our paths are peace. 

22. And the people listened unto them, and 
went upon their roadways, and the Durrektahs 
took them and thrust them into prison, even 

Ver. 22, 23, 24. May not those who insist upon a modern 
origin for this work be triumphantly referred to this pas- 



28o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

prisons upon wheels, noisome and ill-smelling, 
so that they could not breathe. 

23. And on the roadways in the cities the 
Durrektahs thrust the people by fifties and by 
hundreds into dungeons, even dungeons upon 
wheels, until there was not room therein for a 
man's hand, so that they could neither sit nor 
stand as it becometh men to sit or stand, but 
each was held up by being pressed against the 
other. 

24. And the people seethed together in the 
wheeled dungeons, even as the flesh of a kid 
is seethed in a pot ; and the steam of their 
seething went up round about them and be- 
came the breath of their nostrils ; and as they 
were dragged on in the dungeons, with what 
breath they had they reviled their tormen- 
tors. 

25. And when the Durrektahs had taken the 
money of the people and put them into the 
wheeled dungeons, ofttimes they killed them, 
dashing out their brains and breaking their 
arms and legs. So that whereas in other 
countries when one man hated another, he 
fell upon him with the sword and slew him, 

sage in refutation of their theory? Was anything like the 
conduct of these Durrektahs ever heard of in this country — 
anything that could be thus told even by way of parable? 
In these days of civilization and philanthropy, who needs to 
be told that proceedings like those of the Durrektahs are 
quite impossible? 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 281 

or mingled poison with his meat, in the land 
of Unculpsalm he was gracious unto him, and 
lent him money and sent him to take a jour- 
ney upon a roadway of iron whereon there 
were Durrektahs. 

26. Yet the people slew not the Durrek- 
tahs ; for the langkies were long-suffering 
and slow to anger, except men treated them 
with scorn and reviled them like the men of 
Jonbool ; and the Durrektahs waxed rich and 
robbed and murdered diligently day by day ; 
and no man hindered them. 

27. Wherefore it was that the Phiretahs 
looked that mayhap Ulysses should be put to 
death at the hands of the Durrektahs. 

28. And it came to pass that while the men- 
players and women-players played before 
Abraham as he sat in the little room, and 
before the people as they sat in the hall, one 
of the liers-in-wait entered the room privily 
and slew him by the side of his wife ; and 
while men stood still with astonishment, he 
fled and escaped into the wilderness of, Phar- 
jinnee, even into the country of the Ephcph- 
vees. 

Ver. 28. Abraham was slain as he sat looking upon men- 
plajers and women-players. This good man was betrayed 
into going to what was very plainly something like what 
we now call a theatre. Having yielded to the temptation, 
and stepped aside from the path of duty, he met his death. 
If he had not gone to see the players, he would not have 
24* 



282 THE NEW GOSPEL vOF PEACE. 

29. And at the same time another of the 
same band entered the house of the chief 
counsellor, whose surname was Zoord, say- 
ing, Let me see the chief counsellor, for I am 
come from his physician. 

30. And he made his way to the bedside 
of the sick, and fell upon him, and smote 
him with the sword, that he fell down upon 
the ground as one dead. Yet was he not 
dead. 

31. And the lier-in-wait also smote the son 
of Zoord, who was called Phredzoord, and, 
leaving him for dead, fled also. But the 
hearts of the men to whom it had been given 
to slay the counsellor for war, and Andrew, 
whose surname was Jon-sing, failed them. 

32. And there was great sorrow throughout 
the land when it was known that Abraham 
was dead, and in the lands beyond the sea. 
And even in the land of Jonbool, men be- 
wailed themselves that he was slain. For all 
men saw that he had been a just man and a 
merciful, and that he judged the land in right- 
eousness. 

been killed in a theatre. A fruitful example and an awful 
warning to the worldly in these latter days. But the saintlj- 
Spoonbill's conclusion that Zoord, the chief counsellor, be- 
ing nearly killed in bed is a lesson against yielding to the 
weakness of the flesh and passing precious time in that 
position, is hardly warranted. Perhaps the warning was 
intended only for chief counsellors. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 283 

33. And the men of Jonbool sent messages 
to the land of Unculpsahn, telhng the people 
of that land their sorrow for the slaying of 
Abraham, and that they held his name in 
honor. 

34. But the langkies answered and said, 
Ye do well that ye are sorry ; but must a 
ruler of the land of Unculpsahn be slain by 
liers-in-wait before ye can see that he is 
worthy of honor? Go to, now, what valueth 
such honor to him or to us? 

35. And men went out into the wilderness 
after the liers-in-wait, and pursued them upon 
horses, and one they slew, and the others they 
took, and they hanged them upon a gallows, 
and a woman that had been privy to their 
lying-in-wait. 

36. And Abraham's body was embalmed, 
and was taken through the land and through 
the cities and villages thereof, by the same 
way by which he had passed when he came 
from his house when he was first chosen to 
be chief ruler, and over which he returned not 
again alive. And the people which had come 



Ver. 33. See the blundering craft of the men of Jonbool. 
They had reviled Abraham for three years, and now, when 
he was slain and the langkies are victorious, they mourn 
over and glorify the very man who a few days before they 
were reviling. See also that the langkies knew their craft. 
In vain is the net spread in the sight of any bird. 



284 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

out to meet him then, to greet him with rejoic- 
ing, now came sorrowing, and as his coffin 
passed they uncovered their heads and bowed 
themselves down before it. And the land 
mourned Abraham many days. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 285 



CHAPTER VII. 

I. A?idreiv ruletk the land of Uncuipsahn, 7. The rulers 
of Joiibool and the Phiretahs tremble. 8. Jeph the 
Repudiator feeth Southward. 10. Btct is overtaken 
by the horsemen of U?iculpsalm. 16. His wife per- 
suadetk him to fut on her garments. 22. He fleeth in 
them. 24. But discovereth himself 27. Atid is taken 
captive. 

AND Abraham slept with his fathers, and 
Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, 
ruled in the land. 

2. For the hopes of the Phiretahs were 
brought to naught, and the government of 
Unculpsalm came not to an end, but continued 
according to the Great Covenant ; neither was 
there confusion among the counsellors. 

3. For the counsellors and all the people 
said. Is not Andrew, whose surname is Jon- 
sing, chosen to be chief ruler in the stead of 
Abraham? Let the land be ruled as afore- 
time according to the Great Covenant which is 
like unto the laws of the Medes and Persians, 
and altereth not. 

4. And Ulysses, the chief captain, escaped 
out of the hands of the Durrektahs, so that the 



286 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

armies lacked not a leader ; and the land was 
stronger than it was before the slaying of 
Abraham. 

5. For Robbutleeh and his chief officers, 
and even all they, save the robbers among the 
Phiretahs which went about slaying each other 
with knives and with shooting-irons, declared 
against this manner of putting to death privily 
by liers-in-wait. And they said, Behold, we 
are discomfited and subdued, doth it not be- 
hoove us to submit to the conqueror, that he 
may be merciful unto us and not grind us to 
powder? 

6. And all other nations and peoples were 
amazed, and said, Lo, this is wonderful in 
our eyes that the langkies have subdued the 
Phiretahs, and more, that when their chief 
ruler was put to death, although there were 
factions in the land, the government fell not 
into confusion ; neither did the langkies fall 
upon the Phiretahs and put them to the sword, 
and visit their own sins upon them, treating 
them as they had been treated by the Phi- 
retahs, but every man went his way in peace, 
and justice was done even as aforetime. Such 
a thing was not known before ; no, not since 
the world began. 

7. And the rulers of the other lands and the 

Ver, 7. Observe how the men of Jonbool are in constant 
fear lest the langkies should make war upon them at the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 287 

scribes sought to recommend themselves unto 
the governors and unto the people of the land 
of Unculpsalm. For they remembered how 
they had spoken evil of that land and thrust 
out the lip at it when they thought the nation 
might be destroyed and the people divided; 
how the shipmen of the land of Jonbool had 
builded war-ships for the Phiretahs and the 
king of the Pahlivoos had sent over an army 
into Mecsicho, which otherwise he had not 
dared to do. For the rulers and the scribes 
said, Lest these langkies, having their army 
ready to be set in battle array and their war- 
ships builded, make war upon us. 

8. Now, as Jeph the Repudiator fled south- 
wards, uttering boastings and proclamations, 
messengers overtook him, saying that Rob- 
butleeh had been discomfited, and had laid 
down his arms, and given himself up captive, 
and that the other Phiretah captains would 
do likewise. And when Jeph heard this he 
stopped his boastings and his proclamations, 
and fled on the faster. But the horsemen of 
Unculpsalm followed hard after. 

9. And there were with Jeph certain sol- 
diers of the Phiretahs, which kept guard over 

first opportunity, and how the langkies, in spite of the be- 
havior and the speech of the men of Jonbool, have no 
thought of molesting them. A terrible lesson in these 
groundless alarms of a guilty conscience. 



288 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

him night and day ; and his wife also was with 
him. And when they rested by the way they 
went not into villages and houses, but pitched 
their tents in the fields. 

10. And before many days the horsemen of 
Unculpsalm came up with them, and the 
soldiers fled before them and left Jeph and 
his wife and their servants in their tents. 

11. And Jeph's wife said unto him, Jeph, 
the langkies be upon thee. Flee now for thy 
life, and take to the woods and the mountains ; 
else they will take thee and hang thee, even as 
the langkie boys have sung, saying, 

12. We will hang Jeph the Repudiator upon 
a tree ; 

13. Upon an apple-tree shall Jeph be 
hanged ; 

14. Yea upon a tree that beareth bitter ap- 
ples shall he be lifted up. 

15. And Jeph answered and said. How can 
I flee, seeing that the langkies have surrounded 
us on every side, and that the}^ know me, and 
that I am not swift of foot to flee before them ; 
and moreover that they will seize upon every 
man that cometh out from our tents and carry 
him away captive or mayhap put him to death 
instantly ? 

16. And his wife said. Hearken vmto me. 
Behold, here are my garments : put them on 
straightway, and put this bonnet upon thy 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 289 

head, and go out of the tent boldly, and I will 
go with thee and say thou art my mother. 

17. Then Jeph answered and said, I may 
not put on thy garments ; for although it is 
written that a woman may wear the garment 
of her husband, even the garment which is 
unmentionable, and all men know that she 
often doeth it, it is not written that the husband 
may wear the garments of the wife. 

18. Moreover I have not proved this rai- 
ment; and the inner garments are fearfully 
and wonderfully made, and are like unto a 
ladder, even a ladder upon which angels' feet 
are seen even as Jacob saw them when he 
slept at Padan-aram. And the guiding of 
these garments is learned only after many trials. 
And peradventure I shall wear them without 
showing what they are feigned to conceal, and 
then will the langkies know that I am not a 
woman. 

19. Now Jeph's wife hearkened not unto 
his pleadings, but persuaded him earnestly. 
And he suffered her to indue him with the gar- 
ments ; and she put them on hastily ; for the 
langkies came on apace and the peril was great. 

20. And they went out of the tent, she and 
her husband. And they met certain of the 
langkies who said unto them. We seek Jeph 
the Repudiator. Tell us now where we may 
find him, and it shall be well with you. 



290 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, 

21. And Jeph's wife answered and said, Thy 
handmaid knoweth not where Jeph is. He 
was among our tents, but when my lords the 
langkies came he fled, thy handmaid knoweth 
not whither. Suffer now thy handmaid to de- 
part with her mother, who is with her, that 
they may draw water and they will return 
again. 

22. And the langkies suffered them, and 
turned to look after them as they departed. 
And Jeph's heart sank within him as he went, 
and he began to go faster. And the garments 
incumbered him as he went. 

23. Then he thought within himself. Oh that 
I might gird up my loins and flee ; but I can- 
not because of the fashion of the garments. 
Yet may I not lift up the outer garments about 
my knees, even as I have seen the women of 
Gotham lift them up, gathering them on each 
side in their hands, in the street which is called 
Broad ? Even so shall I show that I know 

Ver. 21. Thy ha7idmaid knotvcth fiot where Jeph is. Sad 
to relate, Jeph's wife lied. She did know where her hus- 
band was, 3'et she said that she did not Suppose that, by 
a chance that might easily have happened, she had acci- 
dentally been shot dead upon the spot by one of the lang- 
kies, and sent into the next world with her lie unrepented 
of, how awful the thought that she would lie in torment for 
all eternity, through yielding for a moment to the tempta- 
tions of carnal affection ! Because, therefore, we do not 
know when we may be called to answer for our lies, we 
should always tell the truth. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 29I 

how to wear the garments hke a woman ; and 
the langkies shall say, It is a woman. And 
he lifted them. 

24. And it came to pass that when Jeph 
lifted the garments and ran, the langkies look- 
ing saw his feet and his legs running; and 
they said one to another, 

25. Behold now, and see : the garments are 
the garments of a woman, but the feet are the 
feet of a man ; neither doth a woman when she 
raiseth her garments stride in this fashion with 
her legs, but minceth her steps. 

26. And they saw it was a man, and they 
pursued after. And Jeph raised the garments 
higher, even unto the girding of his loins that 
he might flee faster, and they fluttered in the 
wind behind him as he fled. 

27. And the langkies outran him and over- 
took him, and they saw that it was Jeph the 
Repudiator, who had boasted himself that he 
was chief ruler over half the land of Uncul- 
psalm. And they sent him to Andrew, whose 
surname was Jon-sing, and Andrew cast him 
into prison, and there he is unto this day. 

Ver. 27. Jeph, who boasted himself chief ruler over half 
*the land of Unculpsalm, was taken by Andrew and cast into 
prison, like a common malefactor — a lesson to a boasting 
Phiretah. "And there he is unto this day." This passage 
plainly shows that the saintly penman wrote this book not 
long after the end of the war in the land of Unculpsalm. 
It is difllcult to deny the merit of plausibility to Dr. Trite's 



292 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

suggestion that if we could determine the date of the writ- 
ing of the book we might approximate to that of the occur- 
rence of the war, while, on the other hand, if we knew when 
the war took place we could conjecture the date when the 
book was written. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 293 



CHAPTER VIII. 

1. The Kopur-hedds seek to Join themselves unto Andrew, 
"^.Although they have reviled him. 11. Assohkald Ed- 
dittah craivleth on his belly before Andrevj. 13. Andrew 
will have none of them. 15. But giveth himself dili- 
gently to rtilitig the la?id. 16. Augustus the money- 
changer. 18. Goeth to the land of Jonbool. 19. He is 
rebuked by other mojiey-chatigers. 

AND it came to pass, after the slaying of 
Abraham, that the Kopur-hedds and the 
sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats said 
among themselves, Lo, now had been the day 
of om' triumph had we not been at enmity with 
Andrew who sitteth in the seat of Abraham. 

2. For Andrew was a Dimmichrat; but so it 
was that when he was made governor over his 
province the Kopur-hedds and the sect of 
Smalphri reviled him and spoke evil against 
him day by day, saying, 

3. This man is like the beasts of the field, 
for he walloweth like a sow, and he raveneth 
like a wolf, and his ravings and his bowlings 
are like the wild beasts of the forest; he is 
faithless as a serpent ; even as a cockatrice is he 
unto the men of his sect and his province. 

25* 



294 ^^^ ^'^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

4. Moreover, he made garments aforetime 
for the Phiretahs, and caused them to turn 
away from the handiwork of the sons of 
Mizphit. 

5. And when Andrew was chosen to be 
second in the land and to rule if need be in the 
stead of Abraham, then were the railings and 
revilings of the Kopur-hedds and the sect of 
Smalphri against him tenfold greater than be- 
fore. For they thought that thus they would 
commend themselves unto their masters the 
Phiretahs by reviling a man born among them 
who loved the land of Unculpsalm more than 
he loved the everlasting Niggah, and who had 
set his face against them in their rebellion. 

6. And chief among them who reviled 
Andrew was Assohkald Edittah, the scribe in 
Gotham, who to gain the World had lost his 
own soul. 

7. For although he reviled Abraham and his 
chief counsellors day by day, and had reviled 
them for three years, ever since he had sold 
himself unto the Kopur-hedds in the second 
year of the rule of Abraham, yet he published 
it unto the people of Gotham that they should 
pray that the life of Abraham might be pre- 
served, lest perchance the rule might fall into 
the hands of this Andrew whose surname was 

Ver. 7. No fitter than a Jiorse to rule the land of Uncul- 
psalm. See note B at the end of this book. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 295 

Jon-sing, saying that he was like unto a beast, 
even to the unclean beast that is worshipped in 
the city of Swine-sin-naughty, and no fitter 
than a horse to rule the land of Unculpsalm. 

8. For he bethought him not that Andrew 
might one day sit in the seat of Abraham. 

9. Thus it was that the Kopur-hedds were 
at enmity with Andrew, and that they be- 
wailed themselves, saying. Behold now, Andrew 
is a Dimmichrat, and we also are Dimmichrats ; 
woe unto us that we have reviled him, else we 
might join ourselves unto him and set ourselves 
against the Phiretahs ( now that they are con- 
quered), and he would make us his officers 
and the government should again be in the 
hands of our faction, and we should be tax- 
gatherers, and sit at the receipt of custom. 

10. And it came to pass that after a little 
while they did strive to join themselves unto 
Andrew, and they bowed themselves down 
unto him and said, Hail, my lord chief ruler of 
the land of Unculpsalm that is to be. iVnd 
they compromised themselves unto him. 

11. But of all that compromised themselves 
the chiefest was Assohkald Eddittah who had 
gained his World and lost his soul ; for he 
compromised himself daily before Andrew, and 
crawled on his belly in the dust before him, 

Ver. II. Be gracious my lord unto the meanest of thy 
servants. See note B at the end of this book. 



296 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

and said, Be gracious, my lord, unto the meanest 
of thy servants ; and let the light of thy coun- 
tenance shine upon thy servant, and suffer thy 
servant to lick the dust from thy feet, and place 
thy foot upon the neck of thy servant, for thou 
art the light of this land and the saviour of 
this people ; and it is meet and right and 
pleasant that thy servant should compromise 
himself unto thee and crawl upon his belly in 
the dust before thee, and that his body should 
be thy footstool. Only be gracious unto thy 
servant and his friends ; and unto thee be the 
power and the glory, and unto us the loaves 
and the fishes. 

12. But when Andrew had heard this he 
said within himself. Doth this scribeling think 
that a man forgetteth on one day that which 
was the day before ? Do I not know this man 
and they who bought him, and what they have 
been these three years when there was need 
of true men in the land ? Now, as I live, and 
as my soul liveth, and as I hate a rebel against 
the government of Unculpsalm, so more than 
a rebel do I hate and loathe a Kopur-hedd. 

13. And Andrew regardeth not the words of 
Kopur-hedds, but passed them by as an idle 
wind, and kept his counsel in his own heart. 

14. But nevertheless the Kopur-hedds con- 
tinued to bow down unto him, and the sect of 
Smalphri among the Dimmichrats magnified 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 297 

him, and the Phiretahs abased themselves be- 
fore him, and they among the langkies who 
worshipped the everlasting Niggah, and served 
him only, sought to join Andrew unto them- 
selves. For they each of them said. If Andrew 
will join himself unto us we can rule the land 
of Unculpsalm in the interest of our faction. 

15. But Andrew cared for none of these 
things, and gave himself diligently to ruling 
the land according to the Great Covenant. 
And, as he ruled it, not oiily the Kopur-hedds, 
and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmi- 
chrats, and the Phiretahs, but the worshippers 
of the everlasting Niggah all went about crying, 
Great is Andrew whose surname is Jon-sing, 
and we are his prophets ! Hail to him chief 
ruler of the land of Unculpsalm that is to be 
hereafter ! 

16. And about the time when Jeph was 
taken captive and cast into prison, Augustus 
the money-changer, who was one of the sect 
of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats that set 
up Litulmak to be chosen chief ruler in the 
place of Abraham, went to the land of Jonbool ; 

17. And passed through it to the countries 
beyond wherein he was born and brought up, 
and whither aforetime when Phranclin ruled 
the land he had been sent as an ambassador ; 
so that the men of those countries said. Behold 
they send a stranger unto us : Are there not 



298 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

men born in the land of Unculpsalm that are 
fit to be sent ambassadors, but must they obtain 
one of our people and send him back to us to 
speak for them ? 

18. And others answered, he hath bought 
this office of the Dimmichrats with a price. 
For he hath gathered together much gold and 
silver in his money-changing, and he coveted 
honor; and he had such honor as may be 
bought. 

19. Now, when he came into the land of 
Jonbool, there met him other money-changers, 
rich men, whose servant he had been, and who 
had sent him into the land of Unculpsalm to 
write them letters from that land, with news 
that they might get gain thereby in their 
money-changing. And they also were of the 
circumcision. 

20. And when they met him they looked 
upon him in silence, and Augustus saw that 
they were wroth with him. 

21. Then one of them whose name was Na- 
than opened his mouth and said unto Augustus, 
How is it that thou hast not written the truth 
unto us in thy letters ? For day by day these 
three years hast thou assured us that the Phi- 
retahs would prevail, that the land of Uncul- 
psalm would be divided in twain, and that Jeph 
the Repudiator would be ruler over one half 
thereof. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 299 

22. Wherefore, believing thee our servant in 
what thou sentest unto us in thy letters, we have 
gone astray in our money-changing ; and thou 
hast not only lost us much money that we had, 
but hindered us of much money that we might 
have gained. Tell us now wherefore thou hast 
done this evil against us, even against us whose 
servant thou wast, and who lifted thee up and 
sent thee over into the land of Unculpsalm ? It 
seemeth to us that thou art not cunning to be a 
money-changer, or that the truth is not in thee. 

23. And Augustus stood before them dumb, 
and answered not a word. And after these 
things men heard of him no more. 



300 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER IX. 

\. The Phainyuns. ^. Onldairin. *]. Nohl^ a great caf tain 
of the blood of the laiigkies. 9. Stayeth the Schyndees 
z?i Ouldairi7i. 11. The Pahdees conspire in the land of 
Uticulpsalm. 14. Their Hid-Sintur. 18. Their Sinnit. 
20. The Phainyuns declare how it is that they govern 
Ireland. 21. A schism among the Phainyuns. 27. The 
three governments of Ouldairin. 30. The end of the 
Phainytcns. 

AND about those days there arose certain 
men, Pahdees, calling themselves Phain- 
yuns, who conspired together to wrest the isle 
of Ouldairin from the Queen of the land of 
Jonbool. 

2. Now it was from the isle of Ouldairin that 
the Pahdees came into the land of Unculpsalm. 
And they professed great love unto that isle, 
insomuch that they oftentimes gathered them- 
selves together and poured out drink-offerings 
in honor of Ouldairin, and put on green aprons 
and green apparel upon their shoulders, and 
put green branches in their caps, and walked 
about the streets carrying green banners. 

3. (For Ouldairin was also called the green 
isle, and they that came from it into the land 
of Unculpsalm were called Green-auns) . 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 30I 

4. And every man when he wished them to 
give their voices that he should be made a 
judge or an officer, must needs praise not the 
land of Unculpsalm and the langkies, who 
framed the government and the laws thereof, 
but the isle of Ouldairin, and the Pahdees who 
from the beginning neither established govern- 
ment in their own land nor administered laws 
anywhere, except in the city of Gotham. 

5. Yet, although the Pahdees came from that 
land because they were poor, and many of them 
became rich in the land of Unculpsalm, it was 
never known of any man that a Pahdee returned 
with his riches to the isle of Ouldairin, that he 
professed so much love unto, neither he nor his 
children. 

6. But although the Pahdees never had es- 
tablished government or administered laws in 
Ouldairin, they diligently sought instead there- 
of to have schyndees therein, first with the men 
who sought to establish a government for them, 
but if not with them then with each other. 

7. And the schyndees were great schyndees, 
and went on without ceasing from one end of 
the island even unto the other, until there arose 
one whose name was Nohl, who was a man 
after the heart of the langkies. 

8. And he was of their blood and of their 
kind, and in very deed he was a langkie, and 

Ver. 6. See Book I. Chap. ii. v. 3. 



302 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

he ruled the langkles and the land whence the 
langkies had come. For this was before that 
land came under the dominion of the evil spirit 
Jonbool, and its people ceased to be like the 
langkies and became Jonboolish ; which came 
to pass about four generations after the fathers 
of the langkies went out of that land. 

9. And Nohl was a great captain before the 
Lord. And he went over to Ouldairin, and he 
fell upon the Pahdees who had been making 
schyndees with his officers and each other, and 
he smote them hip and thigh, and put every 
man of them to the sword. And he swept that 
land even as a woman sweepeth a room to gar- 
nish it. 

10. And after that there were no more schyn- 
dees in Ouldairin, save the schyndees that 
every Pahdee maketh with some other Pahdee, 
lest he should pine away and die. For if the 
Pahdees strove to make a great schyndee 
against the men of Jonbool, the king of Jon- 
bool sent officers with a little army, and the 
Pahdees remembered Nohl, and the remem- 
brance dissolved their knees and wrought con- 
fusion in their counsels. 

1 1 . But now the Pahdees in the land of Un- 
culpsalm said one to another. Are we not in 
the land of Unculpsalm, where the power of 
Jonbool cannot touch us, or the officers thereof 
follow us? and we are many and receive 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 303 

money ; let us therefore conspire to make a 
great schyndee in the isle of Ouldairin. 

12. And they gathered themselves together, 
and they took a large upper room, and they 
placed men at the outside of the outer door, 
clad in raiment of green and gold, and having 
drawn swords in their hands. 

13. For they said, How shall men know that 
we are conspiring secretly, unless we set a 
guard over ourselves? 

14. And they chose a chief man to rule them, 
and they called him the Hid-Sinter, which be- 
ing interpreted, is the top-middle ; for in the 
tongue of the Pahdees hid is top, and sinter is 
middle. 

15. For they said, How shall men know of 
him what he is unless we call him the Hid- 
Sinter? For how can they know that he is not 
in the middle unless we call him the hid, and 
how can they know that he is not at the top 
unless we call him the sinter f 

16. And it came to pass that after many days 
the Hid-Sinter sent out tax-gatherers, and they 
went among the Pahdees and chiefly among 
the Bihdees throughout the city of Gotham and 
the other cities in the land of Unculpsalm ; and 
they gathered tribute of the Pahdees and the 
Bihdees ; and the sum thereof was great, even 
hundreds of thousands of pieces of silver. 

17. Then the Hid-Sinter and his chief offi- 



304 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

cers took unto themselves a house great and spa- 
cious in the city of Gotham, and they adorned 
it with gold work, and with carver's work, and 
w^ith hangings of many colors, and fared sump- 
tuously therein, and poured out drink-offerings 
night and day unto the isle of Ouldairin. 

18. And they set up a government therein, 
which they called the government of Ouldairin, 
and choose unto themselves certain lawgivers, 
which they called the Sinnit. 

19. And when men asked of them. How is 
it that this is the government of Ouldairin, see- 
ing that Ouldairin is three thousand miles 
away, and is ruled by the Queen and the law- 
givers of the land of Jonbool ? that the Phain- 
yuns answered and said : 

20. Is not this man the Hid-Sinter? and are 
not these men the Sinnit? and do not these other 
men guard the door in garments of green and 
gold with drawn swords that men may know 
that we are conspiring secretly ? And the laws 
that the Sinnit makes and the Hid-Sinter signs 
with his name, are they not declared to be the 
laws of the isle of Ouldairin? and can the 
Queen of Jonbool prevent this or pass the men 
who guard the door with drawn swords and ar- 
rayed in garments of green and gold? How, 
therefore, is it not the government of Ould- 
airin ? 

21. Now it came to pass that when certain 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 305 

of the Pahdees, Phainyuns, saw that the Hid- 
Sinter and his chief officers lived in a great 
house, and fared sumptuously every day, and 
poured out drink-offerings unto Ouldairin night 
and morning, and lived as if all their kinsfolk 
and acquaintance were dying day by day, and 
that there was a ouaic without end, 

22. That their souls were moved with envy, 
and they said each within his own heart. Why 
should I not live in a great house and fare 
sumptuously and pour out drink-offerings unto 
Ouldairin, and have a ouaic without end? 

23. But unto each other and unto the world 
they said. Behold the Hid-Sinter and his offi- 
cers do not govern Ouldairin righteously, and 
they waste the substance of the people. 

24. Let us therefore declare their govern- 
ment to be at an end, and let us set up a new 
government, with a new Hid-Sinter and a new 
Sinnit, even ourselves. And they did so. 

25. And they declared that the first Hid- 
Sinter was no longer Hid-Sinter, but that their 
Hid-Sinter was the real Hid-Sinter, and was 
not only at the top and at the middle but at the 
bottom and at both sides at the same time ; and 
moreover they especially declared that tribute- 
money should no more be paid to the first Hid- 
Sinter and his officers, but unto theirs. 

26. But the first Hid-Sinter and his officers 
would not be set at naught, neither would they 

26* 



306 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

cease receiving tribute-money ; but they de- 
clared that the second Hid-Sinter and his offi- 
cers themselves were naught. 

27. And so it came to pass that there were 
three governments for the isle of Ouldairin ; 
one in the land of Jonbool and two in the city 
of Gotham in the land of Unculpsalm, and that 
neither of these governments could do ought to 
hinder the other. 

28. But when the Phainyuns gathered unto 
themselves men, Pahdees, in the island of Ould- 
airin, who went about there in the night-time 
with swords and with spears and with staves, 

29. The governors sent there by the Queen 
of Jonbool took these men and cast some of 
them into prison, and banished others into a far 
country. And the great council of the land of 
Jonbool made a law by which the governors 
of Ouldairin might take any man and cast him 
into prison and keep him there without trial ; 
and they did so with many men. 

30. And so the end of the Phainyuns was 
that they brought it to pass, that every Pahdee 

Ver. 26. They zvould jiot cease receiving trtbtite-money. 
Note how these poor benighted Phainyuns clung to tlieir 
filthy lucre ; craving tithes and taxes, and seeking to put 
their patriotism out to profit. How blest are we and other 
countries upon whom has dawned the sun of enlighten- 
ment and Christianity, and who, therefore, neither among 
our priesthood nor Our politicians find any of this self- 
seeking I 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 307 

in the isle of Ouldairin might be cast into prison 
and kept there without a trial. And therefore 
do the Phainyuns in the land of Unculpsalm 
believe that Ouldairin is governed by their Hid- 
Sinter and their Sinnit unto this day. 



308 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, 



CHAPTER X. 

I. Certain men of Jonhool lend money unto the Phiretahs. 
3. And ask it again. 4. The anstver of the Phiretah 
ambassador. 6. The men of Jo7ibool lelloiv. 8. But 
ask their money of the men of Unculpsalm. 10. The 
ambassador of the government of Unciilpsalm asketh 
payment for certain shijbs. 12. The answer of the rulers 
of Jonbool. 14. Zoord f>roj)oseth that judges be ap- 
poi7ited. 17. Saying of the men of Ujiculpsalm. 

AND about these days certain men of the 
land of Jonbool, friends of the Phiretahs, 
to whom they had lent money, hoping that they 
would receive the same with usury, 

2. (As it is written in the, first book of this 
gospel, thus shall we be avenged, and turn also 
every man an honest penny,) 

3. Seeing that Robbutleeh had laid down his 
arms, and that Jeph the Repudiator was cast 
into prison, went to the ambassador of the Phi- 
retahs in the land of Jonbool, saying. Pay us 
that thou owest. 

4. To whom the ambassador answering said, 
I owe you nothing. For it was not unto me 
that ye lent the money, but unto the ambassa- 
dor of the ruler of the Phiretahs. Behold, now, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 3O9 

there is no longer a ruler of the Phiretahs, nei- 
ther are there Phiretahs any more in the land 
of Unculpsalm, and so therefore am I no longer 
an ambassador ; for no man can be an ambas- 
sador when there is none to send. 

5. Go now, therefore, and find your debtor, 
for I am not he ; and when ye have found him, 
ye shall receive your own with usury ; and so, 
although ye be not avenged, ye shall turn every 
man his honest penny. 

6. Then these men of Jonbool gathered them- 
selves together and looked in each other's faces 
in amazement and perplexity ; for they said, 
We cannot find our debtor, for he has vanished 
from the face of the earth. And they began to 
bellow forth their grievance ; for there is noth- 
ing that grieveth the men of Jonbool so sore as 
not to receive their own with usury ; and the 
noise of their bellowings was heard throughout 
the land and upon the sea, even the bellowing 
as of the bulls of Bashan. 

7. And after they had bellowed for a time, a 
certain man rose in their assembly, and said, 
Behold, now, there is no longer any ruler of the 
Phiretahs, neither any nation of Phiretahs to 
pay us our money which we lent to destroy the 
government of Unculpsalm ; but the rulers of 
Unculpsalm have driven out the rulers of the 
Phiretahs and rule the whole land of Uncul- 
psalm as aforetime. 



310 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

8. Let therefore the government of Uncul- 
psalm and the people thereof which inhabit 
the country of the Phiretahs pay us the money 
that we lent that the government of Uncul- 
psalm might be destroyed, as it is meet and 
right for them to do. For whatever may be 
destroyed, there always remaineth some man 
or some thing to whom it belongeth to pay 
every man of Jonbool his own with usury. 

9. And the saying pleased the assembly ; 
and they all cried out Eer-eer and Oor-ae, 
which, in the tongue of the Hittites and Ham- 
merities of Gotham, is Hi hi and Bulhephur- 
ewe. 

10. But when the ambassador of Andrew 
said to the rulers of the land of Jonbool, 
Behold, now, the ships of war which the 
shipmen of Jonbool builded for the Phiretahs, 
and which went forth from you without let or 
hindrance to burn the ships of our merchants 
upon the seas, did great damage to us and to 
our people with whom the men of Jonbool are 
not at war, but to whom the rulers of Jonbool 
profess friendship. 

11. Pay us therefore for the ships which 
have been burned, because ye did not let or 
hinder your shipmen in building ships for the 
Phiretahs, or the Phiretahs in taking them 
from your havens, but winked at their doings. 

12. The rulers of the land of Jonbool 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 31I 

answered and said, Go to, we will not pay, 
neither is it unto us that ye are to charge your 
losses. Look ye yourselves after the ships of 
your merchants. It becometh not the rulers 
of the great land of Jonbool to let or hinder any 
man of Jonbool in turning an honest penny 
whosoever may suffer by reason thereof. The 
laws of the great land of Jonbool are as the 
laws of the Medes and Persians and alter not, 
except when it is to our profit to alter them, 
nor can we change them only to hinder our 
shipmen from building ships to destroy the 
government of Unculpsalm. 

13. Then the ambassador of the land of 
Unculpsalm took counsel with Bilhe, whose 
surname was Zoord, and said unto the rulers 
of Jonbool : 

14. Behold, now, we are at issue in this mat- 
ter. If ye will not pay for the ships which the 
ships of war that were builded in your eyes 
and which have come out before your faces 
have destroyed, let there be a judge appointed 
to pronounce judgment between us, according 
unto the testimony ; and let the judge be one 
who is held in honor in the land of Jonbool and 
in the land of Unculpsalm. 

15. But the rulers of the land of Jonbool 
answered and said. We will neither pay, 
nor shall there be a judge appointed between 
us. 



312 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

i6. This did they after the manner of the 
rulers of the land of Jonbool ; and the men of 
Jonbool after tneir manner cried Eer-eer and 
Oor-ae. 

17. Then said the men of Unculpsalm one to 
another, Content ; we can wait and see what 
time will bring forth out of this matter. This 
example may be worth more unto us than pay- 
ment. 

18. And when the Phainyuns in the land of 
Unculpsalm arose, the hearts of the merchants 
of Jonbool quaked and their knees knocked 
together; for they looked that the men of 
Unculpsalm should help and encourage the 
Phainyuns. And their scribes wrote in the 
books which they published day by day unto 
the people, that this thing should be. But such 
was not the manner of the langkies, which 
now ruled in the land of Unculpsalm. 

19. For it came to pass, at the end of the 
first year after the rebelHon of the Phiretahs 
was brought to naught, that certain men of the 
Phainyuns, 

20. Moved by the cries of the Pahdees and 
chiefly of the Bihdees, which said. We have 
given unto you of our money, and what 
have ye done therefor ? Ye have fared sump- 
tuously, and poured out drink-offerings unto 
Ouldairin, and lived as if there had been a 
ouaic without end, and have had men stand- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 313 

ing at your doors clad in green and gold and 
with drawn swords in their hands, 

21. But ye have made no schyndee, neither 
brake ye the head of any man, or had ye any 
one of you his own head broken, nor did ye 
minister occasion unto us for a single ouaic. 
Give us back therefore our money, for we have 
received nothing therefor, 

22. Went over into the land of the Kahnux, 
near the place of the Falling-Waters, and began 
to make a schyndee there in the name of Ould- 
airin. And they brake the heads of the 
Kahnux, which bled before them. 

23. Then did the Phainyuns which were in 
the land of Unculpsalm begin to flock north- 
ward that they might cross over and join their 
fellows. 

24. But Andrew sent out a proclamation 
against them, and commanded George the 
Mede that he should take soldiers and turn the 
Phainyuns back from the borders, and take 
prisoners them which would go over or which 
had gone over and essayed to come back. 

25. Also the soldiers of Jonbool which were 
in the land of the Kahnux came down upon the 
Phainyuns so that they fled and were dispersed, 
and their schyndee came to naught. 

26. Then were the men of Jonbool and the 
rulers thereof amazed that the langkies should 
be just to their ill-wishers and offend the 

27 



3T4 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

Pahdees. For the rulers of that land turn 
neither to the right nor to the wrong, but go 
which way leadeth to their profit; and so 
they look that the rulers of other lands shall 
do. And for a long time they marvelled and 
were astonished at these doings of Andrew 
whose surname was Jon-sing and of the 
langkies. 



THE NEW GOSPEL, OF PEACE. 315 



CHAPTER XL 

1 The end of the DimmicJirats draiveth nigh. 4. The 
building of the scaffolds. 8. The Ditmnichrats in the 
;province of Gotham have no scaffold. 11. They take 
counsel of a Durrektah. 13. And steal a scaffold from 
the Eiinyimmen. 16. The Eunyumnen are dismayed. 
19. But they build another scaffold. 21. The Niggahs 
are set free by the Great Covenant. 

NOW after Andrew, whose surname was 
Jon-sing, had governed the land about 
six months, men began to see that the days of 
the sect of the Dimmichrats were numbered. 

2. For about that time the rulers of many of 
the provinces of the land of Unculpsalm were 
to be chosen. And the sect of the Dimmi- 
chrats set up their men to be chosen, and the 
sect of the Eunyunmen set up theirs. 

3. Now, they who had held up the hands of 
Abraham and his councillors throughout the 
war against the Phiretahs, without regard to 
their own sect or faction, called themselves 
Eunyunmen ; and chief of these Eunyunmen 
was Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, 
whom the death of Abraham had made chief 
ruler. For he had been a chief man amongf 



3l6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

the Dimmichrats for many years, and had 
given his voice against Abraham the first time 
that he was chosen ; yet was he among the first 
and the strongest of those that held up the 
hands of Abraham and his councillors against 
the Phiretahs. 

4. Now it was the custom in the land of Un- 
culpsalm when any man would be chosen ruler, 
either chief ruler over all the land or ruler over 
a province, for his friends and they of the sect 
who would have him chosen, to build a scaffold, 
and set him up on high thereon for many days 
before the people. 

5 . And the people gave much thought to the 
making of these scaffolds, and the planks and 
the fashioning thereof had meaning in their 
eyes. And when a man was set up to be 
chosen ruler, they walked about the scaffold 
whereon he was lifted up, and examined it with 
care, and saw of what it was builded, and how 
it was fashioned, and chiefly whether it was a 
scaffold which would seem good in the eyes of 
others ; so that when a man was set up to be 
chosen, they asked one of another, not whether 

Ver. 5. Note the extreme folly of these men of Uncul- 
psalm, in concerning themselves less whether a man was 
wise and just and a lover of his country, than upon what 
sort of a scaffold he stood to gain their voices. An unmis- 
takable mark, this, of the primitive period at which this 
book was written, and of the rude and semi-barbarous con- 
dition of the people to whom it refers. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 317 

he was wise and just, and a lover of the land 
of Unculpsalm, but, what was his scaffold. 

6. And these scaffolds were preserved from 
the choosing of one ruler unto the choosing of 
another; and therefore they were held in 
honor. But sometimes a scaffold waxed old; 
and because it was decayed and weak, it broke 
down under him that was lifted upon it, and 
he fell amid the ruins thereof among the peo- 
ple ; and being laughed to scorn, he was not 
chosen. 

7. And to prevent this calamity, the old parts 
of the platforms and parts that no longer found 
favor in the eyes of the people were taken out 
and new planks put in the places thereof, so 
that at last the substance of the scaffold was 
entirely changed, and yet was it called by the 
same name. 

8. And it came to pass that when the time 
drew nigh to build the scaffolds, the chief men 
of the Dimmichrats in the province of Gotham, 
seeing that the scaffolds whereon the men of 
their faction had been lifted up in other prov- 
inces were looked upon askance by the people, 
although much of the old, which seemed goodly 

Ver. 7. The scaffold ivas entirely changed, and yet it was 
called by the same name. Surely there was nothing like 
this ever heard of in this country, except the famous jack- 
knife, which had had three new blades and two new handles 
and was nevertheless the same old jack-knife. 
27* 



3l8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

in their eyes in the days when they looked 
upon it lying upon their bellies as they com- 
promised themselves before the Phiretahs, had 
been taken away, and parts of new fashion put 
in place thereof, 

9. Gathered themselves together before the 
Eunyunmen came together in counsel, and took 
counsel one with another, and said, 

10. What shall we do for a scaffold on which 
our man may be lifted up, and which will seem 
goodly in the eyes of the people, now that they 
are standing up before the Lord like men, even 
as our old scaffolds seemed when we looked 
upon them lying on our bellies before the Phi- 
retahs? For the people are possessed of the 
evil spirit Bak Bohn, and they will have none 
of those things. And they were at their wits* 
end; for they could not find wherewithal of 
their own to make a new scaffold that would 
please the people. 

11. But a certain man among them, a man 
of craft and subtlety, which also was a Durrek- 
tah, and gathered his gold upon the roadway 
which leadeth unto the city of the Bisons, as 
thou goest unto the land of the Kahnux by the 
place of the Falling Waters, and the roadway is 
called Gothamsentrul, opened his lips in the as- 
sembly and said, 

12. Why should we take thought and trouble 
about building a scaffold on which to set our 
man, when there is one builded already? 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 319 

13. And they asked him, what meanest 
thou? and where is this scaffold? And he 
answered and said, Even the scaffold of the 
Eunyunmen, which is ready to our hand. Let 
us take it and set our man thereon, and the 
Dimmichrats shall say, Behold it is our man, 
and the Eunyunmen shall say, Lo, is it not our 
scaffold? and we shall have all their voices. 

14. And the saying pleased the assembly. 
And they did according unto the saying, and 
went secretly and stole the scaffold of the Eun- 
yunmen and set up their man upon it. 

15. And all the people marvelled at the craft 
and the subtlety of the Durrektah, which did 
his robbing upon the road called Gothamsent- 
rul which leadeth unto the city of the Bisons. 

16. Now, when the Eunyunmen saw what 
had been done, they were astonished, and knew 
not what to do. And their chief men assem- 
bled themselves together in sore perplexity, 
saying, 

17. Woe are we ; for our scaffold is not only 
taken from us, but it is used by the Dimmi- 
chrats, who set it up as their scaffold, and we 
cannot get it of them by suing them at the law ; 
and if we make one like unto it, men will say 
that we have stolen the scaffold of the Dimmi- 
chrats ; for they were before us in this matter. 
And the Eunyunmen were at their wits' end for 
a scaffold, so that some of them said, Let us 



320 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

give our voices for the Dimmichrats, because 
they stand upon our scaffold. 

i8. But a certain man among them arose 
and said, Why are ye thus cast down, and wh}^ 
do ye talk thus foolishly together ? Let us build 
another scaffold of our own like unto that which 
the Dimmichrats have stolen from us ; and let 
us set up our men upon it, and it shall come to 
pass that when the people see that both the 
scaffolds are the same, then they shall do what 
they have not done aforetime, and they will 
look at the men instead of the scaffold, and see 
who they are and what they have been. 

19. And it shall be that when they find one 
man is a Eunyunman, and that both stand upon 
the same scaffold and preach from the same 
pulpit, that only those will give their voices for 
the other which are Dimmichrats, caring more 
for their faction than for the government of 
Unculpsalm. 

20. And though they still doubted and were 
sad at heart, the Eunyunmen did as this man 
had counselled. And it was as he had fore- 
told. For the people said, These men pro- 
phesy in the same words and stand on scaffolds 
which are like one to the other; but one of 
them is the friend of James who faced both 
ways, and of Phernandiwud, and of Horatio, 
who is called Seemer. Let us therefore give 
our voices for the other who is not of the syna- 
gogue of Satan. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 32 1 

21. So the Eunyunmen were chosen in the 
province of Gotham as well as in the other 
provinces ; and the voices for the Eunyunmen 
were as the voices of a great multitude, like 
unto the waves of the sea for numbers. 

22. Moreover, about those days a new sen- 
tence, even a great decree, was added to the 
Great Covenant; and this new sentence and 
decree set the Niggahs free in all the land of 
Unculpsalm, and in every province thereof for- 
ever. 

23. And even the Phiretahs in their prov- 
inces consented unto this sentence. 

24. And the people rejoiced greatly ; and 
there went up a great shout from all the land 
that there was no more any everlasting Nig- 
gah. And men's hearts were glad ; for they 
were weary of the everlasting Niggah, and 
their souls sickened when they thought of the 
blood and the treasure that he had cost them, 
and they thought in their joy that they should 
hear no more of him. 



322 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER XII. 

Choosing of a Chief ruler for Gotham. 3. The mati set 
tip by Phernajtditvud is not chosen. 5. The Phyarmen 
cease from off the land. 8. And Phernandi-wud joineth 
himself tinto the Phainyuns. 11. His oratiofi unto them. 
15. yee Ephtrane. 17. And his oration. 19. And his 
counsel. 21. The Bihdees. 22. Will not look like Aphrite 
and Adhoivdee. 

AND again, about these days, the time came 
when there should be a chief ruler chosen 
for the city of Gotham. 

2. And four men were set up : but Phernan- 
diwud did not set himself up. Yet did he set 
up one of the four ; and the men of Tahmunee 
which were Dimmichrats, but which had held 
up the hands of Abraham, set up one also, and 
the Eunyunmen set up another. 

3. And he that was set up by the men of 
Tahmunee was chosen ; but he that was set up 
by the Eunyunmen was nearly chosen ; and he 
that Phernandiwud set up had so few voices 
that men laughed him to scorn. 

4. Likewise also the sect of Phyarmen 
disappeared ; for the lawgivers of the province 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 323 

of Gotham declared that there should no 
longer be any Phyarmen. 

5 . And when Phernandiwud saw all these 
things, that the men set up for rulers were 
rejected only because they were Dimmichrats, 
and that the man of his naming was set at 
naught in the choosing of chief ruler for the 
city of Gotham, and that there was neither 
any more everlasting Niggah or any more 
Phyarmen, he perceived that the foundations 
of the world were shaken and that the end of 
the sect of the Dimmichrats was nigh. 

6. Then he said within himself. What shall 
I do? And like Pshawdee when he doubted 
whether he should join himself unto the Phari- 
sees or unto the Phyarmen, so Phernandiwud, 
because there were no longer any Phyarmen, 
doubted whether he should join himself unto 
the Pharisees or unto the Phainyuns. 

7. But when he considered the Pharisees, 
and saw that they received no man among 
them whose walk had been found slantindicu- 
lar, he joined himself unto the Phainyuns. 
For he said within himself, Even although the 
foundations of the world be broken up, the 
Pahdees will govern Gotham ; and if I join 
myself unto the Phainyuns they can at any 
time make me chief ruler over the city. 

8. Now to be chief ruler over the city of 
Gotham no longer brought honor or power to 



324 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

any man. For the lawgivers of the province 
had taken away the power because of Pher- 
nandiwud and of the Pahdees ; and Phernandi- 
wud himself had taken away the honor. But 
the chief ruler of Gotham made many small 
officers and had offerings of pursentojobs made 
unto him. Wherefore although the power and 
the honor had departed, some men sought to 
be chief ruler over Gotham, and Phernandiwud 
was among them. 

9. And there was an assembly of the 
Phainyuns at the hall of Peter the Barrel- 
maker, and Phernandiwud went to the assem- 
bly, and standing up, he said, 

10. Men, brethren, and Phainyuns, the 
duties of the upright men are three. And the 
first is, to keep the commandments. All this 
have I done from my youth up. 

11. And the second is to take care of him- 
self and his family. For is it not written that 
he that provideth not for his own house is worse 
than an infidel? Wherefore my brethren ye 
know that in this I am better than any infidel, 
and have been from the days when I was part- 
ner with Marahvine even unto this day. 

12. And the third is that a man should be 
ready to maintain the government of his coun- 

Ver. 10, II, 12. It has been humiliating, but necessary, 
and perhaps wholesomely chastening to our pride and self- 
conceit to point out, in the course of these comments, in- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 325 

try, and to sacrifice himself thereunto. Now I 
say unto you that to maintain the government 
of the land of Unculpsalm it is needful that we 
go to war with the men of Jonbool about the 
island of Ouldairin ; and for a man to sacrifice 
himself to his country he ought to offer him- 
self up willingly to be chosen chief ruler of 
Gotham ; and this I am willing to do, my 

stances in which the folly or the wickedness of the people 
of Unculpsalm has a parallel in our own time and country. 
It is, therefore, comfortable, though perhaps ensnaring, to 
cite an instance from our recent annals, which, in the spirit 
of devotion to religious duty, and of self-sacrifice to princi- 
ple which it exhibits, corresponds remarkably with the shin- 
ing example in the text. At a meeting of the Fenian Brother- 
hood, in New York, at the Cooper Institute, February 12th, 
1866, Fernando Wood spoke, and said : — 

"There are three duties imposed upon man. To his 
God, which requires obedience and reverence, looking to 
his welfare hereafter; to his family and himself, looking to 
his welfare here on earth ; and to his country, requiring 
sacrifices and endurance in the maintenance of its govern- 
ment, institutions, and laws. . . . This is the duty of 
the American citizen, and as an American citizen am I here 
to-night. 

" I differ from my friend who preceded me. He says we 
do not want a war with England. I say we do want a war 
with England. [Cheers.] And if I were ten years younger 
than I am, I would be organizing Anti-British clubs while 
you are organizing Fenian clubs. [Great applause.] I 
want all my countrymen to be engaged in this war. [Ap- 
plause.] I decry the doctrine that politicians are not to be 
admitted to your counsels. I spit upon the idea that our 
government is to keep aloof from this war. I want it to 
take an active part in it. [Great cheering.] And I coun- 
sel acts, ■wa7it acts against the British government." 
28 



326 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

brethren. Blessed be the Phainyuns, and 
cursed be the men of Jonbool. 

13. Then were the Pahdees pleased with the 
words of Phernandiwud ; so that they broke 
out into shoutings and dancings and shaking 
of staves, which in the language of the Pah- 
dees are called shall-lay-lows ; and for about 
the space of half an hour they shouted, Great 
is Phernandiwud, and great are the Pahdees, 
and worthy to be rulers in Gotham, and glori- 
ous are the Phainyuns among the Pahdees, and 
worthy is Phernandiwud to be a leader among 
the Phainyuns and chief ruler of Gotham. 

14. And there was also at this assembly one 
named Jee Ephtrane, who had sought to have a 
road-way of iron and to be a Durrektah in the 
chief city of the land of Jonbool, which was 
called Lunn Unn. And he bade the scribes of 
that city to his house, and made feasts for them, 
hoping that they would persuade the people to 
pay money for his iron road-way, that he might 
live by it and become a Durrektah, and a rob- 
ber like unto the Durrektahs in the city of 
Gotham. 

15. And some of the scribes went to his feasts 
and drank his wine, but many would not go ; 
neither would the people allow him to have his 
road-way of iron. Wherefore he was wroth 
with all the men of Jonbool, and chiefly with 
the lawgivers, and judges and officers thereof, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 327 

and he prophesied against them by night and 
by day. 

16. And at the assembly of the Phainyuns, 
Jee Ephtrane took up his parable and said, 
Great is the land of Unculpsalm, and mighty 
and wise and good are the people of the land, 
and glorious is the banner of Unculpsalm ; and 
chief among the people of Unculpsalm are the 
Pahdees, and chief among the Pahdees are the 
Phainyuns ; but greatest and mightiest and best 
and most glorious and wisest is Jee Ephtrane. 

17. Accursed be the rulers of the land of 
Jonbool, who oppress the Pahdees in Ouldairin, 
and hinder them of their schyndees, and thrice 
accursed be the men of Jonbool who would not 
suffer Jee Ephtrane to become a Durrektah, 
and live by a road-way of iron in their chief 
city, even in Lunn Unn. For greatest and 
mightiest and wisest and best and most glori- 
ous is Jee Ephtrane, who, because of the wick- 
edness of the men of Jonbool, in that they 
would not suffer him to be a Durrektah, is the 
friend of the Pahdees and the apostle of the 
Phainyuns. 

18. And Jee Ephtrane counselled the Phain- 
yuns, saying. Buy nothing that is made by the 
men of Jonbool, neither ye nor your wives nor 
your daughters ; and when the merchants of 
the land of Jonbool see that the Pahdees will 
buy none of their merchandise neither in Ould- 



328 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

airin nor in Ashantee in the land of Uncul- 
psalm, 

19. They shall set the land of Ouldairin free, 
and shall bow themselves down before the Pah- 
dees, and say unto them, Let our lords buy of 
their servants once more raiment for themselves 
and for their wives and their daughters, and we 
shall be their bounden servants and bondsmen 
forever. 

20. This he said because the men of the land 
of Jonbool lived only to trade. They rose early 
and lay down late ; they took counsel together 
in their great assembly of lawgivers ; their 
scribes wrote books ; they colonized, which in 
the langkie tongue is annexed ; they went into 
far countries and into unknown lands, and died 
of pestilence and famine ; they made war and 
fought stoutly, laying down their lives freely ; 
and all this they did that they might entice or 
compel people to trade with them. 

21. But it came to pass that when the women 
of the Pahdees, even the Bihdees, heard of this 
counsel, they also, like the langkie women of 
Gotham who had assembled in the hall of Peter 
the Barrel-maker, the year before, to pledge 
themselves in like manner, cried out, 

22. Behold ye would make us look like unto 
Aphrite and like unto Adhowdee. Think ye 
that we are more foolish than the langkie 
women who brought to naught the devices of 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 329 

the Fuss-women to make them look hke unto 
iVphrite and like unto Adhowdee? Shall we 
see the langkie women dressed in glorious ap- 
parel from the land of Jonbool, while we go 
in common raiment made in the land of Uncul- 
psalm ? No I not for all the island of Ould- 
airin. 

23. So this counsel came to naught like that 
of the Fuss-women, because the Bihdees, like 
their mistresses the langkie women, lived in 
fear by day and by night of the evil spirits, 
Aphrite and Adhowdee. 

24. Thus was it, and when the days drew 
nigh that the sect of the Dimmichrats should 
come to an end, that Phernandiwud and Jee 
Ephtrane made unto themselves friends among 
the Phainyuns. 

28* 



330 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

I. TJie vision of St. Benjamin. 4. The mist tipon the land 
of Unculfsalm. 6. Men ivith their heads looking back- 
-wards. 8. Prince Joh7i the son of Littulvafi. 11. Alen 
filed with the east wind. 14. Men with fire hidden in 
their boso7ns. 17. Idolaters. 20. Men who seek oil out 
of the rock. 30. A ma?t who walked slantindicularly. 
33. Robert of ^ahrji. 39. The vision of the beast. 46. 
The tiumber of the beast and the meaning of the vision. 

THE vision of Benjamin the scribe, the 
brother of Phernandiwud, which he saw 
sitting in his house, nigh unto Pughtammug, 
where he wrote the book called Deighlinuze. 

2. It was in the fourth month of the second 
year in which Andrew, whose surname was 
Jon-sing, was chief ruler over the land, on a 
day about the sixth hour of the evening, after 
I had eaten and poured out drink-offerings unto 
Tahmunnee, that I saw a vision, falling into a 
trance, yet having mine eyes open. 

3. And I looked, and behold I saw before 
me all the land of Unculpsalm, and all the 
people thereof, from Ouaydowneest even unto 
Mecsicho, and from the ocean on the east even 
unto the ocean on the west. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 33 1 

4. And I saw that there was a mist and a 
smoke mingled together over the land, so that 
men walked about as it were in twilight, seeing 
things darkly. And the mist lay thickliest from 
east to west along the middle of the land, so 
that the men of the north could not see the men 
of the south, and the men of the south could 
not see the men of the north. 

5. And there were no more Phiretahs in the 
South ; and in the North the voice of the 
Oueecneas was not heard in the land, and the 
Kopur-hedd had hid himself in holes and cor- 
ners ; but he alone of the evil things which the 
war had gendered still lived, and his venom 
and his craft had not departed from him. 

6. And I looked and saw certain men whose 
heads grew upon their shoulders with their faces 
looking backwards, so that when they walked 
they walked one way and looked another, and 
they stumbled and were uncertain in their 
going. 

7. And it was shown to me in my vision that 
these were men of the sect of Smalphri among 
the Dimmichrats which had not forgotten any- 
thing, neither had learned anything, and could 
not see that their sect had passed away. 
And they went about asking, Where are the 
Dimmichrats? And what is now a Dimmi- 
chrat? And when they essayed to go forward 
they went backward ; for their heads and their 
feet were at variance. 



332 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

8. And I looked and saw one of these men 
sitting in sackcloth and ashes ; and I saw that 
it was Prince John, who was the son of Littul- 
van who had been chief ruler over the land of 
Unculpsalm. And as he sat in the ashes with 
head looking backward between his shoulders, 
he laughed and spoke like one whose heart is 
glad with wine. And he took some of the 
ashes in his hand and said unto them that 
passed by, 

9. Behold this gold dust from Kalaphorni, is 
it not richer than the gold of Ophir? And he 
held up his sackcloth to the passers-by, saying, 
See the sumptuousness of my raiment, and how 
I am clothed in silken apparel, even in silken 
apparel embroidered with gold. 

10. Go now, therefore, unto Andrew, whose 
surname is Jon-sing, and greet him from me, 
saying. Hail ! chief ruler of the land of Uncul- 
psalm that is to be hereafter. Behold I, even 
I Prince John, clad in sumptuous raiment and 
sitting in the gold dust of Kalaphorni and look- 
ing forward, set thee up to be chosen chief 
ruler a second time. And he laughed, and the 
cheer of his countenance was like one who sit- 
teth at a feast. 

11. And I looked again, and I saw certain 
men who had filled themselves with the east 
wind and who were puffed up exceedingly 
therewith, and had become so light that as 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 333 

they walked they kept not upon the ground 
among their fellows, but as they stepped they 
rose into the air, even into the mist that brooded 
upon the land. 

12. And as they rose up from the earth into 
the air they shouted, Niggah I niggah ! nig- 
gah ! Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 

13. And I saw that the mist was made of 
the breath of these men as they rose up into the 
air and shouted. 

14. And as I looked southward, I saw cer- 
tain other men, who kept a smouldering fire in 
their bosoms ; and they neither sought to put it 
out nor to fan it into a flame, but they cherished 
it, and breathed upon it, and as they breathed 
they muttered Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! Nig- 
gah ! niggah ! niggah ! 

15. And I saw that the smoke over the land 
was that which came from the fire which these 
men cherished in their bosoms. 

16. And I saw one man bowing himself 
down before the image of a Pahdee ; and he 
said, Be thou my god, and I will worship thee, 
only make thou thy servant a ruler in the 
land. 

17. And I saw another man bowing himself 
down before the image of a Niggah ; and he 
said. Be thou my god, and I will worship 
thee : only make thou thy servant a ruler in 
the land. 



334 '^^^ ^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

1 8. And the man who bowed himself down 
before the image of the Pahdee cursed the men 
of Jonbool ; and the man who bowed himself 
down before the image of the Niggah cursed 
Andrew, the chief ruler, and reviled the Great 
Covenant. 

19. But there were some which bowed down 
before the image of the Niggah, not praying 
that they might be rulers in the land, but be- 
cause he was the everlasting Niggah, and him 
they sought to make even as the langkies and 
as the other men of Unculpsalm. 

20. And I looked again, and I saw certain 
men seeking oil out of the rock ; and I said to 
one of them. What meaneth this ? And he 
said, I will show thee. 

21. And there passed before mine eyes a 
lake that smoked and sent up fumes of fire and 
brimstone ; and I considered and saw that it 
was the lake which covered the cities of the 
plain, even Sodom and Gomorrah, and that I 
was shown what had been in the beginning, 
because the lake yet smoked. 

22. And upon the shore of the lake there 
walked a man searching diligently. And he 
who showed me this said unto the man. What 
seekest thou ? 

23. And the man answered and said. Behold, 
the Lord hath just destroyed the cities of the 
plain with fire and brimstone and oil of the 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 335 

rock, and I was one of the nine just men in 
Sodom to whom there was not found a tenth. 
And I only have escaped, and my house and 
my wife and my children are consumed. 

24. And now I seek here for oil of the rock 
that is left of the burning, (for peradventure 
the Lord may have had a little over,) that it 
may not be lost, but that I may take it and 
trade with it. 

25. And the man who showed me this said, 
Behold he is the father of all them that trade 
in Gotham, and chiefly of them that have their 
merchandise in the oil of the rock. And the 
lake vanished away. 

26. And as I looked, one of the multitude 
which sought oil out of the rock, fell upon his 
knees and prayed that he might strikile ; for 
in the langkie tongue this meaneth to find oil 
of the rock. 

27. And there came to him a man in priest's 
garments and rebuked him, saying. Ye ought 
not to pray for oil, for to do thus is a wicked- 
ness and an abomination. But the man 
answered, and said. Go to, do ye not pray for 
rain? And if ye may pray for rain, which is 
but water, why may I not pray for oil ? 

28. And the man in priest's garments 
answered him nothing, but cried out upon him 
Anathema ! 

29. And in all this time, I heard voices com- 



336 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

ing out of the clouds over the land, crying, 
Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! Niggah ! niggah ! 
niggah ! 

30. And I looked again, and I saw a man 
walking slantindicularly, and holding his right 
hand behind him with the palm thereof upward. 
And I saw not the face of the man, but I said 
within myself. His walk is as the walk of 
Phernandiwud. 

31. And I heard the voice of the man whose 
walk was slantindicular ; and it was a smooth 
voice ; and it said. Give me money out of the 
treasury of the people, and I will share it with 
thee. 

32. And I saw men dropping money into 
the right hand of the man whose walk was 
slantindicular. And they were of the people 
called Ophisoldurs, and of the noble army of 
counter actors. 

33. And I saw Robert of Jahrji, who dwelt 
among the tombs, who was ono of the lawgivers 
of Unculpsalm before the war, and to whom 
Phernandiwud had compromised himself, and 
crawled on his belly when he demanded the 
arms which were kept by Ken-Edee, chief 
captain of the watchmen of Gotham, from 
going to the Phiretahs of Jahrji. 

34. And Robert, who dwelt among the 
tombs, approached the man whose walk was 
slantindicular, saying, Hail ! my brother ac- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 337 

cording to the order of the Dimmichrats ! And 
the man whose walk was slantindicular passed 
by Robert without greeting, answering only, 
Vanity, vanity, all is vanity ! Give me money 
out of the treasury of the people, and I will 
share it with thee. 

35. And Robert turned away and met one 
of the people called Gnuzebois, which dwell in 
Gotham, and which are small of stature but 
loud of voice, and which fear no man, neither 
have respect unto any man. And the Gnuze- 
bois are Pahdees, and the sons of Pahdees. 

36. And Robert said unto the Gnuzeboi, I trow 
not that ye of the North have gained much by 
your victory, seeing that ye treat us neither 
like conquerors nor Hke friends, and that the 
Niggah continueth to be the everlasting Nig- 
gah. When we who were Phiretahs are receiv- 
ed again among the lawgivers of Unculpsalm, 
ye shall repent yourselves of all that ye have 
done these five years. 

37. And the Gnuzeboi answering him, said, 
in an unknown tongue, Ezvhiid am^ which is, 
being interpreted. Behold, thou art a man of 
small account in my judgment ; for this is the 
speech and the manner of the Gnuzebois. 

38. And still the voices came out of the 
clouds above the land crying, Niggah ! nig- 
gah ! niggah ! Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 

39. And I looked again, and I saw many 

29 



338 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

beasts upon the land, even great multitudes, 
and chiefly round about the cities thereof. 
And I saw the beasts afar oft' dimly, but I saw 
that the beasts were evil beasts and marvellous, 
and like unto no other beast that hath been, 
neither shall be. And in my trance I strove 
to get nearer to the beasts, but I could not; 
for my striving was all within myself, and my 
feet took no hold upon the ground. 

40. Then there appeared a man before me 
with a divining rod in his hand. And I said 
unto him. What are these beasts ? And he 
said, I will show thee. 

41. And he stretched out his rod toward 
Gotham. And I saw one of the beasts that 
were around Gotham rise up into the air, and 
he came toward the man with the divining rod, 
and he passed before mine eyes. Flying he 
passed ; yet not with wings ; but sailing slowly 
like unto the flight of an eagle. For he was 
sustained by the power of the rod. 

42. And I beheld and saw that his body was 
as the body of a serpent behind, and before as 
the body of a dragon, and the stench of his 
abominations filled the air round about. 

43. And the beast had three heads ; and the 
head upon one side was as the head of a cater- 
pillar, and it devoured as it went ; and the 
head upon the other side was as the head of 
the unclean beast, even the head of a swine 
that walloweth in the mire. 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 339 

44. And the head between these heads was 
as the head of a man ; and it was Hfted up on 
high. And the mouth thereof spake wonderful 
things, and uttered boastings, and Hes, and 
prophesied smooth things. And while the 
head thus spake, they who listened saw not 
the head of the caterpillar that devoured as it 
went, or the head of the swine that walloweth 
in the mire. 

45. Now the face of the head that was be- 
tween the two heads and was raised on high was 
turned from me. And the man with the divin- 
ing rod said unto me. Wilt thou see the face of 
the beast ? for his number is written in his 
forehead; and this is the beast, he and his 
kind that thou seest in herds over the land, 
which afflicteth the land of Unculpsalm in 
this generation and shall afflict it hereafter. 
And I answered him, Yea. 

46. Then the beast, as he was passing from 
my sight into the mist slowly and as if with 
the flight of an eagle that moveth not its wings, 
turned his face upon me : and I looked upon 
his forehead, and the number of the beast was 
four and eleven and forty-four ; and the face 
of the beast was as mine own, even as mine 
own natural face when I behold it in a glass. 

47. And when I saw mine own face upon 
the head of the beast, and when mine own eyes 
looked into mine eyes, the sweat of my fore- 



340 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 

head was cold and my flesh crept upon my 
bones. And I essayed to speak, but I could 
not ; for my tongue lay in my mouth as the 
tongue of one who is dead. 

48. And as I strove, I heard the voices in 
the mist, crying, Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 
and those in the smoke answering unto them, 
Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 

49. Then the vision passed away, and I 
came out of my trance. And when I considered 
the matter, I rejoiced in my heart, although 
the new gospel of peace had not prevailed. 
For I saw that the last state of that land was 
like unto the first. 



END OF THE FOURTH BOOK, 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 34I 



Note C. 

In all Oriental literature and in that of ancient Greece 
and Rome there is no other record of such a deliberate, 
shameless, and instant change toward a man, upon his be- 
ing suddenly raised from a comparatively unimportant 
position to one of great power, as this of the Kopur-hedds 
and their bought slave the scribe named Assohkald Eddi- 
tah. But as in our own recent annals we found a counter- 
part to the self-sale of this individual, in the history of the 
New York World, newspaper (see p. 155), so do we now find 
in the columns of that newspaper an example of time-serv- 
ing quite equal in shamelessness to this recorded by the an- 
cient Oriental historian, and singularly like it in purpose. 
The following passages, with others of like character, ap- 
peared in the World : the first when Andrew Johnson was 
a candidate for the office of Vice-President, the second 
when he had taken his seat after his election to that 
dignified but not influential office, which he was not ex- 
pected to leave for four years. 

{From the World, June igt/i, 1864.] 

" It is a great incongruity to erect such a gorgeous and im- 
posing pile as the national capitol, and then select a boor 
for the highest dignitary that enters it. So costly a shrine 
does not beseem so cheap an idol." . . . 

" Mr. Johnson seems rather too much nettled for a great 
man, at his want of social consideration at Nashville, and 
with exquisite delicacy of taste, he flaunts his nomination in 
the faces of the ' aristocrats,' as an offset to their con- 
tempt." . . . 

. . . ''Was there ever so contemptibly disgusting an 
exhibition, by a m*an with dignity of character enough to 
be a town constable.? If we proceed from the elevation of 
Mr. Johnson's sentiments to the clearness and sagacity of 
his mind, we shall find that one part of his character can- 
not put the other to the blush. 

"To bestow space upon him at all is a mark of respect 
which we pay, not to his person, but to his new position." 



342 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 



{^Frojn the World, March ()th, 1865.] 

"... If Andrew Johnson had not been drunk on 
inauguration day, the speech which he would have made 
would have been less incoherent, but in all other respects 
it would have been the same. The shallow demagoguerj, 
the affected ' plebeian ' pride, the real self-contempt and se- 
cret envy of more fortunate men, these have been betrayed, 
these have been the stock and staple of every speech of 
Andrew Johnson for years. We say nothing of his political 
tergiversation. It is ridiculous to suppose that he ever had 
any political principles. He was nominated because he had 
none, but could bellow his bastard 'loyalty' loudly. We 
refer now to that which was most degarding in his vinous 
speech — its betrayal of his inmost character. It is neces- 
sary to affirm either that he has been drunk every time he 
has made a speech since Mr. Lincoln rewarded his political 
dishonesty by making him military governor of Tennessee, 
or else that he is — drunk or sober, boy, man, tailor, sena- 
tor, governor, or Vice-President — the low boor, which, with 
infinite pain, in the last Presidential contest, we felt it our 
duty to declare him to be. His speeches are all alike. This 
last one in the Senate chamber was no exception, save in 
its incoherence. Read his speech on hearing news of his 
own nomination at Baltimore. Let our readers look to 
their files. It was published at the time. It reeks with the 
very same vulgarity, the same demagoguery, the same low- 
lived manners and morals. . . . 

"The drunken and beastly Caligula, the most profligate 
of all Roman emperors, raised his horse to the dignity of 
consul — an office that, in former times, had been filled by 
the greatest warriors and statesmen of the republic, the 
Scipios, the Catos, by Cicero, and by the mighty Julius 
himself. The consulship was scarcely more disgraced by 
that scandalous transaction than is our Vice-Presidency by 
the late election. This office has been adorned in better 
days by the talents and accomplishments of Adams and 
Jefferson, Clinton and Gerry, Calhoun and Van Buren ; and 
now to see it filled by this insolent, drunken brute, in com- 



THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 343 

parison with whom even Caligula's horse was respectable ! 
— for the poor animal did not abuse his own nature. And 
to think that only one frail human life stands between this 
insolent, clownish drunkard, and the Presidency! May 
God bless and spare Abraham Lincoln I Should this 
Andrew Johnson become his successor, the decline and 
fall of the American republic would smell as rank in his- 
tory as that of the Roman empire under such atrocious 
monsters in human shape as Nero and Caligula." 



THE END. 



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